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Physical need to play - 11/24/2004 11:37:13 PM

BeachMystress

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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I have found I have a physical need to play. Perhaps that isn't the best way to put it, but when I don't play, I get irritable. Playing centers me. I deal with a lot of physical pain in my daily life. I do not think I'm "taking that pain out" on the subs, because most of my play is whimsical. The only person I'll hand true pain to is a maso, and then only if he BEGS. :-D I can easily go two weeks without playing. After that I notice having to keep a rein on my temper. About a month without playing and I'm a total witch and ready to scream at random strangers. One good session and I'm fine again.

Do other Dom/me feel the need to play (not just urge) or is this a coping mechanism I've developed? If you do feel the need to play, how does your cycle run. I do experience a significant amount of Domme Drop the third day after a decent session, so I am getting a significant endorphin rush from playing. I've wondered if perhaps my need to play is the same type of thing an adrenalin junkie goes through. That occurred to me the other day after explaining what we do to someone in the terms of extreme sports and the endorphins produced by such. All comments welcome.

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RE: Physical need to play - 11/25/2004 5:41:37 AM

theroebabe

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Sorry to jump into the Mistresses forums, but as a sub i also have a need to play, maybe it is because i am a maschost and need it as well. Since i do not play casually nor have a dom at this time, if i get the need to play i simply have to do it myself lol not the same in your case i am sure. But yes it is a need.

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RE: Physical need to play - 11/26/2004 5:02:47 PM

LadySonelle

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I, too, have a physical need to play. It is far less powerful than yours, but I find that unless I exercise it, I am restless and unsettled. Sometimes fantasy will suffice, but eventually I simply *must* "Blow My Cruel" upon someone!

I cope with "fantasexuality" (My own term for psychodrama with physical aspects) and limited play if a full-on scene is not forthcoming.

After a scene, I am not so subject to "Top drop" but I do find myself mellow and sweet for some time after. Slaves always remark upon my purring demeanour during the obligatory aftercare phonecall! They can tell from my voice that they have pleased Me! "Why, Ma'am... you sound like the cat that ate the cream!" is the usual sort of comment made.

Mmmmmmmmmmm!

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RE: Physical need to play - 11/26/2004 7:43:46 PM

BeachMystress

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How interesting! The subs I talk with who NEED to play are masochistic, which fits with Roe. Lady Sonelle, are you by chance a Sadist or of a sadistic bent? (I don't consider myself a Sadist, but I do have a sadistic edge.) I'll be interested to hear who feels a need to play and who doesn't. It may come out that it is something to do with our S/m sides rather than our D/s sides..

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RE: Physical need to play - 11/26/2004 8:21:28 PM

MistressFire70

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To me, there are two definitions to “need”. One is a great longing to do something; “I really need a hug.” The other is something that you should do for yourself; “I need to go to the gym.” The first is a strong want, the second in a need that without will damage. Both my collared submissive and I have a need, of the second kind, to play at times. The timing varies and is tied to our state of mind, which, in turn, is tied to our respective "mood disorders". (I hate that term, but that’s a whole other non-kink related topic.)

I am bipolar. Unlike what most think, being manic doesn't necessarily mean being bouncing-of-the-wall hyper. It can be a period of irritability as well as a period of physical tiredness. Likewise, the depressive side isn't always a period of crying and not wanting to leave the house. I have coping techniques that I do for each state separately. But sometimes, what state I’m in can get confusing, even to me. When I can't figure out if I'm manic or depressed, I get very, very frustrated. Usually this means I’m in a mixed state, in which case most of my other techniques go out the window because they’re for one state OR the other, not both at the same time. It's then that I NEED to play. It's a focusing technique. It's a way to work with energy. It's a way to practice methodical control. It’s a way to bring myself into focus through intense interaction with someone else.

