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What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 4:28:23 AM   
ThatDaveGuy69


Posts: 978
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I've just been told that something I deeply enjoy is not a fetish. Who gets to decide?


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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 4:37:03 AM   
DaddySatyr


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By dictionary definition; it's an item or activity that eventually becomes so compulsive that one cannot be truly satisfied without it.

I don't think it needs to be quite that dire, but I am a guy who appreciates a good, denotation.

I will say that I think some people will throw the word "fetish" around almost as loosely as the word "need", which tends to "cheapen" the word and causes communication issues.







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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 5:27:27 AM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I was just talking about this same thing. Maybe, I will comment later....

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 6:12:12 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You don't want to have a fetish, you want to have a kinky interest.

A fetish is something that you require to become aroused. It's the fetish that arouses you, not the other person. People with fetishes don't really care about the other person, any warm body will do as long as they feed your fetish.

Guys with shoe fetishes for example will stare at everyone's shoes, not noticing who wears them. They'll masturbate to the idea of the shoe, not to the person. Having a fetish is like having a wall between you and someone else.

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 6:22:56 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
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Status: offline 		A fetish controls you, you control a desire.

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 6:42:41 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		This explains things better than I could http://www.sarilocker.com/advice/qa.php?id=884

I hold up my hand to bastardizing the word but I only use the word when I join sites like this and aren't given an "alternative" option. The word "Fetishst" to me just means alternative but that probably has something to do with living and loving the fetish community in the UK. In the UK we have few BDSM clubs but have lots and lots of fetish clubs that incorporate BDSM. Whilst you do get "true to type" fetish people though the doors, namely foot fetishsts, most people are not "true to type" but still enjoy the fun of wearing latex, corsets and uniforms. We just tend to lump everything here under the fetish umbrella.

Actually most fetihsts don't require a certain thing to get turned on and many fetishsts have many other fetishes and still function normally when that fetish isn't available. Its a bit like comparing a slave who understands he is in a consensual and chosen dynamic and a slave who claims he is a victim of his birth with no escape. They are both "slaves" but one functions well in society and the other is consumed by his slavery.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 11/14/2014 6:44:15 AM >

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 6:54:26 AM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Enjoy your fetish. Find someone who enjoys it too. It will be difficult to find though because they have made valid points. Sometimes you need to take the road least traveled to find your way to an even middle ground. Until that time, have the strength to walk alone. When you grow tired of walking alone, your fetish will take on new meaning that is central to acknowledging the other person(s) involved.

The boot has a person to whom it is attached. You will realize the boot is not the same without the person and then be guided accordingly in such a consideration. I am open to learning that principle as I try to embrace it from their perspective. It can be quite the wake up call, but they mean well for the sake mutual utility.

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 12:21:50 PM   
Bhruic


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From: Toronto, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDaveGuy69

I've just been told that something I deeply enjoy is not a fetish. Who gets to decide?



Ultimately, the dictionary will decide. But only you can determine if your obsession with something is consistent with the definition of a "fetish"

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 12:38:32 PM   
sexyred1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: starkem

Enjoy your fetish. Find someone who enjoys it too. It will be difficult to find though because they have made valid points. Sometimes you need to take the road least traveled to find your way to an even middle ground. Until that time, have the strength to walk alone. When you grow tired of walking alone, your fetish will take on new meaning that is central to acknowledging the other person(s) involved.

The boot has a person to whom it is attached. You will realize the boot is not the same without the person and then be guided accordingly in such a consideration. I am open to learning that principle as I try to embrace it from their perspective. It can be quite the wake up call, but they mean well for the sake mutual utility.


The point being, if you love boots on your partner, great. If you need them to wear boots always or you cannot get off, without them wearing boots, not great.

Even less great? Just wanting boots on anyone who will do.

So, not everyone remembers there is a person attached to the boots.

That went from a strong desire to something obsessive.

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 1:00:01 PM   
Moderator3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDaveGuy69

I've just been told that something I deeply enjoy is not a fetish. Who gets to decide?



Support and moderators get to decide in certain matters, in keeping with site rules, guidelines, Terms of Service and member complaints. That is the bottom line here Dave.

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 1:05:13 PM   
ExiledTyrant


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From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDaveGuy69

I've just been told that something I deeply enjoy is not a fetish. Who gets to decide?



Support and moderators get to decide in certain matters, in keeping with site rules, guidelines, Terms of Service and member complaints. That is the bottom line here Dave.


