TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant)

TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (Full Version)

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GoddessManko -> TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (10/23/2014 11:30:38 AM)
Hi, for those of you who don't know me, I'm a fleximonogamous lifestyle Domme. What does that mean? Well I am seeking one who I can spend hopefully grow with over the years and collar til one of us hits the dirt. I am open to the possibility of a play partner once in a while, but not really a regular thing and may or may not happen. Ergo the fleximonogamous label. Because labels help us keep things in perspective, don't they? They have their benefits. Now what I have to talk about today is TIME and TIMING. If you notice, some of our members have been regular participants to both the profile and forum side of the site, guiding newbies, some attached and others readily seeking. For quite some time, I had been readily seeking but for the first time I feel like I am closer than ever to closing in on a loving,devoted D/s dynamic. The pinnacle, so to speak. Now ironically in this time, fellows I may have had interest in MONTHS ago who flaked out on me think it makes sense somehow or is appropriate to reach out to me yet again (now that I have moved on from their time wasting asses). Meanwhile I have gotten very close to this lovely s I hope to if not collar and make mine (best case scenario), keep as a lifelong friend (worst case scenario). Here is something that might help those eagerly seeking. IF YOU WON'T, SOMEONE ELSE WILL. I don't give a shit how "nice" or "receptive" I was to you, don't kid yourself. I'm not Mary Poppins you daftly self entitled brat. Please remember this so it erases any confusion that people are sitting at their laptops twiddling their thumbs praying that you come back around. They're not. Nor I would think they would be fan of being your second choice, and that includes to "vanilla responsibilities". This boy tells me he has been thinking of going to a proDomme but the kink is not enough, as if this would sort of touch (my disposition towards him) my cold, unfeeling heart. laughs throatily YES, the interest was there months ago but once that ship has sailed just stand at the dock and wave "Sayonara!" No one enjoys their time being wasted, if you are unsure of whether or not a committed relationship is for you then YES, go to a proDomme, find a play partner. But don't make promises you cannot keep and expect the appeal to remain. It will not. This has happened often enough I felt I should start a thread about it because I feel like the male subs are working against their own interests and they are turning the lifestyle Ds OFF as they lament about the finDommes, are you kidding? "Yes, let me make promises I don't intend to keep and she will be completely willing to be strung along til my balls drop. But the finDommes, why? Boohoo!" you are their greatest proponent, so stick a ball gag in, whip out those wallets and enjoy. When you have an opportunity, seize it. Or as peon once said, treat it as GOLD DUST. Thank you and good day. curtsies

DarkSteven -> RE: TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (10/23/2014 11:47:44 AM)
He stood you up. If you choose to keep in contact with him after that, it's your business. But I'd take that as the first strike, and that "cold, unfeeling heart" guilt trip as the second. Also... you deserve some guy who will want you as YOU. Not as an alternative to a pro Domme, and not with the whiny approach of "If you don't take up with me, I'll be forced to pay for a pro Domme!" If you keep striking out, come here to Colorado and I'll fix you up within days.

AAkasha -> RE: TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (10/23/2014 3:07:17 PM)
Hi GoddessManko, I am not quite sure I am following you. I think I am. If not, I apologize. But some 15+ years ago when I was single (ie not married) and dating, there were sub prospects I would come across. I was playing a lot casually. I was meeting guys online (in real life). I was doing a lot of casual stuff. And also interested on and off in men. And I would often come across guys that there was potential in and they'd get all coy and ridiculous on me - like thinking playing 'hard to get' would be compelling, or make them more interesting, or that they were now some hot submissive piece of ass. Whatever. Or men I pursued. showed interest in, and they just kind of brushed it off, like they wanted me to pursue harder - and I seriously didn't want to play games. I told them I was interested and that was that. They just didn't get back to me. Now they email me and say, "I can't believe I never got back to you on that." Because I got married pretty fast when I met the guy that I did. I wasn't messing around. I found what I want and went after it. Guys, when a femdom shows interest, act on it. Don't play games. Akasha

