How do you know?

How do you know? (Full Version)

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kalimachild -> How do you know? (7/13/2006 8:46:49 AM)
How do you know what side of the coin you fit on? I'm new to the lifestyle and thought that I was needing to find a Dom for basic training as a sub and possible as a switch, but after a recent encounter with a sub with slave tendencies who belongs to my best friend, it was pointed out that I act and react to my environment more as a Domme than anything else. According to her, I lit up like a 100 watt lightbulb while we were at a local club for Goth night and I saw someone I wanted. I did not approach the person because I am still in a relationship with someone. Is it possible that the reason I've not been able to find a Dom for training as a sub is because that is not who I am and that I should think about getting trained as a Domme?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: How do you know? (7/13/2006 8:53:49 AM)
Anything is possible. you might find that, with certain people and in certain situations, you behave and feel one way, but with others, it's different. Some of us feel that having a dominant personality doesn't automatically make you a Dominant. slave girl anne (my girl) definately has a dominant personality...that goes perfectly with her slave heart. Master Fire

CrappyDom -> RE: How do you know? (7/13/2006 9:01:20 AM)
Who the fuck cares? You want to beat someone, beat them, you want to lick someone's boots, get on your knees and beg for the chance to lick them. It isn't the labels that define you it is what you do. Throw caution to the wind and just BE...and ignore the little people who have to look at your label before they can figure out how to deal with you. You came to WIIWD to explore, then why not just do that?

HollyS -> RE: How do you know? (7/13/2006 9:54:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalimachild How do you know what side of the coin you fit on? How about thinking of yourself as the whole coin with two complimentary sides rather than forcing yourself to one side or the other? Coins can be heads or tails. People are more complicated. Answer what calls you and ignore those who would put you in any "this or that" category. You are what you are - explore different areas and find what works for you. Then do it. ~Holly

proudsub -> RE: How do you know? (7/13/2006 4:51:19 PM)
What do you fantacize about?

kalimachild -> RE: How do you know? (7/13/2006 6:23:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudsub What do you fantacize about? Most of the time it's about having someone hold me when I want them to. Run my bath water and bathe me. Fix my hair when we are going out. Know how to touch me to make me feel live and feminine. Someone who is willing to allow me to be me. You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize what it is that I might be looking for. Someone to worship me as the Goddess I am.

proudsub -> RE: How do you know? (7/13/2006 9:59:18 PM)
quote: Someone to worship me as the Goddess I am. Well there you go.[;)]

windchymes -> RE: How do you know? (7/14/2006 5:39:29 AM)
This isn't rocket science. If something made you "light up like a 100 watt light bulb", then it's definitely something you might want to look into exploring![sm=idea.gif]

amayos -> RE: How do you know? (7/14/2006 10:21:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalimachild How do you know what side of the coin you fit on? I'm new to the lifestyle and thought that I was needing to find a Dom for basic training as a sub and possible as a switch, but after a recent encounter with a sub with slave tendencies who belongs to my best friend, it was pointed out that I act and react to my environment more as a Domme than anything else. According to her, I lit up like a 100 watt lightbulb while we were at a local club for Goth night and I saw someone I wanted. I did not approach the person because I am still in a relationship with someone. Is it possible that the reason I've not been able to find a Dom for training as a sub is because that is not who I am and that I should think about getting trained as a Domme? As one who has lived both sides of the coin, I believe time answers these questions. Where there is a duality in most humans—or in the very least, the seeds of such—it is often difficult to know one's truer face when chasing the shifting banners of desire. In time it may be clear which side suits you more.

raiken -> RE: How do you know? (7/14/2006 10:34:13 AM)
Try it all...and most importantly, have fun doing it! As you begin, you will discover those things that tug on your heart more deeply than others, and what gives you the most fulfillment and satisfaction but you won't know any of that until you try it first. i always suggest to never narrow your options or make a choice that is cut in stone, don't deprive yourself of that complete fulfillment. Maybe for the time being as you grow and discover, you will wish to enjoy a bit of everything, and that is okay! It is YOUR fantasy/desires to live out to the fullest, and no one elses. Just enjoy! ~raiken

Owned1 -> RE: How do you know? (7/14/2006 2:21:09 PM)
When starting out, read read read, explore explore explore before you put yourself into a pigeon hole. This lifestyle is about each of us and what turns our cranks. Some know from the outset what they are and where they belong, others have been in the life for years and suddenly realize they are something they did not think they were. As you have already ventured into the flesh and flogger real world find someone who you can explore with, be honest with them, try it all. If you are not sure you can always label yourself a switch (if you really need a label)

IronBear -> RE: How do you know? (7/14/2006 2:38:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Who the fuck cares? You want to beat someone, beat them, you want to lick someone's boots, get on your knees and beg for the chance to lick them. It isn't the labels that define you it is what you do. Throw caution to the wind and just BE...and ignore the little people who have to look at your label before they can figure out how to deal with you. You came to WIIWD to explore, then why not just do that? Not a bad idea. I'd have suggested getting together with a Dominant and a sub and asking the Dominant to flog you for a bit and then ask them to allow you to flog the slave and see which satisfies you the most.. You have three choices inthe main Dominant Switch and sub/slave I'd bet one of the three will fill your cup to overflowing..

LokisBrat -> RE: How do you know? (7/14/2006 6:14:37 PM)
Too much emphasis is placed, in my opinion, on labeling oneself. Explore all, learn all, and like others have replied, just enjoy and do what turns your crank. LOKI

Sinergy -> RE: How do you know? (7/14/2006 8:16:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalimachild quote: ORIGINAL: proudsub What do you fantacize about? Most of the time it's about having someone hold me when I want them to. Run my bath water and bathe me. Fix my hair when we are going out. Know how to touch me to make me feel live and feminine. Someone who is willing to allow me to be me. You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize what it is that I might be looking for. Someone to worship me as the Goddess I am. Weird, I enjoy doing many of those things, apart from the worshipping aspect, with my submissive. Giving her a bath, brushing her hair, buying her clothing, taking her to Disneyland. On the other hand, I also enjoy tying her up, spanking her behind a lovely purple color, making her wear a cheerleaders outfit, anally violating her, having her bring me a martini on her knees so I can enjoy her fellating me as I gaze at the sunset over the ocean. Having her clean my place naked. I do not enjoy being tied up, being spanked, wearing cheerleader outfits, being anally violated, etc. This could all just be me, and I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that my interests lie as a Dominant. There ya go. Sinergy

Lidh2l -> RE: How do you know? (7/15/2006 11:43:59 PM)
In our opinion, if you really must choose a label, go with switch until you can make a more informed descision. We don't think labels are really that important, but there are those who do, and the first time one of them says "you say you're a switch, but you're not very Domly," or "subly," well then you'll know what the "I need a label" crowd wants to see. However, we still think that Crappy gave the best advice so far, so go ahead and make your choice...goddess.

wandering4u -> RE: How do you know? (7/16/2006 3:35:21 AM)
Whatever label you choose, it does not change who you are. Go, enjoy and it will become clearer as you do. And besides that, who cares what label you put on yourself?

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