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RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 8:01:10 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FeleciasubTV

People view your profile so you message them thanking them for viewing and explaining what you are seeking.
They read your message and can't even be bothered to reply.

I view lots of profiles. Mainly because I like to read about what others are doing and thinking. In all of the time I've been doing this, I've come across one profile that inspired me to write a message. He has since become my partner.

With that being said, I don't see why I would "owe" someone a response to a message thanking me for viewing their profile, and assuming that I was looking at it with any interest, other than fleeting. If I want to send a message, I will.

I have gotten lots of these types of messages. OP, I'm sure you're more than nice in what you say, but a lot of people aren't. More than that though, for me, is that I *should* feel obligated to engage in a conversation, even if it is a simple "thanks but no thanks". (Not even going into what others have said here, in terms of MANY people not feeling that is enough...)

Is this not considered "polite" by some people? Sure. But frankly, life is too short for me to worry about how some random person feels about how I respond to them.

(in reply to FeleciasubTV)

Post #: 21

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 8:06:17 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I almost always send well thought-out e-mails unless I'm just touching base with someone with whom I've already spoken.

The entitled, self-important, rude people can't be arsed to respond and then, they justify their behavior with clap-trap.

Can you say for sure that the person who wrote that profile sends out well-thought-out emails? Nope, me neither.

Also, really, when it comes down to it, it's not about justifying anything (I always respond), it's about knowing that someone who does not put effort into their profile will likely not be a fit for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix
So again, why are you entitled to a response but I am not entitled to being treated with respect?

The point I make is that NONE of us are entitled to anything (without a previous agreement from both parties).

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Once, again, the argument you seem to be making is that I'm not entitled to a response because of how someone else dis-respected you.

In my world, that argument leads to a bad place. If I treated people based upon how others treated me, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

I agree with this. I let each person make their own mistakes. That, however, is not how the human mind is designed to work, strictly speaking.

The human mind is designed to avoid pain and to generalize. This is a simple result.

And again, no one is entitled to anything from anyone without a previous agreement in place.

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(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 22

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 9:32:36 AM

satanscharmer

Posts: 376
Status: offline

FR-

When I first started here, I did reply to each message I received. I do believe that is the polite thing to do. Honestly, I hadn't received many bad responses to my declines. Actually, I don't think I received any at all. I can only recall a few awful messages due to "married, not looking" written on my profile. So, it seemed, I was more likely to receive negative messages from those that did read my profile.

I soon stopped replying to messages that 1) they weren't reading my profile or 2) the messages lacked effort ("Hello") . While I would love to be polite to each and every person, I feel there is no reason I should show respect when I feel as though I haven't been respected, or put forth an effort for someone that hasn't put much out themselves. I would still reply to messages that seemed sincere and well thought out.

People have reasons for doing what they do (or don't do). While someone may view it impolite of others to not respond, someone else may view it impolite to question a person's choice to not respond.

Edited because this is a fast reply

< Message edited by satanscharmer -- 2/13/2015 9:33:44 AM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 23

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 10:03:16 AM

Kittenluv954

Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

i reply to those i wish to reply to, its my inbox, and my right. i dont feel obligated to explain and justify myself to random internet strangers regarding my reasons. if they dont like it, i honestly dont care. if their feelings get hurt so easily, they should probably not be on the interwebs. getting 100 emails a day, from ridiculous to sincere, and everything in between, and being held to some unwritten rule that each one needs a personalized response from me? yeah, screw that. if a message warrants a reply, i reply. if it doesnt, i dont. and i dont feel a shred of guilt over my right to make that determination.

(in reply to FeleciasubTV)

Post #: 24

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 11:30:18 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Ummm... Hello, actually, what you would do if you even read or comprehend is ignore the next person unless for whatever reason you feel compelled to respond to them..

Ummm hello? Your statement was that when someone treats me in a certain negative way, it is up to me how rude I wish to treat the next person (a lady deciding that ignoring someone is okay is where her "limit" is).

So, let's run with that.

Some guy messages you, you reject (nicely) and he calls you a "fatty" or some such. In your mind, that justifies you, ignoring the next guy.

Notice, you're not calling the next guy a "fatty". You're deciding for yourself, how you're going to handle the next random person who has offered you no offense of their own actions. So far, yes?

Whatever the determination about the form of punishment, you've decided that this new person is as big a creep as the last. That's the crux of the situation. You're treating one person, based upon another person's actions.

That's an interesting bent but one that doesn't pass the giggle test for me. Treating someone with any form of rudeness or disrespect because of how someone treated you perpetuates negativity. It continues the cycle.

Michael

Michael,

I understand your point in theory, but when it comes to actual practice, it doesn't work.

Why? Because of experience.

