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ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I get the feeling that you are let down by this Dom because he did not tailor his responses to your personality, which you may have felt he should have known you better by now than to make generic platitudes that he is used to making.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You've never seen me in the grocery store. I will stand in the cereal aisle literally unable to choose between 100+ options. He cuts that time to zero by telling me to get the damned cheerios for my daughter and then move on.

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Lots of things I can decide, but some things require an investment of energy that is not merited.

It's not as bad as it used to be, but ten years ago I had a crippling amount of responsibility. A severely emotionally handicapped child with a death sentence and I was on call 24/7 to handle her. Never knowing what would set off an attack. These days she doesn't even present the symptoms due to modern medications; anticonvulsants and atypical antipsychotics which allow her to lead a normal life. And she's done things that according to the textbooks someone with her diagnosis have never done.

Having to then decide almost anything else required reserves I did not have. So him saying "take the car to the dealer for this" vs "the local shop can handle it" was something I was grateful for. I was overloaded, plain and simple.

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ORIGINAL: smileforme50

I was just in an email exchange with a Dom I like and respect. But he made a comment that kind of hit a raw nerve for me....and the thing is, I've heard a LOT ....a LOT of Dominants say something similar....and it kind of drives me crazy. We were talking about being a slave. What he said was:

"...yes there are times that you will have to do things you find distasteful, or that you just plain don't want to do. But in return you get so much more. you have someone who will take the pressure off you for making decisions. you will rarely be unsure of what you are doing, because you are doing what He said."

I have heard so many Dominants (surprisingly....not all that many subs or slaves) say this. But I don't get it....What "pressure" is there?? What decisions? What am I so unsure of that I need someone else to decide for me?


So I want to know what other sub/slaves have been told and what they think...and what their experience is....do you feel "less pressure"?

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ORIGINAL: Bhruic

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ORIGINAL: smileforme50

I was just in an email exchange with a Dom I like and respect. But he made a comment that kind of hit a raw nerve for me....and the thing is, I've heard a LOT ....a LOT of Dominants say something similar....and it kind of drives me crazy. We were talking about being a slave. What he said was:

"...yes there are times that you will have to do things you find distasteful, or that you just plain don't want to do. But in return you get so much more. you have someone who will take the pressure off you for making decisions. you will rarely be unsure of what you are doing, because you are doing what He said."

I have heard so many Dominants (surprisingly....not all that many subs or slaves) say this. But I don't get it....What "pressure" is there?? What decisions? What am I so unsure of that I need someone else to decide for me?


So I want to know what other sub/slaves have been told and what they think...and what their experience is....do you feel "less pressure"?

I know many slaves who would agree with him. They find the elimination of choice and the submission to another's will liberating.

Why that is liberating will be different from person to person, but I think one common element for many submissives is that they are being liberated from responsibility for their kinks. And by that I mean internal responsibility.

Whether it be social conditioning, or the way they were raised, some people have difficulty resolving who they are with what they want sexually. A woman may get sexual satisfaction from humiliation and degradation, and being submissive and owned, but may also find it difficult to counteract the social programming that "Good girls| don't want such things.

Submission is also, in general - that is, outside of BDSM - usually viewed as a negative character trait... and that can carry some social baggage with it.

So these things, and many others I am sure, contribute to a submissive's sense of release and liberation at having choice and responsibility removed. and being required to simply obey.

In some ways, I don't particularly admire this mind set in submissives, as it is sort of a "have your cake, and eat it too" kind of an attitude. I think it is important for people to own who they are, and what they want. An important element in my own relationship with my sub/slave is requiring her to own who she is.

In truth though, at other times I am content to let her get lost in the submission, and the freedom from responsibility. I know she enjoys it.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Incorrect.

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Think of a CEO, what do they do? They manage a system ofindividuals. Some are very good at it, thrive in such endeavors, and others wouldn't know where to begin, like trying to fit a square peg through a round hole.
It takes a certain kind of mindset to handle that level of responsibility and it's not for everyone but far from bunk. We see it everywhere in our day to day lives when someone is managing most of your day, even in a professional setting.