That's right. As for the rest of it, it is all up to me.

Jus sayin

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 1:06:49 PM   
Moderator3


Posts: 3289
Status: offline 		We may have to up your pay scale. Ready for the email complaints?

Just sayin

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 3:22:34 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
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From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3

We may have to up your pay scale. Ready for the email complaints?

Just sayin


HELL YES! I have "Fuck You Asshole" on my quick reply button ready to go!


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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 7:00:36 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDaveGuy69

I've just been told that something I deeply enjoy is not a fetish. Who gets to decide?

Dave, even if you don't care to be specific, were you told that what you thought was a fetish was instead a kink? Or that it isn't BDSMy *enough* and more of a vanilla fixation or obsession?

I know that there are "technical" differentiations between what is a fetish and what is a kink practice (paraphilias which are not the same as having a paraphilic disorder). It's my understanding that a fetish requires a fetish object, a tangible object which triggers an arousal response.

I've heard the term fetish used loosely - as in having a humiliation fetish - and while I don't get pedantic about it, I suppose that calling this a "fetish" would not be correct. After all, where is your tangible object or substance? When I looked it up a while back, this was considered to be a mild form of sado-masochism; I rechecked, and it still is.

http://sexuality.about.com/od/glossary/g/paraphilias.htm
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/paraphilia

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 7:43:50 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		With my 10 page fetish, I remain unsatisfied often around here...

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 7:58:22 PM   
Amy172


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/8/2014
Status: offline 		Hi Dave,

Of course, there are many definitions of a fetish. For example, over enthusiastic enforcement of particular rules may be, in some areas, considered a fetish. ;)

But to answer your question, technically a fetish is "A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience". I'd reference the source, but every time I include a link my post gets deleted.

According to a different article at the same source, a "a term used to refer to a playful usage of sexual concepts which are overt, accentuated, unambiguously expressive of sexuality. The term derives from the idea of a "bend" (cf. a "kink") in one's sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with "straight" or "narrow" sexual mores and proclivities. The term "kink" has been claimed by some who practice sexual fetishism as a term or synonym for their practices, indicating a range of sexual and sexualistic practices from playful to objectifying and paraphilic.

Kink sexual practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between "kink" and "fetishism", defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it.[1] Because of its relation to "normal" sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not kink varies widely as well."

I just took an informal poll among my scene friends and they agree that to draw such a harsh line between the two terms is pretty much the definition of splitting hairs.

oh! I almost forgot to include - I LOVE your sig file! I'm going to be singing "Wet Dream" all night thanks to you. ;)

< Message edited by Amy172 -- 11/14/2014 7:59:18 PM >

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 8:12:19 PM   
Moderator3


Posts: 3289
Status: offline 		Amy172, your posts have not been removed because of a link and I have not said anything about a link to you in my email as the reason for the pulls. I told you that you could link to your blog in Lifestyle Links.

It does seem that you have some issue with staff, so you may address that in email, as I cannot say much about your situation here on the forum. I hardly think that a new member would have much to say about staff, unless of course, you have been here before. In which case, do consider that the current staff is not the prior staff and if there are any similarities in how we enforce the 'rules', it may be because they are site rules.

Believe me, this isn't a fetish for me. Under current management of the forum, we have less bans than ever before, have provided a feisty section and allow adults to be adults.

I' m sorry if you don't like the rules, for which I am sure you cannot possibly know them, thus the grace I have shown you so far.

< Message edited by Moderator3 -- 11/14/2014 8:20:35 PM >

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 8:20:51 PM   
Amy172


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/8/2014
Status: offline 		Hi again Moderator 3! I'm very sorry if I misunderstood. I thought you deleted my posts because of the link I included. I'll try very hard to do better in the future, and to be mindful of your rules. I'm really enjoying the (your?) site so far!

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 8:24:33 PM   
Moderator3


Posts: 3289
Status: offline 		LOL, I don't know who you are and it really doesn't matter, but have your fun on my bosses site and with the rules everyone else has to go by too.

If you have anything more to say, dispute, argue or get into, you might consider that email. We are done.

Thank you

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RE: What IS A Fetish? - 11/14/2014 8:27:57 PM   
Amy172


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/8/2014
Status: offline 		You're welcome! And thanks again for the clarification. I've been looking all over, but I only ever saw your posts, so I thought you might be the one running the place. So much to learn!

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