What kinks will you endure for your lover? (Full Version)

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RockaRolla -> What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 1:40:52 PM)

It's a common occurrence among the forums, often from sub males looking for a dominant woman to indulge their various kinks. The guy is reminded, with good reason, that he's focusing more on what he gets out of a scene and not what he can provide for his partner. The sub guy is shocked - he's discovered this wonderful sex act that gets him so hot and bothered that the idea of someone else needing anything to sweeten the deal confuses him. After all, shouldn't she find it just as exciting?

Not so fast, buddy.

Yes, people typically need more than a common kink in order to agree to something kinky. I think this is especially true for women, because of safety concerns and other reasons. But that's a topic for another thread.

What I'm getting into here is that kinks aren't always listed in the "hell yes!!!" or "fuck no!!!" categories. Sometimes you can be lukewarm about certain kinks, or indifferent, or describe them as "soft limits" to be explored under very special circumstances.

What someone may not realize, especially the hypothetical sub male, is that he may have a "hell yes" kink and find a woman who's strictly neutral about it. So the levels of enjoyment aren't going to be the same. It's not ridiculous to suggest that she may need something before, during, or after that act for her to enjoy herself with you as well.

Example, I'm pretty lukewarm about taking a strap-on to a guy. My boytoy loves it. If I were to indulge him, I need some warming up to the idea and some time spent enjoying things I like, such as tying him up and spanking him.

He's also a big fan of the extended blowjob. I like giving, but not so much into ten minute deepthroat sessions. (Some of the male forum regulars just crossed me off their lists.) The promise of sex after said sessions sweetens the deal for me.

What acts are you indifferent or "meh" about, that your partner loves? What acts do you love that your partner isn't crazy about?
Do you participate purely for his/her enjoyment, or is there some give and take?



NookieNotes -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 1:48:42 PM)

For me, I am ALL about the mental aspects of the D/s relationship. That is what I get mine from; the power, the trust, the shmexy.

However, as that develops, I'm willing to try just about any kink out there, provided that my mate really enjoy it, and can explain to me what he/she gets out of it.

As an example, I was never into watersports. Not really now, either, for me. My boy loves them. It's a sensual thing, a marking thing, a deep pleasure in submittal... so I can get off on his getting off, which makes it SUPER fun for me to play with.

Not every day.

Not every week.

But, I take it far enough that I create new scenarios for him, and work his kinks into everyday talks and interactions, even when I do not fully indulge them. And when I do indulge him, we both have fun, and talk about the scene for weeks (sometimes months) after.

I think you make an excellent point. Male subs (especially) go at everything from a "need this, gimme!" perspective, instead of finding general kink compatibility and someone willing to explore with them.

And to be clear, if my boy comes up with something I am NOT interested in at all, I will likely just find one of my friends experienced in that, and offer him the opportunity to play there. I see no reason to deny him because I don't like something.

Good conversation starter!



littleladybug -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 1:54:49 PM)

We are still very much in the "negotiation" stage of our relationship. But, the "give and take" is always there for me.

For example...I know that he loves anal. I don't. I'll do it...have done it...not really a *huge* issue...but not high on my list. (By saying, "not high", I mean that if I never did it again, all would be right with my world.) He's going to know that, and will know that the pot really does need to be sweetened for this to happen. Yup, I'm a sub, and I'm saying that. Yes, I do like that he's taken care of...but heck no that I'm going to do something that I really do not like, without anything coming back my way.




ExiledTyrant -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 1:55:05 PM)

Anal sex is a "her enjoyment" thing for me. I'm not take it or leave it, I'm your going to need to beg A LOT cuz it's just not Papa's bag. Ass play, a little, but I do have to have some serious primal freak going on.

I'm not the "Armchair D" that owns every book and it's all about me cuz the book said so. I am absolutely me, and if I find something of interest it is assimilated or discarded. That said, I put forth every effort to make her happy cuz the blow back of her being happy is pretty fucking righteous, but it does nothing to change the fact that it is My ship, My rules, and if it is sailing in the general direction you want to be sailing in, you're welcome to navigate.

Now, I am a hair pulling, biting, clawing, gripping flesh, rip your clothes off and bang you out CUZ YOU ARE FUCKING MINE kind of guy, and it is all a need and if it is not her bag, we are a very doomed match.



DaddySatyr -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 1:57:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

What acts are you indifferent or "meh" about, that your partner loves? What acts do you love that your partner isn't crazy about?
Do you participate purely for his/her enjoyment, or is there some give and take?



A very interesting topic, indeed. My answer is going to sound almost incongruous but ...

I'm not a big fan of anything that consists of what I consider "violence". Most, here, would call it: "Impact Play". I am not talking about some ass-slappin' or some occasional flogging. That's fine but, I really view a lot of "impact play" as violence, which I feel has no place in a loving, caring relationship.

