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FieryOpal -> RE: doms (11/7/2014 8:32:39 PM)
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Whenever I hear the word "punishment," I think of corporal punishment. Like DarkSteven pointed out, many couples do not have a punishment dynamic.
I prefer to think of it as discipline and correction. This is separate from "funishment," where both partners enjoy BDSM playtime together, btw.
When you need to discipline your sub, you must be consistent, unwavering and keep in mind what your end goal is, which is to help your sub do a reset and make self-improvements.
This means no ambiguity as to what the rules are that you have both mutually consented to. It also means that you do not ever violate your sub's Hard Limits (or off limits areas).
You do NOT mix funishment with "punishment." Never. Two entirely different types of interactions. If your sub enjoys getting spanked, then spankings are off the table for disciplinary purposes, because then you are sending mixed messages.
Very often, you will find that subs are self-correcting. If you have bonded closely, then she will seek your approval and strive to please you. A disapproving look or tone can be enough to devastate some subs.
I had a sub who was pain-averse and sensitive to criticism, and I believe it was partly due to both factors that he was self-motivated to want to please me without much instruction. It was absolutely unnecessary to have a humiliation & punishment dynamic between us.
IMHO, if you as a Master-Mistress must resort to corporal punishment with your sub, then you may want to ask yourself what it is that you are doing wrong.
Don't be lazy and uncreative in making the correction fit the offense. Keeping the goal of teaching your sub a valuable lesson, let the "punishment" fit the "crime" and don't overdo it. You can implement the following:
-- Take away a privilege. No morning coffee, favorite snack or treat, form of entertainment, etc. for the next 2-3 days. If there is a next time, make it one week.
-- Have your sub write you an essay (200 words, 500 words) telling you what she did wrong, how she feels about it, and suggestions to herself on how to not repeat the undesirable behavior again (with an apology, it goes without saying).
-- Ask your sub what she feels would be the appropriate discipline. You will find that subs will pick a more serious discipline for themselves than what you may have had in mind. This gives you an opportunity show that you are fair, gracious, and reasonable.
-- For a serious offense (not just a mistake or oversight), such as willful disobedience, choose something your sub hates doing. It could be an unpleasant household chore, it could be watching a deplorable TV program or listening to a particular kind of detested music.
-- For an offense serious enough to warrant your rethinking being in a relationship with your sub (short of a zero-tolerance deal breaker), have your sub write down her Soft (NOT Hard) Limits on pieces of paper, and then pull one out of a jar, bowl or hat. Keep the rest there as a reminder that on a future occasion, the other chance options remain.
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