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How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 7:41:45 AM   
GinaD


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/6/2014
Status: offline 		How common are girls who like to make boys squirm?

I'm trying to learn about and get involved in this community now. For such a long time, I was in this sort of limbo where I was vaguely aware of my submissiveness, but trying to hold it back as a point of personal pride. My reaction against sexism was to believe that both genders should act traditionally male and dominant, so I felt ashamed of being a sub. This was made especially worse by porno I was always finding that made things like harsh verbal abuse, and cbt seem like mandatory parts of the package. I don't want anything like that. What I do want, though, is for a confident an assertive woman to make me her toy, and revel in all the overwhelming feelings she can give me. I don't know exactly what my limits are yet, but I have an interest in spanking, heavy bondage, and some forms of enforced role play like pet play. Also, maybe some presentation-modeling if I can pull it off.

I thought accepting my submissiveness would be the hardest part, but now I'm worried it's only the begging. Apparently, dommes are rare, but then again, so are male subs, at least relative to the reverse. The question is precisely how skewed is the ratio. But, between the pros, and the vanilla girls who are willing to domme their boyfriends in exchange for chores and footrubs but don't derive much pleasure from the domming itself, does the type of girl to reciprocate my interests even exist? The kind who likes actively playing with subby-boys instead of just getting favors from them? I don't really know what the community is like near my home. I've been far too busy to get involved (I hope that changes soon). I'm probably being paranoid here, I do have that tendancy, but I have heard a lot of pessimistic rumors, especially on collarchat, about how domme girls for sustained relationships are impossible to find. Especially the heavy-session-and-role play kind that I'm interested in. I've even heard that there is no such thing, though that is almost certainly hyperbole. Sometimes I feel blessed to have this fetish because it lets me turn my sex drive into a creative outlet, instead of just a constant drive to do the same thing over and over again. More often recently, though, I feel cursed because I feel like I just live in a world where nobody could appreciate and reciprocate my desires as something beautiful and precious. Apparently, relative to demand, guys like me are common as cockroaches. I mean, I have other things I believe make me worthwhile as a person. I've been told I'm real good at carrying on intelligent conversation, for example, but It would just really suck if this fetish was always getting in the way of relationships instead of enhancing them.

I mean overall, none of my friends are kinky, or if they are, they are fiercely guarding it from me. I've tried implying the truth about myself to see how they react. They are generally accepting on a philosophical level but still personally skeeved out. Sometimes I feel so Isolated by this set of needs, and I'm afraid that it will last forever.

< Message edited by GinaD -- 10/29/2014 7:43:06 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 8:04:46 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GinaD

How common are girls who like to make boys squirm?

I'm trying to learn about and get involved in this community now. For such a long time, I was in this sort of limbo where I was vaguely aware of my submissiveness, but trying to hold it back as a point of personal pride. My reaction against sexism was to believe that both genders should act traditionally male and dominant, so I felt ashamed of being a sub. This was made especially worse by porno I was always finding that made things like harsh verbal abuse, and cbt seem like mandatory parts of the package. I don't want anything like that. What I do want, though, is for a confident an assertive woman to make me her toy, and revel in all the overwhelming feelings she can give me. I don't know exactly what my limits are yet, but I have an interest in spanking, heavy bondage, and some forms of enforced role play like pet play. Also, maybe some presentation-modeling if I can pull it off.

