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Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 11:02:18 AM   
IcarusBurning


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline 		Sorry I ask an awful lot of questions. I read on a yahoo answers post (which I have very little faith on btw) about a bisexual woman who renounced her girl-loving urges post marriage, since she considered it cheating and her husband was not comfortable with it. All nice and dandy.

I wanted to ask folks about their personal experiences on this front. If you were a bisexual woman and with a man, would you be able to stay away from it altogether? Would it be a regret? I know its subjective, i guess i want to understand how important it is to people based off their experiences.
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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 11:20:38 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you're heterosexual, does that mean you are repressing your urges if you are monogamous with your partner? Since the odds are that you will occasionally meet other people who ring your bell for you. Can people say to themselves "Oh good, the plumbing still works. Now to take it home to my spouse"? Or will they always eventually regret committing?

I would imagine that how important it is varies between every person. Just as agreeing to be monogamous always does.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 11:54:27 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning


I wanted to ask folks about their personal experiences on this front. If you were a bisexual woman and with a man, would you be able to stay away from it altogether? Would it be a regret? I know its subjective, i guess i want to understand how important it is to people based off their experiences.


I don't see myself as bisexual although some do, the jury is still out on it. I love when people feel the need to define me. :)

I would say if anything other than I'm just adventurous and can see sex as just sex, gender being irrelevant is if a label must be put on it, I guess I'm heteroflexible. I've had sex with women and it was just sex for the fun of it and the circumstances were right for it. I'm not attracted to women on a romantic emotional level and couldn't be in a partnership relationship with a woman which is more what I see bisexual as. Not just being able to have sex with either gender but being able to have a full blown relationship with either gender, that's just how I see bisexuality.

With all that out of the way, yes I could stay away from it with no regrets and have done so for a long time. Having same sex - sex is something I could easily do and fully enjoy but it's not something I need or have a strong desire for and I'm not suppressing anything by not having it.

If I had the desire, Master would encourage me to find the right female sex partner for me and he wouldn't have a problem with it.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 12:03:20 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart


quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning


I wanted to ask folks about their personal experiences on this front. If you were a bisexual woman and with a man, would you be able to stay away from it altogether? Would it be a regret? I know its subjective, i guess i want to understand how important it is to people based off their experiences.



I would say if anything other than I'm just adventurous and can see sex as just sex, gender being irrelevant is if a label must be put on it, I guess I'm heteroflexible. I've had sex with women and it was just sex for the fun of it and the circumstances were right for it. I'm not attracted to women on a romantic emotional level and couldn't be in a partnership relationship with a woman which is more what I see bisexual as. Not just being able to have sex with either gender but being able to have a full blown relationship with either gender, that's just how I see bisexuality.



I have a new term I've been trying to get people to use: Biamorous

Bisexual = can/likes to have sex with either gender.

Biamorous = Loves both genders, romantically, sexually and desires a romantic relationship with both.

I hate labels also but there are plenty of times when they help to un-muddy the waters and the intricate details can be worked out, later.



Michael

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 12:12:02 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		I am bisexual but I am also big on boundaries and rules because that prevents myself and those I make a part of my life from being confused or misled or placed in an uncomfortable space. I can find a woman "attractive, pretty etc" without bombarding her with objectification/sexual commentary or flirtation. Same as I can have a handsome/attractive male as a friend and for the same rules to apply. It isn't repression, it's just knowing that there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, whether you're in a relationship (unless it's agreed upon by both partners/HoH) or not. And it's also just not being a creep, LOL.

_____________________________

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 12:44:38 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I'm bi and occasionally poly inclined.

But I'm in a monogonmous relationship with a man.
My heart dictates, I listen. He is the most important and not being a shit person to him because I miss girls is just like not being a shit person to him with another guy.

I still look at girls, just like I look at guys, but I wouldn't sleep with one because he'd consider that cheating. I don't see the fact I like a different gender as a reason or excuse to betray him. If I were with a girl, it would be the same...

I don't really see it as repression.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 12:51:48 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning

Sorry I ask an awful lot of questions. I read on a yahoo answers post (which I have very little faith on btw) about a bisexual woman who renounced her girl-loving urges post marriage, since she considered it cheating and her husband was not comfortable with it. All nice and dandy.

I wanted to ask folks about their personal experiences on this front. If you were a bisexual woman and with a man, would you be able to stay away from it altogether? Would it be a regret? I know its subjective, i guess i want to understand how important it is to people based off their experiences.


This is seriously one of those super frustrating things I hear fairly often when I'm dating. Technically I identify as pansexual but for most people who ask this, they don't really get the difference.

