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Strange twist on control... - 12/15/2014 11:35:50 PM   
LostKytten


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/29/2014
Status: offline
I'm scratching my head on this one, and have finally decided to ask.

A dominant contacted me, oh a month or so ago I guess it was, since my situation has put a pause on my being here. He read my profile before I cleared it and was highly interested in the fact that I am disabled and can't walk without assistance.

Evidently, in his kwirky little mind, this meant a whole new kind of control and world of domination towards me... he liked the dependability factor, and how it would be a matter of NEEDING him for things, not just choosing to submit.

Naturally, I'm curious to know what all he meant and his exact perspectives... but, user's profile no longer exists.

So, here I am... putting it into the great void. Any dominants out there care to pick up the bat and take a swing?
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 1:25:20 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Either he's a predator or else he likes helping wounded puppies. To be honest, I'd be leery. The fact that his profile vanished makes me more leery.

Welcome to the forums.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LostKytten)
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 2:06:15 AM   
NookieNotes


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Joined: 11/10/2013
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What DS said. *nods*

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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 2:09:17 AM   
LostKytten


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/29/2014
Status: offline
Wounded? Lol... I may be disabled, but I'm far from helpless. If that was his thought process, good riddance!

Thanks for the welcome. Been around CM long enough. Figured I may as well...

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 3:44:00 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
A part of me is really angry that any man would look upon a disabled woman as being easier to control since in his mind she would be more dependent upon him.

I had to cool down before posting. There are two angles to this, but neither of them bodes well.
Any Dom who entertains the notion that a sub will be easier to control because of any limitation(s) upon her part, whether physical, mental-emotional/psychological, has a predatory disposition. Opportunistically predatory, which is how predators operate in choosing their prey.
As DS also noted, his motives could be more along the lines of being attracted to "wounded puppies." This might have been his clumsy way of letting you know that your disability was not a negative to him. It still is not the basis upon which to build upon a D/s relationship dynamic.

I'll second the good riddance. If he were Sadistic, there's no telling where this sort of Dom would blur the lines of consensuality with you, as the potentially hapless object <don't want to use v-word, but it could apply> of his sadistic impulses, in his own mind.
Please Kytten, if he does reappear with a new profile, have him talk to the hand. You can do much better than the likes of him, and you shall.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LostKytten)
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 8:25:19 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LostKytten

I'm scratching my head on this one, and have finally decided to ask.

A dominant contacted me, oh a month or so ago I guess it was, since my situation has put a pause on my being here. He read my profile before I cleared it and was highly interested in the fact that I am disabled and can't walk without assistance.

Evidently, in his kwirky little mind, this meant a whole new kind of control and world of domination towards me... he liked the dependability factor, and how it would be a matter of NEEDING him for things, not just choosing to submit.

Naturally, I'm curious to know what all he meant and his exact perspectives... but, user's profile no longer exists.

So, here I am... putting it into the great void. Any dominants out there care to pick up the bat and take a swing?


I have a bit of a different spin on things than the others.

I find it extremely odd that he would be wanting you in a position of needing him for things if he is a dominant. I'm not saying that it cannot, but that is not the way it typically goes in a BDSM relationship. In my mind that would make him the submissive... but I have had little sleep and even less coffee so I could be way off here.

I will agree that you will have to have your radar working overtime to be careful of those that may take advantage of your situation, but I am sure that you are aware of that already. My best advice, look for the dominant that doesn't see the disability as a problem or an advantage.

Welcome to the forums.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LostKytten)
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 9:34:35 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
In it's self I don't see anything wrong with it. Many Doms tie a girl's wrists or ankles to remove her ability to fight back. Yet it's somehow morally wrong or suspect if that physical inability is permanent rather than temporary? Curious. Does consent only matter to the able bodied? Is a disabled person not able to give or negotiate their consent to scenes? I am sure they are no less able, so this is not a question of predators, which we are all at risk from anyway. I would say the only red flag would be the risk elements of dependence, but this is just as risky for the stay at home Mum who relies on her Master's career. i also see no reason a person shouldn't be desired BECAUSE of their disability, rather than in spite of it. There are all kinds of people in this world and all kinds of desires. If you can match two up then why not? I certainly wouldn't dismiss it out of hand.

