RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices

RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (Full Version)

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jonathan -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 6:40:15 PM)
This is a complex post, combining the wishes of the Domme with the rights of the submissive to 'just say no'. And an ambiguous one for me to reply to, because i have thought for many years that i would be willing to be marked if i felt that the relationship would be permanent. my first reaction to your post was to call Her bluff. If it is so important to Her, cut a deal. If She's willing to chose a portion of the left side [no flames, please] of Her body to be inked with the kanji symbol for Owner/Mistress, then the two of you can make one appointment for both. Same location, different sides. i've been through this sort of negotiation before and it was more about power than commitment. Stick to your hard limt. i've been in your situation. i made the mistake of agreeing to and getting a frenum as a symbol of Ownership, and now i wear a meaningless steel bar. Life has been better to me recently, and i would like a tattoo once it becomes final, but She does not favor body modification and is only letting me keep the frenum because it's already there. So i don't expect it and it really won't matter, because i'll have everything else that truly counts. How does that song go? "Don't back down"

MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 6:43:32 PM)
The reason you set hard limits was to say that you would not want to either try them or have them done to you in any way so you can protect your self and to be safe. Seems that you now are asking not only with the Tattoo bit those other ones should you just throw them out the window and let the person you are with put you through every thing they wish to just for their pleasure and forget your health and saftey at all times both bodily and mentaly. As to her drwaing a line in the sand it seems to be a bloody big fence and one you had best decide not to climb or jump over but to go well around it to some other beach and enjoy what is happening there.

MistressTexas -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 7:44:36 PM)
Coming from a person who has stupidly gotten inked on several of the most painful parts of the human body (ankle, spine, ribs and inner hip).... Tattoos bloody well hurt. I remember the lower it got on my back, the more creative my swearing became. I also remember having my fingers damn near broken while a good friend got her tattoo. Depending on where it is, it will be frustrating to take care of, and oh so very very very itchy. As well, depending on where it is, it will look awful in 20 years. You are more than right to keep your own limits. Tattoos are great, all of mine have great sentimental value, but they are in no way great for everyone. That and laser removal is not lonly expensive, may times it will never completely remove the tattoo, there will always be a shadow of it. So in that vein I completely agree with you, as I will never get tattooed for anyones reasons but my own. Your body is your temple, and even though medical science abounds, you only get one.

wandering4u -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 7:47:59 PM)
It was a hard limit? Discussed up front? She shows you no respect...walk away. A D/s relation is based on mutual respect. If that is missing so is the relationship.

LaTigresse -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 7:58:59 PM)
What everyone else said..........and as an aside, I dislike tatoos. I don't need anyone to have their body marked to prove they belong to me. Thats just me.

Misstoyou -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 10:02:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sevin ... I have never seen her this angry with me, or determined. She is drawing a line in the sand. I am afraid that I will have to give on on a hard limit for (even one that is inexplicable to Her), or - stick to my guns, and lose a great relationship. Am i wrong? Unfortunately you may not be wrong in your evaluation of your options. There are things that stand out: your hard limit and her rush. I'd be interested in why, after only a couple of months, she feels she has to prove her dominance (and her possession of you) by forcing you on a hard limit. I've only had my new puppy for a couple of months as well. (He could tell you precisely how long lol). He is naturally hairless on his chest and back, which he knows I find completely yummy, and he wanted to talk about my ideas for using them as a canvas, as he's totally unmarked now. As I told him, I think that's WAY premature. If I was the one who came up with the idea, it still would be way premature.

mistressrose10 -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/13/2006 7:22:02 AM)
While I am not enthusiastic about tattos per se, I am also in a relationship of less than two months and I already made it clear that his getting a tattoo would be my way of collaring him and a way for him to show his committment.This was stated in my profile and my sweetie is agreeable,but it is not to be taken lightly.If this was a hard limit for you and this was known by your Domme, I can understand her need for control but not her wish to disregard your feelings on the matter.She may be mollified by your begging her to reconsider rather than a flat-out refusal.If She is the Domme for you she might recognize that granting your petition is a way to save face and the relationship.Start begging-if she doesn't budge,move on!

