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FieryOpal -> RE: Messaging (10/27/2014 8:53:00 PM)
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We're on a sex site, but one of the first mistakes that men make is to assume that they can start off talking about sex, as if we are not strangers. Your advantage, from what I can see of your profile, is that you come across as a *normal* (read as "safe") guy, you're not hiding your picture, and if I were about 20 years younger, I might go for you myself. [;)]
Seriously though, just act as if this were a regular vanilla dating site and you want to impress a lady. Strike that. Don't act like many of them do on those sites who come across like horndogs looking for a quick NSA hook-up. Be a gentleman, courteous and conversational, the sort of man a woman would be proud to introduce to her family and friends. The same as out in the vanilla world.
1. Read profiles thoroughly first. My mantra is READ A PROFILE. Read JEs (journal entries).
2. See whether you realistically fit what the Domme is seeking and whether that matches what you're looking for.
If you don't fit more than 2-3 items specified, don't expect a response. If you're within a couple years on either side of an age range, I'd say go for it. Women list these for a reason, and it really is none of your business why your age isn't acceptable to her.
Location might be problematic. I'm always suspicious of anybody who can relocate at the drop of a hat. This tells me (unless otherwise stated) that the person doesn't have job security or an established career and/or doesn't have firm roots. (He might be a flake or disingenuous.)
If you are not local, use your judgment there whether you could visit her for your first meeting within 2-3 months, and then if things get off the ground, whether you could see her regularly once a month. Don't make promises you can't keep which will come back to haunt you.
3. Look whether there is a key word or words which needs to be contained in your cold contact message. INCLUDE IT/THOSE or else expect that your message will get automatically deleted.
4. If her profile or user name contains an honorific, address her as such. Some Dommes get turned off by being addressed differently. When in doubt, Dear [User Name] should be fine.
5. Compliments are nice, but insincere compliments are not. Write a sentence or two which shows you are personalizing your message and make it stand out.
6. Try to keep your message no longer than 2-3 paragraphs. Whatever the Domme wants to know about you, she'll ask. Feel free to reveal as much about yourself as you normally would in person, but don't let your communications become one-sided. You have a right to know about potential deal breakers and to set limits for yourself.
Since you are a switch, you need to give yourself a Top/bottom ratio. If you are unsure, then say you are a sub with a few switch tendencies; otherwise, most Dommes won't want to consider you. If you feel that you could be a bedroom submissive, but want a more egalitarian relationship outside of the bedroom, then be honest and upfront about that. (This means you are not a lifestyler who wants to get collared and does TPE 24/7. If you do seek to be owned by a Mistress, then indicate so, but it's not necessary to go into this in your first message.) However, don't be disappointed if a Domme specifies she wants a slave and then doesn't respond to being contacted by a switch.
Once you have started exchanging messages with a Domme, keep in mind that you might be expected to "prove" your subbliness. Until you are in a D/s dynamic with a Domme, you are both of equal stature. When in doubt, do as an attentive gentleman suitor would do, and you can't go wrong there. Let the lady set the pace, unless you're uncomfortable with it moving too quickly for you, then don't hesitate to communicate that without appearing as though you are losing interest.
Good luck, fella. I have a feeling you'll do just fine as long as you're patient and use your common sense. [:)]
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