to stroke or not to stroke

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wannapleez -> to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 9:16:58 AM)
A couple of caveats: * I realize that they're just pictures/videos and not reality. But I wonder if they reflect reality at all. * I am not saying (nor trying to establish) that XYZ is the right answer and the only way that things should be done. What follows is simply my experience, how I view things based on that experience, and soliciting others' experiences and opinions. And some backstory: I have only experienced serious anal play with two Dommes. The first one did a LOT of insertions with fingers and toys, but never found a strap-on that fit her comfortably, and so never did that, even though she wanted to. The other Domme has only done insertion with a strap-on. With both Dommes, physical stimulation of my cock never occurred. Part of this was purely practical (if I'm bent over a bed, neither of us can get to it -- and if I'm on all 4's, I'm not coordinated enough to be on "all 3s" and get pegged at the same time -- and she never did a reach-around). But it mostly struck me as simply being out of place. (Again, my experience/thoughts -- I'm not citing hard and fast rules). To me, pegging (and other insertions) in a Domme/sub relationship is very much about ownership and control. And while I have no beef with the sub receiving pleasure in such a relationship, this never struck me as one of the times when that should be the case. But, of late, I'm seeing more and more pictures and videos of peggings where the guy is stroking his cock or the woman is doing it for him, sometimes even to "completion". And it just seems "wrong" somehow. What is your experience/opinion? (Both Mistresses and subs)

NookieNotes -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 10:36:34 AM)
I love playing with his cock, or him playing with his cock, or someone else playing with his cock (in threesomes). I think it's awesome. And doggy is not my favorite position, either. I like prone and cowboy and missionary. Prone rubs the cock against the bed or floor. Cowboy and missionary have it right there for play.

FieryOpal -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 11:35:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez But, of late, I'm seeing more and more pictures and videos of peggings where the guy is stroking his cock or the woman is doing it for him, sometimes even to "completion". And it just seems "wrong" somehow. It seems 'wrong' to you, because...? of Positioning? Awkwardness? Lack of dexterity and/or coordination? Wrong for the sub to have genital stimulation? Wrong for the sub to pleasure himself? Wrong for the Domme to provide her sub with more pleasure? Wrong for the Domme to shift over from tease & denial too soon or not prolong T&D? Btw, although porn seems to be the default tutorial modality for males to learn about sexual practices, much of what gets staged & scripted is not reality or not realistic on so many levels. Nevertheless, I've never had a problem with my sub stroking himself, and normally insist upon it during anal play. It helps keep him relaxed, and why wouldn't I want him to enjoy himself?

wannapleez -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 2:01:23 PM)
I appreciate all your input, NookieNotes. It's definitely within the realm of what I was wanting to find out from others. But just responding to part of it. quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes Prone rubs the cock against the bed or floor. The times that I have been pegged have had variations on prone. 1) Sometimes its on the side of the bed, me standing on the floor with legs spread, upper body laying across the bed. This position presses my cock against the bed, but doesn't rub it against the bed unless I'm the one moving and she's standing still (which she has had me do - and I was on the verge of cumming within 60 seconds). 2) Sometimes all 4's (doggy) evolves into prone as she presses me down. And granted, that's mind-blowing when you're being that completely dominated by a woman who is 14 inches shorter and at least 60 pounds lighter than you. But even that just presses, it doesn't rub.