(in reply to LostKytten)
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 1:33:27 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
I didn't jump to predator but to someone with a touch of a white knight symptom who believes you would always have some dependence on him because of your issues.

Normally, a white knight 'rescues' someone, helps them become independent and is then left behind in the dust. With permanent issues, presumably he would consistently be coming to your rescue, often enough to give him his fix.

It doesn't have to be that he's a bad person for this. The Man has a fair bit of white knight in him and often enough, I do need him to help me. Since I'm night blind, just walking from the car to a restaurant has me dependent on him offering his arm, holding my hand and leading me. It helps me, and it makes him feel good.

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/16/2014 7:57:21 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
Color me cynical,..
quote:

ORIGINAL: LostKytten

He read my profile before I cleared it and was highly interested in the fact that I am disabled and can't walk without assistance.

Evidently, in his kwirky little mind, this meant a whole new kind of control and world of domination towards me... he liked the dependability factor, and how it would be a matter of NEEDING him for things, not just choosing to submit.


...but the issue I perceived with this Dom is that he was more than just interested in OP out of compassion for a disabled sub. Not being able to walk without assistance severely limits mobility and this is what piqued his interest, the degree to which she could be potentially dependent upon him for having access to what she needs to get around, that she would have no choice but to submit to him or else he could use this against her.

It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he had asked how isolated OP is from daily contact with others (friends & family nearby), whether she has anyone looking in on her regularly, whether her reliance upon her service dog takes care of her basic needs to where there was no necessity for visits from a home health care aide in her routine, that she was managing without one.

Then what happens when this Dominant tires of having to be the one who serves his sub instead of the other way around, conceivably? Once it's no longer fun & games for him?

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

In it's self I don't see anything wrong with it. Many Doms tie a girl's wrists or ankles to remove her ability to fight back. Yet it's somehow morally wrong or suspect if that physical inability is permanent rather than temporary? Curious. Does consent only matter to the able bodied? Is a disabled person not able to give or negotiate their consent to scenes? I am sure they are no less able, so this is not a question of predators, which we are all at risk from anyway. I would say the only red flag would be the risk elements of dependence, but this is just as risky for the stay at home Mum who relies on her Master's career. i also see no reason a person shouldn't be desired BECAUSE of their disability, rather than in spite of it. There are all kinds of people in this world and all kinds of desires. If you can match two up then why not? I certainly wouldn't dismiss it out of hand.

In itself, there is nothing wrong with this. Forget for a moment that this man is a Dom. It would make no difference whether BDSM is involved or not from this standpoint. Any man who would stress fostering more dependence upon a disabled person rather than having the desire to help the disabled achieve a greater level of independence, or at the very least be neutral in this matter (as in, we can work around this so that it doesn't become an issue), is not coming from a place of adding value to the OP's life.

There is a major difference between being temporarily incapacitated and being permanently so, and there is no comparison between the two. Only someone who doesn't have a permanent physical disability which limits their ambulatory movements, and who hasn't been the caregiver to somebody who does, could pose such a question with naiveté.

As a Dominant myself, if I were considering a sub because he would have no choice but to submit to me, what kind of responsible Dominant would that make me? No choice takes full consent out of the equation. Whether s/he consents or doesn't, whether this consent is honored, becomes a moot point when s/he would have no choice but to submit to my arbitrary whims. Then when you factor in a D/s power exchange and a Dom who can pull out the "Master's Right" card, after he has made his sub all the more dependent upon him, I can't see where there wouldn't be a big red flag waving.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LostKytten)
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RE: Strange twist on control... - 12/17/2014 9:37:51 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
To OP, Have a screening process. It is good to know whether or not this person is safe enough to be around in any setting. This is true for anyone you deal with online, it is sort of a "free for all" and anything could be hiding behind a monitor.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to LostKytten)
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