MissToYouRedux -> RE: TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (10/23/2014 8:32:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko ... YES, the interest was there months ago but once that ship has sailed just stand at the dock and wave "Sayonara!" ... I generally reply with "The moment has passed". [:D]

FieryOpal -> RE: TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (10/24/2014 2:39:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko <snip> But don't make promises you cannot keep and expect the appeal to remain. It will not. This has happened often enough I felt I should start a thread about it because I feel like the male subs are working against their own interests and they are turning the lifestyle Ds OFF as they lament about the finDommes, are you kidding?.... I don't waste my time with anybody who makes promises he can't keep. Keep it simple, any sign they're dropping the ball and that's it. I don't play around with any sort of foolishness (unless there's a very good reason for it that was out of their control). You're dealing with a younger age group for the most part, OP. Even more mature men can't get it together, for any sustained period of time. And this is before anything has gotten off the ground, even remotely! Since I'm including men on vanilla dating sites as well, my first order of business is to screen out the horndogs. That will eliminate most of them right there. It's a little trickier with subfever - unless it's blatantly the in-your-face variety - because you could end up throwing out the baby with the bathwater. I will say this, however. If what you've been doing hasn't been working, then fine tune your approach (not that you haven't been doing so). Devise an easy (meaning easily executed) 3-step program for any prospective candidate to follow. The easiest one to do isn't personalized and it's so simple than high intelligence isn't required. Put a key word or key words in your profile, then don't waste your time with any man who doesn't address you with a message that doesn't contain it/them. There really is no excuse for making an oversight in this regard; it means they either didn't bother to read your profile and/or else they can't follow a simple instruction. You can make the 2nd "filter" a bit more personalized...or just do that with the 3rd. My suggestion for the other 2 qualities or attributes you seek in a long-term partner would be in the areas of Capacity for Giving and Romantic Initiative. The easiest "test" to determine a man's overall capacity for giving and generosity of spirit is whether he is stingy with giving a woman sincere compliments (as opposed to mere superfluous flattery). If it ever gets to the point where this becomes an issue and you are not feeling appreciated, give him one chance to come around promptly; otherwise, cut him off (e.g., Dear John letter). As for Romantic Initiative, this has to come naturally. These men should be old enough to have a clue by now, and if they aren't, you're not their mother to have to instruct any grown man step by step. All he needs to know is what are your hot buttons, assuming that you've been upfront and aren't secretive about what makes you tick. I'd say romantic gestures of a non-sexual nature need to be on the table as soon as you have shown the male sub some continued interest or other encouraging sign(s). (Don't know how this works with a female sub in an F/f dynamic.) These are not Herculean feats by any means, but they will winnow down those who contact you by a good 95% so that you can devote your time and focus on the remaining 5% who get past the 1st or 2nd requirement. You may end up with just 1% or less after the 3rd, but it's all about finding quality and not quantity. As a matter of fact, I had done this when I was looking for my last sub. He was not pre-eligible in my mind back then due to our age difference. But because he always came through with flying colors and piqued my interest, we kept up a daily correspondence for 3 months on a purely platonic basis. Then one day, when I was marveling over our uncanny compatibility in so many areas, it hit me that he actually was a suitable match for me despite my initial misgivings. You just never know....

RockaRolla -> RE: TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (10/24/2014 5:12:44 PM)
Agreed! Don't be surprised if he's a repeat offender. My first was the type of guy who would make plans and then disappear for a week at a time. He stood me up on several occasions and never saw a problem with it, nor did he understand when I finally told him to fuck off and tried several times after that. I was involved with him 3 years ago. His last attempt to contact me was less than a year ago. (I'm really not sure why I put up with it for so long, apart from me being a stubborn bitch.) They don't care. They want a little plaything on the sidelines when they get bored.

TNDommeK -> RE: TIME AND TIMING (An Informative Rant) (10/25/2014 10:20:08 AM)
They are all repeat offenders. They jump to who can satisfy their sweet tooth the fastest. And once they realized you could have been the right one, it's too late. Now the way I see it is you could entertain the thought of letting him back in your life, but only to tax his ass like you're the sherriff of fucking Nautingham (sp?). (By the way, that totally could be nominated for a SQOTD...just saying)

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