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Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 4:29:32 AM   
AllTheThings


Posts: 25
Joined: 12/29/2014
Status: offline 		To be clear I'm a switch that tends to linger towards submissive just a little bit more than Dominate. But I definitely enjoy both. My dilemna is that I have this guy I'm talking to (also a switch but lingers towards Dominate more) and I tend to run out of fantasies that I want to go through with him. We voice chat mostly because its more convenient for us (i.e having to look nice everytime we talk late at night is bothersome and I just can't let him see that yet) and I feel like such a newb compared to him (the natural storyteller).

How can I fix this?
How can I get more experienced in this? Because I try to grow and learn with each chat that this occurs, but I always want to improve and keep things interesting.

Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 5:13:44 AM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		To be honest, I'm having a hard time believing the fantasy spank bank on both sides has run dry.

It sounds like you may not be running out of fantasies so much as you haven't let go of your inhibitions just yet. Especially so because you're caught up on having to look nice for him every night, or not let him see you at all. How long have you two been involved?

The only way to get more experience in this is to keep doing it. And I'd suggest that if he's taking the dominant role in most of your fantasies and is the natural storyteller, let him take the lead if possible.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to AllTheThings)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 5:43:41 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AllTheThings

To be clear I'm a switch that tends to linger towards submissive just a little bit more than Dominate. But I definitely enjoy both. My dilemna is that I have this guy I'm talking to (also a switch but lingers towards Dominate more) and I tend to run out of fantasies that I want to go through with him. We voice chat mostly because its more convenient for us (i.e having to look nice everytime we talk late at night is bothersome and I just can't let him see that yet) and I feel like such a newb compared to him (the natural storyteller).

How can I fix this?
How can I get more experienced in this? Because I try to grow and learn with each chat that this occurs, but I always want to improve and keep things interesting.

Thanks





_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to AllTheThings)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 7:26:19 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AllTheThings

To be clear I'm a switch that tends to linger towards submissive just a little bit more than Dominate. But I definitely enjoy both. My dilemna is that I have this guy I'm talking to (also a switch but lingers towards Dominate more) and I tend to run out of fantasies that I want to go through with him. We voice chat mostly because its more convenient for us (i.e having to look nice everytime we talk late at night is bothersome and I just can't let him see that yet) and I feel like such a newb compared to him (the natural storyteller).

How can I fix this?
How can I get more experienced in this? Because I try to grow and learn with each chat that this occurs, but I always want to improve and keep things interesting.

Thanks


Your mind should be an endless well of fantasies... If it isn't, you are kinda SOL.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to AllTheThings)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 8:32:55 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Is your relationship limited to the times that you are "together"? Before I read your post, the title alone took my mind in an entirely different direction. Much of the online domination that I've experienced didn't take place in the confines of time together, but was commands for other times. Some of this could have photographic or video proof, but some of it simply depended on trust (that it truly was done and that I wasn't just BSing/placating her).

Case in point: a Mistress told me to go through a drive-thru (the next day) wearing only the white compression shorts that you see in my profile pic. At the time, my video camera was on the blink, so the best I could manage was still pix. I took a couple just before and just after (in the parking lot), but I theoretically could have pulled on some pants during the actual event. However, she was happy with trusting that I wasn't lying, coupled with my account of the event (including the half-stare and knowing smile of the 20-year-old female at the window).

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 9:37:49 AM   
AllTheThings


Posts: 25
Joined: 12/29/2014
Status: offline 		Thanks to everyone so far that have helped/been honest with me about this. A few things, we've known each other for a year and a half, we're strictly online atm (chat, cam, mic) because of the lack of funding on both sides to meet each other, and I usually let him lead in whatever fantasy he wants to explore (whether he wants to be dominated or dominate) because he's simply better at it.

This has made me wonder if I'm holding back or if because I'm so new to BDSM in general that its made me a newb in this area.

(in reply to wannapleez)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 12:08:11 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AllTheThings

Thanks to everyone so far that have helped/been honest with me about this. A few things, we've known each other for a year and a half, we're strictly online atm (chat, cam, mic) because of the lack of funding on both sides to meet each other, and I usually let him lead in whatever fantasy he wants to explore (whether he wants to be dominated or dominate) because he's simply better at it.

This has made me wonder if I'm holding back or if because I'm so new to BDSM in general that its made me a newb in this area.


What's the issue? If he's happy the way things are, you're doing fine.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AllTheThings)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dominating Online - 12/29/2014 12:50:14 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AllTheThings

Thanks to everyone so far that have helped/been honest with me about this. A few things, we've known each other for a year and a half, we're strictly online atm (chat, cam, mic) because of the lack of funding on both sides to meet each other, and I usually let him lead in whatever fantasy he wants to explore (whether he wants to be dominated or dominate) because he's simply better at it.

This has made me wonder if I'm holding back or if because I'm so new to BDSM in general that its made me a newb in this area.


I have a tendency to hold back, it is just part of my nature. To combat that in the beginning my Owner had me keep an online journal, not just for the general stuff going on in my head but also for sexual fantasies. I think part of my problem was separating 'yes this is fantasy only' vs 'hmmm maybe I'd want to...', writing it out helped both of us and our relationship.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to AllTheThings)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dominating Online - 12/30/2014 2:38:20 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

Your mind should be an endless well of fantasies... If it isn't, you are kinda SOL.

OP, I can't tell your age since you have your profile hidden.

Even vanilla couples engage in role-play to spice up their sex lives. That's how my husband and I had gotten started.
There are endless scenarios to tap into. Your imagination should be limitless.

