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shallowdeep -> RE: Theft in the Mail (10/13/2014 12:11:47 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
This can only be because the cards, with their contents, have been stolen before they've reached their intended recipients by the evil thieving postmen and women. The only other possibility is… Well, there actually are other explanations besides outright theft. :)
More seriously, and somewhat coincidently, I was talking about something similar with my mom just a few days ago. My grandfather would always send me and my siblings birthday cards, right on time, with a check and (perhaps even more exciting!) with the postage paid using an assortment of old stamps chosen such that their archaically diminutive denominations summed to precisely cover the current first-class rate. The stamps were affixed to the envelope in patterns carefully designed to minimize cancellation marks. I loved getting these birthday cards – to the point that I developed a minor interest in philately for a while. Despite this, I don’t believe I ever sent a thank you card in return and, while I’m pretty sure I do remember briefly expressing appreciation over the phone a few times, I think a number of the cards went without any acknowledgment being communicated.
In the recent conversation with my mother, I was mentioning how guilty I felt about this in retrospect. I asked if she had encouraged us kids to send some sort of thank you. She replied that she had, but that we hadn’t shown much interest in doing so. She didn’t want to force us to, because she didn’t want us to resent the act of saying thank you. This was a philosophy her mother had apparently also applied when raising my mother and her siblings, apparently due in part to my grandmother remembering feeling anything but gratitude while being forced to write out proper thank you notes for gifts as a child.
While still feeling more than a little embarrassed by my childish lack of manners, I decided my mom had a point as I mulled it over. Obviously, receiving a thank you is wonderful, and not getting one can be just as disappointing as receiving one is delightful. I really regret not sending any to my grandfather before it was too late to do so. Still, I’m not sure that teaching a child that a thank you is some sort of pro forma courtesy, done only because it is required by society, and not because it is heartfelt, is necessarily a great solution.
Not sending thanks was, admittedly, selfish of me. But it honestly was an unconscious self-centeredness. As a kid, not communicating an acknowledgment wasn’t quite the same as not acknowledging the gifts. I was genuinely thrilled to receive the cards, carefully hand addressed to me (with the title of Master, no less!), in the mail each year. Each time I received them, I would think about my grandfather and, in my mind, these were very happy thoughts of acknowledgement indeed. Even ignoring the fact that I didn’t really know how to mail a letter to reply, the idea that he might not realize how happy and grateful the cards made me without me telling him simply wasn’t a concept that crossed my mind at the time. I’m not sure this is something that could have simply been explained to me and understood as a kid – I think it may take some time to develop that empathy.
In any event, my grandfather never complained about my lack of gratitude, and the cards came like clockwork each year. He did eventually get a chance to see the small stamp collection he had inspired – with every stamp he had sent carefully steamed off the envelope and proudly displayed toward the front of the album – and I like to think he understood, despite my rude silence, how appreciated the cards and checks were.
Today, I keep nice paper, envelopes, postage stamps, and even some sealing wax on hand because I know how nice it can be, perhaps especially in the digital age, to receive a thoughtful physical letter. That is, in no small measure, thanks to my grandfather and his patient benevolence with me.
I don’t have any nieces or nephews but, if any should appear, I like to think I’d be equally patient with them and see any cards and gifts I would send as that, gifts – things given with no expectation in return, only a hope of sharing some joy that others once shared with me. Of course, it’s quite possible that’s just because I have a lot of embarrassingly selfish behavior in my childhood to make up for… :)
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