I thought accepting my submissiveness would be the hardest part, but now I'm worried it's only the begging. Apparently, dommes are rare, but then again, so are male subs, at least relative to the reverse. The question is precisely how skewed is the ratio. But, between the pros, and the vanilla girls who are willing to domme their boyfriends in exchange for chores and footrubs but don't derive much pleasure from the domming itself, does the type of girl to reciprocate my interests even exist? The kind who likes actively playing with subby-boys instead of just getting favors from them? I don't really know what the community is like near my home. I've been far too busy to get involved (I hope that changes soon). I'm probably being paranoid here, I do have that tendancy, but I have heard a lot of pessimistic rumors, especially on collarchat, about how domme girls for sustained relationships are impossible to find. Especially the heavy-session-and-role play kind that I'm interested in. I've even heard that there is no such thing, though that is almost certainly hyperbole. Sometimes I feel blessed to have this fetish because it lets me turn my sex drive into a creative outlet, instead of just a constant drive to do the same thing over and over again. More often recently, though, I feel cursed because I feel like I just live in a world where nobody could appreciate and reciprocate my desires as something beautiful and precious. Apparently, relative to demand, guys like me are common as cockroaches. I mean, I have other things I believe make me worthwhile as a person. I've been told I'm real good at carrying on intelligent conversation, for example, but It would just really suck if this fetish was always getting in the way of relationships instead of enhancing them.

I mean overall, none of my friends are kinky, or if they are, they are fiercely guarding it from me. I've tried implying the truth about myself to see how they react. They are generally accepting on a philosophical level but still personally skeeved out. Sometimes I feel so Isolated by this set of needs, and I'm afraid that it will last forever.


You don't have to out yourself to your friends. To my friends I am sweet, shy and goofy. Generally easy to get along with and not at all sensual or alluring when in their company. When I am feeling frisky is when the other side of me emerges. And yes, I like making my boy squirm, my s went to work the other day knowing that.
I think the problem you face and as lot of subs, looking at your OP, all I see is "me, me, me". This is not something a D wants to hear. Don't get me wrong, I know where you're coming from but thinking lifestyle Dommes are leather or rubber clad 24/7 bitches who never smile, laugh or have a sense of humor= you're doing it wrong. Fetish models and porn stars are as much a representation of lifestyle Dommes as porn is a typical representation of the average woman.
I think you might be getting restless due to sub frenzy. In your case I would say get to a local munch at findamunch.com and mingle with the locals and at least deal with experienced lifestylers.
If you expect a leather clad Barbarella who moves seamlessly through her recited script she's done 100 times before then go to a Pro.
"Heavy session and role play" is a pro term, not a relationship term. You should try to get to a local munch if you feel isolated so at least you have a group of receptive kinky friends. And you can have that support system while keeping your vanilla friends out of the loop.
You joined less than a month ago, it took me almost a year before I could find anyone I could see myself marrying.
Patience is important and stop listening to the "you are common" nonsense. you are you.
quote:

does the type of girl to reciprocate my interests even exist? The kind who likes actively playing with subby-boys instead of just getting favors from them?

This is suggestive and RUDE to a woman like me, as an FYI. We share our time with our subs, no matter the task. And my boy has yet to do me any "favors" apart from spending time with me, conversation and allowing him to squirm while at work.
Set yourself apart, become proactive in your search and remain optimistic.
Good luck.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to GinaD)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 8:16:25 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I've known more than a few "Dommes" who like to make guys squirm. To the vanilla world, they are as "sweet" as anyone could think. Never judge a book by it's cover, I've learned that, lol.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 10/29/2014 8:32:12 AM >

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 8:35:53 AM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline 		I'm going to be brutally honest here. If you've developed your kinks from watching FemDom porn and are looking to find a "Mistress" who'll treat you the way you see in those videos, then what you're looking for probably doesn't exist. Far too many sub males tend to forget that porn is not a representation of real life relationships and expecting to find a dominant woman who's like the paid actresses you see in porn just isn't realistic. Why? Because if women were like that in reality then you wouldn't have to pay women to act like they're sadistic, cruel men, but with tits...they'd be out there doing it all on their own. This in no way means that there aren't real dominant women out in the world, the thing is they tend to do things the way they want rather than living up to the expectations sub males have of dominant women from porn. When you are talking to a dominant woman, absolutely make sure that you're compatible when it comes to interests, limits and how you want to spend the 90% of your life that happens outside the bedroom, but other than that try to limit your expectations about how FemDom-y she's going to be because unless you're paying her she's not obligated to live up to that FemDom stereotype in any way she doesn't want to.

