Demandiing a collar back

Demandiing a collar back (Full Version)

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HeartAndSoul31 -> Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 8:46:12 AM)
I thought this might bring some interesting responses. I was in a long term M/S relationship. It was not a live in situation and we only saw each other from time to time, but we talked almost every day. It ended, awhile back now. It was for the best and I am good with it but there is one thing I resent. I had a custom collar made, per his request. I paid for it. He did not. Its my collar as far as I am concerned. It was kept in his possession but I want it back. Thoughts? Any are welcome from either side of the kneel or other.

littleladybug -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 8:53:10 AM)
I am of a split mind on this. On one side, I couldn't imagine even wanting to keep something like this in the event of a break-up. Yet, on the other, I suppose that one could view this as a "gift" and keep it, just like any other memento from a relationship. I suppose the best you can do is contact him and ask for it back. If he refuses, it's simply a "live and learn" situation. I do understand that there are people who believe that collars remain the "property of the giver"...yet, this is only a personal protocol.

Miyani -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 8:54:06 AM)
He is no longer your Master. You paid for the collar. I think you're justified in asking for it back. There's no harm in appealing to his vanity or manhood if he balks.

Greta75 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 8:56:16 AM)
Personally, I think his damn cheap to keep the collar. You paid for it, NOT HIM, you should ask for it back. He might use it on another sub and that's disgusting.

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:05:07 AM)
I would not be surprised if that is not happening Greta [sm=ofcourse.gif] He was not known for generosity. lol.

ChrchofDrk -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:08:02 AM)
OMG Not a used collar! For shame! For shame! It's got another subbies epithelials all over it! ewwwwwww! ewwwww! My opinion. Guess you're gonna live with resentment. Since he didn't voluntarily offer it. I doubt he wants to voluntarily give it back. Do you deserve it back? I don't think so. Write it off and be done with it

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:11:11 AM)
I do deserve it back in my mind. I paid for it. It was meant for me. It was not a gift to him. I have asked for it back. I enjoy the feedback though. and edited to say....................I really have no idea if it is being used on someone else.

littleladybug -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:24:31 AM)
Oh, my mistake....thought you were on the "M" side.... I will still go with my "live and learn" answer though. Next time, if you pay for it, and it's meant for you, just keep it in your possession. As you have seen, people can be quite stupid and petty when it comes to these things.

FieryOpal -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:27:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31 I do deserve it back in my mind. I paid for it. It was meant for me. It was not a gift to him. I have asked for it back. ....I really have no idea if it is being used on someone else. Good riddance to your former 4sshat Master. First rule of thumb. Anything any man wants you to acquire, regardless of whether it benefits the both of you, he should foot the bill for (and put his money where his mouth, the true test of a man's honorable intent). You were doing your ex-Master a favor by procuring the collar yourself. He should have provided you with the means to do so. That was his responsibility. Unless there is some special custom-ordering involved, I always make sure I have a new collar ready for my sub. I have never made my sub obtain his own collar and would not have dreamt of doing so. Part of the psychology of being collared is for the s-type to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this collar is "on loan" and should his or her actions warrant it, s/he can get uncollared. The collar rightfully belongs to the Master or Mistress, not to their sub, because it should have procured by the Dominant party to begin with. (I brought up custom-ordering because I don't require that but my sub may wish to have his name or pet name engraved upon it, and he can cover the cost. Haven't run into that situation yet, but obviously in such an event, the collar would not be reusable, which it shouldn't be anyway.) On principle, you are entitled to get your collar returned to you. In reality, you may as well just kiss it goodbye and chalk this up to a learning experience. [Edited to correct pronoun]

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:30:57 AM)
Believe it or not, I was on the s side. Yes I KNOW. live and learn. but.......................................ROAR. I will get over it but he certainly isn't entitled to it. It disgusts me to think of him using it on unsuspecting women. It might not be the case though, he might just need it for a memory. I will try to think the best.[sm=cute.gif]

littleladybug -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:43:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31 Believe it or not, I was on the s side. Yes I KNOW. live and learn. but.......................................ROAR. I completely understand. And, I do believe you were on the "s side"...it's just the way I read your post. And, perhaps, to go to FO's point, there was a reason why I read it that way. IMO, there are certain underlying expectations regarding this issue. Not intending at all to rub salt in your wound, but there is something very "off" to me about an "M" type not only insisting that the s type gets their own collar, but also to keep it in their possession. I suppose I can imagine times when it would be kept in the M's possession, but the entire thing just reeks to me of you being used. Been there, done that, have a couple of t-shirts. LOL That's why I said "live and learn". It's not just a throwaway. It's a way to move on from hurt like this. Chances are, you are not going to get the collar back, no matter what you do, and any further contact with him will give him power over you. The only thing you can change is the way you move forward from this. Kick yourself in the butt a couple of times, and move forward. Until such time as he starts paying rent to be in the thoughts in your head, don't let him in there freely.

