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hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Is it Hard to find safe & sane Owners? (7/13/2006 8:48:34 PM)
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I'm gonna disect this and answer each question in turn. Keep in mind - you get what you pay for, so free advice is worth whatever price you happen to personally attach to it. (Standard disclaimer that so many of us make - your milage may vary.)
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ORIGINAL: juancw1
To all my fellow slaves: is it hard to find safe and sane owners?
Sane is SUCH a relative term here. The vast majority of society doesn't consider any of WIITWD to be "sane." Or safe, for that matter. What you consider "sanity" and what I consider "sanity" can be vastly different, unless we're going to fall back to the DSM4 definitions of "sane." I personally consider this a bad idea, since much of the pschiatric community still considers any form of sado-masocistic behavior to be legally insane.
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Did you have this problem when looking for a owner?
While I was still actively involved in looking for a power exchange dynamic, it wasn't all that difficult to find those whom I classified as "sane." At least, those who are as sane as I myself am. Safe is a completely seperate issue, and doesn't always go hand in hand with sanity. It does, however, share a few similarities - in that you have to decide for yourself what level of risk management you are comfortable with for safety issues, and whether you consider some activities to be inherantly unsafe regardless of how well they're managed.
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How can a slave or sub know that the owners are sane, safe and experience but most of all the right owners and not wannabees horny people who wants a male or female for sex or swinging?
By taking your time, really getting to know YOURSELF first so that you know exactly what it is that you want and need vs what you find unacceptable, and then by not rushing the process of finding a compatible partner. Get involved in the local BDSM community, go to play parties and munches with that community, and watch the people who are there. Watch their play style. Listen and learn from any Demos that are conducted for educational purposes on risk management and safety in scene. Get to know a potential partner as a PERSON first - what they're like Out of the scene, away from the community, in a completely non-BDSM setting. Watch how they treat people all around them in day to day life, even. It's been said so often in the past that it's become almost homily, but - if someone is obnoxious and rude to the kid delivering the paper, the mailman, the waitress at a resturant, or the sales clerk at a store - they're probably gonna be that way in all their other dealings with people. Check references - not through email, but either phone conversations with their prior partners or (best method) face to face talks with those they've played with locally. Reference emails can be faked, rather easily in fact, by someone wanting to con a sucker. A face to face meet to chat about style and safety with someone's other local play partners can't be arranged so easily if they are bent on deception. Don't allow your own eagerness to get involved drive you to jumping in head long before you're very certain of your compatibility with your potential partner, and their understanding of your wants and needs, and your sureity of their safety and sanity as you define those two critters.
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How can a slave find info from their owners without hurting the process?
If the person you're considering is worth their salt - they won't get offended at the idea that you are willing to take responcibility for your own safety. Be honest about it. If they get pissy about you asking honest questions for your own safety and peace of mind, they likely aren't worth getting involved with in the first place. There are, of course, tactful manners of going about the process - most of which I'm completely clueless about, since Tact has never been one of my personal strong suits.
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Is there any web page were Master and Mistress are disply and were we as slaves can know about fakes or danger people?
Nope. You might find various websites (typically connected to specific chatroom groups) which list those that the regulars consider "dangerous" or "frauds" (or simply undesirable due to having pissed off someone popular who's a regular there) but you won't find any sort of comprehensive listing, nor will you necessarily agree with any given list of such a nature that you find. Any list of such a nature is going to be suspect at best. A disgruntled ex of even the safest, sanest person in the world could submit their name to such a site. Never believe everything you read, whether it be online, or in more traditional media.
Edited to add : I took a look at your profile, Juan, and saw that you're in Houston. I happen to know that there's a very large and active BDSM community in Houston and it's surrounding areas. The Houston community holds some incredible people - get to know them, and I'm willing to bet they'll be more than happy to help you along in your path!
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