I need confirmation.... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message


boomer200625 -> I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 11:58:41 AM)

A couple of years ago I discovered the world of kink. On collarme, I found a Dom and started talking to him. We started an online relationship. It quickly grew to M/s. I was naive and still feel I am. He and I wanted 24/7 with love in an M/s relationship. He said I was a perfect fit for him. But he has not shared his name with me, nor any personal information in 3 years. He has ordered me to drive 3 hours to meet him in the city he resides in, and give him $$$, all the time keeping my eyes closed. He has me occasionally rent a room and service him. I had an emotionally abusive marriage that I had gotten out of 6 months before I met him.

He has helped me get a better job, by making me accept more responsibility at work, and has helped me invest and move funds around my 401k to make it grow, taught me some about the stock market, and helped me be a better mother to my son.

My family has never been a good source of support for me, but I love them. He has told me not to have contact with them. I have expressed interest in seeking out counselling for myself to help me move past the previous emotional abuse, and he says no, it will make me worse. He says all I need to do is accept Jesus as God. If I do not, then I deserve the emotional sickness I am in.

It is sad that it has taken me this long to realize that he may not love me as he says, but I believe I see it now for what it is. I would just like to have confirmation from a Master here please. I know I am doing the right thing by deciding to end it.




Wantstocontrolu -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 12:05:37 PM)

All sorts of red flags here, cut your losses before it gets worse .
You have been played with by the worst kind of troll.

Makes those who are honest look bad.




boomer200625 -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 12:08:26 PM)

Thank you.

Damn I feel foolish, but wiser....




Wantstocontrolu -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 12:12:48 PM)

Red flags. No personal info, asking for money, next he would be having a financial crisis and ask you for a " loan"
Then he goes back to his wife. Or he never left her.




Gauge -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 12:13:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: boomer200625

A couple of years ago I discovered the world of kink. On collarme, I found a Dom and started talking to him. We started an online relationship. It quickly grew to M/s. I was naive and still feel I am. He and I wanted 24/7 with love in an M/s relationship. He said I was a perfect fit for him. But he has not shared his name with me, nor any personal information in 3 years. He has ordered me to drive 3 hours to meet him in the city he resides in, and give him $$$, all the time keeping my eyes closed. He has me occasionally rent a room and service him. I had an emotionally abusive marriage that I had gotten out of 6 months before I met him.

He has helped me get a better job, by making me accept more responsibility at work, and has helped me invest and move funds around my 401k to make it grow, taught me some about the stock market, and helped me be a better mother to my son.

My family has never been a good source of support for me, but I love them. He has told me not to have contact with them. I have expressed interest in seeking out counselling for myself to help me move past the previous emotional abuse, and he says no, it will make me worse. He says all I need to do is accept Jesus as God. If I do not, then I deserve the emotional sickness I am in.

It is sad that it has taken me this long to realize that he may not love me as he says, but I believe I see it now for what it is. I would just like to have confirmation from a Master here please. I know I am doing the right thing by deciding to end it.


Yeah, you are with another abuser. Typical signs and wanting to isolate you.

You need to seek professional help to understand why you are drawn to these types of people. Learn from your mistakes.

Also, stick around on the forums and ask questions. Lots of good people here to help you learn and grow.

Best of luck to you.




boomer200625 -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 12:22:19 PM)

Thank You!

Yes I recognize that I am drawn to certain types of users. I want to find out the why and move on and heal. Today was the day I had the convo with him online about seeking therapy, and his response shocked me. On one hand I feel foolish for letting it go on for so long, on the other I feel so relieved that I finally see this for what it is. I want to take ownership for my mistakes and not make the same ones again.

I am seeking help now.

and I thank everyone for their responses, I don't feel so alone in this anymore.




RockaRolla -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 1:17:38 PM)

Yes, he was using and abusing you. I'm sorry you got involved in that kind of situation, but I'm glad you were able to see it for what it was and learn from it.

I wish you well in your continued journey.




Gauge -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 1:47:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: boomer200625

Thank You!

Yes I recognize that I am drawn to certain types of users. I want to find out the why and move on and heal. Today was the day I had the convo with him online about seeking therapy, and his response shocked me. On one hand I feel foolish for letting it go on for so long, on the other I feel so relieved that I finally see this for what it is. I want to take ownership for my mistakes and not make the same ones again.

I am seeking help now.

and I thank everyone for their responses, I don't feel so alone in this anymore.


Keep something in mind, a dominant will never seek to tear you down. A dominant, a good one, will build you up into the best you that you can be.

You are not alone and you have taken the biggest step in healing.





shiftyw -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 1:49:44 PM)

I'm sorry this happened, I'm glad you see it for what it is.
If you need help finding a counselor or any resources in regards to abuse I always suggest www.rainn.org
They are excellent, and I used them personally to find a counselor before. Much love and best wishes.




boomer200625 -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 2:03:24 PM)

I have searched Rainn.org and I have found a place in town I am calling tomorrow. Thank you everyone for the compassion. Gauge I thought that was how it should be. I won't let this experience keep me from seeking an M/s in the future, I just may need some time to get my head and heart straight again.




