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Gauge -> RE: Going too far with femdom (10/21/2014 9:50:36 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: uksubmale31
A while ago I met a domme, whilst I found it exciting I think I went too far.
Im kind of vulnerable to anxiety and depression, I've had to work hard on being more assertive and setting boundaries with controlling people in the real world
I am going to put a bit of a different slant on things. Being assertive and setting boundaries with controlling people in the real world is different than going to a pro domme, and having her make you feel humiliated. If you believe that you have compromised yourself and eroded all the work you have done in order to set real world boundaries, just by allowing one session with a domme go a bit far, then I submit that you need some perspective. Whether or not you discussed limits with this domme or not is really not that important at the moment, getting the fact through your head that you yielded to a dominant for a short period of time and they pressed your buttons a bit, does not have the power to destroy all the work you have done personally with setting boundaries and being assertive. The difference being, seeing the domme was voluntary, pushy people that you have to be assertive and set boundaries with are around you every day.
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After having anxiety for so long my confidence was sky high one day and I was bored and went to visit a domme
I think it overstepped my boundaries, even though I accept I chose to go and I was a bit too eager or impulsive.
OK, the lesson here is to think before you act. More importantly, know what you can and cannot handle within the confines of BDSM.
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I've gone a bit into my shell since this happened and whilst I'm not blaming or judging anyone else it has effected me
OK, you got your buttons pushed and you are reacting poorly because of it. In the nicest way possible, knock that off... you made a mistake and what happened does not undermine everything you have accomplished personally. You have not gone spiraling downward, you suffered a small, correctable, setback.
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Can anyone offer any advice?
You have gotten great advice from others. Listen to them.
You need to understand that the work you did on yourself to become more assertive and being able to set boundaries for yourself is a foundational thing in your life. One session with a domme did not invalidate all of that, although you might feel you betrayed yourself, you didn't. The only thing that you have to question was your own judgment in going to a domme if you were not prepared or ready for what could possibly take place there. You learned a valuable lesson, albeit a difficult one about things that may be hard limits for yourself. Punishing yourself over this will only serve to make the problem worse, not better. Put this experience behind you and learn from it. You are still able to be assertive and set boundaries, that never went away, certainly not from one session with a dominant.
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