thetammyjo -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/13/2006 8:47:48 AM)
Just a thought that since this is one of your set-up hard limits and only a few months have passed her insistance might be her way of forcing you to break things off so she doesn't feel like the "bad guy". She can say then that you just are submissive enough and not take any responsibility for her ignoring your decision. So walk and let her adjust the reality in her mind as you move onto a hopefully better relationship where you can find someone who can respect your limits and is more realistic about time in a relationship and possible adjustments of limits. Limits may indeed change over time but that's usually a lot of time and a lot of trust and experience together and you shouldn't expect the limits to change when you walk into the relationship.

soldierfunuk -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/14/2006 1:55:48 AM)
From a subs point of view. I have many tattoo's. I would wait at least 3 years to have one for a Mistress. If it was a hard limit and she insisted, she is not a decent Mistress, its simple I would walk. The trust would be gone.

blondangelique -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/14/2006 5:49:30 AM)
I'm marked for life by my ex-wife/Mistress. I was maried and living under a contract. In this contract (we did put this up together and I was and am sane of mind) was stated that I had to come up with a personal design an time in wich I should have my mark of my Mistress. After a few years she got mentally confussed, left her daughters and me behind. When that happened I regretted my mark and hate it. It was treated by laser just once. Nowadays I can live with my mark. I'm in the open as sub and as a t-girl. Both remains of my relation with my ex. Also my mark is such a remain. It states what and who I am. And her name? It's in the mark. Besides what's in a name. It has become a symbolic mark for me. Perhaps you want to know where it is located? Just above the stem of my penis. It's her name where the "s" is a whip underlining her name and 2 "U"'s becomes nipples with piercings. And the name is also mirrored so you can read also upside down. Conclusion; beware of what kind of tattoo you take, rather take a symbol than a name. If you know what you are and you are proud on it, you probably won't be mentaly hurt when a relation is over. In any case of a slight doubt, DON'T With love, Angelique. p.s. I now know that when I'm owned by the right person I even want to become the living piece of art of my Mistress. I've decided That I want to show the word what and who I am. So with a little luck I fall i love with a tattoo or piercing artist or just a persons who wants to turn me into her ...........?

UtopianRanger -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/14/2006 2:54:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sevin I have been asked to get a tattoo by a Dominant Woman. We have been in a Dominant/submissive relationship for a few months now. Recently she announced that I was to get a tattoo - even though we have had a long conversation about my deep, personal aversion for body modification (for myself only - she has two discreet ones for herself). I am a scared - because a tattoo is a big limit for, and she doesn't see what the big deal is. She has offered to make it small, very discrete, hidden, non-overt - just a symbol, chosen by her. I have never seen her this angry with me, or determined. She is drawing a line in the sand. I am afraid that I will have to give on on a hard limit for (even one that is inexplicable to Her), or - stick to my guns, and lose a great relationship. Am i wrong? Well..... I've read a few posts that talk about tats... and I honestly don't understand all the fascination. What if you work in a political or business climate? Or if you just like the clean and unblemished look. If I didn't get one after having eight shots of Jose Cuevero in me when I was twenty-one, in the Marine Corps, there's not a very good chance of me getting one now. - R

agirl -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/14/2006 2:56:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA2 are tattoos really necessary in this lifestyle? just wondering. No more than anywhere else.

janiceleeinsc -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/14/2006 8:45:15 PM)
I agree with the others. I love tattoos. I waited a long time before I got my first one. I knew I really wanted it. I was 37. I got my second one on my birthday last year. I love it. I do not see where a tattoo is going to show you are submissive. Who is to say you will be in this relationship in a couple of years? It is not like a divorce. BTW: my slave has a tattoo on his butt that says Property of Mistress Barbara. I use it as a target. It costs quite a bit of money to have it taken off. But it really gripes my nerves to see Property of Mistress Barbara on my slave. Another thing, when I was training in the dungeon with my Domme, she wanted me to get my belly button pierced at a Dom convention. No. I would not go. Respectfully, Mistress_Jan

harrid -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/14/2006 11:30:49 PM)
I'm going to go against the grain here and say you should do it. You've enetered into this relationship. She's told you what is expected of you. If you think it is worth conitnuing, then get the tattoo. It's what She wants. If She is truly your Mistress and doing this is what She wants, then do it.

