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Finding a real mistress - 11/11/2014 2:31:31 PM   
namSlave


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/7/2014
Status: offline 		How can i, as a real slave, find a real mistress not those who are a mistress only for money?

i live in Montreal and find nothing?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/11/2014 3:56:39 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Okay. First off, don't use the term "real". It will cause troubles.

Second, the terms you want are Financial Domme and Lifestyle Domme. A finDomme does it for the money, and a lifestyle Domme does it as an aspect of a full relationship.

Third, you're asking what to do to find your Domme. We have no idea what you've done to date but you've been on the site only four days. So, develop some patience. Your goal is to find a good relationship, not the first woman that'll talk to you.

I recommend getting away from the computer and meeting folks in real life. Including men, subs, switches, all kinds of people that may or may not be Dommes. Here are some links:

https://fetlife.com/groups/53

https://fetlife.com/groups/83

https://fetlife.com/groups/208






< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 11/11/2014 4:03:16 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to namSlave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/11/2014 3:58:39 PM   
MistressKale


Posts: 19
Joined: 9/13/2014
Status: offline 		My first suggestion is to try not to expect quick results. If you are not looking for a Pro-Domme situation, someone will expect to know you first, as they do in vanilla relationships.

Second, offer things to a Mistress. No money, I get that, but do you have skills? Handyman, home cleaning, good massages, etc?

Third, if you can't find anyone suitable or in your area to strike up a conversation with here, try Fetlife as well.


(in reply to namSlave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/12/2014 3:06:41 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		I agree with DarkSteven. "Real" in this instance is totally subjective. What you look for and consider real in a Mistress or slave may not be real to another.

Finding a dominant woman for a relationship is like finding any woman for a relationship. It takes time to find the right fit. However, with the added complexities of M/s and/or kink, it is even more complex.

For example, it takes some people most of their lives to find the right one in the vanilla world. And that is just matching personality, energy, etc. With M/s and kink, you need all of that AND you will want to share the same outlooks on what M/s means and how it looks to you, what kinks you are interested in, what living it 24/7 can be like, and etc.

Do get out and meet people. Make friends in the community. Even of those (this should not have to be said, but for some reason it always does) who are not your potential mates. The guy sitting next to you at a munch may introduce you to your next Mistress. The slave girl you chatted with may get you invited to a party where you meet her.

Really, though, PUT IN EFFORT. Try everything you can to find what you are looking for. Online/one site is not enough.

Good luck!

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to MistressKale)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/12/2014 6:26:22 AM   
Miyani


Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		I spent six years in the local scene, going to every munch and event I could make, seeking people out here and on Fetlife and on Second Life for RL meets. I made friends with EVERYONE, even if I wasn't interested in them (new friends are always valuable), and met as many of THEIR friends as I could, part of me hoping that one of these friends of friends would be the one. I looked HARD.

And then I met my current boy, whom I've been with for more than 4 years, randomly at a Renaissance festival. We didn't recognize each other as kinky until a couple of dates in, and in fact, on that date he told me he didn't think he could submit to someone he loved. Here we are.

You do have to put in the work. Be where the people are, the kind of people you want to get to know. Make yourself attractive! Had I spent those 6 years not gaining any skills, kink and otherwise, I wouldn't have been a good partner for him when I met him. But also leave yourself open, and don't write off people you meet on the street because you don't know if they're your perfect dom. Ease into the kink discussion, but have it early if that's something you need to be happy.

And have fun. Desperation ain't pretty, so understand that it may be a while, accept that, and do all of this with an eye to having a good time swimming in this pool, and coming out of it a better person even IF you're still single.

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/14/2014 8:22:45 AM   
MistressLeSang


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/30/2014
Status: offline 		What a wonderful advice, Miyani! Finding a perfect partner is about persistence and luck. I was very blessed in My marriage as My late husband was a kind, caring sexy partner and an extremely kinky devoted slave. We have enjoyed both the pleasures of life as a traditional couple and incredible TPE 24/7 days. I met him by chance at the business function but soon both of us discovered that we have so much in common including same kinks. He came across as a very confident businessman and an alpha male in public but was a genuine humble slave who loved to be controlled behind closed doors. If I had judged the book by the cover I would have missed a unique opportunity to meet someone special. We all have own unique path in life. So namSlave , you never know where you will meet your Mistress. Please let us know when you meet your Mistress. We will keep our fingers crossed for you.
I Myself may meet My next life time partner and a slave when I expect it least....
Mistress LeSang

(in reply to Miyani)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/17/2014 8:00:54 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		What does being a "real slave" mean to you? How do you know this, and do you have any prior experience being owned by a Mistress?

If not, then how does a Dominant woman know that you are for *real* either? By asking for a "real mistress," you are putting yourself in the judgment seat, where you will also be judged accordingly.

Even though you aren't interested in hiring a BDSM provider (ProDomme, [Cyber]FinDomme, escort service), keep in mind that the majority of Dommes you meet will require tribute. There are some Dommes who abuse this requirement by demanding tribute upfront in the form of gift(s)/gift cards and/or buying them something off of an on-line WishList registry, and you are wise to not act impulsively in this regard until your interactions with a Domme become more serious. (There are legitimate Dommes who request tribute as a gesture of good faith before meeting because so many submissive males flake out and stand them up. This has never happened to me, and I don't require tribute, but ask them whether you can provide some other sort of real-time proof of your sincerity, such as arriving at the meeting place ahead of time and sending a cellpic to show that you aren't a time-waster.) You should keep in mind that dating any woman you're interested in will more than likely not be free. There are no *free* Dommes for the asking, just as there aren't *free* women for the asking out in the vanilla world. It doesn't work that way. You have to have something of value and worth to offer to the other person.