I am also on okcupid. I have a very detailed profile there (more than my profile here). I get a lot of email there and I can tell you that 99.9 do not read a single word of my profile or ignore it.

This is what I get in a given day:
Hi
How are you
Want to fuck
Your hot
Hey red
How is your week going
How is your day going
Let's get to know each other
Here's my email/phone, text me babe
How long here
What are seeking

Etc. etc.

Now, as I said, my profile is very clear about what I seek, I mention age range, desired interests, that I'm a BBW, that I seek a long term thing and so on.

I read EVERY profile who writes to me before replying. I used to reply no thank you, best of luck to all UNTIL I got the dog with a bone bullshit about why not me, I am a bitch, fat, etc.

I have young guys sending me please give me a try over and over again, saying I haven't had THEM yet, when I say no, too young.

With all said, I am being disrespected from the very first email they send, becsuse they ignored my clearly written information about what I am seeking and second, when I politely say no, I get shit back.

So, in the grand scheme of life, where time is valuable, I just ignore anyone who I don't care to write back to rather than engage them.

Does this mean I may be missing someone special, who may be brilliant, creative and a good match for me because I judged their emails as not worth my time? Maybe.

But if you don't make an effort to be respectful in your first contact, I owe you nothing.

Finally, yes, you are right. We sometimes tar and feather the next guys because of the behavior of those that went before. Same as men do when they say all women are bitches, want your money and other generalizations they experienced.

It's life online these days, and sad, but really, I see no way it can be fixed.

P.S. You may be shocked or not at how many ridiculously inappropriate emails come from men whose have in depth, intelligently written profiles. All the more annoying when they show laziness by sending Hey Red emails to a woman who states intelligence is key.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/13/2015 11:35:01 AM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 25

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 3:30:04 PM

Wayward5oul

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Well Michael, I noticed you did not answer why you are entitled to a response yet I'm not entitled to respect...

I must have missed where you asked that.

A person is always entitled to respect until they disrespect me. Those are words to live by.

Let me make it easy for you:

Once, again, the argument you seem to be making is that I'm not entitled to a response because of how someone else dis-respected you.

In my world, that argument leads to a bad place. If I treated people based upon how others treated me, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

It's not about "tit-for-tat". It's about realizing that each person is entitled to respect and courtesy until they prove - by their own actions - that they are not entitled to those things.

When I have taken the time to write a well-thought out profile clearly stating my preferences, and clearly stating what I am not interested in, and then get messages from people who clearly fall into the 'what I am not interested in" category, that is disrespect.

They have chosen to ignore what I have put time and thought into expressing about myself and my wants and needs. They assume that they know better than I and that they should have the opportunity to show how their wants and needs override mine.

So why is is that I am the one that is being rude by not politely responding to that?

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 26

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:43:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Do you send no thank yous to every credit card offer you receive, explaining what they need to do in order to get you to agree? Do you listen politely for 30 minutes to telemarketers?

If not, then why are you entitled to receive more respect than you give.

Beyond all that, I am entitled to protect myself from abuse and death threats. All of which I have received for the 'crime' of rejecting someone. If you come up to me in a bar I will turn my back on you there too. I am not obligated to respond to people with a sense of entitlement.

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Post #: 27

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 5:06:25 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

I am guessing this is not directed at me... is it...lol

Butch

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 28

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 6:38:10 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Not this shit again.

When someone looks at you on the street, do you thank them for looking at you and tell them what you want them to do?
I imagine if you did, that person would (at best) look at you funny and walk away.
Do you get pissed off when they don't do what you want?
What makes you think anyone is entitled to feed the ego of someone they're not even interested in in the first place?

Honestly, if you had any idea of the muck that wanders in some users' inboxes, you wouldn't be posting this.
If you ever responded "Thanks but no thanks" to someone else on this site, you wouldn't be posting this. The usual response to that polite message you so demand is at best a whiny "Why not? Let me explain why your reasons have no merit and you should give me a shot anyway" and at worst a "FUCK YOU you aren't attractive anyway, let me tell you about my violent rape fantasy."

I'll at least give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not among those guys. I'm sure you're a special kind of person who would take no for an answer and move on. But nobody's going to know that, and nobody wants to deal with the headaches they get on a daily basis responding to the people who bitch about politeness not costing anything and listening to their tantrums, on the off chance they might avoid bruising the ego of you, the one nice, respectful user on the site.

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(in reply to FeleciasubTV)

Post #: 29

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 8:12:16 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

When I have taken the time to write a well-thought out profile clearly stating my preferences, and clearly stating what I am not interested in, and then get messages from people who clearly fall into the 'what I am not interested in" category, that is disrespect.

They have chosen to ignore what I have put time and thought into expressing about myself and my wants and needs. They assume that they know better than I and that they should have the opportunity to show how their wants and needs override mine.

