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BDSM in conservative societies - 2/28/2015 9:25:46 PM   
IcarusBurning


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline 		This came up while I was discussing something else on one of the forum posts, but I thought its worth asking or knowing. Much of the advice here on how to socialize in the bdsm community centres around meeting people, developing friendship, getting to know their preferences. This is of course very level-headed advice, and I thank everyone who has spent the time to share their wisdom.

I would like to know the perspective of people (subs or doms) who come from rather conservative societies (at the peril of discrimination, the likes of south asia, middle east, eastern europe). How difficult have you found meeting someone who "fits" with your personality? Also, how hard is it to approach people along the lines of advice that is otherwise very applicable to western countries?

I ask this against the backdrop of the fact that in many countries, dating and multiple relationships are seen as taboo. People barely ever talk about sex or their sexual preferences before someone else and many have been known to lock up their urges forever in fear of social retaliation. For that matter, homosexuality is still a big deal almost everywhere on earth (which I totally dont see why). How would you extrapolate your advice to encompass such geographies?
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/2/2015 8:17:04 PM   
IcarusBurning


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline 		oh boy no replies. nobody has an answer to this ? :O

(in reply to IcarusBurning)
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/2/2015 9:52:20 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning

I would like to know the perspective of people (subs or doms) who come from rather conservative societies (at the peril of discrimination, the likes of south asia, middle east, eastern europe). How difficult have you found meeting someone who "fits" with your personality? Also, how hard is it to approach people along the lines of advice that is otherwise very applicable to western countries?



Frankly, the USA is still fairly conservative, albeit less than 50 years ago, still fairly conservative.

quote:

I ask this against the backdrop of the fact that in many countries, dating and multiple relationships are seen as taboo. People barely ever talk about sex or their sexual preferences before someone else and many have been known to lock up their urges forever in fear of social retaliation.


Sex has traditionally been vilified as something no one talks about openly here in the US... at least until fairly recently. Certainly we would appear perfectly hedonistic if our founding fathers could see us now, but overall, our dealings with sex is nothing compared to those folks in Europe... we look like prudes.

quote:

For that matter, homosexuality is still a big deal almost everywhere on earth (which I totally dont see why).


I don't either, but that took a long time for me to feel that way because of how I was raised.

quote:

How would you extrapolate your advice to encompass such geographies?


No one can tailor make advice to be geographically specific, or individually specific for that matter unless a great deal is known about that person. My advice stays the same no matter what, folks just have to take whatever applies to them and leave what they don't need.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to IcarusBurning)
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/3/2015 6:19:48 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		I think that if the over all culture forbids it, for example the Amish, you either have to search outside the culture or move. I know that sounds short, but that's what comes to mind. I'm sure others here would be able to expound on this, and maybe even teach me otherwise (which I welcome), but just over all I'm not sure any real solid advise can be given to someone in a culture that is completely against sex (except for procreation). Keeping in mind, western culture is still trying to allow gay marriage, we are still fairly narrow minded ourselves. Many BDSM groups here are by invite only, and even then you have to have a background check, or be on a lengthy probation before being considered a member. (Not all, but many).

As for the question, how to extrapolate advise......I got nothing. I mean, just like here in the USA, many gay couples are still in 'hiding', just like the rest of us. Same with poly relationships, etc.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/3/2015 8:57:23 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Three munches is hardly a lengthy probation. Especially when you consider that people host play parties in their home.
However if you think people shouldn't be vetted, then you're welcome to host a party in your home and put your address up for anyone to attend, not knowing in advance if you will later on fear them knowing where you live.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/3/2015 10:29:07 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Three munches is hardly a lengthy probation. Especially when you consider that people host play parties in their home.
However if you think people shouldn't be vetted, then you're welcome to host a party in your home and put your address up for anyone to attend, not knowing in advance if you will later on fear them knowing where you live.



Hmm, well, I didn't specify which groups or how long the probation was. So your "Three munches...." statement is irrelevant to me. And I completely agree about people being vetted, I never said anything to the contrary. If you're trying to stir the pot with me, take it to PM and we'll discuss it. Otherwise, back off, I didn't say anything to deserve this.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/3/2015 11:18:58 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		"How would you extrapolate your advice to encompass such geographies?"

I don't. It is hard enough to keep up with the laws and social norms of my own country much less dispense advice to those on foreign soil.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to IcarusBurning)
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/3/2015 11:27:24 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess
If you're trying to stir the pot with me, take it to PM and we'll discuss it. Otherwise, back off, I didn't say anything to deserve this.


Don't worry about it, science says haters gonna hate:

quote:

ORIGINAL: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/08/27/researchers-take-on-crucial-question-are-haters-gonna-hate/
Now, scientists have taken it upon themselves to figure out whether this is true. Do verified haters tend to hate everything else they stumble upon? Yes, according to a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. People who tend to hate things they already know about are (surprise!) more disposed to hate things they have not yet come in contact with.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
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RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/3/2015 11:39:43 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess
If you're trying to stir the pot with me, take it to PM and we'll discuss it. Otherwise, back off, I didn't say anything to deserve this.


Don't worry about it, science says haters gonna hate:

quote:

ORIGINAL: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/08/27/researchers-take-on-crucial-question-are-haters-gonna-hate/
Now, scientists have taken it upon themselves to figure out whether this is true. Do verified haters tend to hate everything else they stumble upon? Yes, according to a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. People who tend to hate things they already know about are (surprise!) more disposed to hate things they have not yet come in contact with.




Finally, proof! LOL thanx! :D

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BDSM in conservative societies - 3/4/2015 10:52:06 AM   
IcarusBurning


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline 		i agree, it dawned to me after i made this post that indeed, by and large the acceptance of sexual kinks is probably very low all over the world, just a little more acute in some societies than others. its indeed hard to advise, i was probably looking for perspectives from someone who lives on the soil in question, because obviously someone else would lack the right perspective. nevertheless thanks for the replies.

and yes, please, no quarreling on my threads.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 10
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