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new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 3:43:52 PM

here5487

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/11/2014
Status: offline

I'm new to the lifestyle and would love a real 24/7 slave but I'm not completely ignorant. Some experienced doms told me too all here for advice, do's and don'ts.

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 3:55:36 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hey there,

I'll start with some stuff that will likely seem obvious to you, but it' worth covering off some of the basics. Essentially, with or without a d/s or m/s dynamic you're looking for a relationship with someone. So the standard rules apply...

If you're looking for 24/7 then you need to be sure that you recognise and accept what this means.

Don't expect someone to instantly submit and crave a 24/7 thing - Frankly if someone does instantly submit and crave 24/7 then you might want to ask yourself how ready they are

I'd suggest beefing your profile up a little - What traits are you looking for in a sub/slave? What traits do you have that they ought to know?

For example, will your slave be allowed to work / pursue a career? If not, then are you able to support a slave, and how would you do so?

Be realistic in your expectations, while there may be many 23 year old 5 foot 3 hotties on the other side, a fair number of them a fakes.

I'd also make it clear, just to avoid any possible confusion, that your apparent worshipping of a can of "Bud Light" is intended ironically, and that you don't actually regard "Bud Light" as beer.

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 3:58:57 PM

here5487

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/11/2014
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Haha. Bud light is for hydration and thank you for the advice.

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 4:03:41 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

I trusted that that would be the case.

When I was your age, we would refuse entry to parties to people who thought they could come with Bud Light and then drink the real beer ;-)

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 4:04:00 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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Bud anything isn't fit for drinking!!
Cleaning the sink maybe; but I wouldn't drink that shit.

Joking aside, crazy is a good egg and gave some good basic advice to mull over.

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“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 5:35:33 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's a relationship. You don't start as TPE, you grow into it as you prove yourself trustworthy with more and more authority.
Personally a picture that shows a guy drinking doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy about him meriting authority. If you're habitually over indulging, then you're a slave to alcohol and not suitable to master a pet rock.

So what makes you do wonderful that she should trust you with her paycheck?

And if she's working all day, then you insisting she add three hours of housework to it while you sit on your ass watching tv and drinking isn't going to fill her with desire to have sex with you. You can't tease someone who finds you a turn off.

Your responsibility will include her well being. Your profile doesn't seem to show that you understand that.

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 6:23:37 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I'm a sub in your age group.

what crazyml said is really good.
I would add to your profile- I want to know what you like in and outside of BDSM. I think that your "Lives for's" are good, I like that you implied you wanted to cook- perhaps elaborate on that. I'd also say get into your local scene if there is one.

Go slow at your own pace, and at her pace. Think about what you expect in a 24/7 relationship. I'm not 24/7 because I like control outside the bedroom, I'm not slave oriented, and I don't get much out of cleaning up after him, personally- some folks live for that though. I think its important to figure out what you want, like and expect- then find a lady who has those same needs.

Good luck and hang around- there's all sorts of advice on this board.

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 7:00:15 PM

domasourous1

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/1/2014
Status: offline

your submissive will never have her submissiveness' taken or pulled from her ....she needs to look up to you , she needs to trust you enough to let her real , and submissive side come through ........as a dom you don't demand your women soul ......... you allow her to submit to you as she will only, if she's totally ready for that level of commitment. loving you submitting to you comes with the price of total commitment on your part as her owner .
as her owner you will cherish and love her ,,,,,,,,,and only her unless she's ok with a poly situation. most wont .
they want to be owned , loved beyond GF / BF type Friday night date / fuck / dinner type relationship .
Top own a women is to have all the issues and concerns that come with it ,,,,,,,,,,its just like owning a car versus renting ,,,,,,,,,,ok bad analogy but you get what I mean .
there is as much work on the dom's side as there is on a subs side . learn after care of a sub ,,,,after you have a session or scene as some call it .
you will never keep a sub ,,,if she's not getting what she needs out of the relationship .......this is not all about YOU ,,,

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RE: new dom. need advice - 10/26/2014 10:22:39 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domasourous1

your submissive will never have her submissiveness' taken or pulled from her ....she needs to look up to you , she needs to trust you enough to let her real , and submissive side come through ........as a dom you don't demand your women soul ......... you allow her to submit to you as she will only, if she's totally ready for that level of commitment. loving you submitting to you comes with the price of total commitment on your part as her owner .
as her owner you will cherish and love her ,,,,,,,,,and only her unless she's ok with a poly situation. most wont .
they want to be owned , loved beyond GF / BF type Friday night date / fuck / dinner type relationship .
Top own a women is to have all the issues and concerns that come with it ,,,,,,,,,,its just like owning a car versus renting ,,,,,,,,,,ok bad analogy but you get what I mean .
there is as much work on the dom's side as there is on a subs side . learn after care of a sub ,,,,after you have a session or scene as some call it .
you will never keep a sub ,,,if she's not getting what she needs out of the relationship .......this is not all about YOU ,,,

Um. If she gets what she wants and he doesn't, that's no better than him and not her getting what they need.

The basic thing is to make darn sure you two are compatible, especially vanilla-wise. Take your time.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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