How much have you changed?

How much have you changed? (Full Version)

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smileforme50 -> How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 8:36:45 AM)
This question is mostly aimed at subs/slaves who are (or have been in 24/7 power exchange relationships.... Do you think being in a power exchange relationship has changed your overall demeanor and attitude toward things in the vanilla aspects of your life? Do you think you treat and respond to people differently than you did before you became a sub or slave? Has the change been positive or negative? Have people in you vanilla life noticed and commented on the change?

GoddessManko -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 1:22:16 PM)
OK so I asked my boy this earlier when I saw this question posed. I asked him how he has changed, he responded like this; " I believe it has yes. I like to think that i am becoming a better person. It has not changed me personality wise though. Just made me more driven. It is just my honest answer. I really truly feel a difference since talking with you. And i think people around me are noticing it too. I talk more than I used to before, and take more actions to achieve my goals. That I am sure they have noticed." I'm really proud of him, he's doing really well right now in his personal life and I feel is truly growing as a person and a sub.

camille65 -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 1:33:18 PM)
I've changed quite a bit in the last decade because of my Owner, poor guy has worked very hard on me lol. Basically I'm happy with myself as a person because he instilled a sense of self-worth in me that I'd been missing, that leads to being more confident, expressive etc etc.

smileforme50 -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 1:50:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 I've changed quite a bit in the last decade because of my Owner, poor guy has worked very hard on me lol. Basically I'm happy with myself as a person because he instilled a sense of self-worth in me that I'd been missing, that leads to being more confident, expressive etc etc. Do you react to people differently? Do you think, growth in self confidence aside, that you being submissive has caused any of the change? Do you think a supportive vanilla relationship could have had the same effect or did you need to develop your submission to find that confidence?

LiveSpark -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 4:21:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko OK so I asked my boy this earlier when I saw this question posed. I asked him how he has changed, he responded like this; " I believe it has yes. I like to think that i am becoming a better person. It has not changed me personality wise though. Just made me more driven. It is just my honest answer. I really truly feel a difference since talking with you. And i think people around me are noticing it too. I talk more than I used to before, and take more actions to achieve my goals. That I am sure they have noticed." I'm really proud of him, he's doing really well right now in his personal life and I feel is truly growing as a person and a sub. That's fantastic, clearly you've had a positive impact on him and his life. Kudos.

littleladybug -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 4:57:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 Do you think being in a power exchange relationship has changed your overall demeanor and attitude toward things in the vanilla aspects of your life? I think that being in the relationships I've been in has been a positive for me. I will not go so far as to say that I think that it's because they were power-exchange relationships though.

GoddessManko -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 4:58:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LiveSpark That's fantastic, clearly you've had a positive impact on him and his life. Kudos. Thanks LiveSpark. It's been very fulfilling for us both. I think his tenacity and faith in finding a Domme who would fit everything he had hoped as well as his wonderfully humble nature helped things to come to fruition this way. I don't wanna start gushing on here. It's all good. I'm very content.

DerangedUnit -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 5:15:51 PM)
I've pretty much always been a slave, any periods where I wasn't were in between. So there is no clear cut before/after. Everything has been affected by my history. Who I would have been without all of it... who knows. I have changed a lot at different points in my life, around different people. I would only ever make changes I considered positive at the time, however, as I experienced more my definition of what was positive changed. The biggest shift was probably the first and only time I trusted someone other than myself... who knows if that's for the best, but it is easier... easy is rarely good.

InHisHeart -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 7:32:35 PM)
I've been in 2 long term 24/7 relationships since I was 25 and I'm now 56 so I will say no, it hasn't changed anything about me. Changes about me were due to life experiences (good and bad), circumstances, growth, maturity, etc. but not directly due to relationships.

sexyred1 -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 10:03:59 PM)
I was great before my last relationship. This last one changed me in that I don't trust anyone, but I think that is a good thing.

GoddessManko -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/19/2015 11:25:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I was great before my last relationship. This last one changed me in that I don't trust anyone, but I think that is a good thing. You're a beautiful woman. So it's not a good thing, it's a great loss for humanity, LOL. I love strong willed women, especially if they identify as submissive. It's very sensual, demure, elegant and truly beautiful. It is hard to trust after a bad relationship and actually in the midst of discussing my dislike for flakes, posers, players and the mentally defunct who use this lifestyle to exploit subs, especially female subs. I have ZERO tolerance for a "D" who lacks, integrity, honor, pride and strength. A Dom should allow a sub to be the best version of themselves they can be, to unlock that part of them and make them always feel protected, even in overcoming hurdles.

