Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome?

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Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 7:18:37 AM

preytolife

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Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
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So I was reading about the BDSMy shit on one of those OTHER kink sites and I came across a writing by someone particularly loud talking about true M/s people understand that relationships often incorporate stockholm syndrome effects and elements of dependency which in many cases make people (slaves in particular) incapable of existing alone outside of their relationships.

Clearly people do these things differently so I was wondering what your thoughts on this were?

Is this something you desire in your relationships? Is it a goal? If it is, how do you deal with the affects of that?
If it's not, then how do you prevent those things in your relationships?

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 7:46:16 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
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quote:

ORIGINAL: preytolife

So I was reading about the BDSMy shit on one of those OTHER kink sites and I came across a writing by someone particularly loud talking about true M/s people understand that relationships often incorporate stockholm syndrome effects and elements of dependency which in many cases make people (slaves in particular) incapable of existing alone outside of their relationships.

Clearly people do these things differently so I was wondering what your thoughts on this were?

Is this something you desire in your relationships? Is it a goal? If it is, how do you deal with the affects of that?
If it's not, then how do you prevent those things in your relationships?

I think any relationship can contain elements of this and is not mutually exclusive to twue wayism BDSM. Of course most of those relationships that would exhibit that sort of abnormal psychological bond would, in my desperately humble opinion, be unhealthy. That does not mean that every relationship does not have this to a certain degree but only to the point that we come to rely on the other person's companionship. However, comparing it to Stockholm Syndrome is a bit of a reach.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 10:16:16 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
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quote:

ORIGINAL: preytolife

So I was reading about the BDSMy shit on one of those OTHER kink sites and I came across a writing by someone particularly loud talking about true M/s people understand that relationships often incorporate stockholm syndrome effects and elements of dependency which in many cases make people (slaves in particular) incapable of existing alone outside of their relationships.

Clearly people do these things differently so I was wondering what your thoughts on this were?

Is this something you desire in your relationships? Is it a goal? If it is, how do you deal with the affects of that?
If it's not, then how do you prevent those things in your relationships?

Certainly not.

I created a safe, loving, supportive space for my girl. It was after this that she was collared.

In short, the vanilla, romantic, lovey-dovey stuff came first. The kink dynamic was allowed to grow organically.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 10:23:40 AM

DarkSteven

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I'm not going to say that that is never included. But if it is, it's rare. I don't consider it 100% healthy myself.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 10:43:24 AM

littleladybug

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A while back, on *another* site, there was a discussion that was essentially about "what happens if your Master dies?".

There was, as I recall, a male sub who came on with an idea that I found quite interesting. (As an aside, I don't think the gender particularly matters in this scenario, I just like being able to speak about "he" or "she" specifically.) He spoke about how appalled he was to hear that people were dealing with the death of their Master without a "safety net" in place. And, no, he wasn't speaking about wills and the like. He was speaking about having another person, specified by the now-deceased Master, who would take over the "duties" of the Master for a period of time...in a way, to bring the slave back to being able to "be on their own". There were people on there who were completely aghast at this suggestion. I'll admit I was as well. But, in thinking about it, why should *I* or anyone else piss on the way this guy, and many others, feel about their relationships?

Yup, there is an essence of "Stockholm Syndrome" there. More than that, though, there is a dependency that this submissive feels that he would have in his relationship that would necessitate having someone else there to bring him back into a situation where he could, literally, take care of himself. I fail to see though, absent consent, where this would be an inherently "bad" thing. Is it the "true way"? No. We all fucking know that. Is it "a way"? Yup. And, personally, I give the people who acknowledge the effects, and prepare for them, all of the credit in the world.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 11:37:23 AM

sexyred1

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I don't believe in comparing something negative, which is Stockholm syndrome with BDSM relationships.

Of course some unhealthy relationships probably possess some elements of brainwashing, but I don't generally think this exists in most of our lives, unless we are kidnapped in a non consensual manner, not play.

I think it is more about some become so dependent on their partner, they lose sight of themselves.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 11:42:17 AM

SpyUnderCover

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My goal is to build my subs up, not tear them down. It's to help them become all that they are capable of being, not to foster a neediness or unhealthy dependence on me. They are not slaves in the literal, historic sense of the word. They have jobs, bank accounts, interests outside of our relationship, etc. and I encourage this autonomy.

