RE: Poof Boys.... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

subjamesmuk -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 4:37:26 AM)

I suppose it's so easy to hide behind the computer, there might be one little thing you dislike about someone and when you're on the computer you can simple block or ignore them.  I've had it happen to me, and i'm sorry to say i've done it to other people but i suppose it's an easy way to say you're not interested anymore.  Sometimes it's easier to ignore someone than tell them why you no longer like them and risk hurting their feelings.  I'm not condoning it, but i've come to accept it now



peterK50 -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 4:43:32 AM)

Um...I've never gone "Poof"..Here I am...Hello? See.... This is what many male slaves get.....ignored. Then Dommes say there aren't any good ones out there or they never show up, or they go "Poof". If a boy doesn't stick around perhaps you should choose more carefully.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 4:51:57 AM)

Interestingly, I did actually get one of the boys that went "poof" on me when it was time to meet to talk to me a couple months later and explain why.

Basically, it was fear of being real time.   He had brought up in one conversation the possibility of me having him be with another man - it was a prevalent fantasy of his to be put into a "bi" situation.   I had indicated it was something that interested me, but wasn't something that I'd do until the relationship was fairly stable, and we'd discussed it beforehand.   His "poof" explanation was that he was afraid that ultimately that wasn't something he could do (nevermind that I was iffy about it actually happening), so he ran.  

I actually think that says a lot about him that he'd let an entire potential relationship go because at some point it would be discussed that one fantasy he had might evolve into reality.  



LadyRissa -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 5:00:56 AM)

Ive spoken with other Dommes about this, and apparently its endemic. Ive dealt with more poof boys than I care to tell you about. I even keep a "List of Shame" on my AOL account of those who set up meetings and dont show up. Its sad, really. It makes one a bit skeptical of those who come after. But Im still seeking so I guess Im the eternal optomist. [:)]



DiannaVesta -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 5:16:15 AM)

lol- I love that “Poof boys”.


  I think most of us have experienced this. The “to good to be true” slave will get you every time. The ride is splendid tho but the disappearing act does hurt and leaves you wondering, “What did I do?” I’ve known many doms, including myself whose egos were bruised by this.


  I think with most they have good intentions and their submission is genuine. Still they have a difficult time accepting it. They project it and find themselves soaring high… too high and they try to process it in perspective with their whole world. The truth is that they are not comfortable with their submission and begin to see it as weak and worthless. They flee because they are scared.


  If you are honest and really think about it (I have over the past 18 plus years as a lifestyle Domina) very few people can maintain that space ongoing without conflict. I’ve given this a lot of thinking lately and have plenty of experiences the prove to me that its true. It takes a well rounded, very strong man who will flourish in that space and without the proper balance he won’t make it no matter how strong.


  This is why I like the warrior & Queen approach. He serves me but he is also given privileges that empower his manhood. In fact I am working on an article about this now because I see it as being an important issue. So many dominant women write me that tell me they have lost interest or couples who can’t seem to get the fire back. You’re soaring along really loving the flight…. D/s can be oh so passionate and then suddenly you both crash and burn. You just can’t seem to find the magic again. These “poof” boys, no doubt have not even really dialed into a relationship with you before they disappear. The Domina is having a great time and working her ass off to keep it in mode and many times purposely avoids anything too “vanilla”.


  You can emasculate a man for a time but to attempt keeping him there all the time will only confuse his nature. A man can serve his Queen and honor her. This dynamic is actually less work for the Domina because honestly I don’t think she wants to feel, “on” all the time.


  I haven’t had enough coffee for this yet. lol      



IronBear -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 6:10:27 AM)

Neets and I have seen as many girls as well as boys in this catagory of POOFINESS... These daya slaves or potential slaves would be strip searched to see if they carried PixyDust or Fairy Powder.... 



crouchingtigress -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 9:34:54 AM)

hi james,
 
Easier for who? you of course.
 