Just because I can be/am attracted to people of other genders, doesn't mean I somehow can't be satisfied in a relationship with just a man. I don't need to have someone of a different gender in my life. Someone's genitalia plays absolutely no role in whether or not I'm happy in a relationship and to assume otherwise is kind of insulting. I'm not repressing anything, I'm in a happy relationship with someone who really cares about me.

I know there is a superb article out there about this that is more eloquent than I could ever be, but I can't seem to find it...

_____________________________

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 4:25:04 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Past conversations with my mother have indicated she did the same thing after marrying my father. In her mind she chose to be straight in this instance. I'd tell her that's not how it works, but it's not really my concern.

I couldn't do it. Or maybe I could, and don't want to. I want the freedom to look without my partner being offended, and I want the freedom to explore things with someone I like. It's part of the reason why I insist on open relationships.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 9:04:29 PM   
IcarusBurning


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline 		thank you everyone for your valuable opinions, it appears that largely when you are in a loving relationship, "one is often enough" :)

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 9:08:21 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		I amallowed to play with girls,I just never seem to attract any. I can not play yes, but yes. I'd have regrets.

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There ours shall go singing

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 2/28/2015 9:12:51 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I often have open relationships and this one is currently sorta open. To explain it is hard. I have to ask permission and so does he, and we each get veto rights, and so far I asked it once, and then the person I was going to bang decided they didn't want to, I ended up really discouraged so now I haven't asked again or really pursued anyone.

With a girl- I still have to ask him. But I'm sure he'd say yes. I'm also sure he'd like to be included, and I would like that ideally as well.

But I'd say no- if I'm happy with him- he is all I need.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 3/1/2015 3:35:33 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning
If you were a bisexual woman and with a man, would you be able to stay away from it altogether? Would it be a regret? I know its subjective, i guess i want to understand how important it is to people based off their experiences.


I have. It was a facet of the relationship.

Regret? No. I take responsibility for making my own decisions.

Now, I don't choose relationships that limit me like that (or many other ways).

quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart
I'm not attracted to women on a romantic emotional level and couldn't be in a partnership relationship with a woman which is more what I see bisexual as. Not just being able to have sex with either gender but being able to have a full blown relationship with either gender, that's just how I see bisexuality.


In many circles I run in, what you describe is heteroflexible. You enjoy sex (or varying degrees) with both sexes, but not the emotional attachment.



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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 3/1/2015 6:17:08 AM   
IcarusBurning


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline 		biamory. i learned a new concept today (or a potential name for a known concept). thank you, all.

< Message edited by IcarusBurning -- 3/1/2015 6:19:06 AM >

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 3/1/2015 6:35:44 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		i honestly dont get all the new labels. heterosexuality has always meant straight, homosexuality has always meant gay. there are only two sexes. you like one, the other or both. bisexual is both, by definition. it was never defined outside of sex, to say who you sleep with is different from who you want a relationship, or anything of the sort. sounds like buncha word play and avoidance of simply saying you're bi, and i dont get that. if you reach into someones pants, and simply dont care what you find.... why not just call it what it is?

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 3/1/2015 6:44:59 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning
If you were a bisexual woman and with a man, would you be able to stay away from it altogether? Would it be a regret? I know its subjective, i guess i want to understand how important it is to people based off their experiences.


I have. It was a facet of the relationship.

Regret? No. I take responsibility for making my own decisions.

Now, I don't choose relationships that limit me like that (or many other ways).


What is cool is I can identify with this in a big way with my current collared and my ex collared. Neither placed limits on me.
To be honest I had hoped I would be able to have a D/s relationship that DID place limits on how much access other people have to me (I don't like being easily accessible to most people) but the fact is it simply didn't happen that way. I wanted it to be geographically desirable but that didn't happen either. It is a little sad, LOL...because I realize that my standards simply were too high. And the main one was "care and concern beyond sex and kink". 99% failed here due to their perceptions of what a D/s relationship should look like based on THEIR expectations rather than the Domme's.
I remarked on other threads about how self sabotaging many subs can be from the starting gate and honestly now when many tell me about their experience I find myself rolling my eyes unless those were collared relationships (and even then). I feel now that there is a good chance that I will compromise in some facet of my life in order to make the relationship of my dreams happen. Including international travel. I am no longer actively seeking.



_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 3/1/2015 8:36:04 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittenluv954

i honestly dont get all the new labels. heterosexuality has always meant straight, homosexuality has always meant gay. there are only two sexes. you like one, the other or both. bisexual is both, by definition. it was never defined outside of sex, to say who you sleep with is different from who you want a relationship, or anything of the sort. sounds like buncha word play and avoidance of simply saying you're bi, and i dont get that. if you reach into someones pants, and simply dont care what you find.... why not just call it what it is?