I'm going to play devil's advocate momentarily. You spoke about your inhibitions. It's great that you want to keep things interesting for your on-line man. Has he hinted that he wants you to take the lead more often? Do you have reservations about your own assertive nature or a lack of self-confidence there? I'm sensing that you want to ensure that he doesn't get bored with you.

It doesn't matter if your man is S/switch, Dom or sub...tease him. Tease him and keep on teasing him. Verbal innuendos, double entendres, strip-tease, do whatever it takes to keep him in a state of arousal. After a year and a half, the two of you should be quite intimate with one another emotionally. I don't think trust is the issue. Are you both close enough to have pet names, exclusive terms of endearment, is there any romance and tender affection going on between you or is it just cutting straight to kinky sexual activities?

As long as you make it too easy for him to stay your on-line kink buddy, he'll take you for granted (and you, him). A man who wants what he wants goes after it and finds a way to scrape together the funds or resources to meet you in real life, unless you don't want to deal with the (mature) demands of having a real-life lover and are content yourself with conducting a long-distance fantasy infatuation.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dominating Online - 12/30/2014 11:43:50 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		A million years ago in a bedroom far, far away (and using fast reply) ....

When I was first exploring kink with online playmates I did all the fantasy chatting and they did all the one arm typing. I didn't do this very long as I found it frustrating and demeaning to be providing 'service' for some guy on the other end. That being said, when I turned the tables guys tended to either suck at storytelling or simply think they were entitled to jerk off to my efforts at fulfilling their fantasies.

Has the OP considered letting her playmate do all the fantasy creation and her simply sit back enjoy his efforts?

Wickad

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dominating Online - 12/31/2014 12:46:03 AM   
AllTheThings


Posts: 25
Joined: 12/29/2014
Status: offline 		Hi and thanks for the reply!

He usually does lead the fantasy, because well he's simply much better at it than me. And despite my efforts to make it good for him as well, I feel like I'm not up to par. I enjoy practicing while we're in a scene, but its still sometimes awkward because I'm still new to dirty talk and I tend to self criticizing myself in a scene and fucking it all up....so yeah.


(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dominating Online - 12/31/2014 10:02:37 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		You feel you aren't up to par. But does he feel that way? Have you guys talked together about this? He might not even be one fraction as bothered about this as you are.

I'll be honest. I think it sounds to me like you are pretty hard on yourself about this. That has a way of making the situation worse than it needs to be. The best piece of advice I can give is admittedly easier said than done. Relax...and have fun with it. Confidence is incredibly sexy. It's okay that you don't have experiences to draw on. You will get there. When I first got started back in the day, I didn't have much fun either. I was too focused on my newness, which caused a lot of anxiety. But as time went on and I became more confident in myself, I didn't worry so much about it.

Just keep communicating together. Share your feelings and let him help you when he can. With time and experience, it does get better. Give yourself that chance

(in reply to AllTheThings)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dominating Online - 1/2/2015 5:12:08 PM   
Damacis


Posts: 45
Joined: 7/27/2011
Status: offline 		Practice makes perfect.

You can also try thinking about what fantasies you might enjoy and writing them down. Helps to focus your thoughts and add a little clarity.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dominating Online - 1/2/2015 7:19:51 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		To me, eh,it sucks you're not in that headspace and fretting about things you shouldn't. Detracts from the experience.
Yes I did online domming before when in the midst of frenzy and less disciplined. I would do it to get my kicks and vice versa and in small sporadic bursts here and there but I'd end up directing a group of 6 guys with about 15 other onlookers for about 2 hours. Two hours is another constant in my life, LOL. They were all on cam and I was not. Rather than fantasizing, why not go through the motions of using props? Toys and devices? He can direct you what to do with what? Masturbating to fantasy still sounds pretty vanilla unless there is edging involved and the "no cumming without permission" and such rules are applied. Shoelaces are a constant in my life, very nifty and of course wooden spoons as floggers etc, pantyhose, whatever you can find to spice things up. Good luck to you both.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Damacis)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dominating Online - 1/10/2015 11:44:55 AM   
wickkeddesire


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/3/2015
Status: offline 		Why do you have to look nice? Tis bothersome as you say.
Online, I always urge both sides to verify their realities too each other. Personally I avoid those who can only sneak online at specific times but that is just me ( I will talk to attach people, as long as they are not sneaking about).

Skype I have but in my experience *few people* have it on these places, and fewer still not sneaking about.
My point being if I have someone on skype then I am simply comfortable with them and they can see me as is.

Normally they do not understand a Scottish accent.
Which leads me on to my next point.

It is hard face to face words to words – save for talkers. Therefore, leave the cam on but mute the voice and type your mind – why you women rarely do this puzzles me greatly – and yes I still seek one like that. Girls minds are infinitely more interesting than most mens minds when it comes to scenarios etc.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dominating Online - 1/13/2015 7:35:02 PM   
onetoy4domme


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline 		Why the fuck I can't login to my account? What motherfucker is responsible?

(in reply to AllTheThings)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dominating Online - 1/13/2015 9:58:32 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onetoy4domme

Why the fuck I can't login to my account? What motherfucker is responsible?


It's probably a technical issue. That said, purely based on your attitude, if I was in Tech Support, I'd drop you to the bottom of the queue.

Also, all those Dommes you want to impress? They are capable of reading. You should take that into account when you post.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to onetoy4domme)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dominating Online - 1/17/2015 9:56:47 AM   
TrisTakesControl


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/16/2015
Status: offline 		Take up creative writing. Maybe just like get into writing erotic short stories, it is a fantastic way to find your voice. The library has all sorts of just basic writing manuals that are easy to read and super useful. Learning storytelling is the same concept no matter what kind of story you are telling

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 18
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