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RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/28/2014 10:43:36 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I'm actually in agreement with Luxey. No one says you have to do anything intimate with someone at first meeting. But in my opinion, what is the point of developing some online form of attachment to someone you may find you cannot stand to be around in person? People can pretend to be whomever they want to be online. Dudes can be chicks online. Clueless twits can become über dominants online. Catfishing is alive and well. I learn more about a person by sitting down to coffee or maybe even lunch with them than I do from online interaction.

(in reply to luxey2511)

Post #: 21

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/28/2014 2:18:38 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~
People can pretend to be whomever they want to be online. Dudes can be chicks online.

Agreed, I too think though the "send me 50 pics of your dick" part is disturbing. I usually am playfully flirtatious if someone strikes my interest. The interest usually persists or wanes. I think longevity on a site is no testament to experience. Some like FieryOpal have been married to their sub and have years worth of real life relationship experience under their belt so I think despite your longevity taking the advice will help. Be extremely happy when someone wants to connect OFFLINE but don't send too many pics or videos of yourself to someone who might use them on a webcam site and pose as you.
Edited to add; your experience is definitely not typical.
I try to put as little of myself online because women especially are vulnerable to imposters.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 10/28/2014 2:20:41 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 22

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/28/2014 2:30:47 PM

ItalianStallion

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

Because real subs have to be very careful. There is a plethora of fake dommes that want to use their position to exploit us in a bad way.

(in reply to luxey2511)

Post #: 23

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/28/2014 2:46:00 PM

luxey2511

Posts: 33
Joined: 10/17/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

Because real subs have to be very careful. There is a plethora of fake dommes that want to use their position to exploit us in a bad way.

how can someone exploit you while having a cup of coffee in a public place?

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 24

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/29/2014 12:03:48 AM

missalphasubtoy

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/18/2014
Status: offline

I prefer meeting soon because I have been in the position of extensive emailing/talking that meant absolutely nothing once we met. Only in person can you tell if there is a modicum of compatibility and/or chemistry. I have met so many people in the space of three months but haven't clicked enough with anyone to want to pursue anything intimate further. I don't do "casual". Meeting someone doesn't mean anything. Only after you have met someone can we make any assessments and begin to feel if there is a potential for anything to go further than a drink or a cup of coffee.

(in reply to luxey2511)

Post #: 25

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/29/2014 7:08:37 AM

MzArianaPA

Posts: 39
Joined: 11/24/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

Because real subs have to be very careful. There is a plethora of fake dommes that want to use their position to exploit us in a bad way.

Do you REALLY think you can get to know someone online? Wouldn't you be far better off meeting them in person after a reasonably short period of time to continue to get to know them?

Meet for coffee, go out to dinner, hang out at the zoo for an afternoon, go on a hike. Talk. See how each other lives. Head out to a munch together.

It's just dating, nothing more, nothing less. You have nothing to fear from dating as long as you are a balanced, reasonable person. Being submissive doesn't make you suddenly more vulnerable and less able to exhibit good judgement than a "non sub" male.

I prefer to meet fairly quickly if I'm interested in someone - not so I can rush the relationship along, but because the ability to get to know someone online is limited at best. You can exchange some basic info and if that seems to mesh, meet so you can see if you <gasp> actually like the person, in addition to finding out if they are who they say they are. "Getting to know you" works so much better face to face than it does across a screen....and no, it doesn't involve play.

In all honesty, in my experience....I've heard this kind of line of thinking from so many men online. They are not ready to move forward with all of this real time. I've talked to so many of that kind of "sub" online - they love the idea of it, but they will probably never turn off their computer and meet someone. Too many "it's all too fasts" and "what if....." running through their heads that kills any chance of them actually meeting someone and developing a real time relationship.

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 26

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/29/2014 8:19:18 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzArianaPA

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

Because real subs have to be very careful. There is a plethora of fake dommes that want to use their position to exploit us in a bad way.

Do you REALLY think you can get to know someone online? Wouldn't you be far better off meeting them in person after a reasonably short period of time to continue to get to know them?

Meet for coffee, go out to dinner, hang out at the zoo for an afternoon, go on a hike. Talk. See how each other lives. Head out to a munch together.

It's just dating, nothing more, nothing less. You have nothing to fear from dating as long as you are a balanced, reasonable person. Being submissive doesn't make you suddenly more vulnerable and less able to exhibit good judgement than a "non sub" male.

I prefer to meet fairly quickly if I'm interested in someone - not so I can rush the relationship along, but because the ability to get to know someone online is limited at best. You can exchange some basic info and if that seems to mesh, meet so you can see if you <gasp> actually like the person, in addition to finding out if they are who they say they are. "Getting to know you" works so much better face to face than it does across a screen....and no, it doesn't involve play.

In all honesty, in my experience....I've heard this kind of line of thinking from so many men online. They are not ready to move forward with all of this real time. I've talked to so many of that kind of "sub" online - they love the idea of it, but they will probably never turn off their computer and meet someone. Too many "it's all too fasts" and "what if....." running through their heads that kills any chance of them actually meeting someone and developing a real time relationship.