Am I flexible on this issue? Well, only marginally, I'm afraid. There are just certain things I will not do. The idea of "Even for the right lady?" doesn't budge me, either. I've known quite a few "right ladies". My morality/ethics won't budge to suit someone else's. I've been very lucky to meet many ladies who agree with me on this.

The other activity (that jumped right to the front of the line in my head) is: anal sex. I'm not a huge fan. In fact, I could go the rest of my life without it. There have been a few ladies that enjoy it so much that I am willing to "dive right in", but I have to be honest: my motivation is that I know it will score me points when it comes to those things I want that she may not be too into. Which brings us to ...

I am polyamorous and we all know that there are millions of ways to practice that lifestyle, as well.

One of the boni is that if a lady really wants anal sex and I'm just not willing (or if she meets someone who's much more enthusiastic about it and therefore, much better at it) she is able to get what she likes, elsewhere.

Also, I have one requirement and one "kink" involving this: I would never force a sexuality on anyone but, I don't believe that things should be done, in secret. Therefore, any lady I'm with has to be on-board with seeing me, being intimate with other ladies that may come into my life. I can't feel like I'm engaging in some "dirty little secret". It's a huge turn-off.

The kink, for those who know that pussy isn't poison, is a love of a lady indulging in some felching (there's two definitions for this; I'm referencing the one that does not involve gerbils). This is, the one where I am negotiable. I understand it isn't everyone's cup of tea but those ladies who endure (or, dare I say: "enjoy") this activity for me show me how willing they are to please me.







Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?



sexyred1 -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 1:59:37 PM)

It depends.

If it's a sex position that I can perform, I will likely do it.

If it's something that will harm me in any way, probably not.

I learned my lesson with something my ex and I loved, but it was dangerous and I ended up in the hospital for 6 days.

If it's something blah, like my ex liked to try to pee on me in the shower, I just got annoyed and let him do it but expressed my annoyance in a big way. I just find water sports boring as hell.

One boyfriend was fun as hell but one day he brought a leather head hood with no eyes over and that I refused to even try.



littleladybug -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 2:05:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1



If it's something blah, like my ex liked to try to pee on me in the shower, I just got annoyed and let him do it but expressed my annoyance in a big way. I just find water sports boring as hell.




Oh hell...I had a Dom who had this as one of his biggest fantasies. (He'd probably kick my ass saying this...but, since he's dead, I'll take the risk of him haunting me even more than he has been...)

One of the funniest things I've ever experienced as a sub. We were "in position", and he had such a raging hard on that he couldn't pee. Nothing I could do at that point but just laugh my ass off. You know...once the laughing starts, the hard on subsides... he *was* able to pee at that point.

Did it that once. Surprisingly enough, he never suggested it again.



sexyred1 -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 2:07:26 PM)

I cannot edit on my iPad for some reason.

On my side, if someone doesn't like oral sex on me, we are not a match, even if he's Channing Tatum.

Interestingly, I am a woman who likes anal but only if he loves it.

I would never do the suggested negotiations being discussed.

You cannot be half assed into anal.




littleladybug -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 2:12:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


You cannot be half assed into anal.




Nope, everyone I've ever met wants a full ass. *s*




sexyred1 -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 2:15:18 PM)

Haha! Right, but if a guy says he's not into it, there is nothing to trade, since I like it rough and that requires a primal intensity that is non negotiable.



littleladybug -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 2:21:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Haha! Right, but if a guy says he's not into it, there is nothing to trade, since I like it rough and that requires a primal intensity that is non negotiable.


Very true.

In my case, it's a "negotiable" thing... so, I wait for what he will give me in return....




shiftyw -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 3:19:43 PM)

Caning. I hate caning, but I can handle it (although admittedly, not well, and if it gets bloody- I'm ok. I don't play around with body fluids). Usually the pot has to be sweetened a little.

Pet play does nothing for me, and I kinda don't get it. I get that its supposed to be humiliation- but for me, its never worked out that way- I just feel like its humiliating to the Top because like...I feel so D'd by my cat sometimes, I mean I scoop his shit out of a box...like really? Who is running this? So to me pet play is mostly just silly- but I'll do it if you insist. Pony play, same deal- but if I'm being truthful- I find pony play really silly...and I can be a judgey bitch about it if its being done to me.




CreativeDominant -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 3:50:01 PM)

Strangely enough...as a Dominant...marking. But not in the way you might think.

Like DaddySatyr, I'm pretty primal...if I'm with someone, love to grab my girl when she walks in, bend her over and take what's MINE. LOVE to pull hair, grip arms, OTK, fingers around throat, fingertips gripped around the mouth that's sucking my cock, face-slapping, biting, twisting certain bits, yeah. Like red, I'm a fan of anal...rough...pushing deep while smacking that ass, pulling all the way out and then, driving back in as the rosebud begins to close.

