I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's common?

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I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's common? - 10/14/2014 11:33:34 AM

Subano

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Do others change their orientation, or is orientation a relatively fixed thing?
I had thought it was fixed, but, I find myself wavering, which is why I ask.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/14/2014 11:37:20 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano

Do others change their orientation, or is orientation a relatively fixed thing?
I had thought it was fixed, but, I find myself wavering, which is why I ask.

I was born with my orientation. I was tying up guys before I knew it was a "thing." Some people are just generally kinky and go with the flow, others start and figure out as they go along and a lightbulb may go off.

And then there are others that decide to be kinky and picking sub/dom is as random as picking a character type in a video game, and they can also just stop playing that video game one day if they are bored or don't find what they want. I can't "quit" being a sensual sadist or bondage freak, it's in my core.

Some kinky people are so hardwired they actually TRY to stop being kinky (ie throw away their toys, delete their kink accounts, etc.) and ultimately they find themselves right back where they left off and buy all new toys.

Akasha

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/14/2014 11:38:10 AM

stef

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People change, people's needs change, people's desires change. It's not uncommon.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/14/2014 11:49:14 AM

FieryOpal

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Which orientation would that be? You are listed as a submissive, and start off your profile by stating that "Men are slaves." Were you a switch before?

Or are you referring to sexual orientation?

If it's D/s orientation, then that can change as your interests and personality development changes, develops and matures. Right now you're in your mid-30s, when it's not uncommon to be still be struggling with issues having to do with individuation or even undergoing an identity crisis of sorts. (And with some people, this is never-ending.)

Explore and experiment safely with a trusted play partner to discover what you enjoy the most, and then go from there.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/14/2014 5:46:19 PM

CaptR

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It's very common. People change as they grow in this and every lifestyle.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/14/2014 5:53:10 PM

SeekingTrinity

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~FRing it~

Not really sure which orientation you are referring to. I used to consider myself straight, but have been identifying as bisexual for years. I considered myself a dominant female for around 18 years, but have considered myself switch for the past 2.5 years.

How common it is? Who knows. But desires and needs can change with time. Just depends on the person. Some are static. Others are fluid.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/14/2014 9:34:02 PM

DerangedUnit

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I considered myself bi for years because I was supposed to be... finally came to terms with really not liking women a few years ago. Mostly because im always drastically more dominant than most ive been around and those that dont apply just go for bitch fest so hard you have no desire to deal with them. I cant stand most submissive people, either for relationships or friendships. My other orientation has switched between slave only when im owned, to either switch or dom when im not. Neither I feel are completely accurate but choosing one word to describe yourself is supposed to be difficult I think... so maybe, reluctantly assertive hurricane. But it comes down to whom its compared to. I submit to specific ideals I respect and never back down in aspects I dont... gain more respect I get more submissive, less... you get the picture.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/14/2014 10:26:31 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano

Do others change their orientation, or is orientation a relatively fixed thing?
I had thought it was fixed, but, I find myself wavering, which is why I ask.

Have you thought that maybe being a switch IS your orientation? Or Bisexual is your orientation? Not sure what changes are you referring to.

I've been born with one orientation which is sexually submissive slanted. Never felt the need or urge to be or try anything else.

Thinking about dominating a man makes me lose any interest in him romantically or sexually.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/14/2014 10:27:08 PM >

(in reply to Subano)

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/15/2014 9:02:42 AM

Subano

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Which orientation would that be?

I didn't want my change to affect the answer, so, I can let you know if you really want to, in the mail.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/15/2014 9:18:24 AM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano

Do others change their orientation, or is orientation a relatively fixed thing?
I had thought it was fixed, but, I find myself wavering, which is why I ask.

I was born with my orientation. I was tying up guys before I knew it was a "thing." Some people are just generally kinky and go with the flow, others start and figure out as they go along and a lightbulb may go off.

And then there are others that decide to be kinky and picking sub/dom is as random as picking a character type in a video game, and they can also just stop playing that video game one day if they are bored or don't find what they want. I can't "quit" being a sensual sadist or bondage freak, it's in my core.

Some kinky people are so hardwired they actually TRY to stop being kinky (ie throw away their toys, delete their kink accounts, etc.) and ultimately they find themselves right back where they left off and buy all new toys.

Akasha

I don't agree. Some people like the ability to choose, usually they are very type A. That individual hates being compelled, cajoled, persuaded, dissuaded. It is part of their dominant nature. Usually they tend to not be big on team sports, they march to the beat of their own drum and they tend to be eccentric.
I think too often people oversimplify these things. Many female CEOs have never touched a bullwhip, still dominant.
Like stef said, desires, feelings, blah change with time. Not uncommon.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/15/2014 3:16:16 PM

shiftyw

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I'm bi.
That took me a long time to realize cause I feel I'm very straight leaning.
I'm currently monogonmous, but enjoy poly and open relationships, in the past, and we currently have a semi open relationship.
I'm a sub, but with girls sometimes I switch, in a threesome situation I really can't even pin down where I fall on the spectrum...