ChrchofDrk -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:44:07 AM)
quote: It might not be the case though, he might just need it for a memory. I will try to think the best. Naw. He's using it on other s types *chuckles

sexyred1 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:50:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31 Believe it or not, I was on the s side. Yes I KNOW. live and learn. but.......................................ROAR. I will get over it but he certainly isn't entitled to it. It disgusts me to think of him using it on unsuspecting women. It might not be the case though, he might just need it for a memory. I will try to think the best.[sm=cute.gif] I doubt people would be "unsuspecting". I would never let anyone use anything on me that was not brand new. I have my own stuff, I would ask for it back, but don't dwell on it.

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:54:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal quote: ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31 I do deserve it back in my mind. I paid for it. It was meant for me. It was not a gift to him. I have asked for it back. ....I really have no idea if it is being used on someone else. Good riddance to your former 4sshat Master. First rule of thumb. Anything any man wants you to acquire, regardless of whether it benefits the both of you, he should foot the bill for (and put his money where his mouth, the true test of a man's honorable intent). You were doing your ex-Master a favor by procuring the collar yourself. He should have provided you with the means to do so. That was his responsibility. Unless there is some special custom-ordering involved, I always make sure I have a new collar ready for my sub. I have never made my sub obtain his own collar and would not have dreamt of doing so. Part of the psychology of being collared is for the s-type to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this collar is "on loan" and should his or her actions warrant it, s/he can get uncollared. The collar rightfully belongs to the Master or Mistress, not to their sub, because it should have procured by the Dominant party to begin with. (I brought up custom-ordering because I don't require that but my sub may wish to have his name or pet name engraved upon it, and he can cover the cost. Haven't run into that situation yet, but obviously in such an event, the collar would not be reusable, which it shouldn't be anyway.) On principle, you are entitled to get your collar returned to you. In reality, you may as well just kiss it goodbye and chalk this up to a learning experience. [Edited to correct pronoun] Makes A lot of sense. Thank you. Principle? There was none. LOL. You read me?

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 9:58:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleladybug quote: ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31 Believe it or not, I was on the s side. Yes I KNOW. live and learn. but.......................................ROAR. I completely understand. And, I do believe you were on the "s side"...it's just the way I read your post. And, perhaps, to go to FO's point, there was a reason why I read it that way. IMO, there are certain underlying expectations regarding this issue. Not intending at all to rub salt in your wound, but there is something very "off" to me about an "M" type not only insisting that the s type gets their own collar, but also to keep it in their possession. I suppose I can imagine times when it would be kept in the M's possession, but the entire thing just reeks to me of you being used. Been there, done that, have a couple of t-shirts. LOL That's why I said "live and learn". It's not just a throwaway. It's a way to move on from hurt like this. Chances are, you are not going to get the collar back, no matter what you do, and any further contact with him will give him power over you. The only thing you can change is the way you move forward from this. Kick yourself in the butt a couple of times, and move forward. Until such time as he starts paying rent to be in the thoughts in your head, don't let him in there freely. Thank you for your concern about not adding salt. Thankfully I am over that part, no wound anymore. YAY!

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 10:00:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk quote: It might not be the case though, he might just need it for a memory. I will try to think the best. Naw. He's using it on other s types *chuckles Kicking you in the butt!!!!!!!!!!!![:D] Have you checked your collar lately?[sm=rofl.gif][sm=skiprope.gif]

ChrchofDrk -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 10:08:40 AM)
quote: Kicking you in the butt!!!!!!!!!!!! you're such a tease

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 10:15:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk quote: Kicking you in the butt!!!!!!!!!!!! you're such a tease WHATEVER! Hmmm.[sm=meh.gif] You think that's why I cant get my collar back? [sm=jaw.gif]

ChrchofDrk -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 10:34:02 AM)
No. I think you can't get your collar back because he has no intention of giving it back to you. Why? I really have no idea. I don't know the guy. I wouldn't give it back to you simply because I'm just that kinda asshole. But that's me. Dunno about him

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Demandiing a collar back (10/24/2014 10:44:55 AM)
HUGE ASSHOLE. I will never see it. Frankly after some of the comments, why would I want it??????? I was not a walk in the park either so I will chalk it up as petty. I may have been a butthead a few times. May it bring great happiness to the numerous who have had the honor of wearing MY STUFF.[sm=welcome.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

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