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Very honest, mostly true.I think you are misunderstanding this dynamic.

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Roles are understood and there is little needed communication as a result.

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It's not like they're asking every time they can or cannot blink. We have to have a logical approach.

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Apart of what you said I bolded because it is primarily why I feel women are best suited for this type of domination.

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Some people are fucking shitty with finances, cooking, decision making, etc, etc. If their partner is stronger in these areas it simply MAKES SENSE to step aside and let them be in charge of the things you would otherwise screw up.

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

One ironic thing I have seen on these message boards is the concept that when a dominant takes over the decision making for a submissive it is OK... but when a submissive posts questions about a dominant who has taken control over all of the decisions then the dominants in question are control freaks, unhealthy sociopaths and that the submissive should dump them. If everyone is honest, they have seen it too.

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ORIGINAL: littleladybug

Any cases in point?

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ORIGINAL: smileforme50

See now....if I was in that situation.....the decision of where to take the car wouldn't have been the problem. The best way for him to relieve pressure off of me in that situation would have been for him to just take care of the damned car himself and take it to the garage himself.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

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ORIGINAL: smileforme50

See now....if I was in that situation.....the decision of where to take the car wouldn't have been the problem. The best way for him to relieve pressure off of me in that situation would have been for him to just take care of the damned car himself and take it to the garage himself.

We were ldr at that point. These days he usually fixes it himself.

But what I get about the DIQ who said this is not that he assumes every sub is overwhelmed, but that his preferred relationship is a white knight one. If a sub doesn't need any help, then how can he swoop down and save her?

He just didn't explain this well.

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ORIGINAL: Bhruic
I know many slaves who would agree with him. They find the elimination of choice and the submission to another's will liberating.

Why that is liberating will be different from person to person, but I think one common element for many submissives is that they are being liberated from responsibility for their kinks. And by that I mean internal responsibility.

Whether it be social conditioning, or the way they were raised, some people have difficulty resolving who they are with what they want sexually. A woman may get sexual satisfaction from humiliation and degradation, and being submissive and owned, but may also find it difficult to counteract the social programming that "Good girls| don't want such things.

Submission is also, in general - that is, outside of BDSM - usually viewed as a negative character trait... and that can carry some social baggage with it.

So these things, and many others I am sure, contribute to a submissive's sense of release and liberation at having choice and responsibility removed. and being required to simply obey.

In some ways, I don't particularly admire this mind set in submissives, as it is sort of a "have your cake, and eat it too" kind of an attitude. I think it is important for people to own who they are, and what they want. An important element in my own relationship with my sub/slave is requiring her to own who she is.

In truth though, at other times I am content to let her get lost in the submission, and the freedom from responsibility. I know she enjoys it.

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I can "sort of" understand this....but not really.

I mean...if you read my profile, I talk about how being submissive is totally against the way I was raised and what my family believes and how most of the women in my family have been over the years. Being submissive is not NOT a good thing to my family. So....it did take me a few years to wrestle with the idea of being submissive and finally accept that it is what I want in my most intimate relationship.

But at the same time....I'm doing this without the knowledge of my family and vanilla friends. So....their feelings and influence no longer matter to me. The only guilt or shame I may have had for admitting that this is what I want....comes from inside of me and the only person I need to deal with is me, and I have already dealt with it and taken care of it so it is no longer a problem.

I still don't really understand this "sense of release and liberation at having choice and responsibility removed. and being required to simply obey" Just doesn't make any sense to me..

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ORIGINAL: Gauge



To clarify my statement, it is usually when the submissive has a question about something that a dominant is making a decision about that has some sort of problem attached to it... something harmful, etc.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It also depends on how much responsibility you have day to day. If what you do for a living involves you making decisions every ten minutes, then you wouldn't want to come home and have to keep making decisions. You would want a break from that. Most people don't want to have to do in their free time what they do on the job.

