Mistress/sub

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useyourplaytoy -> Mistress/sub (11/25/2014 6:32:47 PM)
Personally I don't find it topping from the bottom by looking for a Mistress with similar interests. It does seem that way to some, but who can say that a Mistress and sub with similar interests are better or worse off? I don't mind doing what Mistress wishes but I also feel that it is better if I have an in to the activity or an interest also. I do understand that I am not to be in control but I also feel I am a big part of the dynamic. Just looking for some experiences or thoughts on this from one and all. sub/slave

littleladybug -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/25/2014 7:19:01 PM)
Female sub with male Dom here....but, yes, I absolutely agree with you in terms of finding common interests. In my opinion, it's hardly "topping from the bottom" when you want to find someone for a LTR that you are compatible with.

DarkSteven -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/25/2014 7:35:01 PM)
I agree with littleladybug, and want to also point out that you CANNOT top from the bottom unless you have a relationship with someone. Until you do, there's no Top and no bottom.

InHisHeart -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/25/2014 7:38:16 PM)
I'm also a female sub with a male Dom and completely agree. IMO, being compatible in all ways is very important in a relationship.

FieryOpal -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/25/2014 7:49:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: useyourplaytoy Personally I don't find it topping from the bottom by looking for a Mistress with similar interests. Who told you that this was Topping from the bottom? I also get the impression that you were led to believe that you are to do whatever your Mistress wants you to do, as if you have no choice in the matter. Pff-ft. Nothing could be further from the truth. Both Dominant and submissive should find a partner who is a suitable match and has compatible kinks & fetishes, not to mention vanilla interests in common if at all feasible. Not doing so is one of the reasons by BDSM relationships have a briefer lifespan than usual. There is a psychologist named OsideGirl who used to post here often. She said that the average intimate relationship lasts an average of 2 years (until infatuation wears off). If my memory serves me, the average BDSM liaison only spans 2-4 months on average. Mutual compatibility and consent are cornerstones of any D/s relationship dynamic, whether it incorporates BDSM or not.

Gauge -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/25/2014 8:05:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: useyourplaytoy Personally I don't find it topping from the bottom by looking for a Mistress with similar interests. It does seem that way to some, but who can say that a Mistress and sub with similar interests are better or worse off? I don't mind doing what Mistress wishes but I also feel that it is better if I have an in to the activity or an interest also. I do understand that I am not to be in control but I also feel I am a big part of the dynamic. Just looking for some experiences or thoughts on this from one and all. sub/slave If a couple only has one person in it, it is called masturbation. There is no reason to not look for someone that suits your needs and interests. I would call that wise.

NookieNotes -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/26/2014 2:40:18 AM)
Every dynamic takes TWO (or more) people. Your needs must be met for a successful long term relationship, just as hers must be. Making it clear what your needs are is called good communication. Intelligence. Honesty. NOT topping-from-the bottom. Which reminds me of a rant I need to write. Thanks for that. smiles

RockaRolla -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/26/2014 1:27:20 PM)
Submissive doesn't mean doormat, and you deserve to have your needs met too. A big part of the "getting to know you" phase is seeing whether you and your D have compatible interests. This is why I personally discourage playing with someone right off the bat - I've witnessed a lot of scenarios in which that blows up and each party blames the other for not meeting their needs. Slow down, find a Domme who suits you and whom you suit. Fuck (or don't fuck) the ones who claim doing this is topping from the bottom.

RockaRolla -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/26/2014 1:28:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge If a couple only has one person in it, it is called masturbation. Fucking BRILLIANT line. [:D]

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Mistress/sub (11/28/2014 5:36:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: useyourplaytoy Personally I don't find it topping from the bottom by looking for a Mistress with similar interests. It does seem that way to some, but who can say that a Mistress and sub with similar interests are better or worse off? I don't mind doing what Mistress wishes but I also feel that it is better if I have an in to the activity or an interest also. I do understand that I am not to be in control but I also feel I am a big part of the dynamic. Just looking for some experiences or thoughts on this from one and all. sub/slave If you asked this in English, with some semblance of grammar that had any relationship to known human language....I could help.

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