(in reply to Charles6682)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 8:40:06 AM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Under the Veil of Secrecy, therein lies a picture of beauty. Women, not girls, with a penchant for your kink do exist. They have existed in abundance for longer than your limited perception allows. Women have supported the male figure in the things of uncertain desire and have kept our dirty little SECRETS of wanting to worship them instead. The closed door policy of confessing this desire is obscured by the patriarchal culture. Some males and females wish to keep your awakened interests suppressed from the facade of cultural traditions: put the man as the head.

I believe that women have led the relationship (maybe in secret for a longer time then was popular to reveal). Well that's neither here nor there or up for debate. It's just the way I think. Now that you have some background lets see if we can address your question. My short answer is that they do exist and have for a very long time. In their generosity our secret was kept sacred for protection. Just open your eyes Neo, they are all around you: at work; at the library: on the street; on the plane, etc.

What needs to be put in check is your ritualistic cravings on your feelings and urges so these women can see you! There is nothing passive nor appealing to such women of nobility in your words "I want....I want.". You cant be taken serious that way. We want to get you in a space of "Madame what do you want? Rather than Where are they at and do they exist? LOL. Change your mindset and change your life. Be careful what you want though. The kink will come...be patience. First you must submit and challenge your current paradigm.

In other words, it's a thought first and being thoughtful. Question your thinking and motives. They will notice you exist too. LOL.

(in reply to GinaD)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 8:53:08 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline



quote:

ORIGINAL: GinaD
More often recently, though, I feel cursed because I feel like I just live in a world where nobody could appreciate and reciprocate my desires as something beautiful and precious.


My first suggestion is to get out of this mindset as soon as you can.

The simple fact of the matter is that, no matter how "alone" you feel in your feelings and desires, you are *not* alone. You may feel different from those in your close circle...and I think that's a relatively common thing. However, the more you get out and about, and speak to people, the more you will realize that what people will appreciate about you is your *whole package*.


quote:

ORIGINAL: GinaD
Apparently, relative to demand, guys like me are common as cockroaches.


If you mean guys that are so fixated on their fetishes that "other things" like being able to carry on intelligent conversation are mentioned as an afterthought, you are correct.

However, if you change your packaging a bit, it sounds to me like you will have far better luck.

I'm not a Domme....I don't even play one on the internet...but I will tell you something that I think transcends all "labels" in this world of ours. Two things actually. First is: most people don't like whiners. I can't tell you how many Doms I've spoken with who can't stop saying that the "world doesn't understand them". Ok, great...go whine to someone else, I don't need this crap. Second is: we are here on this site because we *are* kinky. So, yeah, that part of the "initial getting to know you" stage is already taken care of. Whether the kinks match up is certainly a conversation to have...but why not take the opportunity to take a deep breath, realize you are in a place where, more likely than not, people will "get you", and focus on the vast number of other things that make for a good relationship?

Do you want to know how Doms have "set themselves apart" for me? Simple. By just being themselves. I don't want the "best Dom"....I want the best Dom *for me*. I met my last Dom in a chatroom. How did he set himself apart? By showing that he had a sense of humor. I came on one evening and asked him "how's it hanging?'. Without missing a beat, he replied, "to the left sweetie, always to the left". He had me at that, because it showed me that he didn't take himself too seriously.

You say that you can carry on intelligent conversation...show it. What other interests or strengths do you have? I guess my ultimate suggestion here is to *be real*. Yes, you are "selling yourself", as is everyone who is looking for a relationship. You're not going to "win over" every Domme...not even close to it. But, you only need *one*, right? And, wouldn't it be fabulous if you found that one who meshed with you on more levels than just the kink? That's what makes for lasting relationships.




