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NookieNotes -> RE: New yet old looking for support as i train a vanilla fem sub. (2/9/2015 3:31:04 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
I will tell you this: I allow only three acceptable answers in my relationships, when I ask them to do something: "Yes, Michael, Sir/Daddy", "Can we talk about this, please?" and "I can't serve/be with you, anymore". There is no "No" in my world or they have stopped submitting.
That doesn't mean that her, saying "Can we talk about this, please?" doesn't turn into: "Okay, baby. Your objections are understandable and we'll re-visit this, at a later date". It means that if she, flat-out, says: "No", that's an issue.
This is a lovely way of saying things. I like it, Michael. Thank you for sharing.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Gauge
Never, ever, lose control. This is important, for obvious reasons. Someone is trusting you to take control away from them, that is a monumental responsibility, and one that I take very seriously. Keep your head at all times.
Agreed. Never yell or fly off the handle. And when I say never, I mean avoid it like the plague. It will happen, you are human, but realize as soon as you do, you have given up your dominance in that discussion, and you have lost trust. She trusts you to guide her. How can she feel safe in your guidance when you get upset?
I wanted to highlight what they had to say before adding my own two cents. DS did touch on it as well.
Behavior modification. If you are not aware of it, consider reading some dog-training books, like "The Power of Positive Dog Training," and get a feel for how it works.
The steps I use are:
1. Observe. Watch her natural behavior. Determine what you love, what could be improved, and what you'd rather not have in your relationship.
2. Training: Learning. Tell her what you love, what improvements can be made, and what you are not wild about. Say it once, say it clear, make sure you have communicated, not just talked.
3. Training: Setting/Strengthening. Reward what you like positively. A LOT. In the behaviors you want to change, shape them by rewarding the better versions (even if just a small amount better) and ignoring the parts you don't like, or slip-backs. Ignore behavior you don't like, or simply say your own version of "Ah-ah!"
4. Training: Testing. Test the behaviors in every scenario, under stress, etc. Understand that all behaviors are not the same in every situation. Look for weak spots, and find ways to help her learn in those situations, too.
5. Training: Maintenance. Understand it is an ongoing process. You will never be completely done, so you better enjoy it.
*smiles*
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