avanillalady
Posts: 1
Joined: 1/27/2015
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Will start with some history to help with the current situation. To start, please forgive me if my verbiage is not accurate, it has been a long time since I have come to a forum for guidance. For the past 14 years I have chosen committed relationships only. For 5 of those years I chose to be single and celibate (don't fall for the pastor's son who is 10 years younger than you) minus a very vanilla one night stand. The last boyfriend I had was great at understanding what I wanted in bed and he was completely satisfied as well (problems were with core values). I like hair pulling, biting, choking, spanking, lightly paddled, being tied down in various ways, being tossed around like a rag doll, inanimate toys are very welcome... Not fond of anal (tear easily even with experienced partners), nor fisting (the thumb never goes, it hurts), stuffing is okay with moderation. All of these things were experienced with committed partners in past 14 years. Pre-mommy-era (aka beyond 14 years ago) I was very promiscuous. Stayed single and had several play mates. Served as a toy, saught the toy, served as a slave, and as a mistress, been the submissive and been the dominant... I have been able to control kegal and lower tummy muscles quite well (individually, all together, and in a milking/rolling motion) since before I could drive. My swinger friends made statements about how I was made of gold. Was told that I was rather talented with oral pleasure for both sexes as well... Recently a couple friends I have known for about a year learned that I was single and knew of my past. They are a man and woman who have lived together for 7 years with an open relationship. They invited me into their bed, either with him or both of them, unclear as to if being with only her is acceptable (but I think it will be). It took me a few days to decide if I wanted to reenter that life style, but I decided to go for it. Didn't take much convincing. Which leads me to my need for advise. I know that we should of established ground rules and discussed likes/needs before this began... But for the first time ever, heat of the moment got in the way and has been a reoccurring issue. So far she has not been able to join us with balancing work and children's needs making it impossible. Which also means that I have not been able to get her advise on this yet, or watch what she does. She and I have a girls day planned (the clothes included kind) in a few weeks, but I would like some tips before then. I am naturally submissive to men, and naturally dominant to woman, but can switch/roll play with ease... Until now. With him there are often lots of inanimate toys involved and vaginal penetration from him is rare if ever. He is naturally dominant, but so is the woman he lives with. He has coached me through how hard he likes to be bit. I have asked him to guide my hands to finding his erogenous zones, but he hasn't shown me anything I didn't know already. However in the act of oral, me using my hands, or me fondling while he masturbates he often asks for it to be harder. It is almost like he can't climax unless I am causing him pain in some way. I have always considered myself pretty well skilled and am at a loss as to what to do. He invites me back, seems to enjoy it, and always reaches climax, but I don't feel like I fully satisfying him. He has shown me photos that show he enjoys anal penetration but I seem to have misplaced my strap on... And he hasn't asked for it either. I am feeling too vanilla... Please share any advice you have, or practices you have mastered for men like this! Thank you!
P.S. Yes I know it is my own fault for not setting ground rules or making a contract... Please don't scold me for it. :)
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Need advice on making it rougher for him. - 
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RE: Need advice on making it rougher for him. - 
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