I want a partner who gets that and knows that there's soft, intense, romantic lovemaking too. But...I can't stand having my back opened up by nails. Scratch? Sure. Gouge until you draw the blood of the dominant...me? No.



Mistycalm -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 4:13:56 PM)

I am kind of on the fence about some things.
My profile states that I don't like pain and will not indulge in pain of any kind. Yet, there are many different 'kink's' that I have not tried that I would be open to, as long as it was understood that if I did not like, or could not tolerate the pain involved...they would have to stop with no chance of a repeat.
Not many men are willing to agree to that. [&:]

I do know that canes, whips, and clamps are an absolute no. Tried them and the pain was intolerable.
I love primal play...the 'grab and take what you want whenever you want' kind. It's a huge turn on for me.
I enjoy the mental aspects of D/s more than the physical; so someone who is more into the play would not be a good match.

Like many who have stated though; if I am not getting my own wants and needs met; then I am not likely to follow the wishes of another. It has to be a give and take.



smileforme50 -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 8:41:24 PM)

I love anal....It has an incredible psychological effect on me that puts me in a wonderful subspace. I like *some* of the aspects of the more "primal" actions that people have already mentioned, but I also have a bad knee-jerk reaction if things come on too fast and unexpectedly where I try to fight it. I hope I can get over that someday.

I have done water sports and at first it REALLY squigged me out but after I learned to think of it as being "marked" and not just being pissed on.....it wasn't too bad.

But the one thing I still have a LOT of trouble with....and I do not understand....is letting a guy cum ON me. I can give him oral and I can swallow every drop without much trouble. (Although there was one guy who ALWAYS made me throw up....haven't figured that one out yet...) But if he comes on me, I can't look and I have to hold my breath. And God forbid if he wants me to lick it off of him....I just can NOT do it without gagging and choking. BUT....I have tried....and I may try it again for the right guy.



FriendlyMuppet -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/21/2014 10:27:55 PM)

There was a time when I had a laundry list of things that "did it" for me. Not so much these days. What happened was I had numerous relationships where I got exactly what I wanted and as those relationships matured, I started to discover that what I need most of all is to belong to another, where we focus a great deal of attention making sure she gets what she wants. Sometimes, the acknowledgement of what I want, and being personally kept from achieving just that, is quite often just as exciting as getting the thing in the first place.

I have a dominant friend of mine who used to be my mistress some time in the past, but is now more an acquaintance who shows up every now and then and just takes what she wants. She completely understands the fact that I've changed over the years (as she knew what buttons to press back then) and now she has a pretty good idea of the buttons to press these days, which she's pretty much figured happen to be whatever she feels like doing.



DominanttMaster -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/22/2014 9:31:47 AM)

The question is this - there are many people who ask that of another that which they can not live up to themselves
I have little time for these people, save sometimes wonder, nae astonishment

the generic male subs spoken of here are in the main not male subs - they merely have an excitable state of mind for a variety of reasons
the argument can be made that most, but not all, eg asking for an allegorical toaster thrashing followed by a cavity stretching, are invalid at worse or at best in an excitable/fixed state of mind till eruption time- well they never wake their partners up to ask them for their options

What would I do to these people asking that particular question - usually nothing at all, not that it transpire to me they turn out to be little more than a singular notion/curiosity or two. Besides i could not bring myself too. but there are usually people who encourage them - which i think is never a good thing



Lucylastic -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/22/2014 10:33:01 AM)

Had to comment on this part

quote:

the generic male subs spoken of here are in the main not male subs - they merely have an excitable state of mind for a variety of reasons

From my humble opinion
this covers most males.
Dominant, submissive and nilla
otherwise we wouldnt have "doms" thinking that BDSM means they get their cocks sucked on demand and demand poly relationships just to have a threesome, without a flying fuck about their responsibilities to their partners.



ExiledTyrant -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/22/2014 10:52:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Had to comment on this part

quote:

the generic male subs spoken of here are in the main not male subs - they merely have an excitable state of mind for a variety of reasons

From my humble opinion
this covers most males.
Dominant, submissive and nilla
otherwise we wouldnt have "doms" thinking that BDSM means they get their cocks sucked on demand and demand poly relationships just to have a threesome, without a flying fuck about their responsibilities to their partners.


NO NO NO NO NO!

YOU LIE! That is how it is, that is what ALL women want and you can't tell me different! [sm=lalala.gif]

Lucy is the DEVIL!



Lucylastic -> RE: What kinks will you endure for your lover? (11/22/2014 11:23:22 AM)

Nah the devil has a restraining order on me [;)]
he is such a wuss



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