RE: Wondering why?

RE: Wondering why? (Full Version)

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Caretakr -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 7:33:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Would you allow the same behavior from one that You control? With a sub yes-property no.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 7:37:06 AM)
Thank you for answering my question.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 5:39:18 PM)
I spent my entire life putting on a smile for others and pretending everything was fine, while dealing with my own pains. I was the one people went to (and come to) for help, not the other way around. Growing up in the home I did, it was not a good idea to confide in others about what went on in there. Continuing into the marriage I had, it was not a good idea to confide in others about what was going on in there. I became so good at dealing with things on my own (or so I thought) that I stopped paying attention to its effects on me. Master taught me to look inside. He taught me to confide. He taught me to admit what I see in there, painful as it was. He taught me to ask for help. I am to hide nothing from him. It is not up to me to decide what I will struggle with on my own. He believes if I hold something back I may as well be lying to him, for it is dishonesty I am giving him. He may watch me struggle awhile, knowing that I am fully capable of dealing with what's in front of me, even during those times I'm not so sure I am. I am not to hold back for fear of burdening him (tried that early on). He will decide what is a burden or not, or what is appropriate or not. Just recently I put us through an ordeal because I did not want him to see me as weak, and tried to deal with something outside of him, thinking I could bring it to him later, as historical data. Well I stumbled in the process and made a mess instead. When I explained I had wanted him to see me as strong, and to be proud, he said I am strong and do make him proud (except when I hold back from him like then), but he needs to see those weak points. He wants them. And whether he likes them or not, is not the issue. He can not manage me if I do not give him all of me.

IronBear -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 5:55:42 PM)
If I may put a Gorean spin on this but this not Gorean specific for there are those who do not identify as Gorean and yet think in much the same way as we do and have similar values.. Generally a Gorean Master or Mistress not just wants but needs to know everything they can about their property. If a girl of mine is unhappy or is hurting I need to know why. If you would want to know what was wrong if you realised your pet animal was hurting or miserable so you could adress it including trip to the vet, why would you not wish to accord your sub or slave the same.. It is love in a real sence even though many macho types will deny this.. You belong to me, I want to know why things happen how you see things and what you thoughts are. Particularly when they impact on the relationship or smooth running of the home....

kyraofMists -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 6:01:42 PM)
When I was 14 I was raped by a friend of a friend. I didn’t tell anyone until I was 16 and to this day, my family does not know. I went to counseling for about six months and kept it to myself. Several years ago, I went through major depression and friends and family did not find out until I was hospitalized. I was under psychiatric care and going to therapy twice a week for months before people found out. So I keep things to myself. For me, it is a learned behavior from my family. Pain is not something that is talked about or shared in my family. I am also a very reserved person and I do not let others in easily. It is just habit for me now, but my Lord is able to know just from the tone of my voice when something is wrong. He does not let me hide from the world or from him when I am in pain. Knight's kyra

alandraofMists -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 6:15:18 PM)
quote: For me i know part of the reason that i do this, one is that when i am really hurting i feel the most vulnerable and don't want anyone else to hurt me more, but the larger part of why i deal with my issues by myself is because i don't want to be too much work. Because for me, being too much work equates to being abandoned, if i'm too much work, the other person will just leave, so i do everything in my power to never be too much work . i can very much understand this thought process, for me.... it is more along the thoughts that i am the one that is supposed to take care of everyone else. this thought process started in my early teen years and has become a habit with me. it is very hard to show anyone besides my Lord and sis that i am hurting. within that relationship i tend to make sure everyone else is alright before opening up and expressing that i myself need help or am hurting too. Knight's alandra

champagnewishes -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 6:35:40 PM)
Reading this is like reading a description of me. I have always been one to withdraw at times of emotional crisis. In fact, I have been in a perpetual state of withdrawn for almost two years now. Yet during this time, to the world, I have pulled myself up by my boot straps....and moved forward. I am fun to be around, yet inside I hurt. Why do I withdraw? Several reasons. For one, this is my hurt and only I can resolve it. I could tell a number of people yet what can they do? Nothing they say will change it. Secondly, to vocalize what I am feeling adds dimension to the problem. I rather it be limited in its existence by containing it inside me. Thirdly, I really have no desire to hear all the well meaning clichés people say to someone that is hurting..."it will get better", "time will heal" etc etc. And lastly, well, in some small way, I need to learn a lesson as so this was not a total waste...and i just can't seem to see the lesson yet.

leakylee -> RE: Wondering why? (7/14/2006 7:25:07 PM)
Seeing so much on here rings true to myself. This is a really good topic heartfelt. Being slightly nuts, I am very introspective of my emotions anywho. I am sensitive to others and would fight the lions for those I love, but when it comes to myself. I am stubborn. I wont allow anyone in. I guess it is the control factor. The I can handle it mentality. I withdraw, make everything look pretty, and often times no one is the wiser. About the only person that truly senses it immediately is my sister, and she dont give a hoot. If I am hurt, she rushes in and wont allow the withdraw. She is the one person in my life that I can hide nothing from. Damn it. I dont know that I will ever be able to reach that level with another person. If I do, there will be some partying going on around here. love and light lee

heartfeltsub -> RE: Wondering why? (7/15/2006 2:24:43 AM)
Wow, am blown away by the answers here. Thank you all so much. It is very helpful.

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