MzArianaPA. I find a lot of this line of thought is unfortunately promoted and reciprocated on some of the threads on this side as well. Not those *gasp* "fakedommes" taking advantage of subs OFFLINE! She might FORCE ME to submit to her without my explicit consent, this kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME! Because offline is where they do it, not online at all! Right...if you expect to stay behind your computer for the rest of your life, you should expect to be exploited, to run into catfish, to never find what you are seeking. HELLO! You are the one inhibiting yourself from finding someone with self sabotage from the starting gate with that line of thinking. But honestly I feel none of these subs want to take it offline. They just want to self victimize, whine and lament online and get sympathy while wanting their fantasies catered to virtually for free.
Not necessarily OP, but who knows, if the shoe fits.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MzArianaPA)

Post #: 27

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/29/2014 2:12:34 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

[Brackets mine] There OP, fixed it for ya.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzArianaPA

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

Because real subs [who want to get locked into chastity cages] have to be very careful [in finding a total stranger to take an interest in the condition that we want them to keep our dicks in, out of the goodness of her heart and because she has nothing better to do with her time than to find entertainment value in controlling and monitoring random men's genitalia]. There is a plethora of fake dom[m]es that want to use their position to exploit us in a bad way [because none of them want to cater to us as FREE fetish & kink delivery systems--egads, the nerve of these heartless Dominant women].

Do you REALLY think you can get to know someone online? Wouldn't you be far better off meeting them in person after a reasonably short period of time to continue to get to know them?

Meet for coffee, go out to dinner, hang out at the zoo for an afternoon, go on a hike. Talk. See how each other lives. Head out to a munch together.

It's just dating, nothing more, nothing less. You have nothing to fear from dating as long as you are a balanced, reasonable person. Being submissive doesn't make you suddenly more vulnerable and less able to exhibit good judgement than a "non sub" male.

I prefer to meet fairly quickly if I'm interested in someone - not so I can rush the relationship along, but because the ability to get to know someone online is limited at best. You can exchange some basic info and if that seems to mesh, meet so you can see if you <gasp> actually like the person, in addition to finding out if they are who they say they are. "Getting to know you" works so much better face to face than it does across a screen....and no, it doesn't involve play.

In all honesty, in my experience....I've heard this kind of line of thinking from so many men online. They are not ready to move forward with all of this real time. I've talked to so many of that kind of "sub" online - they love the idea of it, but they will probably never turn off their computer and meet someone. Too many "it's all too fasts" and "what if....." running through their heads that kills any chance of them actually meeting someone and developing a real time relationship.

<snip>
Right...if you expect to stay behind your computer for the rest of your life, you should expect to be exploited, to run into catfish, to never find what you are seeking.... But honestly I feel none of these subs want to take it offline. They just want to self victimize, whine and lament online and get sympathy while wanting their fantasies catered to virtually for free.

People have different dating styles, and for some, it is imperative to meet within a short period of time. I completely understand that; after all, what's the point if there is no in-person chemistry and rapport?

But in all fairness, I've never had a man stand me up or chicken out at the last minute, whether vanilla or sub, whenever I was dating. I wouldn't be too happy about that, not one bit. This may be in part because I so rarely agree to meet with anybody new! If I did, I'm sure I'd have run into a few flakes by now. (They've usually eliminated themselves from the running before we ever reach the meeting stage

, which has been as soon as 2 weeks, but averages locally about a month, up to 2-3 months if not local to me.)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 28

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/29/2014 2:23:18 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

People have different dating styles, and for some, it is imperative to meet within a short period of time. I completely understand that; after all, what's the point if there is no in-person chemistry and rapport?

But in all fairness, I've never had a man stand me up or chicken out at the last minute, whether vanilla or sub, whenever I was dating. I wouldn't be too happy about that, not one bit. This may be in part because I so rarely agree to meet with anybody new! If I did, I'm sure I'd have run into a few flakes by now. (They've usually eliminated themselves from the running before we ever reach the meeting stage , which has been as soon as 2 weeks, but averages locally about a month, up to 2-3 months if not local to me.)

Fiery, the flakes won't meet...ever. So the ones you eliminated WERE the flakes,. And the only fellow who chickened out to meet at the last minute on my end had a 4 year old. Regardless, he flaked. You probably have not dealt with this but the younger sub men tend to hide behind their kids primarily. It's always "Oh, but what will little Bobby think?" When little Bobby most assured does not CARE who you date. I eliminate flakes for not wanting to meet, regardless of reason if it happens twice in a row. I'm not here to make penpals.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 29

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/29/2014 7:12:32 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

I've seen this time and again... With all due respect... I want to get to know you first, and I want you to know what I have to offer before I lock my dick up in a chastity belt for you. Is that too much to ask?

I tell these chics the same thing Stallion; "I am not some kind of sexual conquest!!!!! I am not just meat for your carnivore activities!!! PLEASE!!! I DO have a brain!@!!"

