Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (Full Version)

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littleWilliam -> Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 5:41:59 AM)

I recently met a (non pro) dominant woman online who said if I want to be her slave I need to purchase a "Training Kit". She gave me a list of bondage gear, told me to find out how much everything costs, and we would split it 50-50. The total cost of what she wanted was about $1600. She has repeatedly told me that she does not accept money from slaves, doesn't need it, and she is financially secured and stable.
I have never had a Mistress before, but something about this just doesn't feel right.
Is this a common practice among lifestyle dominants?



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 5:47:37 AM)

Go with your gut.

Yes, you should own your own gear that is just for YOU, to be used by/on YOU, and only YOU. You do not need to race out and fulfill that list, slowly assemble everything that gets your kink on and go play with real people.

Jus sayin



GotSteel -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 6:57:15 AM)

Welcome to the forums.

Disclaimer: My knowledge comes from the other side of things, I only have experience in M/f relationships. So perhaps there's some variance on your side of things.

It's going to be a bit different from relationship to relationship just like anything else. But for safety reasons it's a good idea that insertables/items exposed to bodily fluids belong to you. Other than that it would be fairly normal for you to collect some things that strike your fancy as time goes on and so will she.

Disclaimer2: There's more to it than that, exceptions and blah blah blah.

Out of curiosity, what are the high priced items that are getting the bill up to $1600?



shiftyw -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:06:55 AM)

I have grown my collection over time, and it is mine (I'm a bottom)
He has bought me a few things but if he leaves, he will leave them with me. Dildos and plugs obviously should only be used on yourself.

I sometimes have played with folks, but would only share bondage equipment if I was playing because who knows where else that other stuff has been.

There is, at least to me, no reason to get this all at once. I'm curious why your bill is so high?



littleWilliam -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:08:34 AM)

All prices are from a well known online bondage equipment retailer.

The Steel Impaler Tower: $375.00
Bondage Chair: $485.00
Liberator Bondage Wedge/Ramp Kit: $330.00
And 6 other items, but those were the most expensive.

Who keeps these items if we decide to go our separate ways?



littleladybug -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:14:21 AM)

Part of the fun for me has been accumulating things that *I* like over the years. I would be extremely skeptical about someone who insisted that I invest a lot of money in a "collection", especially in the very beginning stages of a relationship.

I'd also be curious to know what is on this list...




shiftyw -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:14:45 AM)

Also, have you met her in person? Because if not then I really would not send her money.



littleladybug -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:20:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleWilliam

Who keeps these items if we decide to go our separate ways?


It depends on what you decide. If you do decide to do this, I would suggest writing it out, and you both signing it. (That would make for an extremely interesting small claims case...but at least you have your bases covered.)

Seriously though, there is absolutely *nothing* wrong with calling her on this. You say that she has told you she is financially stable, so why not ask her *why* she wants this arrangement? I would also question her regarding her views on "division" should the relationship not work. I think the answer to *that* question will tell you a lot.



DarkSteven -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:26:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleWilliam

I recently met a (non pro) dominant woman online who said if I want to be her slave I need to purchase a "Training Kit". She gave me a list of bondage gear, told me to find out how much everything costs, and we would split it 50-50. The total cost of what she wanted was about $1600. She has repeatedly told me that she does not accept money from slaves, doesn't need it, and she is financially secured and stable.
I have never had a Mistress before, but something about this just doesn't feel right.
Is this a common practice among lifestyle dominants?


You met her online.
She requires shelling out money to be her slave.

That's two huge red flags.

Just get into a normal relationship, with kink thrown in. When I was brand new, I bought a flogger with my first sub. I paid, I kept it. It was about $40.

She's a scammer.

Edited to add: I looked at your profile. Change it. You're 35 years old, and all you have to offer a woman is talk about your dick and wanting to serve? NO REAL woman will give you second glance, and all you will meet is scammers until you rewrite it.



GoddessManko -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:31:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Go with your gut.

Yes, you should own your own gear that is just for YOU, to be used by/on YOU, and only YOU. You do not need to race out and fulfill that list, slowly assemble everything that gets your kink on and go play with real people.