Spy

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 12:28:57 PM

subjects

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right

< Message edited by subjects -- 1/15/2015 1:10:09 PM >

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 12:41:46 PM

wickkeddesire

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It is a common occurrence within the bdsm scene more concentrated tis not a good thing these people should be guided and helped...not taking advantage off.

it is actually pretty common in vanilla (whatever that means) relationships

so we must now have a think about this and what it really means for it is more complex than it really seems

1. people, most, cannot go without the company of another be it 0 minutes one day 1 month 1 year etc
2. there exists fragile people in the world and i will use the word abuse not some folderol like Stockholm syndrome from who ever blog/writings that was
3. schadenfreude another good word

countered with some people feel an overwhelming need to be in an abusive relationship - they cannot ever be helped, ever, it is who they are and they gotted what they wished - by no means all some become entrapped...actually most I think and easily conditioned - bear in mind this is what they wanted

we are all needy, even I need someone to talk too, and love, although this still escapes me - spectrum - there is no shame in that, yet there can be many times over.
we all require love, even i do, i wonder if that explains the three cats
it is complicated by love is confused with need and wanted

this thread is too complex for me to answer properly - but what you read is merely a bad stereotype who added Stockholm syndrome to reinforce themselves Tis why they are loud about it)...or a bad reality is the way my mind sees that lot

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 1:48:59 PM

InHisHeart

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It's not something I would want in a relationship, I would not let it happen and for me it would not be healthy at all.

I'm very much capable of taking care of myself, I don't need a relationship, a partner, a Master, I don't need to depend on anyone for anything. I'm content, happy and lead a fulfilling life whether or not I'm in a relationship.

I've been in two long term D/s-bdsm relationships, with my former for 20 plus years and my current for 7 years. Being in a relationship, having a Master adds to my life and my happiness but my life, my happiness was never dependent on being in a relationship or having a Master.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 2:28:30 PM

InHisHeart

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

A while back, on *another* site, there was a discussion that was essentially about "what happens if your Master dies?".

There was, as I recall, a male sub who came on with an idea that I found quite interesting. (As an aside, I don't think the gender particularly matters in this scenario, I just like being able to speak about "he" or "she" specifically.) He spoke about how appalled he was to hear that people were dealing with the death of their Master without a "safety net" in place. And, no, he wasn't speaking about wills and the like. He was speaking about having another person, specified by the now-deceased Master, who would take over the "duties" of the Master for a period of time...in a way, to bring the slave back to being able to "be on their own". There were people on there who were completely aghast at this suggestion. I'll admit I was as well. But, in thinking about it, why should *I* or anyone else piss on the way this guy, and many others, feel about their relationships?

For me, take the time needed to grieve, come to terms and acceptance with the loss, heal from the hurt, pick the pieces up and move on. Having someone step in to take over the duties of the Master, absolutely no way for me. If that's what the guy you're talking about and others need, that's what they need but IMO, it's unhealthy to be so dependent on another that someone can't exist on your own.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/15/2015 8:12:19 PM

smileforme50

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When I think of Stockholm syndrome in connection with a bdsm relationship, the first thing that comes to my mind is Internal Enslavement

I have to admit that when I first started reading about IE (many years ago) I was fascinated by it in a way....but I think I was fascinated by it in the same way people become "fascinated" by a car accident as they drive by. It was very strange to me and very "out there", but at the same time I was fascinated by everything I read and just kept reading more.

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RE: Troo BDSM, M/s and...stockholm syndrome? - 1/16/2015 3:16:50 PM

DesFIP

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I doubt too many people are immediately locked in closets, pulled out to be beaten and raped and so on. Being totally dependent on the good will of the captor to let them have a drink of water or piss over a bucket.

Dependency is something else. If a vanilla person is devastated when their partner of 50 years dies, would we say it served them right for becoming dependent on their partner for support and companionship?

You can do this as deliberately difficult as possible. But it isn't required. IE can occur as the result of positive reinforcement and pleasure; being protected and taken care of.

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