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Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 9:29:25 AM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		A counsilor i have seen on a regular basis told me today that i am a control freak. (she does not know i'm submissive or anything about my bdsm tendancies).

i came home quiet upset and have spoken to my C about this. How can someone who is submissive also be a control freak? i've given up all control of myself to my C, in as many areas as humanly possible (and in a few that i have to seriously work to do as he says) But i give this up freely.  C says it's because i DO try to control everything around me, and by giving up this control to him, it allows me to feel safe and taken care of.

i was just wondering what others thought of this.


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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 9:35:25 AM   
mylittlesub


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		Its not at all unusual for submissives to be in control of things in their day-to-day lives, both professionally and personally.  Being submissive does not contradict with being in control - after all, it is your choice to give control to your Master.  Generally that means someone who is secure enough in who they are that they can relinquish that control.  Some also enjoy being relieved of their day-to-day stresses and allow others to take control for a while.

Don't feel that by being told that outwardly you appear to be a 'control freak' that you are somehow failing in your submission to your Captain.  Unless he is dissatisfied with where you are (and hopefully he'll tell you), then take it as a compliment that you are otherwise seen as a strong and independent young woman.


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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 9:45:58 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have overcome an anxiety disorder, part of having an anxiety disorder is being a control freak. It can actually feed a submissive to be this way, because we want to surrrender our control. I no longer have those control issues as I once had, but I still want to submit,... the anxiety disorder just fed it a little

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 11:50:11 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline 		I've believed for quite some time that all sides of the BDSM world are "control freaks."
Here's why.
This is all based on mutually consensual activities.  That means, the decision to give control to Master is mine.  He chooses to accept or not.  The relationship works because W/we both chose one another, after getting to know each other.  Had He not been someone i felt safe with, i would not have chosen to submit to Him.
So really, we, as submissives, do have control.  The ultimate control.  We can stay or go, consent or not consent.  Submit or not submit.  The safety and security that being Master's slave gives me is the ultimate control.  It's predictable, stable, and I know what to expect.  Therefore I don't have to worry about those things, they are "under control".  This frees me to take care of other things.

So yes, I'm probably a control freak.  It is what it is, there's no value of good or bad placed on it.  It's simply part of my personality.  And I bet many submissives are the same way.  Either way, there's no need to be upset with the label.  Just know that one of the ways you control your life is by choosing a Master to take care of you.

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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 12:29:25 PM   
tantalized


Posts: 10
Status: offline 		I've long thought that one of the reasons I love to give up control in bed is that I so dislike giving up control in the rest of my life.

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 12:54:33 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

A counsilor i have seen on a regular basis told me today that i am a control freak. (she does not know i'm submissive or anything about my bdsm tendancies).

i came home quiet upset and have spoken to my C about this. How can someone who is submissive also be a control freak? i've given up all control of myself to my C, in as many areas as humanly possible (and in a few that i have to seriously work to do as he says) But i give this up freely.  C says it's because i DO try to control everything around me, and by giving up this control to him, it allows me to feel safe and taken care of.

i was just wondering what others thought of this.



Control freaks can be from either side.

It's why so many slaves go bonkers without micoromanagement and structure. The real art, from the Master's side, is managing the obsessive compulsive tendencies in a way that won't suck up too much of his time in overseeing it.

But when I talk about "managing" a slave people don't get it.

I guess that's because most are fantasizing about "whips and chains" when they think 24 7....rather than simple day to day routines.

It's not all about fucking and beating.

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 1:29:04 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Its so common it is a cliche, don't worry about it.

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 1:38:27 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Think about it, forget the obvious things I can lay on you about 'counselors', but if she is coming from a place she believes you to be, and you are harboring a corner of your being, and she is only getting part of the story, then the advice is much like you see out here all the time.......except face-to-face.

Mine included, right now!

You need to drink more, and obsess less.

LOLOL,
Ron  

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 3:57:25 PM   
subedana


Posts: 100
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		I don't find that hard to believe at all at all. You ought to see me at work. LOL...Don't sweat it hon. We all have a bit of control freak in us. That's just human.

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 4:07:07 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

A counsilor i have seen on a regular basis told me today that i am a control freak. (she does not know i'm submissive or anything about my bdsm tendancies).

i came home quiet upset and have spoken to my C about this. How can someone who is submissive also be a control freak? i've given up all control of myself to my C, in as many areas as humanly possible (and in a few that i have to seriously work to do as he says) But i give this up freely.  C says it's because i DO try to control everything around me, and by giving up this control to him, it allows me to feel safe and taken care of.

i was just wondering what others thought of this.



Control freaks can be from either side.

It's why so many slaves go bonkers without micoromanagement and structure. The real art, from the Master's side, is managing the obsessive compulsive tendencies in a way that won't suck up too much of his time in overseeing it.

But when I talk about "managing" a slave people don't get it.

I guess that's because most are fantasizing about "whips and chains" when they think 24 7....rather than simple day to day routines.

It's not all about fucking and beating.


I am a control freak. I truly am. However, that need for order, structure, etc. causes me to stress..a lot. We joke about my OCD kicking in but it is probably not far off. I am extremely structure oriented at my job, the other nurses call me "Ms. Efficient"..they don't get that chaos throws me in a tailspin. I have to be structured and efficient or I get soooo overwhelmed.  I'm not very good at providing that order and structure for myself. He is excellent at *managing* me and providing that structure and order. I can't see the forest through the trees and breaking things down into more manageable chunks is something I suck at. Management of people is his forte. So I am a slave who is a control freak too. I wouldn't stress over it too much.

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/13/2006 8:13:23 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm a complete control freak when it comes to certain things. I have learned to relax over the last few years though.

I think being able to submit to another helps balance everything out.

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/14/2006 2:54:36 AM   
wetsub000


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm with most of the poster's here, I've often been told I'm the most controlled person and for years I thought I deserved my weak husband because it allowed me to be in control.

Now I've discovered the joy of submission and I've discussed this controlling aspect with my Master.  He agrees it probably makes me a great sub, because I do have such a good control over myself I can hand that over to him and he can use it.  Imagine if you were scatty and couldn't control yourself, how would/could you hand over control?   Of course there are subs out there like that, who enjoy someone imposing control on them, but it's not my way ... I'm handing over the keys to the mercedes.  *smiles*

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/14/2006 3:06:57 AM   
srllile7


Posts: 75
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline
I understand I cant control everything but I like to be as well informed and as prepared as possible for any and every situation. Hehehe does that make me a control freak. Im not horrible I just hate being unprepared or surprised. Im finding it hard to let go of some of this with Sir still. Like the other day he had a surprise and he was like I want to try this and he gave me the smallest clue of what it was, I spent 6 hours surfing the web and blogs with this hint to figure out what the surprise was. I am also still pretty bad about asking tons of questions about what he has planned for us so that I can prepare myself for by diving into these forums or other resources ive found.   Thank goodness I have a patient Dom lol. But im hoping with time and a bit more age ill get a little more lax on the control issue.

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RE: Submissive control freak? - 7/14/2006 12:42:18 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your replies.

i never really thought of it exactly in the ways you've all mentioned.. i really do love giving C control over me. i guess it's because i'm such a control hog in other areas of my life.


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