That usually gets them to reconsider their perspective and approach me in a vastly more appropriate fashion.

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 30

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/29/2014 7:35:02 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Fiery, the flakes won't meet...ever. So the ones you eliminated WERE the flakes,. And the only fellow who chickened out to meet at the last minute on my end had a 4 year old. Regardless, he flaked. You probably have not dealt with this but the younger sub men tend to hide behind their kids primarily. It's always "Oh, but what will little Bobby think?" When little Bobby most assured does not CARE who you date.

And this isn't restricted to sub men or BDSM. It's one of many reasons why I'm uninterested in dating single parents.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 31

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/30/2014 4:52:04 PM

YouName

Posts: 271
Joined: 10/22/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Wow.

Usually guys are complaining because no one wants to meet.

I'm having a harder time getting dudes to reply for a casual chat or just a comment on their profile.
Which makes me understand why some ladies aren't up for anything except long essays.

If you think about it, it makes crystal clear sense.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 32

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 10/31/2014 5:38:59 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

All great points. What inspired my OP was an incident on Fetlife a few months back. A very aggressive Domme initiated contact, demanded about 20 photos from every angle, and wanted to meet all within the span of an hour of talking. That's simply moving too quickly for me. I prefer to build friendships online and then go from there. And yes, I have had demands to bring my chastity device to a meeting that sometimes occurs within a week of initial contact. Perhaps a merely got a few bad apples. *shrugs*.

Understand I've no interest in men. I already have one and one of those is more than enough.

The part I bolded, and some of the rest of your writing leads me to believe it is you and this causing your problems. You're going after profiles that are most likely questionable in their..........relationship sincerity.

That all being said............If an s-type contacts me online and cannot go beyond internet contact rather quickly I don't take them seriously AT ALL. My opinion tends to be this. you wanna spend months writing literary blah blah blah online, that's probably ALL you want. I am going to get bored with you damned fast. You wanna get beyond that and 'get real' in a reasonable time frame I decide, I believe you are looking for a sincere, face to face and beyond...type relationship.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 33

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 11/14/2014 8:47:31 AM

MistressLeSang

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/30/2014
Status: offline

I totally agree with a few wise Ladies and gentlemen here that we all have unique style of dating. I personally prefer to meet subs who captured My attention within 2-3 weeks after initial contact provided that I feel there is a potential for relationship or friendship. Personal chemistry is very important. Of course it is easier and quicker to meet local subs but I travel a lot and open to the idea of meeting someone who visits Perth in Australia or meet someone during my overseas travels. To Me the most important things is the personality of my potential sub not the geographical location. I have recently met a very interesting sub who came to Australia specially to meet Me after a month of online, phone and Skype chatting.
In My opinion , it is better to meet within 2-4 weeks of interaction to explore possibilities and find your special sub.
Mistress LeSang

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 34

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 11/14/2014 1:47:08 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

I've seen this time and again... With all due respect... I want to get to know you first, and I want you to know what I have to offer before I lock my dick up in a chastity belt for you. Is that too much to ask?

Well, you're just such a giver.

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 35

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 11/17/2014 11:15:19 PM

SweetlySadistic1

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/25/2014
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

I like to meet a sub fairly soon after the first few letters because I will not do online. If I think someone is just stringing me along w/ no intention of ever moving to real-time, then I have no interest in him. I want a dynamic with a real person, not some online impersonation that might not be at all who he really is. And I don't need or want to be involved with some silly fool who just wants to string me along on the webs and play cat-and-mouse with my emotions. Better to either meet him right away or extricate myself from the situation entirely.

SweetlySadistic1

_____________________________

On CM since December 2008. I have a new username now.

Formerly NiceButMeanGirl.

MissBossyPants57 on FL

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 36

RE: Why are many mistresses in such an aggressive hurry... - 11/22/2014 6:05:34 PM

MISTRESSR49

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/1/2011
From: UPSTATE NY
Status: offline

for the most part- I like to meet face to face at a meeting at a local diner.. or restaurant.. as for why you think that Mistresses are aggressive regarding this.. so many men on here are players.. I like to see who I am talking to face to face to assess the situation for what it is..
kind of like conducting a job interview.. it gives both parties a chance to ask questions.. and collectively know if the chemistry is right between them....

I have found that talking face to face alleviates the innate wonderings if they are a man trying to dress as a female.. or someone not really being their age...

it helps to break the ice from behind the computer... to know that who you are considering is real... and not just someone pretending to be who they aren't..

a huge part of MY success with subs and slaves is derived by this method ... I make more contacts this way.. what you see is what you get.. no phony here...

it also sets the person 's mind at ease seeing who they are talking to on the internet as well...

takes out the guesswork..

hope this gives you the insight you are looking for ....

MS RACHELLE

_____________________________

I am a Mistress who wears many hats.. I am open minded and strict.. I don't require relocation from everyone.. just the ones who are seriously looking for a commitment.. as for the others.. I am spontaneous and can be reached at almost any given time..

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 37

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