What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you?

What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Writing the profile.

4% (3)

The first message.

4% (3)

Telling real from fake.

15% (11)

The first meeting.

9% (7)

Understanding protocol.

2% (2)

Safety concerns, sharing information.

9% (7)

The sheer numbers to sift through.

10% (8)

Communication.

9% (7)

The distance.

17% (13)

Other, please include in discussion.

16% (12)

Total Votes : 73

(last vote on : 4/13/2016 1:16:07 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

NookieNotes -> What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 10:47:10 AM)
I'm interested, what's the most difficult part of using CS and other sites to find your kinky match? You can choose multiple answers, and chood "other" and write your own. smiles

ivone57 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 10:51:22 AM)
I guess telling real from fake is winning.... its hard to determine things via email only... and forget about meeting the first time and expect to play or meet privately.... too many kooks out there...

needlesandpins -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 11:14:59 AM)
I'm not looking, but regardless of that I'd say the biggest problem is that the vast majority of men just don't read your profile, or respect what is there. For the last five, and a half years, after deciding that I was going to be exclusive to my playmate, my profiles have said that I am only on whatever site for the forums. When I was seeing my playmate it sated that I was only interested in him. It also states that I'm a switch, that I don't answer questions asking for personal details, and that no matter how special they think they are, the answer is no. Still I get the same old crap though, and it never seems to occur to them that if they can't even show me enough respect at this point why would they on anything else. My other big issue is lying cheats. attached people playing behind their partners/playmates back. It's actually my priority issue. fuck right off with that, and don't dare try involving me with that. I'm the one that been on the end of that, and you degrade us for some cheap fuck. fuck off you weak piece of trash! needles

bounty44 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 11:45:37 AM)
a significant fraction of the women I write don't even read my messages, an overwhelmingly large percentage of those who do read them, don't reply.

igor2003 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 11:54:14 AM)
--FR-- I had to choose "other", although I guess "the distance" does cover the problem. There is simply a lack of prospective partners in this area...at least a lack of partners that post profiles on any of the websites. There is also a lack of munches, and other meeting opportunities here. Not that it really matters any more since I'm not really looking at the present time.

ThirdWheelWanted -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 12:21:17 PM)
Maybe telling real from fakes isn't quite right. The obvious fakes are pretty easy to spot, the ones just looking for quick wank material. The ones out for money are even easier. What's hard are the cat-fish. The ones who will talk for hours, and really seem interested in a relationship. Those are more subtle to spot.

FieryOpal -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 1:26:39 PM)
I chose Other, which is getting beyond preliminaries, and past the meet & greet, in terms of finding somebody I would want to date, much less collar for my own. -- Writing the profile. Not an issue. Depending on the site, though, I may need to be discreet. There are subs who don't feel comfortable disclosing this on vanilla sites; however, they should use some sort of terminology which will appear in searches. On Match and OkCupid, I indicate(d) that I am a Dominant Lady seeking a submissive gentleman. On PlentyofFish, which I just signed up for the other day, there is a warning that any sexual content will result in account deletion, so I avoided explicit D/s wording just in case and simply referred to FLR-Female Led Relationship. The first message. Not an issue. Telling real from fake. There is always an issue here, but 99% of these get weeded out in the first or first couple of messages. The first meeting. Not many get this far with me, so it's touch and go. Understanding protocol. Insofar as I'm concerned, I am relatively low D/s protocol, so no; but I find that many male s-types (not just newbies) overdo it with stilted speech/expression, and that male switches are either disingenuous or too kink-obsessed to be bothered with observing minimal protocol or even common courtesy. Safety concerns, sharing information. Always a biggie as an area of caution no matter who you're dealing with. The sheer numbers to sift through. Since I use a key-word system, a carefully worded profile describing specific expectations, and a fairly tame Interests List (which leaves out most elements of sado-masochism, esp. w/searches), the volume of messages I receive is manageable. Communication. This, too, will become apparent in the first or first couple of messages. The distance. This is problematic for me. I require facility in accessibility and availability, not complicated schedule juggling. He would have to be a super-desirable catch for me to deal with another commuter-distance and/or long-distance relationship, since this is not conducive to immediate verifications or to conducting a D/s relationship dynamic efficiently from my standpoint. Other, please include in discussion. Done.

DesFIP -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 3:38:21 PM)
When I was looking, all those years ago - my main annoyance was people not believing me. I knew I wasn't interested in a sadist yet I got innumerable emails about how they would teach me to be a masochist. Other, I listed an odd hard limit. I got so pissed with the idiots who wrote me telling me how trustworthy they were while in the same sentence saying the first thing they would do would be break this hard limit. At the time the distance was not insurmountable. Now, I'm a lot less interested in having to travel.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 4:30:42 PM)
Safety concerns cuz bitches be KRAZY!

LiveSpark -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 4:43:51 PM)
I chose "Other": finding someone who fits what I'm looking for who doesn't also enjoy a LOT of the things that are hard limits for me.

