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Who chooses? - 11/25/2004 7:47:06 PM

softysub

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I would like to know how it should be when its time to make a decision on choosing.........is it up to the Dom or to the sub that decides?

In the past i was told it was a subbie, but i am not sure anymore.....i have a subbie friend that told me that she felt like going for interview when talking to a Dom...for example, He had told her that He was talking to a few subs, but didnt make up His mind yet and that was 6 months ago.....what should she do...so who should choose?....

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/25/2004 8:19:50 PM

Sylverdawn

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well there are varied opinions...

There are some that believe a sub should *beg* her collar.. and there are those who believe a Dom should offer it...

I am of the mindset as its MY collar and when I go it will go with me that I will offer it.. but just because a sub talks to me and I am considering them I dont believe they are my exclusive property.. to pick and choose amoung like favoured pairs of shoes.. Rather they are free agents until such time as an understanding is offered and agreed to..

I would tell you friend.. make hay while the sunshines and if Mr Master Man offers for her or she decides to beg his collar so much the better and in the mean while she is learning, growing and perhaps finding Mr. Rightnow if not Master Right-one... *S*

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/26/2004 12:14:11 AM

BeachMystress

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Both choose. Either can turn the other down. Both need to want the relationship for anything to happen. If she's not heard from the guy in six months I'd say he chose someone else and didn't have the balls to send a thanks-for-your-time note.

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/26/2004 7:14:23 AM

cynnacent1

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For me the choosing should be, and WAS a mutual decision. i 'expected' it to be very similar to a job interview with each party doing the interviewing as well as also providing information about themselves, their likes and dislikes, limits and what their expectations of the other would be. Both need to be sure that in choosing, they accept a person who will meet their needs, desires, and expectations and 'match' them well. i believe it should and must be an interaction where both do the 'choosing' for a successful 'match' to occur.

As far as a collar is concerned, (i am going on the note that we are speaking of permanent collars which represent real time ownership and commitment) i didn't & would not request one. i feel it is the Dom/Domme who should 'offer' a collar. i say 'offer' because again, it's a mutual choice in that the collar is given and accepted, or *not accepted*.
*In fact, if a sub were to accept every single collar offered they'd be stacked up atop each other from her collarbone to her chin, as so many dom/domme-wannabes are quick to offer the velcro collars online it seems. And, yes, far too many subs jump to accept those ... imo.

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/26/2004 9:51:54 AM

angelica4

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i think it's a mutual thing, of course. i appreciate it very much when the Dominant is up front about searching ....after all, it is what the subs do as well... it is hard to wait,and patience is not generally the hallmark of a submissive. During the time that a choice is being pondered, she or he is free to continue to look at others as well. it is wise to be careful.
been there

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/26/2004 1:01:46 PM

sub4hire

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I agree with those who say it is a mutual thing. Why would anyone want to be with someone they were not compatible with from the start? Would'nt that be predestined to crumble a horrible relationship death?
When I ws looking I was well over 1000 alledged doms. Interviewing them. Deciding should I dispose of you. Did you lie to me? Do we have any same interests? After about 3 years I think it was...it came down to 4.
I met each one. Two there just was'nt anything there in real life with. The last two were extremely hard choices for me to make. So the other one made it for me. Who chose, I did. It worked for me. I'm sure my method would'nt work for all though.

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/26/2004 2:12:55 PM

BeachMystress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cynnacent1

*In fact, if a sub were to accept every single collar offered they'd be stacked up atop each other from her collarbone to her chin, as so many dom/domme-wannabes are quick to offer the velcro collars online it seems. And, yes, far too many subs jump to accept those ... imo.

This is one of my pet peves! It gets to the point when someone online tells me they are collared I almost want to mark them a player. A collar MEANS something. You do not collar or accept a collar from someone you've known for two weeks! Online, collars have been turned into going steady, instead of being something akin to engagement or marriage. A collar is a big commitment on both sides. Would you marry someone you'd known two weeks? Some would, but generally a divorce happens soon after.

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/26/2004 10:40:14 PM

cynnacent1

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i wouldn't know 'personaly' .. i am only speaking of what i have seen of many who DO accept 'online collars'. i've never, and never will.

i am collared to INSIDEYOURMIND. i met Him here at collarme on June 25th, then met Him in person on June 26th ... was honored (still am) when He offered His collar on July 3rd, and accepted. EVERYTHING imaginable was discussed, limits included ... many many many hours of communication up until that day. We do have plans to marry very soon. Not everyone needs a ton of time. If i had to spend months or years just to figure out if He is the 'One' i'd think that might be a red flag right there. Sometimes a woman JUST KNOWS... and sometimes, although not often, it's quick. i just don't agree with subs who change collars more often than some who change the sheets on their bed. Our relationship is very committed, quite intimate, a blessing & very serious to us. i've only worn one collar, and it's the only one i ever will wear.

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/27/2004 6:17:02 AM

BlkTallFullfig

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How inspiring you are...
Good luck, Ms M

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/27/2004 9:43:44 AM

perverseangelic

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quote:

BeachMystress

This is one of my pet peves! It gets to the point when someone online tells me they are collared I almost want to mark them a player. A collar MEANS something. You do not collar or accept a collar from someone you've known for two weeks! Online, collars have been turned into going steady, instead of being something akin to engagement or marriage. A collar is a big commitment on both sides. Would you marry someone you'd known two weeks? Some would, but generally a divorce happens soon after.

Oh lord, me too!

Ignoring the fact that I'm with someone, I am -amazed- at the number of people who tell me they want to "collar" me after we've been takling for less than an hour. The first question I -always- ask after that is "Why? What do you know about me that tells you we'd be a good match?"

The general response? "You're female, 22, and submissive. That's all I need to know."

To me, belonging to someone means a whole lot. I did it -once- online. It meant a whole lot then, too. I don't understand wanting that kind of connection with someone you've barely met.

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RE: Who chooses? - 11/27/2004 2:48:29 PM

doubleLeo

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perverseangelic: "The general response? "You're female, 22, and submissive. That's all I need to know."....To me, belonging to someone means a whole lot. "

dLsays: I find this to be interesting because in my experience, there is a duality. On the one hand, there is the deeper emotional fufillment that needs to be in play ( such as connection, caring and so forth), but then the more rudimentary aspects ( such as "You're female...") are indeed a pleasure also, yes?

Perhaps if certain agreements were already functioning, the trust built , then there could be freer expression. I highly doubt it happens in 7 days. But thats just me.

doubleLeo

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