wannapleez -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 2:24:46 PM)
ETA: FieryOpal, thanks for your thoughts, too. I'm going to re-order your questions a bit. quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal It seems 'wrong' to you, because...? of Positioning? Awkwardness? Lack of dexterity and/or coordination? No, that was just what made it impractical. Even if those factors were not an issue, though, I'd still feel the same way. quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Wrong for the Domme to provide her sub with more pleasure? Wrong for the Domme to shift over from tease & denial too soon or not prolong T&D? No. IMHO, there's no such thing as "wrong for the Domme" followed by anything. And I would NEVER say anything negative about T&D -- I'm addicted. :) quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Wrong for the sub to have genital stimulation? We're getting warmer. Though that #1 incident in my response to NN certainly included genital stimulation. But it was more an incidental by-product of what was going on, not an intentional thing. quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Wrong for the sub to pleasure himself? I think this is closest to what I was getting at. (Though I'm not sure exactly what I was getting at -- hence the fact that I put quote marks around "wrong".) Backing up (just for a moment) to a more general case: IMHO, sexual activity, whether vanilla or BDSM/kink/whatever should -- overall -- bring pleasure to both parties, but there are times within it that should be just about one party or the other (with the party not being focused on deriving pleasure incidentally from the fact that the other is being pleased and/or the psychological stimulation of the activity). Pegging has always struck me as one of those times. quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Btw, although porn seems to be the default tutorial modality for males to learn about sexual practices, much of what gets staged & scripted is not reality or not realistic on so many levels. Oh, I know that all too well. I guess at some level, my question was basically, "Is this one of those cases?" quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Nevertheless, I've never had a problem with my sub stroking himself, and normally insist upon it during anal play. It helps keep him relaxed ... See, for me, it wouldn't be relaxing -- it'd be distracting. My mind is either fully concentrated on the pegging or looking at the pretty lights in subspace. :) quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal ... and why wouldn't I want him to enjoy himself? No reason whatsoever. IMHO, a Domme's pleasure is paramount, but it isn't necessarily sole.

NookieNotes -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 2:53:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Nevertheless, I've never had a problem with my sub stroking himself, and normally insist upon it during anal play. It helps keep him relaxed ... Pleasure and orgasm (non-ejaculatory and ejaculatory) relaxes the sphincter muscles, and can make pegging easier and more pleasurable. In addition to increasing pleasure, it also reduces tension, which reduces the chance of injuring the bottom. So, it's a good thing to try.

RockaRolla -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 3:01:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez Backing up (just for a moment) to a more general case: IMHO, sexual activity, whether vanilla or BDSM/kink/whatever should -- overall -- bring pleasure to both parties, but there are times within it that should be just about one party or the other (with the party not being focused on deriving pleasure incidentally from the fact that the other is being pleased and/or the psychological stimulation of the activity). Pegging has always struck me as one of those times. This I can understand, as I have similar feelings toward many sex acts. These are personal preferences and not necessarily the "right" way to do things. But you already knew that. If this is how you feel it can take a fair amount of condition to get around these mental blocks. Is it something you're willing to work on? What if you meet with a Domme who wants to see you directly pleasuring yourself?

FieryOpal -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 3:15:58 PM)
Appreciate the feedback. I'll tell you right off the bat that I'm not big on pegging. This would only be for my sub's sake. I don't look at ass play or anal play as a method of dominating my sub. I can just as easily dominate him with a look or a glance. I'm thinking outside of just the pegging part when it comes to stroking, starting from using a butt plug, giving an OTK spanking, using a vibrator, etc., so my thoughts aren't limited to strap-on sex. quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Wrong for the sub to have genital stimulation? We're getting warmer. Though that #1 incident in my response to NN certainly included genital stimulation. But it was more an incidental by-product of what was going on, not an intentional thing. There's nothing wrong with intentionally having genital stimulation. When a man is prone on the bed with a humbler on and getting rhythmically swatted with a riding crop, he's going to be rubbing himself on the bed. quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Wrong for the sub to pleasure himself? I think this is closest to what I was getting at. (Though I'm not sure exactly what I was getting at -- hence the fact that I put quote marks around "wrong".) Backing up (just for a moment) to a more general case: IMHO, sexual activity, whether vanilla or BDSM/kink/whatever should -- overall -- bring pleasure to both parties, but there are times within it that should be just about one party or the other (with the party not being focused on deriving pleasure incidentally from the fact that the other is being pleased and/or the psychological stimulation of the activity). Pegging has always struck me as one of those times. That would be up to the Dominant in question, the when or if of orgasmic release. Beforehand, this matter should be discussed, not left up to you to read her mind or make baseless assumptions. If you're unclear what would please your Mistress while scening, then wait until she gives you the signal, an instruction or a cue. quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Btw, although porn seems to be the default tutorial modality for males to learn about sexual practices, much of what gets staged & scripted is not reality or not realistic on so many levels. Oh, I know that all too well. I guess at some level, my question was basically, "Is this one of those cases?" I don't know what type of FemDom porn you've been watching. Hopefully not the lowly worm variety where male subs act like passive, obsequious bottoms who have been stripped of any free will, cockless & ball-less, reduced to using a dildo gag on a FemDom. But I guess some males need to get themselves into that sort of headspace in order to relinquish control. Porn is...porn. Mechanically staged sex and/or BDSM acts. Play-acting. None of that accurately portrays D/s. Nobody in real life is doing BDSM 24 hours a day. quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Nevertheless, I've never had a problem with my sub stroking himself, and normally insist upon it during anal play. It helps keep him relaxed ... See, for me, it wouldn't be relaxing -- it'd be distracting. My mind is either fully concentrated on the pegging or looking at the pretty lights in subspace. :) Again, I'm speaking from a broader perspective than that of merely pegging. As a female, there was no way I could enjoy any sort of anal-receiving without direct clitoral stimulation for quite a few years there. (Including using lots of extra lube until uninterrupted vaginal-to-anal could suffice.) With a male, he should get gradually dilated over a period of time before getting pegged. In fact, it's a lot more fun to have a male sub who is not overly eager to have this done and to build up to it as long as possible. But that's just me, and that way I can get into the whole anticipation-trepidation aspect of it with my sub. For me, the point of any sexual interaction is for both partners to experience pleasure mutually. You wouldn't take a not-broken-in horse out to jump hurdles or out on a fox chase. It just isn't done by any person with a lick of sense.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 5:22:26 PM)
"With both Dommes, physical stimulation of my cock never occurred. " (That simply cannot continue).