So why is is that I am the one that is being rude by not politely responding to that?

As I have mentioned, now, several times; it's not about entitlement. I will answer this, one more time but I grow tired of explaining myself to the deaf. I will take your example, specifically:

My profile used to be quite detailed (I double-checked. With the exception of a bit of a "pre-amble", my profile was my journal post from 10 DEC 2011).

I used to get the occasional mail that was the antithesis of things I had stated in my profile. Unless they were out-and-out disrespect from the first message or a "princess" looking for my help, transferring money from her dead uncle, I always took the time to write something like: "Thank you for messaging but my profile clearly states that I don't want ...".

More often than not, that was the end of it. On the rare occasion that the writer would turn ugly, that particular person goes into the "idiot" pile.

The next person that writes to me doesn't become MY victim and receive my mis-placed aggression that the previous person should have gotten.

Look, you do you. That's fine but the idea of "Well, this one (insert type of) person once treated me like shit so, I am justified in treating the rest of 'em like shit before they get a chance to do it to me, too" is not only a pretty sad way to go through life but it's a mentality that has been used to justify everything from racism/gender bias right on up to murder.

I choose to keep my life in a positive flow. It's what works for me.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

Post #: 30

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 8:25:12 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Michael- its been posted before, but here's some reading for you: http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

I seriously got a message last night that was like "Hey nice to meet you, will you skype verify you're a girl? I want to jerk off on cam to you."

That was the message almost VERBATIM. It deserves no response from me.

I had someone else write "Hey, would love to meet up and get coffee!"

I live in NH, he lived in NY. I'm not going to respond. My profile is "I'm just here for the forums".

You literally have to be incredibly lazy to NOT read it. So I choose to be incredibly lazy to those back, and not respond. If someone says "hey say your forum posts! I just wanted to say I appreciated them...blah blah blah"- I'll bite and email back. What one may think a fine, detailed, heartfelt message- just might not be to the other person recieving it. UNWAD your panties, and suck it up. Maybe realize if they don't appreciate that message- perhaps you are less compatible than you imagined, and move on.

The ladies on this site get a great deal of messages to wade through, I think if you're looking to get more responses, more details isn't necessarily the way to go either. Something short and to the point. "Hey, I read your profile, no really! I did! haha- I liked that you are into fishing and hiking- I also like to do those things. What is the biggest fish you've ever caught? Sincerely- John Doe."

OP- Are some of the similar interest sexual ones? or BDSM ones? I think mentioning those in a first message is less likely to yield a result also. A common interest beyond your genitalia will be better for both of you.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 31

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 10:23:30 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

As I have mentioned, now, several times; it's not about entitlement. I will answer this, one more time but I grow tired of explaining myself to the deaf.

Because anyone who disagrees with your opinion must be deaf. Right. Mansplaining AND entitlement. Such an attractive combination.

quote:

That's fine but the idea of "Well, this one (insert type of) person once treated me like shit so, I am justified in treating the rest of 'em like shit before they get a chance to do it to me, too" is not only a pretty sad way to go through life but it's a mentality that has been used to justify everything from racism/gender bias right on up to murder.

Choosing to not answer someone who is clearly not what you're looking for isn't even remotely the same as "treating them like shit."

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(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 32

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 11:43:29 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

And again, no one is entitled to anything from anyone without a previous agreement in place.

Can you do me a favor? Can you show me where I said that anyone was entitled to a response?

I did say that those that don't respond are rude (and I might have used the words "ignorant" and "self-important"), but can you show me where I said that anyone (myself, included) was entitled to a response?

Michael

_____________________________

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 33

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/14/2015 3:48:14 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

And again, no one is entitled to anything from anyone without a previous agreement in place.

Can you do me a favor? Can you show me where I said that anyone was entitled to a response?

I did say that those that don't respond are rude (and I might have used the words "ignorant" and "self-important"), but can you show me where I said that anyone (myself, included) was entitled to a response?

Michael

I simply used the word you used from the quote that was right before that in my post ([in red, bold and brackets, per me]):

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Once, again, the argument you seem to be making is that I'm not [entitled] to a response because of how someone else dis-respected you.

In my world, that argument leads to a bad place. If I treated people based upon how others treated me, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

I agree with this. I let each person make their own mistakes. That, however, is not how the human mind is designed to work, strictly speaking.

The human mind is designed to avoid pain and to generalize. This is a simple result.

And again, no one is entitled to anything from anyone without a previous agreement in place.

Where, I actually agreed with you, mostly.

_____________________________

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(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 34

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/14/2015 5:03:27 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I like both of you. I think, on the whole you're really good eggs.

However, this first "excuse" upon which you seem to be in agreement has not been borne out by my own experiences, here.