MisPandora -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/17/2006 6:22:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sevin I have been asked to get a tattoo by a Dominant Woman. We have been in a Dominant/submissive relationship for a few months now. Recently she announced that I was to get a tattoo - even though we have had a long conversation about my deep, personal aversion for body modification (for myself only - she has two discreet ones for herself). I am a scared - because a tattoo is a big limit for, and she doesn't see what the big deal is. She has offered to make it small, very discrete, hidden, non-overt - just a symbol, chosen by her. I have never seen her this angry with me, or determined. She is drawing a line in the sand. I am afraid that I will have to give on on a hard limit for (even one that is inexplicable to Her), or - stick to my guns, and lose a great relationship. Am i wrong? Is losing your life more important than losing a 2-3 month relationship where the woman obviously doesn't give a crap what you're telling her? What's next on the violation list? Having you be barebacked by someone carrying an infectious disease? My statement is rather alarmist, but I think so is her behavior given your "limits". A dominant that lacks respect is a dominant not worth serving. Toss her to the curb and let her know exactly WHY you're walking away in the hopes that she doesn't do this to someone in the future.

tzndeny -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/17/2006 7:08:23 AM)
Sevin: The fact that you are uneasy about the whole thing should be the clearest red flag. You seem to be under a lot of pressure to do something you do not want to do. Why is there so much pressure from your partner for something you have told her is a hard limit for you. What are her limits and have you challenged them? That is a bit off subject. I say don't get the tattoo. Besides, if you change your mind, you can always get the tattoo six months from now. If she cares about you at all, your partner should still be around in six months if you don't get the tattoo. There is a reason why they call it "safe, sane, and consensual," and i hate the thought of ANYONE being coerced into doing something he or she does not want to do. You are being manipulated. I would hate to see you get the tattoo only to be dropped by her. And like the pervious poster said, what is next after you get the tattoo?

YveGee -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/17/2006 12:42:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sophia37 Heres what you do. You reasearch the design. Whats fair is fair. You say, this, down the line is what I would get for whatever reasons. Then you live with the idea for say one year, before you make the final move to get one. Anyone/everyone should do this. Its reasonable and smart to do it this way. A tattoo is who you are. Are you tribal? Do you love native? Who are you as a person? This opens up a world of self discovery when you research who you think you may be. And, if, at the end of a nice long specified period of time this is still who you are, there's a good chance you will be ok with your decision. There's nothing worse than jumping to some conclusion, "Oh yes a unicorn would be nice" only to discover one year later that unicorns are way out of fashion and mean nothing to you. You can come to some sort of agreement with another person on getting your body altered. But that comes with the understanding that you wait a specified period of time. So that should put an end to any anxiety you may have. The OP stated that tattoos are a hard limit. Hard limits are, by my definition, unchangeable. They aren't going to change. Fair is for the Dominant to realize that a tattoo is a hard limit or for the submissive to decide that a tattoo is not as hard of a limit as he originally thought. A tattoo does not define who you are nor does it show the world you are. If you are a unicorn-type of person, you aren't going to care whether or not unicorn is still in fashion. Time is not supposed to end a hard limit. That's the whole point of hard limits; they are immutable and unchanging. Yve

michaelGA2 -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/17/2006 12:45:09 PM)
i just hope that i never have to deal with this situation anytime in the future. i am the second of 5 siblings in my family and the only one not to have any tats or peircings. i do not want them and won't entertain the idea of being required to get them either.

afeathr -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/18/2006 8:25:27 AM)
Maybe you could suggest a piercing instead of a tattoo as a "semi-permanent" marking. Sir and I agreed on Day 1 that I would not be marked with a tattoo unless I chose to have one done for my own self. However, He did insist that I be marked, and we happily chose piercing. It will be, at the appropriate time, placed where He would like to have it done. I was good with that from day 1, the only limit being that it had to be done professionally and not 'at home.' He was more than fine with that. Regarding the timing aspect: yes, a few months is a bit premature for a tat, however a piercing doesn't have to be permanent and therefore might be a viable option for the short term. Respectfully submitted for your consideration, afeathr :)

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