LookieNoNookie -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 5:24:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I love playing with his cock, or him playing with his cock, or someone else playing with his cock (in threesomes). I think it's awesome. And doggy is not my favorite position, either. I like prone and cowboy and missionary. Prone rubs the cock against the bed or floor. Cowboy and missionary have it right there for play. How old are you? I think marriage is to be considered. If not, then lust with appropriate amounts of lasciviousness should be on the table.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/29/2014 5:29:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez A couple of caveats: * I realize that they're just pictures/videos and not reality. But I wonder if they reflect reality at all. * I am not saying (nor trying to establish) that XYZ is the right answer and the only way that things should be done. What follows is simply my experience, how I view things based on that experience, and soliciting others' experiences and opinions. And some backstory: I have only experienced serious anal play with two Dommes. The first one did a LOT of insertions with fingers and toys, but never found a strap-on that fit her comfortably, and so never did that, even though she wanted to. The other Domme has only done insertion with a strap-on. With both Dommes, physical stimulation of my cock never occurred. Part of this was purely practical (if I'm bent over a bed, neither of us can get to it -- and if I'm on all 4's, I'm not coordinated enough to be on "all 3s" and get pegged at the same time -- and she never did a reach-around). But it mostly struck me as simply being out of place. (Again, my experience/thoughts -- I'm not citing hard and fast rules). To me, pegging (and other insertions) in a Domme/sub relationship is very much about ownership and control. And while I have no beef with the sub receiving pleasure in such a relationship, this never struck me as one of the times when that should be the case. But, of late, I'm seeing more and more pictures and videos of peggings where the guy is stroking his cock or the woman is doing it for him, sometimes even to "completion". And it just seems "wrong" somehow. What is your experience/opinion? (Both Mistresses and subs) My cuck being allowed to masturbate was never allowed in either relationship. Nor was Orgasm allowed. But then I'm a bit "extreme" from the comments I get.