I don't need a label put on me, I am what I am, I like what I like, I do what I do and don't feel the need for any label. I'm just me so that's my label.....ME! No avoidance, no denying, I'm simply just me.

As for.... " if you reach into someones pants, and simply dont care what you find.... why not just call it what it is?" Well for me, I do care what I find and 95% of the time in years gone by I did care. The other 5% of the time, I've never been afraid to test new waters, try something new, something different, be adventurous and with the circumstances being just right, I was able to get into having sex with women. If that's bisexual that's fine by me, labels are just not important to me.

I can see a woman and think she's beautiful, sexy, hot but I've never thought "I'd shake the sheets with her". I can look at a man and think he's attractive, sexy, hot and I do think "I'd shake the sheets with him."

Now a relationship for me has to be with a man, sex within a relationship has to be with a man, I'm not attracted to women.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 3/29/2015 7:21:16 AM   
noob4friends


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/15/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning

Sorry I ask an awful lot of questions. I read on a yahoo answers post (which I have very little faith on btw) about a bisexual woman who renounced her girl-loving urges post marriage, since she considered it cheating and her husband was not comfortable with it. All nice and dandy.

I wanted to ask folks about their personal experiences on this front. If you were a bisexual woman and with a man, would you be able to stay away from it altogether? Would it be a regret? I know its subjective, i guess i want to understand how important it is to people based off their experiences.


Has she also renounced her boy-loving urges post marriage, except for her husband? It is perfectly fine for her to be monogamous, meaning no men nor women. But to put this extra strong label of "NO WOMEN EVER AGAIN!" seems odd if she doesn't have a similar emphasis on men.

And for the labels... I use them mostly to let other ladies know how I feel. There are a lot of bi women who like sex with other women, but don't want/feel the romance. This can be very frustrating to the bi/lesbian women who DO want the romance and want all the relationship-y goodness. My label of heteroflexible is more to let those ladies know "hey, I don't want a relationship, just bedroom fun" and to not deceive them.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 4/9/2015 1:16:22 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittenluv954

i honestly dont get all the new labels. heterosexuality has always meant straight, homosexuality has always meant gay. there are only two sexes. you like one, the other or both. bisexual is both, by definition. it was never defined outside of sex, to say who you sleep with is different from who you want a relationship, or anything of the sort. sounds like buncha word play and avoidance of simply saying you're bi, and i dont get that. if you reach into someones pants, and simply dont care what you find.... why not just call it what it is?


The new rash of labels are primarily adopted by people who seek to define themselves as special in some way. ('Primal' is one example - it always cracks me the fuck up). Then again, you get other people who insist they're beyond a label and run around with a serious base of butt-hurt if people attempt to "label them". They then trot out all the reasons why they're a special snowflake.

Labels are categorisation tools. We categorise because doing so is a survival skill and we don't have the time or mental bandwidth to treat every single person as a unique special snowflake requiring 3 hours of deep and meaningful dialogue so we can gain the insight necessary to properly accommodate their unique set of neuroses.

If there's one constant in the kink community, it's the tendency toward extreme narcissism.

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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 4/9/2015 4:20:05 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
The new rash of labels are primarily adopted by people who seek to define themselves as special in some way. ('Primal' is one example - it always cracks me the fuck up). Then again, you get other people who insist they're beyond a label and run around with a serious base of butt-hurt if people attempt to "label them". They then trot out all the reasons why they're a special snowflake.

Labels are categorisation tools. We categorise because doing so is a survival skill and we don't have the time or mental bandwidth to treat every single person as a unique special snowflake requiring 3 hours of deep and meaningful dialogue so we can gain the insight necessary to properly accommodate their unique set of neuroses.

If there's one constant in the kink community, it's the tendency toward extreme narcissism.


I believe the more something is explored and discussed among people (especially large and varied groups), the more labels are created for categorization, and that is a good thing.

But really, the labels only matter for those in the know, and who care. Insisting they be used by others is illogical.

After all, how many know the specific differences between a Paroedura Hordiesi and a Saltuarius Eximius, without looking it up, o even know that they are both Geckos?

Labels only go so far. But for those discussing the minute details, they help drill down in shorthand very quickly.


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RE: Repressing bisexuality? - 4/9/2015 4:42:30 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I agree Nookie.

I actually think it's great people are all unique. I think it's fine to find yourself "different" from others- because aren't we all different and isn't that wonderful?

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 20
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