Because most people get their feelings far more hurt when they wait like fools for days for an email, or even in many cases call local hospitals.






quote:

ORIGINAL: subjamesmuk

I suppose it's so easy to hide behind the computer, there might be one little thing you dislike about someone and when you're on the computer you can simple block or ignore them.  I've had it happen to me, and i'm sorry to say i've done it to other people but i suppose it's an easy way to say you're not interested anymore.  Sometimes it's easier to ignore someone than tell them why you no longer like them and risk hurting their feelings.  I'm not condoning it, but i've come to accept it now



DreamyLadySnow -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 12:03:36 PM)

I would say that the majority of guys I've talked to online are poof boys. The few that will get their butts off the computer and meet me are to be commended.
The rest are a time-wasting bunch of flakes.
What amazes me is that all the Dommes know this, but the others (Doms, bottoms etc) don't understand why so  many of the Dommes do not have a boy.
The poofsters waste too much of our time. It really is annoying and frustrating. I like to assume that everyone I meet has potential to be real (not poofy) until they prove otherwise, but I"m getting to the point where I need to assume they are all poofs until proven otherwise. Sad.

LS



iliv2servher -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 1:20:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistrssM

Thank you to all who responded so far.... and for the insights.. and yes I agree people of all kinds poof ...even in the vanilla world... especially online....it can be a false medium by nature and many are playing at or being something that they are not....I think pretending to be single is a common one...or being younger or a different appearence... and in those cases meeting in person is something they probably never really intend to do... or meet for more than a night....
Also I think some do not think about the fact there is a person on the other side of the screen and disappearing is easy.

I do really think something mysticfiretopaz said though hits home in many of the male sub POOF BOY cases.....

I think some males have mixed feeling about being submissive.  On the one hand, they are drawn to it, but on the other, it goes against the grain of what society says a man should be.  They start to explore their submission, and often come across as being very sincere, but then their apprehesion takes over and they go "poof."
 
Others often have had long-held fantasies about being submissive, think they are ready to start a real-life realationship, and start moving in that direction by approaching and getting to know a Domme.  Then, fear takes over, and they go "poof."



I would have to agree that the most compelling argument would contain the "mixed feelings" aspect, but there can be many other factors that contribute to just why a sub stops in their tracks..very similar to a jumping horse running up to a hurdle and suddenly stopping short of it.

We can't possibly know what is in the mind of a prospective slave.  They are not necessarily going to reveal themselves totally online or on the telephone.  This is why I tend to believe that one should proceed with cautious optomism.

Both men and women have crosses to bear: standards of acceptable behavior for each gender in our society.  Those societal standards are very often impossible to live up to.   Woman have this picture book "model" image, while men must act like they are always in control.  So why then is it so difficult to understand why a male is reluctant to jump headfirst into the abiss of submission before they may not fully understand it?





jonathan -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 6:10:29 PM)

i LMAO when i saw this subject in my notification e-mail, because of the old Monty Python sketch where 'poof' = gay. The Biggles sketch. i knew that was not the intent, but still....."we" were amused. But it's not an amusing situation for all of You, who are truly interested in finding real submissive men. IMO, this situation hurts those who are genuine in fostering a D/s relationship with one of You. i think it's mostly due to the inexperience and fear of the newbies. i've been through it, but i never behaved in such an uncivilised or rude way as to simply vanish. Raised a few hackles, yes, but never that. Just politely backed out if i did not feel comfortable.

Ms. Sonnet Marwood, DreamyLadySnow, Lady Rissa, and Ms. Dianna Vesta all have said that it is the fear of real time and inability to internalize a submissive nature that causes this. All too true. my Goddess suffers this treatment also and is kind and generous enough to advise those who e-mail Her without following Her instructions and are only looking for a quick fix, but i don't think She ought to be bothered with it.

For Lady Rissa, i've continued to be the eternal optimist for many years and it has paid off. my Goddess also kept seeking and She found me, and She is so far very happy with that. i just feel as lucky as.......a boy could possibly be. i hope You don't give up.

"A man can serve his Queen and honor her. This dynamic is actually less work for the Domina because honestly I don’t think she wants to feel, “on” all the time."

Precisely how i feel, Ms. Dianna.



UtopianRanger -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 7:18:26 PM)

quote:

I am curious how many Mistresses have come across these....




POOF!



draba -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 8:05:56 PM)

I recently, almost went "poof" for several reasons that included guilt and my marriage. I called Mistress to tell her because I did not want her to wonder where I am. I am so glad I did. As she assured me that she will always be there for me and to take care of my priorities first.
But, people do leave the scene for several reasons. Some may not want to tell Mistress for fear of being cohersed back to the scene. Mine tried, until I told her she was conning me. It is a good thing we are good friends and have a strong relationship.