My submissive is a cutter. he's not cut in many years, partly due to the meds he's on and partly due to adding masochistic play to his coping techniques. he can get the same chemical response (endorphins and adrenaline) from an SM scene that DOESN'T damage him as he once did when cutting. The effects last to varying degrees, depending on how strong the need it to cut, which is usually related to the amount of emotional stress he undergoing at the time. Since he lives some distance away (about 2 hours), I give him the freedom to search out play with others, should he need it, as long as he has my permission to play with that person. Likewise, I play with others.

For both of us, SM has a coping technique side to it, much like sex or chocolate or meditation has for others. It’s not our primary coping skill nor is it the only reason we like and do SM play. It’s just one thing that we know we can do to help ourselves. If course, it’s gravy that we LIKE doing it!

Fire

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RE: Physical need to play - 11/27/2004 2:12:03 PM

AAkasha

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As far back as 1995 on the usenet newsgroup that used to be alt.sex.femdom I have written about what I call "the hunger."

When I get into the mood to dominate, I call it a "hunger" because it feels more like a physical need than a craving or desire. Like a hunger, it grows when it does not get fed. It becomes more and more distracting. I start to have a one track mind about domination -- I see men as sex objects to be used and tormented. I start getting frustrated if I do not have a partner available to "feed me." I have used a vampire analogy a lotl

Once I get "the fix" I feel exhausted and wonderful. There is nothing else like it.

It comes and goes -- this hunger -- but on average it's a few times a week and if I don't get my "fix" within a few days, I am hell on wheels.

It's sometimes fun to delay the "release" -- I like to let the lust sort of build up and it gets my imagination going. Planning fake kidnappings, teasing and scaring my partner about what he might expect. buying new shackles and toys, leaving humiliating hints.

Half the fun is getting there.

Akasha

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RE: Physical need to play - 11/28/2004 3:51:37 AM

NorthernPhoenix

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Another sub throwing their hat in, but because of where I am in my exploration I am feeling a very strong urge to play right now. I don't know that I would describe it as a need, but it is a feeling unlike much I've ever felt inside.

And to answer the question about sadism and masochism, in my case yes, it relates to Masochism. A week ago for the first time I tried and enjoyed a masochistic form of pain (best way I can put it), and the way that made me feel was a deep enjoyment that nothing else has ever given me. Coupled with the admittence to myself (as much as anyone else) that I am a masochist, well, it's kinda a wonderous time right now

Phoenix

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RE: Physical need to play - 11/30/2004 8:37:27 AM

Brindle

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Yes it's a need - physically I get worn out by play of certain kinds in a way similar to very, very good sex which I enjoy.

Emotionally I get irritable, edgy, distracted, unable to concentrate, moody and generally down if I don't get play. Plus I am a sadist and if I don't play for a while my fantasies get more extreme as do my needs and I do tend to get a one tracked mind. A pain bunny I have played with says he can tell exactly what mood I am in when we play, and that he can feel my hunger for it. In turn it feeds his need to recieve the pain (he is a confirmed masochist). The more sadistic I get the more he feeds of that and the happier he is. A cyclical feeling.

But I haven't played like that for some while so I am now getting twitchy! lol

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RE: Physical need to play - 12/2/2004 5:08:45 PM

BeachMystress

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It is funny how it works. I had a great play time last weekend. Yesterday I'd have told you I was fine for a while. Now.. I NEED to play. I'll probably be looking for events this weekend to sate myself. *sighs* The problems of being a single Domme..

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RE: Physical need to play - 12/2/2004 8:47:39 PM

MsHoney2you

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Beach Mystress....
Please do come out and play! (not sure if plugs are ok) Passive Arts is up and running this wkend out by LAX (www.passivearts.com) on Friday and Saturday nights, yippee. I will be there Friday night to fulfill a promise to a friend (first single tail scene for him) and to enjoy a new to me sub. You can ask for me at the door as I have heard nothing but good things from Lady Badger about you!