sexyred1 -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/20/2015 9:43:04 AM)
Thanks for the kind words.

camille65 -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/20/2015 1:04:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 I've changed quite a bit in the last decade because of my Owner, poor guy has worked very hard on me lol. Basically I'm happy with myself as a person because he instilled a sense of self-worth in me that I'd been missing, that leads to being more confident, expressive etc etc. Do you react to people differently? Do you think, growth in self confidence aside, that you being submissive has caused any of the change? Do you think a supportive vanilla relationship could have had the same effect or did you need to develop your submission to find that confidence? I needed to have my submissiveness allowed to flourish, that is the difference he made in my life. His acceptance of who and what I am along with is encouragement has changed me. To a degree yes I react to others differently in that I'm a smidge less shy and just believe I've more self-worth than I did 15 years ago.

Missokyst -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/20/2015 4:22:53 PM)
Yes I did change. My upbringing created a very arrogant persona, so much so that saying "thank you" was a rarity. After being with him I came to see how rude that behavior seemed, and I have been saying please and thank you to one and all ever since. It was a small change but significant.

satanscharmer -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/21/2015 5:53:58 AM)
I've noticed I'm less stressed and more laid back, more myself. My family has noticed also and commented.

smileforme50 -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/21/2015 7:30:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satanscharmer I've noticed I'm less stressed and more laid back, more myself. My family has noticed also and commented. Why do you think that is? What does being someone's sub or slave have to do with it? I'm asking these questions because I've heard other subs and slaves talk about how being in such a relationship has been completely life changing.....sometimes therapeutic for them. But I don't get the connection.... I don't ever see that happening for me.

satanscharmer -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/21/2015 8:13:03 AM)
Because I hate being in charge, in control, a dominant person. It's not in my nature. I have no desire what-so-ever to lead anyone. So, when I'm forced to do something or be something I'm not, it becomes exhausting and mentally taxing. It's like constantly rehearsing for a role I want nothing to do with. We tried the whole 50/50 thing. It didn't work real well with us and I somehow managed to obtain a large portion of the leadership in the relationship. I hated it. Since giving it over to him, we butt heads A LOT less and I don't have to be something I'm not. This problem extends outside of my relationship as well, in work and school settings. People often look to me to lead and am forced into this role that I hate. At least now, I can be comfortable in my home life.

SinFix -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/21/2015 9:14:18 AM)
FR Smile, why do you think you are submissive? This is the very root of submissiveness, a submitting of your will to that of another. It starts with trust, if you do not absolutely trust the other person to make the best decisions regarding whatever, you will not submit. Now, to answer the question. Yes, I have changed in my relationships, all of them. Why because every experience we have in our life changes us in some way, shape or form. Some of my changes have been for the good and others were detrimental to me. I trust my tyrant completely, he may come off on the boards as this great guy, but to be his slave, I absolutely gave him free rein to decide what is best for us. Is it easy, at times yes and at other times no, depending on those aforementioned personal changes. Will he change me, yes he will, he will change me to be the best slave for him that I can be. It may mean wiping away past issues or instilling in me a direction that he wants us to go. I have every right to voice any concerns and discuss like an adult with him how I am feeling about things, he takes all that into consideration and makes the best choice for us. The key to all this working is my willingness to see more than just a tiny view point but to see the whole picture he is painting. Now that I ruined my leave of this place, I gave my two cents and will now go back to observing...

satanscharmer -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/21/2015 10:10:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 I'm asking these questions because I've heard other subs and slaves talk about how being in such a relationship has been completely life changing.....sometimes therapeutic for them. But I don't get the connection.... I don't ever see that happening for me. Oh, and I forgot to comment about this part. Each person is different. People are going to get different things out of their relationships. The difference I feel isn't relationship vs no relationship, it's more this type of relationship vs a different type of relationship. I'm the type of person that can be fine without someone and fine with someone. When I'm by myself, I can be myself. I don't need to follow someone, that's not therapeutic for me. But when I go from me being the leader to him being the leader, it's weight off my back.

sexyred1 -> RE: How much have you changed? (1/21/2015 10:31:52 AM)
I am and always have been able to make my own decisions. I may ask a partner for their opinion, but I honestly never met anyone more capable than me, to know the best for me. In retrospect, I have never found a man who inspired the blind trust that many subs and slaves say they have. I have been madly in love, but that passion talking, not my brain. Interestingly enough, my ex husband was the one I trusted 100%, but he was not a Dom. Perhaps I am not as submissive as many here, but I am submissive in my own way when inspired. How I have changed, is that I will never again accept the chemistry aspect over the compatibility aspect in a relationship, because it ends up being unsatisfying in the long run.

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