It's almost axiomatic that executives are all submissive, simply because it's a vacation from what they normally do.
Having known many CEOs and upper lever corporate types, almost all of them wanted to come home and not have to answer any questions, including what they would like for dinner. They wanted their known tastes catered to, but as long as you weren't making the hated liver or broccoli, that was all that mattered.

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ORIGINAL: Bhruic

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ORIGINAL: Bhruic
I know many slaves who would agree with him. They find the elimination of choice and the submission to another's will liberating.

Why that is liberating will be different from person to person, but I think one common element for many submissives is that they are being liberated from responsibility for their kinks. And by that I mean internal responsibility.

Whether it be social conditioning, or the way they were raised, some people have difficulty resolving who they are with what they want sexually. A woman may get sexual satisfaction from humiliation and degradation, and being submissive and owned, but may also find it difficult to counteract the social programming that "Good girls| don't want such things.

Submission is also, in general - that is, outside of BDSM - usually viewed as a negative character trait... and that can carry some social baggage with it.

So these things, and many others I am sure, contribute to a submissive's sense of release and liberation at having choice and responsibility removed. and being required to simply obey.

In some ways, I don't particularly admire this mind set in submissives, as it is sort of a "have your cake, and eat it too" kind of an attitude. I think it is important for people to own who they are, and what they want. An important element in my own relationship with my sub/slave is requiring her to own who she is.

In truth though, at other times I am content to let her get lost in the submission, and the freedom from responsibility. I know she enjoys it.

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I can "sort of" understand this....but not really.

I mean...if you read my profile, I talk about how being submissive is totally against the way I was raised and what my family believes and how most of the women in my family have been over the years. Being submissive is not NOT a good thing to my family. So....it did take me a few years to wrestle with the idea of being submissive and finally accept that it is what I want in my most intimate relationship.

But at the same time....I'm doing this without the knowledge of my family and vanilla friends. So....their feelings and influence no longer matter to me. The only guilt or shame I may have had for admitting that this is what I want....comes from inside of me and the only person I need to deal with is me, and I have already dealt with it and taken care of it so it is no longer a problem.

I still don't really understand this "sense of release and liberation at having choice and responsibility removed. and being required to simply obey" Just doesn't make any sense to me..

If being submissive is totally against the way you were raised, then you are influenced by exactly the kind of pressures I was referring to.

If you think your family's opinions - and possible judgement of your life choices - does not influence and impact you, at least on a deeply subconscious level, then I think you are deluding yourself a little.

I doubt it is all that subconscious though. The fact that you are doing whatever you are doing "without the knowledge of my family and vanilla friends" speaks volumes about that.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It also depends on how much responsibility you have day to day. If what you do for a living involves you making decisions every ten minutes, then you wouldn't want to come home and have to keep making decisions. You would want a break from that. Most people don't want to have to do in their free time what they do on the job.

It's almost axiomatic that executives are all submissive, simply because it's a vacation from what they normally do.
Having known many CEOs and upper lever corporate types, almost all of them wanted to come home and not have to answer any questions, including what they would like for dinner. They wanted their known tastes catered to, but as long as you weren't making the hated liver or broccoli, that was all that mattered.

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

My opinion is incorrect? It is my opinion.

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In my statement: I think the whole, "I will make the decisions for you to relieve that pressure from you" is basically bunk. The phrase "I will make the decisions for you to relieve that pressure from you" in the context of the OP takes an assumptive stance that the submissive cannot, is incapable or even wants to make decisions for themselves. There is a huge difference for a submissive to want to have their dominant make the decisions for them as opposed to the dominant simply taking them away. What if the dominant makes shitty decisions? Then what?

The point being is that I said that there may be a few who want this type of dynamic, but I believe that the majority would rather not have the micromanaging thing.