Now for the topic, yes, I believe there are needs and wants. I want to take a vacation, but I NEED to take a vacation is very different. Want says fantasy//wishes//wouldn't that be nice. NEED is fed up, have to take time for myself, MUST address this issue. Another analogy can be a child yelling outside, "Mom, I want you" as opposed to "Mom, I need you".. which one would get you moving faster?

When I bottomed way-back-when I too felt the Need after a few months, to feel a flogger/whip on my back. To visit the place in my self/mind/body that put me at peace. To share the intimacy with another that only a good scene can give. Now, on the top side I get a differnt type of need. I get the need to act out in areas that I keep special. There are a few things I will not do with just anyone because I find them to be special and only for those that truly give me the energy exchange I can truly prize. THAT URGE is surfacing, and one lucky guy is going to get to help me satisfy that urge real soon... but it will not be just anyone.

A little info on me - I refer to myself as a Top because my play is that I am proficient with percussion toys no doubt. What I want to do is more of what I enjoy in the realm of guided imagery, cbt, ball slapping and total energy exchange. MY RUSH is when a sub allows me his body with no restraints. IMO there is no greater thrill to know I have total control of this person, the whole process of My responsibility to take him on the ride with me, be aware he is with me all the way, and to be allowed to nurture him back to reality..... so cool, I find nothing I enjoy more than to bring a Navy Seal to tears during after care.
THAT'S MY RUSH,
Ms Honey

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RE: Physical need to play - 12/3/2004 4:08:47 AM

BeachMystress

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I don't think I'll make it this weekend. I was going to try, but realized that I want to keep that pent up energy going for another week till the Club FEm playparty. I'm playing with a sub I like there and want to be REALLY in the mood. :-D You know how that goes.... lol

Are you by chance a member of Club FEm? Lady Badger spoke highly of you and I'd love to meet you sometime. I'm very into CBT and have some fun photos of my sessions in my Yahoo groups. I'd add a few here, but I suspect they'd be offensive to some. (Especially our Dom friends who visit the forum.) My Y Groups

I know what you mean about the aftercare part being so precious to you. Part of my self discovery over the past few months has been that my sadistic side seems to emerge so I can the make things better.. I hurt them so I can take the pain away. I was very lucky in the sub I've played with a few times now. I usually gravitate towards maso men. He isn't maso. He is a sweet thing, and I can cosset and nurture him without having to hurt him first. I'm enjoying this avenue of play. It's letting me grow in new directions. I'd thought of myself as a sadist.. till I met a real sadist. There is no doubt about it. I am a touch sadistic, but I don't enjoy inflicting non erotic pain.

If you ever want to talk about CBT, I'd enjoy the conversation. :-) I'm going to include some of my favorite CBT toys for you to have a look at:

These are a type of humbler (heavy to pull on balls as well as stop them from standing,) a vampire cock ring, two ball bangers (soft rubber ball on a carbon rod.. not as hard as wood, so good for light testical percussion play) and swizzle sticks.. used either to keep my hair up or smack balls as the mood takes me

This is another type of humber. It is lighter but still very effective. You can get one of these from http://stores.ebay.com/Stumpys-Woodworking_W0QQsspagenameZl2QQtZkm They start at $19.95. If you get one, tell him Beach says Hi. He'll get a kick out of that.

This is a ball paddle a sub made for me. It is ebony and very heavy. It isn't for anything more than light taps! I find it is more effective for tush paddling.. it hits the apple of each cheek perfectly. One nice thing about it is that it will scare the daylights out of them. It does fit well between the legs too. The flogger is about 8 inches long and home made. I was given some scrap leather and knew what I wanted for ball play.. something whisklike out of heavy leather. I folded the leather in half and glued it then cut the falls into it and wrapped it in a tube shape. The inside is hollow and the handle fits my hand perfectly. I vipertounged the tails so they'd have the ability to sting. It is one of the CBT toys I use most.

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 12/3/2004 4:09:43 AM >

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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