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The Drop and Long Distance - 11/3/2014 1:27:10 PM

CherryPirate214

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/3/2014
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I am not new to bdsm. However, my Master and I have hit a small wall. We are currently in a long distance relationship. The issue doesn't happen when we're in person. However, when we have phone sex this issue has happened twice now. I have reached very intense sub space. I have an incredibly hard time with the drop. I cannot talk. I do moan and/or whine. He doesn't realize just how far gone I am. When I semi realize this I go into a scary place. I wind up feeling scared and alone. I cannot verbally tell him. He still talks to me. He still is calming and soothing and loving, but it's not enough. I thought I'd ask you lovely people. Any tips or advice on how to better handle this? The times it's happened it's right before bed. I start to fall asleep and then jolt awake to make sure he's still there. The next day I am still reeling in the drop as well. I'm extra clingy and needy. It scares him because he doesn't want me to be in any pain or a scary place, but it's such a hard drop because the sub space is deep and I'm full opened with him. I don't want us to stop. I'd love some advice on this. Thank you! :)

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RE: The Drop and Long Distance - 11/3/2014 1:50:50 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CherryPirate214

I am not new to bdsm. However, my Master and I have hit a small wall. We are currently in a long distance relationship. The issue doesn't happen when we're in person. However, when we have phone sex this issue has happened twice now. I have reached very intense sub space. I have an incredibly hard time with the drop. I cannot talk. I do moan and/or whine. He doesn't realize just how far gone I am. When I semi realize this I go into a scary place. I wind up feeling scared and alone. I cannot verbally tell him. He still talks to me. He still is calming and soothing and loving, but it's not enough. I thought I'd ask you lovely people. Any tips or advice on how to better handle this? The times it's happened it's right before bed. I start to fall asleep and then jolt awake to make sure he's still there. The next day I am still reeling in the drop as well. I'm extra clingy and needy. It scares him because he doesn't want me to be in any pain or a scary place, but it's such a hard drop because the sub space is deep and I'm full opened with him. I don't want us to stop. I'd love some advice on this. Thank you! :)

Then don't bother with our opinions, talk to him. He is the one who should understand what this does to you and how it affects you overall. This is your relationship and as a dominant, I would want to know if something negative was happening due to something I was doing with my submissive.

Communicate.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to CherryPirate214)

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RE: The Drop and Long Distance - 11/3/2014 1:53:48 PM

littleladybug

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Joined: 5/30/2013
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IMO, the best thing to do is to take responsibility for yourself in this situation.

You know that he's aware of this....and you don't want to stop...so the issue is to be able to take care of yourself when he is not there in person. What things *comfort* you? What things do you have in your life that might make the "drop" more tolerable?

The last thing that I would do is say anything that would make my Dom feel worse for "not being there". Watch movies, pet your dog, do crossword puzzles...anything to make *yourself* feel better. Apparently, you need something to substitute for him being there...so find it.

(in reply to CherryPirate214)

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RE: The Drop and Long Distance - 11/3/2014 1:59:11 PM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

Apparently, you need something to substitute for him being there...so find it.

This

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RE: The Drop and Long Distance - 11/3/2014 5:29:56 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

Lots of water and high protein food afterwards helps. However you may need to consider not doing activities via the phone that will lead to dropping if you just can't handle it or it's just too much for you. Please don't think Im criticizing you. It's from a place of concern that I speak because dropping is hard on some folks...myself included. My guy and I are long distance too. We just don't engage in any activities over the phone...only when we can physically be there for each other. There isn't anything wrong with you. Look out for yourself and your well-being. You know you best.

I too agree with the others. You need to talk openly and honestly with him about your feelings.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 11/3/2014 5:32:51 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

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