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FieryOpal -> RE: Red Flag? (11/30/2014 3:04:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lopper
I'm in the situation where im in the process to be a slave. But he says he isn't into the 'community' aspect, and doesnt really care about what the rest of anyone says about something. He avoids questions I have about training, and other things, it almost seems like he wants a butler/maid he can fuck in bondage. I'm worried the relationship could possibly turn abusive. He recently just told me he doesn't want me talking to other Doms. Should this be a red flag?
1st Red Flag - You're in the process of becoming a slave? You're only 19, so I'll assume you are a newbie submissive. There are D/s-Dominant/submissive couples in LTRs-Long Term Relationships where it has taken 2-4 years before they became 24/7 TPE-Total Power Exchange.
2nd Red Flag - Not only are you and your Dom rushing things, but calling yourself a "slave boy" in your profile is an open invitation for attracting predatory "Dominant" types. This is apparent because the two of you do not have an open line of communication. Training is more about teaching and educating than it is anything else. Yes, there's conditioning, but without fully informed consent (explaining processes step by step), that is tantamount to using brainwashing techniques.
3rd Red Flag - Other than not wanting you to speak to other Doms, which could very well be your Dom's insecurity about other Doms trying to poach you as DesFIP mentioned, is he trying to isolate you in other ways? Limiting or forbidding contact with family & friends? This is one of the first signs of abusively controlling behavior, and this is not BDSM. Nor is this how non-dysfunctional D/s relationship dynamics work. D/s-BDSM is always mutually consensual, where the option is also always available to withdraw consent, either temporarily (by safewording) or permanently (either to re-negotiate limits or to end/sever ownership).
4th Red Flag - Any talk about a "slave" having no limits, not allowing you to have Hard Limits, shutting you down by saying that you are "Topping from the bottom" whenever you question him, or that you're not a *real* submissive. (You have a learning curve, both due to inexperience and getting used to a new Master, which is why your Dom feels it necessary to be training you. Of course you're not a *real* whatever at this stage. So what. He doesn't sound like a *real* Master either. [8|] )
5th Red Flag - If part of the no-talking deal and resistance to getting involved with the BDSM community is due to your Dom's fragile ego, then he doesn't consider himself accountable to anyone. That's a Red Flag in itself in any kind of relationship--whether D/s or vanilla.
Ask yourself this, would you tolerate this sort of behavior from a vanilla partner? Did this Dom even take the time to woo you or bring anything to the table other than his Dominance? You're a good-looking boy and you can have your pick of (gay) Dom partners who would treat you better. Leadership should instill confidence, not be causing you more anxieties.
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