I used to have a detailed profile with "bullet points" at the top and fuller explanations, below (I'm going to have to see if I have a copy of it, saved, somewhere). I think it was, essentially, my journal post from DEC 2011?

I almost always send well thought-out e-mails unless I'm just touching base with someone with whom I've already spoken.

The Entitled, self-important, rude people can't be arsed to respond and then, they justify their behavior with clap-trap.

That's the long and short of it.

Michael
[/quote]

Sorry, I think I clipped your name out of the top of the post.. but there is where you called anyone entitled... Now I have no real bone in this cause if you go back and read what I wrote, you will see that I am not one of those that you are berating for not responding. But was showing you why some women don't, also I should have made it more clear that most women don't start that behavior until they have received a lot of abusive emails back.. I should share with you one of the first guys I corresponded with on this site.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 35

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/14/2015 5:04:59 AM

Kittenluv954

Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

lmao, hes sitting there now trying to figure out how to explain that away. how to admit he said what he said without discrediting himself somehow... oh the quandry.

< Message edited by Kittenluv954 -- 2/14/2015 5:06:54 AM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 36

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/14/2015 5:24:07 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittenluv954

lmao, hes sitting there now trying to figure out how to explain that away. how to admit he said what he said without discrediting himself somehow... oh the quandry.

Quick impression for ya...

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

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(in reply to Kittenluv954)

Post #: 37

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/14/2015 6:11:53 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

I get very few messages, probably because OF my profile, but Ive had many, too many over the years that I wouldnt respond to, even if it meant winning the powerball jackpot.
I dont send many either, except to people who are on the forums.
but I really dont get the butthurt over your (generic your) intrusion being ignored because it failed to be important enough in my life. tough.
I do respond to most of them......the smoking guy and the ants guy get short thrift with some evil thrown in, but...I get more idiots messaging me on fet than I ever have here....

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(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 38

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/14/2015 6:21:11 AM

Kittenluv954

Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

I get very few messages, probably because OF my profile, but Ive had many, too many over the years that I wouldnt respond to, even if it meant winning the powerball jackpot.
I dont send many either, except to people who are on the forums.
but I really dont get the butthurt over your (generic your) intrusion being ignored because it failed to be important enough in my life. tough.
I do respond to most of them......the smoking guy and the ants guy get short thrift with some evil thrown in, but...I get more idiots messaging me on fet than I ever have here....

dont forget mosquito guy... 500 buck! lol

< Message edited by Kittenluv954 -- 2/14/2015 6:22:22 AM >

(in reply to Lucylastic)

Post #: 39

RE: Answering Messages. - 2/14/2015 6:32:06 AM

Wayward5oul

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

When I have taken the time to write a well-thought out profile clearly stating my preferences, and clearly stating what I am not interested in, and then get messages from people who clearly fall into the 'what I am not interested in" category, that is disrespect.

They have chosen to ignore what I have put time and thought into expressing about myself and my wants and needs. They assume that they know better than I and that they should have the opportunity to show how their wants and needs override mine.

So why is is that I am the one that is being rude by not politely responding to that?

As I have mentioned, now, several times; it's not about entitlement. I will answer this, one more time but I grow tired of explaining myself to the deaf. I will take your example, specifically:

My profile used to be quite detailed (I double-checked. With the exception of a bit of a "pre-amble", my profile was my journal post from 10 DEC 2011).

I used to get the occasional mail that was the antithesis of things I had stated in my profile. Unless they were out-and-out disrespect from the first message or a "princess" looking for my help, transferring money from her dead uncle, I always took the time to write something like: "Thank you for messaging but my profile clearly states that I don't want ...".

More often than not, that was the end of it. On the rare occasion that the writer would turn ugly, that particular person goes into the "idiot" pile.

The next person that writes to me doesn't become MY victim and receive my mis-placed aggression that the previous person should have gotten.

Look, you do you. That's fine but the idea of "Well, this one (insert type of) person once treated me like shit so, I am justified in treating the rest of 'em like shit before they get a chance to do it to me, too" is not only a pretty sad way to go through life but it's a mentality that has been used to justify everything from racism/gender bias right on up to murder.

I choose to keep my life in a positive flow. It's what works for me.

Michael

I may or may not be deaf. You have no way of knowing that. But I read just fine. And so do others on here. They have already pointed out where you stated "the argument you seem to be making is that I'm not entitled to a response because of how someone else dis-respected you".

That said, the idea of entitlement was not the main idea of my response to you. What I asked, and what you clearly saw as you quoted it in red but didn't address, was why is it considered rude not to respond to someone who has already shown me disrespect, by ignoring what I have said about myself in my profile? Why am I the bad guy for not responding to someone who thinks that I should reconsider my preferences in favor of theirs?

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 40

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