Delilya -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 4:46:30 PM)
I was lucky in that when I first came to CM, I lurked around the forums and read a lot about fakes and flakes. Still they come in all disguises and I was fooled a couple of times. First meetings are always the roughest for me because if they show up at all (and a number of them don't), they are rarely who they presented themselves to be. At one time I would have said distance. I would not consider someone further than 30 miles of me. If I can't call you when I need you, then I don't need you. But I meet the dude going on 3 years ago, and he is a long haul trucker who lives 64 miles from me. We click, it's worth it. My profile went through many changes before landing where it is. First messages make an impression on me. If you can not conduct yourself orderly in a message that is supposed to make me give you a second glance, then I'm not the one for you. I will be respected.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 7:18:57 PM)
I would say the greatest difficulty I find is the weakness of online contact to predict chemistry. No matter how lucid or articulate someone sounds in writing or how compatible we seem "on paper", meeting in real life is just (for me so far) worlds different than the online contact with someone. Chemistry for me was found in a place and person that would never have passed my online scrutiny. I know I need to get out in person but that really isn't in the cards for me for awhile.

Kittenluv954 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 7:25:45 PM)
hardest thing for me, I have to agree with spiritedsub2, is chemistry. reciprocated chemistry. it's easy to find men who are interested in me, but then I usually am not interested. Or vice versa. people love to talk about how they are looking for a relationship, but are clearly not when it comes down to it. Also lots of married men just trying to screw around while the wife isn't home, wants to talk but never meet, blah blah blah. I'm so fucking bored with the dating pool in my area, and distance prevents anything else from forming.

Kittenluv954 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 7:33:15 PM)
more often than not, if I am not interested in a guy, I won't reply to say it. A simple "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" is never good enough, and if you give reasons... well let's just say that opens up a whole new can of worms, including arguments as to why you shouldn't feel the way you do, followed by insults about how you will always be miserable because you didn't consider them, and the ever over used "ur a fat ugly bitch I didn't want you anyway" tirades. better just to simply not respond, and block them when they get bent and message you over THAT. cuz everyone who doesn't respond for whatever reason is a fake anyway, amirite? yeah. much better just to not reply. this was meant as a reply to someone's comment, I am not sure how to post it here though sorry. first time using this forum

Moderator3 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 7:46:50 PM)
Hello KittenLuv, I will post here and then email you with a link in case you can't find your way back here. At the top of each post, on the left you will see the thread title. If you go all the way to the top right, you will see, Reply, Quote and Edit. If you wish to respond to someone and your post will say in reply to member nick, you would click Replay on that list. If you wanted to copy what the person said, that would be the Quote link. The edit link allows you to add or correct something in your post, but it can only be used for a short time. I cannot remember the exact time, but it may be around fifteen minutes. Some people will post a FR or Fast Reply at the top of their post. This means they are trying to make it clear that they are basically just talking to everyone on the thread and not a specific member. I hope this makes sense and can assist you. I've been up far too long. lol

sexyred1 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 8:59:16 PM)
With kinky or vanilla dating, the most annoying thing online is the overwhelming lack of interesting first emails. I am astonished when I read long profiles from men who cannot be bothered to say more than Hi, how's your day, hey Red, hey Sexy, etc. I have enough written in my profiles to grab onto to come up with something I can reply to. People are so lazy.

Kittenluv954 -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 9:03:08 PM)
I agree, I delete messages of no substance nine times out of ten.

FieryOpal -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/16/2015 9:26:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 I would say the greatest difficulty I find is the weakness of online contact to predict chemistry. No matter how lucid or articulate someone sounds in writing or how compatible we seem "on paper", meeting in real life is just (for me so far) worlds different than the online contact with someone. Chemistry for me was found in a place and person that would never have passed my online scrutiny. I know I need to get out in person but that really isn't in the cards for me for awhile. I'm just going to have to chime in here and commiserate with you (not that we're commiserating exactly) on how this downward spiral almost always takes precedence. It's never an upward spiral either, where the gent turns out to be even better than anticipated. (I've been lucky once with an on-line connection, where my expectations were completely met. Lightning must have struck me.) With me, there has to be that mental-verbal connection. Without it, nothing else matters, because there won't be a heart connection to be made without it. Nevertheless, without that in-person sexual chemistry, dude gets Friend-Zoned for good. Quite honestly, it's not a matter of looks with me either, or of physique (within limits--I can't do fugly [8D] ). It's an ineffably exciting spark of attraction. I rarely feel it when meeting somebody for the first time in a social or professional setting without any prior on-line interaction either. (Well, other than my son's Social Studies/World History teacher I've been fancying for over the past 3 years now.)

Hillwilliam -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/17/2015 5:40:27 AM)
I put "Other" Finding a good defense attorney can be time consuming.[8D]

LiveSpark -> RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you? (1/17/2015 6:08:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Delilya I was lucky in that when I first came to CM, I lurked around the forums and read a lot about fakes and flakes. Still they come in all disguises and I was fooled a couple of times. First meetings are always the roughest for me because if they show up at all (and a number of them don't), they are rarely who they presented themselves to be. At one time I would have said distance. I would not consider someone further than 30 miles of me. If I can't call you when I need you, then I don't need you. But I meet the dude going on 3 years ago, and he is a long haul trucker who lives 64 miles from me. We click, it's worth it. My profile went through many changes before landing where it is. First messages make an impression on me. If you can not conduct yourself orderly in a message that is supposed to make me give you a second glance, then I'm not the one for you. I will be respected. Thanks for giving me hope. I've tried long distance before and it just didn't work out. Most of them used the distance to fuck with my head instead of telling me outright that it just wasn't working for them so I've been reluctant to go there again. However I've had to revise my "locals only" stance as I haven't been able to find even one local dude who stands out and/or isn't bitching about the fakes [8\|] so I'm (nervously) changed that requirement.

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