What do you have to offer? A relationship? Being a good boyfriend, companion and lover? A better life together as a couple? Or as MistressKale asked, do you have any special or useful skills? You cannot come to the party or soirée empty-handed. Your submission is valuable, yes, but that is putting the cart before the horse. Your submission is in exchange for your Domme's Dominance, because her Dominance is of equal value. Until you both agree to make this tentative exchange and commitment of ownership, there IS NO official D/s relationship dynamic. I'm going to assume that you are a newbie (also called "noober") and don't yet know that your submission is not to be scattered or spread about to every single Dominant that you contact or meet. I don't go around dominating everyone who wants to be dominated either. Treat this as being special. Treat becoming a slave as being special. You need to walk before you can run, so it isn't advisable to expect an instant 24/7 TPE-Total Power Exchange. Start out by sprouting your wings of submission first. Your future Mistress may be inexperienced also and need to sprout her wings of Dominance with you. Don't discount ordinary everyday women you meet out in the world. We're women first, and Dominant second; just as you are a man first, and then a submissive.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to namSlave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/17/2014 8:10:14 AM   
careandlove


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/10/2011
Status: offline 		Hi Dear
I hope you finde what you are looking for, but it will be hard work here. There is a lot of fakes here

Good lock

(in reply to namSlave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/20/2014 12:44:26 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Logging on today I read a profile that was beyond funny:

Hello little loser boy! My Name is Princess [Removed member name] and I am an extreme Financial Dominatrix. I have been manipulating weak men since High school, and am skilled at stripping you of your cash! I love manipulating your brain and tweaking it, reprogramming your weak mind to be my mindless cash puppet! I have many ways to get in your head, so rest assured.... There is no escaping me! Just fucking pay up loser!



< Message edited by Moderator3 -- 11/20/2014 12:47:52 PM >

(in reply to namSlave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/20/2014 12:47:11 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


Logging on today I read a profile that was beyond funny:




And you're not jumping on that, because???

Silly subs these days....



(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/22/2014 2:31:56 PM   
EmpressElsa


Posts: 37
Joined: 10/12/2014
From: Western Upstate, New York
Status: offline 		@DarkSteven Not everyone who charges is a Findom. ProDommes and Findoms are very different.

< Message edited by EmpressElsa -- 11/22/2014 2:32:24 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/26/2014 8:31:15 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmpressElsa

@DarkSteven Not everyone who charges is a Findom. ProDommes and Findoms are very different.


Good point. Thanks for the correction.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to EmpressElsa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Finding a real mistress - 11/28/2014 5:34:20 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: namSlave

How can i, as a real slave, find a real mistress not those who are a mistress only for money?

i live in Montreal and find nothing?


Montreal, like most cities (of 1/29th your size) have a variety of resources.

Get off your couch.

(in reply to namSlave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Finding a real mistress - 12/12/2014 8:47:19 AM   
OnWay


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/27/2014
Status: offline 		Well now, here you are professing to be a "real" slave, but in over a month, you haven't had the common courtesy to acknowledge anyones responses, especially in light of some that put in considerable effort. Maybe your destined only to find Mistresses that are as real as you are.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Finding a real mistress - 12/12/2014 9:16:30 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnWay

Well now, here you are professing to be a "real" slave, but in over a month, you haven't had the common courtesy to acknowledge anyones responses, especially in light of some that put in considerable effort. Maybe your destined only to find Mistresses that are as real as you are.


Um, you're a male slave. it's possible that the OP set his filter criteria to exclude males. And the amount of effort you put into the message does not create any expectations of a reply.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OnWay)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Finding a real mistress - 12/12/2014 9:44:12 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnWay

Well now, here you are professing to be a "real" slave, but in over a month, you haven't had the common courtesy to acknowledge anyones responses, especially in light of some that put in considerable effort. Maybe your destined only to find Mistresses that are as real as you are.

Um, you're a male slave. it's possible that the OP set his filter criteria to exclude males. And the amount of effort you put into the message does not create any expectations of a reply.

I think OnWay meant forum posters' responses to this thread. OnWay, this happens a lot of times, where OP never returns to the thread to answer questions, make clarifications, give a status update, or acknowledge replies. Sometimes the thread goes way off on another tangent as a result and takes on a life of its own (off topic). It's nice to get closure, but that isn't always possible.
Welcome to the forum side of the site.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Finding a real mistress - 12/12/2014 9:45:30 AM   
OnWay


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/27/2014
Status: offline 		You've misunderstood my point DarkSteven and maybe understandably so.

To be more specific, OP posted on Nov 11. The last one apart from mine was Nov 28, nineteen days later. In that time, 13 have contributed responses and todate a month and a day had past. In my view, if I was to start a post, would I agree with everyone, probably not, but I would at least acknowledge their contribution, especially those like Myani, MistressLeSang and FieryOpal.

Just my opinion, but as a slave especially or at least those purporting to be such, an exemplary level of ethicality be in order.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Finding a real mistress - 12/12/2014 9:54:37 AM   
OnWay


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/27/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I think OnWay meant forum posters' responses to this thread.


That was and is my intention FieryOpal, but DarkSteven at least shared his opinion and I must admit, when re-read, there is logic to his contention. What have I learned from this, maybe sit back a proof read a little more diligently and evaluate my writings from a broader perspective.


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Finding a real mistress - 12/12/2014 11:37:13 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnWay
What have I learned from this, maybe sit back a proof read a little more diligently and evaluate my writings from a broader perspective.


Always a good policy!

Welcome to the boards. *smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to OnWay)
Profile   Post #: 19
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