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Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 5:32:06 PM   
Irishblu


Posts: 61
Status: offline 		A blonde lady had just finished doing her CPR course and was on the
lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left the shopping center she
saw a man lying on the floor with a lot of people around him.
Screaming "I know first aid" she ran to the person, threw her bag
down, loosened all tight clothing a got ready to start mouth-to-mouth.
At this stage a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and asked
"Do you mind I am trying to arrest this man."

******
Why did the blonde put her finger of top of the nail when she was
hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

******
Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven ....
She didn't know which 1 came first.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 6:08:40 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		dear irish blu
yes;yes,that was probably me- no joke ,...., and it's ,either vanilla tits and az ,or get arrested

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 6:12:32 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		heard this joke awhile back, i didn't create it, just passing it on:


if a blonde, brunette and redhead leaped from an aircraft without a shoot...who would would be the last to hit the ground?

the blonde because she would have to stop and ask directions.


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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 6:14:20 PM   
Irishblu


Posts: 61
Status: offline 		LMAO Michael!  I agree.  I have a blonde evil spawn, and so many of the blonde jokes fit her!

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 6:25:19 PM   
scymnus


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Hee hee.
Here's an oldie but goodie, not mine tho.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M and M factory?
She threw out the Ws!
(was blonde in college).

scymnus

(in reply to Irishblu)
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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 6:30:10 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		what do you get when two blondes get together ear to ear?

a wind tunnel


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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 9:35:40 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are walking down the street when they see a $100 bill lying on the sidewalk.  Which one picks it up?


The dumb blonde.  The other two are mythical characters.

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 9:47:13 PM   
Irishblu


Posts: 61
Status: offline 		I have a good one, but need to tell it from memory... let's see how good it is.

A blonde desperate for a job, goes to the Tickle Me Elmo Factory looking for work.  The manager says he doesn't have any openings.  The blonde begs and pleads with him to hire her, telling him she will do anything.  So the manager thinks a moment and finally gives in and tells her, "This is what you will be doing...  As the finished Elmos come down the line, you will take each one and do 2 test tickles on it."  She says "OK, I can do that!"
 
Couple of hours later the manager goes to see how the Blonde is doing.  He sees hundreds of Elmo's piled up and the line shut down because of the back up.  He walks over to the Blonde and sees her sewing scrapes of material on the Elmos... He says "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"  She looks at him with complete innocence and says "I am doing what you told me to do, I am sewing 2 testicles on the Elmos!"  He just looks at her with pure rage and says "I told you to do 2 TEST TICKLES on the Elmos, not sew 2 TESTICLES ON THEM!!!"
 

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 10:23:39 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		A blonde and a lawyer are on a overnight flight from New York to L.A.

The lawyer asks the blonde, "Wanna play a fun game?  I'll ask you a question.  If you can't answer it, you pay me five dollars.  Then you ask me a question.  If I can't answer it, I'll pay you five dollars."

The blonde declines.  She just wants to try to get some sleep.

A little while later, the lawyer wakes her up and says, "How about if I make it a little more interesting.  If you can't answer my question, you pay me five bucks.  If I can't find the answer to your question, I'll pay you five hundred bucks."

That gets her interest; so she agrees.

The lawyer asks her, "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, pulls out five dollars and hands it to him.  Now it's her turn.

The blonde asks, "What goes up a hill on three legs and comes down the hill on four legs?"

The lawyer can't think of an answer, so he opens his laptop and starts searching the Internet.  He finds nothing.  So, he gets on his cell phone and starts calling everybody he knows.  No luck.  About an hour later, he wakes the blonde up and hands her five hundred dollars.  She puts it in her purse and turns to go back to sleep.

The lawyer says, "Wait a minute!  What's the answer?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, pulls out five dollars and hands it to him.

(in reply to Irishblu)
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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 11:07:38 PM   
fyrekittyn


Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline 		*giggles*

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~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~
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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 11:13:04 PM   
ta2dqt


Posts: 375
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I just LOVE blonde jokes!!  :)


Blonde on the Run

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.
"Meow," says the redhead.
"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman and he kicks the second sack.
"Woof," says the brunette.
"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman and he kicks the third sack.
"Potatoes," says the blonde.



 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Not Going To Try This Again

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

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"Everything happens for a reason."



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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 11:20:01 PM   
Irishblu


Posts: 61
Status: offline 		LMAO!  I love that first one, my youngest evil spawn was in the ER in extreme pain and they were taking forever to bring her something for it and I had read that joke somewhere earlier that day, so trying to get her mind off the pain, I told her that joke and to this day she will look at me and wink and just say "potatoes" and disolve in a fit of giggles! 

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 11:32:10 PM   
Irishblu


Posts: 61
Status: offline 		Kevin (a blonde)  said "I'm breaking up with Sherry!" , to his friend James .

" Are you crazy ? Sherry is a beautiful and smart woman!", said James.

Kevin responded..."Last night Sherry broke down and told me she was
bisexual, and who the hell wants to screw just twice a year ???"

(in reply to Irishblu)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 11:41:29 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Being blonde, I have heard lots of blonde jokes, but have forgotten all the good ones. 

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."  Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"  The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."  Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."  He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.".

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/13/2006 11:57:13 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		O man these are too much

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/14/2006 8:43:49 AM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		A blonde takes her new car out for a spin and gets caught in a bad hailstorm, so she takes it to a body shop to get the dents fixed.

The mechanic, seeing she's a blonde says, "You don't need me to fix this.  Just take it home, park it and wait a couple of hours.  When it's completely cooled down, get down on your knees behind it and blow into the tailpipe as hard as you can and the dents will pop right out."

She goes home and a couple of hours later, is blowing into the tailpipe, when her room mate, also a blonde comes home and asks her what the heck she's doing.

She explains the situation to the room mate and says that, no matter how hard she blows, it doesn't seem to be working.

"Well, duh," says the room mate, "you have to roll up the windows first."

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/14/2006 9:45:18 AM   
doll


Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline 		Another oldie but goodie.

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown??  Artificial intelligence.

I can't think of the really good ones that we learn to torment my totally blonde aunt...damn it.

I have laughed so hard at all of the jokes....thanks so much for sharing them.

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/14/2006 10:50:10 AM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline 		Why did the blond have rectangular tits?

when she was stuffing her bra she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/14/2006 7:32:57 PM   
Irishblu


Posts: 61
Status: offline 		Two blondes bought a bird dog. They took the dog out to give it a try.
After a long while, one blonde said to the other, "Well, we'll throw
him up in the air one more time. If he doesn't fly, we'll just shoot
the son of a bitch!"




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Be safe and be well,
irishblu

"For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice--no paper currency, no promises to pay, but the gold of real service." -John Burroughs

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RE: Blonde Moments! - 7/14/2006 9:56:21 PM   
MistressTexas


Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		A blonde, brunette and a redhead are in an elevator, when they notice a sticky looking puddle in the corner. The brunette looks at the puddle and says "hmmm... looks like cum." The redhead looks at it for a moment... leans over and sniffs it. "hmmm... smells like cum" she says. The blonde, wanting to feel useful, leans over, sticks her finger into and then proceeds to lick her finger. The brunette and the redhead give her a slightly disgusted look, and wait for her response. "It's cum,
the blonde says, "but it's no-one in our building.

(in reply to Irishblu)
Profile   Post #: 20
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