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Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 7:05:17 AM   
SweetForDaddy


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline 		I recently met someone in person for the first time and although we had the same relationship goals and everything matched on paper and we really wanted it to work, there were certain elements that were missing that I only describe as subtleties. The way a person looks at me, the way something is said, or even written, things that are impossible to describe or ask for really but that are essential for me. I felt like I knew before we met in person that we weren't right for each other but with everything being matched so perfectly in theory and with a friendship built up it seemed like a good idea to meet to find out.

I don't personally think that this is something that can evolve if its not there from the beginning but I'm interested in other peoples views on the subject. His view is that if I submit once then everything will flow from that point but I can't do that when I don't feel it. I think it would make me feel some awful things; a bit desperate, unnatural and I'm pretty certain I wouldn't suddenly become submissive to him by acting it out.

Do you think this is something that can be worked on, or that kind of acting like you are submitting to someone (which is what it would have been) under those circumstances could bring forth those feelings? Has anyone had an experience where this has happened?
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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 8:02:35 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		I call it chemistry.

My advice is this (to both of you):

If it's not "Fuck Yeah!" it should be "No."

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(in reply to SweetForDaddy)
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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 8:37:09 AM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		Go with your gut, what others think is secondary. Having reservations in the beginning may be telling you somethings not right. Pretending to submit is a recipe for failure. It may end in frustration and sour the friendship you've built between you. To reiterate though that's just my way of thinking. Do what's right for you.

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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 8:46:04 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		In my experience, what starts out as "subtle" in the beginning can turn out to be "very much less than subtle" as things go on. I've never found that submitting is a cure for anything.

I believe that certain things *can* be worked on, but if you're already having doubts, consider yourself fortunate that you have your answer sooner rather than later.

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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 8:47:56 AM   
SweetForDaddy


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline 		Yeah, I'm not about to, made my mind up about that already really. We are keeping the friendship and if something develops, it will I suppose but I won't be forcing it from myself. I just wanted to know if anyone had made it work that way…if it was possible, I guess.

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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 8:51:28 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the others.

If it doesn't feel right, then don't go there.
This is the very reason why so many of us say that 'online' isn't real.
It's this sort of personal chemistry that can only ever be 'felt' properly when we are actually with someone in real life.
You just can't gain this sort of feedback from anything online.
And for those that say it can, I call BS because it's frenzy and nothing else.
Those 'vibes' you speak of, only resonate with another real person.

I'll re-iterate.... if it doesn't feel right, don't. Simple as that.
Nookie said it in plain English: If it's not "Fuck Yeah!" it should be "No."

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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 10:19:40 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

Yeah, I'm not about to, made my mind up about that already really. We are keeping the friendship and if something develops, it will I suppose but I won't be forcing it from myself. I just wanted to know if anyone had made it work that way…if it was possible, I guess.
Tis funny in a way but my advice is the same as the others...when you don't feel it, pretending...whether D/s or vanilla...isn't going to work. And the pretense of submission would be more likely to cause more occasions of ATTEMPTING to top from the bottom because inside yourself...despite outward appearances...you know you aren't really submitting so there'd be lot less incentive to not correct, not try to control. And if he, who is really trying to dominate, runs into that without knowing that your submission really isn't submission, think of the possible emotional conflagration.

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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 10:56:12 AM   
SweetForDaddy


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

Yeah, I'm not about to, made my mind up about that already really. We are keeping the friendship and if something develops, it will I suppose but I won't be forcing it from myself. I just wanted to know if anyone had made it work that way…if it was possible, I guess.
Tis funny in a way but my advice is the same as the others...when you don't feel it, pretending...whether D/s or vanilla...isn't going to work. And the pretense of submission would be more likely to cause more occasions of ATTEMPTING to top from the bottom because inside yourself...despite outward appearances...you know you aren't really submitting so there'd be lot less incentive to not correct, not try to control. And if he, who is really trying to dominate, runs into that without knowing that your submission really isn't submission, think of the possible emotional conflagration.


Oh, he knew I wasn't feeling that way, I was completely honest with how I felt. He thought it would become natural to me if I just did it, which is what I'm trying to wrap my head around. It kind of felt like he was saying I wasn't making an effort to make it work but I don't think effort could solve this problem.

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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 11:05:11 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy


He thought it would become natural to me if I just did it, which is what I'm trying to wrap my head around. It kind of felt like he was saying I wasn't making an effort to make it work but I don't think effort could solve this problem.


To give this guy the benefit of the doubt...perhaps he's been with people who have done this. I don't think that there's anything to "wrap your head around". He's coming from a completely different standpoint than you are. There's nothing wrong, or that makes you "less submissive", if you say thanks, but no thanks.



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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 11:07:47 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		I have to agree with most others ... sort of.

I do believe that a "fuck yeah" can develop over time because it's happened to me. There was someone I knew who was a really cool person to hang out with. We were buddies and we never thought we'd ever go there but two years later, we not only had gone there but we'd drawn a map for anyone that wished to follow.

Here's the thing, though; we didn't set out to "make it work". We or the situation, or each of us, as individuals, had changed enough where it just happened.







Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 12/2/2014 11:08:48 AM >

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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RE: Subtleties within a relationship - 12/2/2014 1:41:49 PM   
SweetForDaddy


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I have to agree with most others ... sort of.

I do believe that a "fuck yeah" can develop over time because it's happened to me. There was someone I knew who was a really cool person to hang out with. We were buddies and we never thought we'd ever go there but two years later, we not only had gone there but we'd drawn a map for anyone that wished to follow.

Here's the thing, though; we didn't set out to "make it work". We or the situation, or each of us, as individuals, had changed enough where it just happened.







Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?


Thats pretty much how its ended, we have decided to stay friends, he's a nice guy and what will be will be.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
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