For me, I feel pretty fluid.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/16/2014 1:41:59 PM

AffableSage

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The human being is ever mutable. We change based on where we find ourselves and what we wish we could be, even what we need to be. There is no true condition. Only that which you embrace.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/17/2014 6:03:37 AM

starkem

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Very interesting answers Hard wired or fluid seem to be the alternating themes. Switching sexual orientation or fetish orientation is generally frowned upon by opposition who believe themselves to be more true to the notion of sexual orientation and fetish orientation respectively. We desire innately to be like minded in our groupings. Being open minded ironically is being radically rebel. So you are free to change, but not without some being circumspect of your choices.

(in reply to AffableSage)

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/17/2014 6:05:06 AM

Greta75

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Bottom line is, it's perfectly okay to be whatever you want to be, as long as you don't harm people with it. There is no right or wrong orientation, only the one that makes you happy.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/17/2014 9:57:46 AM

Musicmystery

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano

Do others change their orientation, or is orientation a relatively fixed thing?
I had thought it was fixed, but, I find myself wavering, which is why I ask.

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
~Albus Dumbledore

(in reply to Subano)

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 10/17/2014 11:44:33 AM

Spiritedsub2

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I think we can change our sexual behavior, but not our innate orientation. I can start having sex exclusively with women but not change my hetero nature. It seems to me our desires and reactions, not our conduct, define our orientation. If I changed my behavior and started sleeping with women instead of men, AND came (no pun intended) to desire women and not men, then I would say I had finally discovered my true orientation.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 11/4/2014 3:01:20 AM

gurotrash

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I feel that I'm living in the limelight of posts which have better explained this, but sexuality is various between subjects as to be explored beyond the culturally accepted spectrum, that being stated the idea that "one man, one woman" is proper, nevermind the inherent constraints of even that definition. And especially the cissexist ideals behind it!
Beyond that, however, is the idea that it requires one person of a gender that is not of itself to form a couple, which is equally binding as the aforementioned spectra; monogamy is another inherent ideal in these dominant spectra. There is also an unspoken D/s dynamic unfortunately drawn to gender dynamics, as that a man should surpass a woman, nevermind the other problematic aspects of these. Regardless, for clarity, it is generally scripted socially that men inherit power and that women inherit none.
That is the short and long of it, of course. I am more than happy to reveal deeper aspects of this upon one's regard. Please, simply do ask, either here or more promptly to my person, specifically.

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 11/14/2014 8:11:04 PM

Amy172

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Ok - after re-reading your question, right. Which orientation? But really, I think my answer applies both ways. If you're talking about sexual orientation, my experience has been that your definitions may expand as you grow older. When I was in high school I would have sworn I was straight. Then I met my first Mistress... she was so intense and amazing, I started questioning everything I knew. By the end of college I considered myself "Bi". Now, I have very few social taboos left. So long as everyone gives consent sleep with anyone that makes you happy!

Regarding D/s orientation... the first Mistress I trained with is one of the strongest women I know. She's absolutely amazing - she can top someone from across the room with just a look. We've decided to write a book together about our experiences, which is how I found out she actually started in scene as a sub. She stayed that way for years, looking for someone stronger than she was. I guess she never found him, because she switched her orientation and never looked back. I'm pretty sure she made the right choice!

Then there's my husband. He was my first "real" owner, my first formal collar. We met in college and we were so in love! We married right after graduation and everything was great for a while. But eventually he pulled back until he wouldn't touch me sexually at all. I thought he had found another lover. No - what he discovered was that he was really submissive, and had no idea how to tell me! We're still working that one out, actually, but I'm really happy to know the truth.

Which leaves me. I'm very bright and outgoing, and I don't mind calling someone out if they're being a jerk. But my heart is submissive, and always will be. One out of three! I hope this helps. :)

< Message edited by Amy172 -- 11/14/2014 8:17:10 PM >

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RE: I've changed my orientation and wonder if that's co... - 11/17/2014 10:13:12 PM

SweetlySadistic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano

Do others change their orientation, or is orientation a relatively fixed thing?
I had thought it was fixed, but, I find myself wavering, which is why I ask.

I don't know what you're referring to, D/s orientation or sexual preference orientation but, either way, sure, it can change over time.

I first experienced D/s and kink in 2008 as a submissive. For most of 2011 I was switching & thought I'd always be a switch but, not so. In early 2012, I became a full-on Domme and I'm loving it.

As for sexual orientation, when I first became aware of sexual proclivities at all, I wanted to marry & have a family but then, in my mid-20s, I realized women turned me on, and I thought I was becoming gay. Not so, I leveled out as a heteroflexible-leaning bisexual about 95% straight. lol

I'm sure there are many others, also, who've gone through drastic changes in both those departments.

SweetlySadistic1

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