Wickad -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/30/2014 1:38:06 AM)
(fast reply) It sounds like the idea for the 'reach around' is coming from porn. If it is, well, duh ... porn is geared at men. Specifically men who want to masturbate to it. It makes sense that such images would feature men getting off to being fucked with a strap-on. The harder question is what does the OP want and what does the OP's partner's want? Sex is about what both parties want and expect from an interaction and then working to achieve them. For myself, I enjoy anal sex (no lube, no other stimulation) to orgasm. It doesn't occur to me that a guy wouldn't as well. I've never had a guy jerk himself or ask me to reach around during strap-on play. I'm not sure how I would respond to that. Depending on where my head space was I might be a bit put out ... or I might go with it as long as it doesn't interfere with my pleasure. Not sure how that would go. Hope that muddies the water - lol. Wickad

NookieNotes -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/30/2014 3:57:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I love playing with his cock, or him playing with his cock, or someone else playing with his cock (in threesomes). I think it's awesome. And doggy is not my favorite position, either. I like prone and cowboy and missionary. Prone rubs the cock against the bed or floor. Cowboy and missionary have it right there for play. How old are you? I think marriage is to be considered. If not, then lust with appropriate amounts of lasciviousness should be on the table. 41. Damn near a dried up spinster (according to another thread...). Ah, me.

wannapleez -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/30/2014 11:49:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez Backing up (just for a moment) to a more general case: IMHO, sexual activity, whether vanilla or BDSM/kink/whatever should -- overall -- bring pleasure to both parties, but there are times within it that should be just about one party or the other (with the party not being focused on deriving pleasure incidentally from the fact that the other is being pleased and/or the psychological stimulation of the activity). Pegging has always struck me as one of those times. This I can understand, as I have similar feelings toward many sex acts. These are personal preferences and not necessarily the "right" way to do things. But you already knew that. If this is how you feel it can take a fair amount of condition to get around these mental blocks. Is it something you're willing to work on? What if you meet with a Domme who wants to see you directly pleasuring yourself? Given your first paragraph, I'm not sure what you mean by "mental blocks". As to a Domme that wants to see different, certainly! If it gives her pleasure, I'm all for it. If it gives me direct pleasure too, that's bonus.

wannapleez -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/30/2014 11:53:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes 41. Damn near a dried up spinster (according to another thread...). Ah, me. Whipper-snapper! :-)

wannapleez -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/30/2014 11:56:20 PM)
Thanks, everyone for the input. (I'm not saying to stop -- just wanted to insert a thanks.)

NookieNotes -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/31/2014 5:51:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wannapleez quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes 41. Damn near a dried up spinster (according to another thread...). Ah, me. Whipper-snapper! :-) Hey now! For you, a man, to call me a whipper snapper, you have to be at least double my age, because, yanno, men and women don't age the same way. smiles

wannapleez -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (12/31/2014 1:33:29 PM)
Been thinking some more about this. For those ladies who expressed interest/desire/pleasure in watching a sub pleasure himself, I totally get that and would never deny a Domme such pleasure. On the specific front of watching him stroke, I have been in that situation several times. Sometimes it's just a thing of eye candy for her. Sometimes it would be on a back porch, so it was more of a cross between CFNM and forced exhibitionism. (Did I say that out loud?) But I also get how giving/allowing pleasure can be genuinely pleasurable for the Domme. I am, by nature, a pleaser. That translates well into being a sub, but it doesn't equal being a sub. One can get genuine pleasure out of giving pleasure without it meaning that you're less dominant or more submissive. I think what it comes down to, IMHO and IME, is that stroking while being pegged might distract/detract from whatever I might be doing to give the Domme pleasure. If she specifically wants to see it, then groovy. But if not, it seems kinda selfish -- or at least communicating a message that the pegging is not enough. Kinda like watching SportsCenter in the middle of sex. :-)

GoddessManko -> RE: to stroke or not to stroke (1/1/2015 9:22:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wickad (fast reply) It sounds like the idea for the 'reach around' is coming from porn. If it is, well, duh ... porn is geared at men. Specifically men who want to masturbate to it. It makes sense that such images would feature men getting off to being fucked with a strap-on. The harder question is what does the OP want and what does the OP's partner's want? Sex is about what both parties want and expect from an interaction and then working to achieve them. For myself, I enjoy anal sex (no lube, no other stimulation) to orgasm. It doesn't occur to me that a guy wouldn't as well. I've never had a guy jerk himself or ask me to reach around during strap-on play. I'm not sure how I would respond to that. Depending on where my head space was I might be a bit put out ... or I might go with it as long as it doesn't interfere with my pleasure. Not sure how that would go. Hope that muddies the water - lol. Wickad Agreed, I would be mortified if he requested it. Mortified is the word.

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