Owned1 -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/16/2006 8:42:15 PM)

If people would be honest from the outset of communication there would not be the high incidents of poofing.  I truly think many poof because they are hiding something, there can be a million and one things someone is hiding.  Why not however be honest and upfront and inform the other you are speaking with whats up?

Perhaps if individuals did this they would find what would complete them as they may find one who is compatable and have no difficulty what whatever it is they are hiding.

Just my pollyanna thoughts for tonight

owned



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/17/2006 12:29:55 AM)

PeterK50, I don't believe anyone can ignore you with that picture...  So must be something else??  [&:]

I've met many boys online who do great disappearing acts, only to later return acting like flaky buttheads; needless to say we don't do well, and when those things happen, I grasp a complete understanding of all the women who ask for money as proof of sincerity.   M



MisPandora -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/17/2006 5:33:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistrssM
Poof Boys are submissives who approach you....actively seek your attention.... they do their best to say all the right things,....and for the most part seem sincere in what they seek... they gain your attention..
and then POOF...one day they just disappear on you.. for various reasons.....


I encounter a flake/poofsub at least one every month or two.  The most recent ones that I recall were:
-- a guy who still has a two profiles up on this site in the Syracuse area.  He talks a good, sincere talk, but in the end, it's all a mass of BS and he just up and vanished.
-- another fellow who was formerly dominant but transitioned into being a sub (reportedly).  He even shared pictures of him in his military uniform and gave his real name.  (Come to think of it, so did the one above too.)  He talked about meeting, booking a plane ticket and all.  Said he'd call at a certain time that night to talk, and never did.  Evaded subsequent phone calls and emails.  No explanation whatsoever.

The most classic case of vanishing from this site, has to be a guy who'd weaved this exotic story of how his mistress/wife died, and how he'd been lost for x amount of years, and that he was nurse. Our interests matched, as did our career paths and out of D/s lives.  But, he was too good to be true.  As luck would have it, he was not the nurse he claimed to be, he didn't work where he said he worked, and he even lied about doing 'charity work with Doctors Beyond Borders', lying about the country he was going to do the work in.  (They didn't have mission work going on in Chile!) 

My experience has been that the boys that vanish weave these extravagant stories about who and what they are, and have to make an "exit stage right" at or around the time that you pursue meeting them.  How else would they pull off the fact that they are not who they claim they are?  My theory is that many of them live this fantasy life that they've grown to the point that they have to involve (dupe) someone else into, and once the masturbation is over, they return to their white picket fence and their wives and their vanilla life.  Sad.



MisPandora -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/17/2006 5:39:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress
Now they have a new twist.  They have their "mistress" contact you with some rude email telling to you to stop contacting "their" sub/slave.  Now this group usually returns saying it didn't work out and want to talk again...yeah right...lol

I thought I was the only one who gets emails from crazies like that.  The best part is that it is the original writer, in his own writing format and style, who has created this fake name to harass me! 



MisPandora -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/17/2006 5:44:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjamesmuk

I suppose it's so easy to hide behind the computer, there might be one little thing you dislike about someone and when you're on the computer you can simple block or ignore them.  I've had it happen to me, and i'm sorry to say i've done it to other people but i suppose it's an easy way to say you're not interested anymore.  Sometimes it's easier to ignore someone than tell them why you no longer like them and risk hurting their feelings.  I'm not condoning it, but i've come to accept it now

But why not be HONEST and truthful.  Is that not what we preach in this lifestyle?  How does running and being a jerk make you worthy for someone else?  I just fail to understand why people behave the way they do sometimes.



sweetchris -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/17/2006 5:50:12 AM)

when She says I want to take the relationship to the next level and he doesnt feel hes ready, some will just go with it anyway to please Her, but when it comes to the meeting for example, he bottles it because hes not ready, and POOF :D



underyourlash -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/17/2006 12:59:06 PM)

Sometimes I wish I could go "Poof"... in all manner of meanings and ways, especially if I could apply the "Poof" to other annoyances; persons or things. ;)

Lot's of good points, and definitely a good read. :)

It appears the main reasons are either dishonesty or fear.

I definitely can see the fear angle a lot clearer... The dishonest route is kind of childish and actually a waste of both person's time. Who really wants their claim to fame to be "Poofing"? :p



michaelGA2 -> RE: Poof Boys.... (7/17/2006 1:01:39 PM)

i wonder sometimes that, if i went "poof" completely out of existence...would anyone miss me?

[:o]



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875