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No, I understand the dynamic pretty well. It is the improper attitude that assumes that a slave/sub cannot handle their own lives because they are submissives and as a result suffer from the "pressure" of decision making, that I do not understand. Let's not forget what the OP posted and the fact that I was responding directly to that.

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Not sure what this means exactly, but OK. My dynamic works for me... yours works for you.

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Logic is a good thing. How many times have we seen posts appear on the boards from new submissives (slaves, bottoms and subs inclusive), saying that their dominant is making the decisions for them, and the dominant made a decision that was either wrong, harmful, potentially dangerous, etc.? I know that is different than what we are talking about, but not every dominant out there is trustworthy enough to merely hand over the decisions to and let them control aspects of a submissive's life that might be in perfect control.

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I think that statement is bullshit, gender has zero to do with ones ability to manage a slave or submissive... but it is your opinion, and you are entitled to it.

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This is different than the blanket assumption that all decisions fall to the dominant all of the time. My slut is adept at finances, I could use improvement but do OK with them... she is stronger in that area than I am... are you telling me (in the context of the OP) that I should make the financial decisions for her? Let's not mix up the OP's question and your statement, your statement makes logical sense in a relationship... any relationship, but the preemptive "Uber Dom" I'll take over every aspect of your life thing only works and makes sense if that is what the submissive wants or needs. The strongest relationships, in my opinion, are the ones that compliment each others strengths and weaknesses.

One ironic thing I have seen on these message boards is the concept that when a dominant takes over the decision making for a submissive it is OK... but when a submissive posts questions about a dominant who has taken control over all of the decisions then the dominants in question are control freaks, unhealthy sociopaths and that the submissive should dump them. If everyone is honest, they have seen it too.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Well, this is the thing, people tend to speak for everyone, when all they do have at the end of the day ARE opinions.
You called it "BUNK", You are making a blanket statement, ergo my response.

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Then said sub has poor depth perception if they chose an irresponsible individual to do what they will while they are tied up, blind folded and gagged. Irresponsible people should not be dominants. So then in such scenario the sub has to question own judgement.

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OK, this is the said OPINION of one individual

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I have met enough idiots in my life (some are in court suing business partners for not listening to said advice) who are completely incompetent in managing their own affairs. That's why people hire lawyers or accountants, they cannot do it on their own as much as they'd like to and many of them give their lawyers complete power of attorney, this is not that complicated.

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Precisely, that's why there are 10 times more chastity devices out there for submissive men than submissive women.

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If you have nothing to improve in a sub's life then what purpose do you have? Is my view. Again, opinion. The bolded point you made goes back to irresponsibility and poor depth perception. I don't date assholes, why and how? Because I'm smart enough to avoid them. It's not that complicated. Sometimes it is hit or miss but if you're constantly picking a D that is bad for you after being in this lifestyle for x years, then questioning one's judgement is a good idea.

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You said that kind of domination is like raising a child, I concurred, IT IS

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When you see someone wearing a diaper and wanting someone to change it, are they more inclined to request a Mommy D or Daddy D? We're talking diapers, not the baby girl dynamic. REAL micromanagement is such a scenario.

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I never said all the time

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that's pretty much impossible, but you labeled it in a generalized form as bunk, maybe unintentionally ergo my comments about it not being bunk, because I've done it. And it worked out great, it eliminated a lot of guesswork for him. He knew how to make my coffee or chai in the morning, he knew how to lay out my clothes. He was just on point to the max.

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I am not saying this is always the case, there are irresponsible people who use this lifestyle to prey on others, and I notice you are a passionate opponent to said individuals.

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And I applaud you for getting a girl as capable as yours but believe me when I tell you, if hypothetically a sub's D is maybe...really capable managing things while she is reallyyyyyyyyy absent minded and very not good at certain things, like being fiscally efficient. If the D can help streamline that, he or she should, like your s did on the other side of the dynamic. But this is not something that is going to work all the time. In every dynamic. But it can and does work.