Jus sayin


This and wow, who even requests those kinds of things for a starter collection? And yes, secondary worry is storage. Ok, I'll tell you this as a non pro. My subs having at least a small starter collection is great for me because the less things I have used that were in use with other subs the better and also it gives me an idea of their favorite kinks, so it kind of works in your favor. I would say buy a starter training kit for you of things that you think you will enjoy. Maybe you're buying from her online store, LOL!



DesFIP -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:34:28 AM)

Tell her you'll be glad to buy it and keep it at your place. But she's trying to get you to buy this and then when you break up, she'll keep it all.

Next time, meet for coffee and see if you like each other as friends. Do you like the same kind of movies? Do you agree with her political views? Because these things matter if you're looking for a relationship. If you aren't, and you only want a woman to do the things to you that you want done, then go see a pro domme.



littleWilliam -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:43:28 AM)

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I'm not buying this stuff, and if she will not meet me in person, then I'm out.



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 7:44:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Also, have you met her in person? Because if not then I really would not send her money.


Oops... um... yeah, it was a total "Thursday" moment.

Jus sayin



shiftyw -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 8:03:42 AM)

I'm being nice to newbies! Im new and improved shifty with half the snark.



DeviantlyD -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 8:10:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Also, have you met her in person? Because if not then I really would not send her money.


Okay, stop that "meet in person" crap. I'm trying to build my dungeon like Pharaoh built Egypt, and if you keep telling him to not meet me, he's going to figure the scam out. FFS people, why can't you let a dishonest woman make a living?



OMG! You're a woman???

Why doesn't anyone tell me this stuff? Sheesh!



DeviantlyD -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 8:11:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I'm being nice to newbies! Im new and improved shifty with half the snark.



And all the great taste! :D



GotSteel -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 8:13:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleWilliam
All prices are from a well known online bondage equipment retailer.

The Steel Impaler Tower: $375.00
Bondage Chair: $485.00
Liberator Bondage Wedge/Ramp Kit: $330.00
And 6 other items, but those were the most expensive.

Who keeps these items if we decide to go our separate ways?


So this is stuff (and I'm talking out my ass a bit here, haven't been to everyone's home to make a rigorous survey) are things that many if not most kinky couples don't own even if they'd use them. Expecting you to buy them all at once is at least unusual.

There are some fetishes that you would have to spend a bunch of money up front in order to get into, say for example that it was your dream to be in a high end chastity belt with all the bells and whistles. That can cost $1000 maybe even that $1600 and if you were to approach her with that dream I think it would be fairly typical (assuming she's compatible with that fetish) for her to take the position that you'd have to pony up for the belt.

However, it doesn't sound like this gear list constitutes such a scenario. And the idea of holding $1600 in communal property with a complete stranger is a level of commitment for someone she's never met that I can't say I've ever seen before.

Several posters are rightly worried that this is a scam, that she'll get you to give her $800 so she can "use it to buy the equipment" or some such.



GotSteel -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 8:16:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I'm being nice to newbies! Im new and improved shifty with half the snark.


[:D]



NookieNotes -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 8:37:16 AM)

I have been in the lifestyle for a VERY long time. All I need to "train" you is my body and mind. If I want toys, we'll discuss what works for both of us (different interests/sizes for different people), and purchase one at a time, discussing who keeps what and why.

But then, I am not in the lifestyle for tribute, and I don't willy-nilly serve fetishes.

If you look at it from the perspective of you are buying (paying) her $1600 worth of stuff for a pro session, then that's not too bad a price, if you get about 6-8 hours out of it (2-4 in larger metropolitan areas, and a VERY skilled pro).

*smiles*



MariaB -> RE: Does a sub pay for bondage gear? (11/24/2014 9:32:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleWilliam

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I'm not buying this stuff, and if she will not meet me in person, then I'm out.


Well done. Sounds like she is setting herself up as a pro Domme and has been advised by other Dommes to find a generous submissive to stock her new dungeon.

Its a good idea to start a little collection of your own. Think about things you like; a crop, a tawse or some CBT bits and bobs. Just enough to fit in a small bag and carry along with you to a BDSM club.



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