RE: How do I handle this (Full Version)

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Moderator3 -> RE: How do I handle this (2/22/2015 3:17:38 PM)

I do look at time stamps if its a close call, which your post wasn't. It's all good. Believe it or not, I really would prefer not having to remove things and post unless it is in fun. If I have to be less than happy, it doesn't mean I'm carrying a blade and will be eyeing your backs. (So to speak! I don't need a mod knife thread! lol)

A gold letter doesn't have to be bad and I take no joy in having to moderate. Tis the job though and I will do it.

I'd rather see good thread, debate and fun! Have some!



ExiledTyrant -> RE: How do I handle this (2/22/2015 3:19:46 PM)

FD, this would make a much better "Independent" thread.

Jus sayin



Moderator3 -> RE: How do I handle this (2/22/2015 3:20:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

My observations are my own. Take it how you will.

But it does seem, from my times on here and other forums, and the backlash I have had thrown at me, that Americans, generally, do seem to be much more outwardly emotional that many of us over here.
And to be honest, many problems I see posted here where the response has overwhelmingly been to seek therapy or psychologists, or where it has taken someone years with therapists to overcome a domestic problem, I just think "Meh! Get on with it. It's not that traumatic to need such people".
Maybe it's the old British 'stiff upper lip' and all that. [:D]

I'm not saying some people don't need it, because blatantly some do; and some deserve better than they're getting.
What I'm questioning is, is the world (and particularly the US it seems to me) getting so emotionally weak that we have lost the will and determination to deal with life's crisis's without such props and crutches?
If we had that weak style and depth of self-resolve, we would never get to war let alone win one - we'd just throw the towel in.

There's been a dramatic boom in therapists in recent decades where they just weren't needed before.
Not because there was a gap in the needs, but because people seemed to cope with life much better and such professionals were generally not required to such a degree.

And hand-in-hand with this goes the (apparent) inability to deal with what I would call 'common sense' issues.
That problem seems to be global with recent generations too - not able to think for themselves and work things out.


ETA: I don't knock it when help is needed and people reach out.
What I question is the first response - reach and lean without trying.


You just can't leave it alone. You just have to post and challenge and excuse.

Watch how you say things and that is it. You couldn't wait could you? I wouldn't respond to this.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: How do I handle this (2/22/2015 3:56:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3
You just can't leave it alone. You just have to post and challenge and excuse.

Watch how you say things and that is it. You couldn't wait could you? I wouldn't respond to this.

But isn't it exactly what this thread is about - how to cope with a situation at hand?

I'm just questioning the coping mechanisms.



Moderator3 -> RE: How do I handle this (2/22/2015 4:02:19 PM)

I see that.



shiftyw -> RE: How do I handle this (2/22/2015 4:18:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

FD, this would make a much better "Independent" thread.

Jus sayin



I agree.

FD-
I'd hash this out with you more. But I have so many problems with what you're saying...and you notoriously have posted things about my generation that are just ageist and superior- that I'm sure it won't matter. Clearly I have respect for you- but not because of your age, and not surrounding this matter.

I find the "boom" in therapists a good thing- you don't. *shrugs* Personally- here in the states I wish it were more available to people- say...as available as guns. Perhaps we'd even have less gun violence if we had more therapy available to those who wish to use guns on another person or themselves...

I'd also rather we DIDN'T get into wars- I think it is in general- a huge waste of life.

But I'm in my 20's- so my opinion is that of someone who can't handle herself and has no common sense...[8|]



NookieNotes -> RE: How do I handle this (2/23/2015 2:23:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittenluv954

I wish it were that easy. I have decided not to let past damages into my life still a million times. but it never happens. it's always just remained a decision in my mind that I really WISH I could get my feelings to follow suit on. i can "say" all day long i have dealt with things, and i have forgiven etc, but yeah no. I'm still damaged, and i still feel it. and nothing in my mind saying "you should let this go" seems to ever overcome that.


It's not easy. But it is worth it.

For me, it took a lot of stages (each with a different hurt, and they did not progress equally):

1. Understand the hurt.

2. Understand the trigger(s) (this may create several paths for the same hurt, all needing steps)

3. Recognize the trigger (at first, this only happens in retrospect, then I begin to see it at the time and can do nothing about it, then I see it when it happens, and sometimes before, and can deal with it).

4. Understand the reactions (same as above, starts only in retrospect)

5. Control the reactions, understand the overreaction, and tamp it down, so that I can talk it out, and NOT make my partner feel the punishment for something they didn't cause).

6. Talk it over with my current partner(s).

7. Accept my damage (this usually takes a while of dealing with it, before I fully accept it).

8. Take the pain, and grown from it.

9. Watch the triggers and emotions happen, but not react to them.

10. Let the triggers go.

It is a very long process. As a victim of abuse, I have had a lot to let go in my life, and there has been damage I never even imagined that I was reacting to without even realizing.

However, once I did, I started this process (developed the year after I ended that relationship), and have successfully overcome or at least progressed on every issue.

But it's hard. And painful. And sometimes incredible difficult as well, because it feels like I am shedding my protection layers, to not react to hurtful things.

And yet, I realize, in the long run, I am better protected by my healthy instincts and brains than by emotional reactions.

Of course, this is just what works for me.



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