JeffBC -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 2:19:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: boomer200625
Gauge I thought that was how it should be

Yeah, but as much as I normally agree totally with Gauge on this one I think he's a crack smoking monkey. I have no idea how things "should" be. For those living in the real world grappling with how things really are seems a lot more relevant. And how things really are in the real world is that most people who want power and authority want it for selfish rather than selfless reasons. This is the exact reason we have the phrase "Power corrupts..."




Musicmystery -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 2:34:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: boomer200625

A couple of years ago I discovered the world of kink. On collarme, I found a Dom and started talking to him. We started an online relationship. It quickly grew to M/s. I was naive and still feel I am. He and I wanted 24/7 with love in an M/s relationship. He said I was a perfect fit for him. But he has not shared his name with me, nor any personal information in 3 years. He has ordered me to drive 3 hours to meet him in the city he resides in, and give him $$$, all the time keeping my eyes closed. He has me occasionally rent a room and service him. I had an emotionally abusive marriage that I had gotten out of 6 months before I met him.

He has helped me get a better job, by making me accept more responsibility at work, and has helped me invest and move funds around my 401k to make it grow, taught me some about the stock market, and helped me be a better mother to my son.

My family has never been a good source of support for me, but I love them. He has told me not to have contact with them. I have expressed interest in seeking out counselling for myself to help me move past the previous emotional abuse, and he says no, it will make me worse. He says all I need to do is accept Jesus as God. If I do not, then I deserve the emotional sickness I am in.

It is sad that it has taken me this long to realize that he may not love me as he says, but I believe I see it now for what it is. I would just like to have confirmation from a Master here please. I know I am doing the right thing by deciding to end it.

Troll season already?

Probably the Holiday Cheer . . .




Gauge -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 3:12:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Yeah, but as much as I normally agree totally with Gauge on this one I think he's a crack smoking monkey. I have no idea how things "should" be.



I am no monkey, nor do I smoke crack. But I do like bananas... and I did save 15% on my car insurance.

I have no idea how things "should" be either. What I do know is that most on these boards that are decent folks would never seek to isolate or otherwise destroy their submissive. That is where my advice came from, that and my crack hazed worldview.




HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 3:59:50 PM)

He doesn't want you in counseling because you will wake up and see what a pig he is. He is grooming you. Tell him he owes you $$$, better yet do yourself a favor don't talk to him again. Easier said then done but once you get counseling and put some distance from this kind of manipulator you will be like " wow what was I thinking!"




WinsomeDefiance -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 4:19:38 PM)

Seems like you can take away some good things from your experience with him. Be thankful for that, keep it with you and build on it.

If you want more, thank him for the positive experiences, wish him well but let him know you are choosing to work toward finding a more intimate, open relationship with someone else. At the very least, with someone who can share his name and personal information with.





Spiritedsub2 -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/26/2014 10:01:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery


quote:

ORIGINAL: boomer200625

A couple of years ago I discovered the world of kink. On collarme, I found a Dom and started talking to him. We started an online relationship. It quickly grew to M/s. I was naive and still feel I am. He and I wanted 24/7 with love in an M/s relationship. He said I was a perfect fit for him. But he has not shared his name with me, nor any personal information in 3 years. He has ordered me to drive 3 hours to meet him in the city he resides in, and give him $$$, all the time keeping my eyes closed. He has me occasionally rent a room and service him. I had an emotionally abusive marriage that I had gotten out of 6 months before I met him.

He has helped me get a better job, by making me accept more responsibility at work, and has helped me invest and move funds around my 401k to make it grow, taught me some about the stock market, and helped me be a better mother to my son.

My family has never been a good source of support for me, but I love them. He has told me not to have contact with them. I have expressed interest in seeking out counselling for myself to help me move past the previous emotional abuse, and he says no, it will make me worse. He says all I need to do is accept Jesus as God. If I do not, then I deserve the emotional sickness I am in.

It is sad that it has taken me this long to realize that he may not love me as he says, but I believe I see it now for what it is. I would just like to have confirmation from a Master here please. I know I am doing the right thing by deciding to end it.

Troll season already?

Probably the Holiday Cheer . . .


And I thought I was alone in thinking this. I felt so cynical.




Musicmystery -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/27/2014 5:00:19 AM)

P.T. Barnum got it right...though turns out it wasn't him that said it.





WinsomeDefiance -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/27/2014 5:10:33 AM)

Well, the I found this lifestyle a couple years ago, and claiming to be with the guy 3 years sorta implies something isn't adding up. Still, it doesn't hurt to be polite on the off chance the situation is legit.

quote:

A couple of years ago I discovered the world of kink. On collarme, I found a Dom and started talking to him.

quote:

But he has not shared his name with me, nor any personal information in 3 years




Musicmystery -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/27/2014 5:16:35 AM)

And the ridiculous over the top story. It's missing only a Nigerian prince's estate to which she's the heiress.




Greta75 -> RE: I need confirmation.... (11/27/2014 6:30:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: boomer200625
He has helped me get a better job, by making me accept more responsibility at work, and has helped me invest and move funds around my 401k to make it grow, taught me some about the stock market, and helped me be a better mother to my son.


How did he help you do all these positive stuffs? Like did he encourage you and stuffs?

It is very confusing for me, the rest saw it as instant abuse, but for me, it's puzzling, how could he be helping you getting back on your feet, while refusing to let you know his identity all the while. Also if he is good at stock market and growing money, he shouldn't have needed any money at all from you, so that is very confusing.




Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875