(in reply to GinaD)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 10:12:31 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Ok, I am a little confused here. Are you just trying out your submissiveness or are you just trying out topping your husband as you said here http://www.collarchat.com/m_4738832/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4738832

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to GinaD)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 10:18:59 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GinaD

For such a long time, I was in this sort of limbo where I was vaguely aware of my submissiveness, but trying to hold it back as a point of personal pride. My reaction against sexism was to believe that both genders should act traditionally male and dominant, so I felt ashamed of being a sub. This was made especially worse by porno I was always finding that made things like harsh verbal abuse, and cbt seem like mandatory parts of the package. I don't want anything like that. What I do want, though, is for a confident an assertive woman to make me her toy, and revel in all the overwhelming feelings she can give me. I don't know exactly what my limits are yet, but I have an interest in spanking, heavy bondage, and some forms of enforced role play like pet play.
<snip>

You have a hidden profile, but you have posted recently as a newbie Domme wife with a sub husband who wants a third-party male brought in while you *both* are scening: "He mentioned he would LOVE to have me invite someone over while he is shackled up, blindfolded, and gagged in the livingroom." http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4738832 ("Blossoming Domme")

So which half of the married couple are we addressing here?

P.S. Whoever you are, you have a screw loose if your 'reaction against sexism' is believing that men AND women need to act 'male and dominant,' and I am smelling gender-identity confusion here. Are you sure you're not a single male sissyCD troll who started a thread impersonating a newbie married couple the first day you signed up?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GinaD)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/29/2014 1:07:43 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Your post clearly identifies as male.

Are you a married man cheating on his wife, or a liar misrepresenting in his first post?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/30/2014 1:43:06 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Its been awhile since I started chatting here on Collarchat on a regular basis. I almost forgot about the troll's. Now I remember.

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 10/30/2014 6:30:49 PM   
MissKatya


Posts: 341
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

Are you sure you're not a single male sissyCD troll who started a thread impersonating a newbie married couple the first day you signed up?


I'm glad I'm not the only one who was thinking that. The OP's post reads like a man posing as a woman.

_____________________________

"The desire to inflict pain, that is all that is uppermost"-Albert Fish

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How common are girls who like to make boys squirm? - 11/17/2014 10:54:47 PM   
SweetlySadistic1


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/25/2014
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		GinaD,

When you say "does the type of girl to reciprocate my interests even exist? The kind who likes actively playing with subby-boys instead of just getting favors from them?" that sounds very offensive to my ears and I'm sure I'm not the only one. It actually sounds like you're assuming and already accusing all female Dominants of being insincere money-grubbers. VERY VERY offensive. I know I don't fall under that generalization at all, quite the opposite.

After reading your OP and the way it's laid out, it sounds like it's written by a man impersonating a woman but using a male do-me bottom's writing style and point of view. As far as the Dominant type of woman existing or not, yes, yes, we do. But we are in short supply compared to the men who are looking for us. We can afford to be choosy and won't pick just any do-me bottom from the multitudes, we want sincere submissives. And your OP reads just like a do-me bottom, not like a submissive. It's all about you you you and you're fetishes, how hard it is to find someone to be a fetish-delivery system and that's about the extent of it.

I went to check your profile but it can't be found. Do you have something to hide? If not, why is your profile hidden? Also, if you "don't really know what the community is like near my home. I've been far too busy to get involved (I hope that changes soon). I'm probably being paranoid here, I do have that tendancy, but I have heard a lot of pessimistic rumors, especially on collarchat, about how domme girls for sustained relationships are impossible to find," you really can't make an informed opinion on these things, now, can you. It's not nice to judge people without knowing them personally. One more thing, Dommes are women, not girls, and we don't like to be called "girls."

SweetlySadistic1


_____________________________

On CM since December 2008. I have a new username now.

Formerly NiceButMeanGirl.

MissBossyPants57 on FL

(in reply to MissKatya)
Profile   Post #: 12
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