RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants

RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (Full Version)

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DerangedUnit -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:54:08 PM)
You do sound offended though? Maybe text is confusing... but pretty certain that comes across as defensive. That isnt trying to be mean that's just honestly how I read your words. Maybe it has to do with slipping in things like " it didnt take me decades to have someone wear my collar" little things like that, or misconstruing my message to be about preferences rather than example. It comes across as angry.

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:57:23 PM)
Hmmm think you posted twice. I did respond though.

DerangedUnit -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 4:11:42 PM)
Well glad to help, but still sounds the same way ;) people ask about the characteristics of young dominants for the same reason they ask about characteristics of old ones, or of subs. To learn about something they don't understand. If you didn't have experience with the group in question,that's fine. Like you said you have experience with male subs and can probably offer insight there. My least amount of experience is with male subs, I've had many more female ones so I don't often respond to posts about understanding male subs....because the majority of the time they make zero sense to me, same as female dominants... most of their behaviors make no sense to me. So I try to use forums to understand what I can and post in areas in have experience in. For instance, all the female does I've been around only call you cute when attempting to be condescending,male doms when attempting the same thing call you childish but cute is a compliment. Nuances in dialogue lead to different connotations. Sorry about the double post my WiFi hiccuped

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 4:19:48 PM)
Oh ok, if all else fails, you can listen to my recording on my journal so you hear how much I love to laugh, LOL. Yea, some male Doms I have connected with but generally they were very down to earth and offered a hello so I requited with friendly convo but usually it doesn't go very far. Those I have spoken to are great but they have also collared so I don't know what the single Doms are like. There was one single young Dom on the forum and he was awesome. Gave him a bit of internet dating advice and it worked like a charm and he emailed me his thanks. He wanted to stay in touch but I didn't see the point in it, good looking fella though. Seemed nice enough and non alien but who knows. I'm just saying. I know I can be a little TOO direct and it comes off as defensive, that makes sense. I think it's the part of me that's always eager to "cut to the chase" so to speak.

DerangedUnit -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 4:29:55 PM)
That I understand thank you. I was raised by politicians and doms so I have a mental backlog of what type of wave means welcome to the parade and which means I'm gunning for your throat. In person it's handy, but it tends to lead me to double check everything in text since my usual methods of reading people are blinded. I tend to use a lot of figurative language or examples to try to portray a "feel" more than a point so I can be confusing and long worded, sorry for that.

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 4:43:34 PM)
LOL DerangedUnit, gunning for the throat, I would never unless I was allowed to wink wink (I kid!), I'm a goody two shoes until someone wants me to turn up the wicked, haha! You're too much sometimes. I'm sorry too if I came off as being that mad, omgosh. I thought people were paranoid but I guess not? I guess I have to check my wording on this thing. Heh, I suppose for myself, I have been seeing a lot of weird accusations and it makes me wonder "why" naturally because I never really gave my personal strength much thought except that well, that's life. In my mind's eye. Life throws curve balls and you sort of have to mentally be ready to cope with them. I think I mentioned on another thread I have been dealing with a foreign government for several months when it was supposed to only be two weeks. Last week I called them up and they said the matter should be resolved by next week. Pretty much decided to relax and post for a bit until that happens. I don't really see myself as a martian but I get it, someone laments about their hamster dying for weeks and when my dad died I didn't really seek sympathy, I kind of just handled it on my own. That was the hardest thing in my life thus far. I suppose what I'm saying is I'm used to being strong not only for me but for everyone else, my family and even past relationships. My collared is great because I get to talk to him about these things. I'm not as open as most.

DerangedUnit -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 5:21:14 PM)
Never been in a good girl fight :P horses horses and great pyrenees led me to always pick fights with people twice my size. Ha i probably would get my butt kicked. I think you are probably fine as long as you haven't heard the phrase "if you don't stop laughing we will have to sedate you" I learned to tiptoe around people after that, I explain what I meant when i think the person will understand otherwise I put a lot of distance

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 6:31:36 PM)
Yea, I'm not great with easily excitable types. I would have to wonder why they always need to be at high levels of energy 24/7.Just because I'm not grumpy, depressed, full of angst and with a perpetual frown on my face doesn't mean well...much of anything. I do roll my eyes a lot, that's about as negative as things get nowadays apart from my occasional "are you kidding me?" to people's lack of follow through to things I actually need. Also if I want to be someone's friend in an offline "welcome to my world" setting, I make it abundantly clear and that rarely happens. [:D]

RemoteUser -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 9:50:12 PM)
Back to the topic... I spent most of my younger years stumbling around with all my feelings locked up because society in general encouraged me to. If you really want a taste of what older men had to deal with as kids, then here are a few things to chew on for thought: If I hugged my father for too long, I got smacked, because "only faggots do that". If I complained that a girl kicked me in the face, I was told not to hit them back because "you just can't do that to girls". If I said I was angry, I was told that I had a problem and to deal with it on my own, "like a real man would". If I cried and I wasn't bleeding, I was told "pussies cry, not boys" - not just at home or school, at church, at a hospital once. This is just a small sample. It is very illustrative, though, isn't it. Those quotations are not air quotes, either, they are verbatim things that were said to me. As far as relationships go, I have been told by several different partners what they thought a man should do and be, how they should act, dress, talk, socialize, and frankly any such conversation draws a blank look from me. Forget that a woman is telling a man what a man should be, why are they telling me who to be? What is theoretically wrong with me that needs changing? Probably a few things, hey, I'm not perfect. My existence doesn't revolve around the fact that I was born with a penis, though. From a very young age I was always a person who believed in equality, and while growing up has jaded me to the perils of trying to place sensibility over reality, I'm still that person at heart. A woman might have nice tits, but they don't define her; why does my scrotum dictate whether I hold a door for someone? (I do hold doors for others, though, but I do it regardless of gender, as an act of courtesy. If you want to blame my nationality for that, I don't mind.) This doesn't mean I can't engage in sexual degredation, either, but that's a party hat I put on for certain parties, and it's not a permanent fixture. I'm vulnerable, like anyone else, to certain things, and denying that seems like a great way to grow a neurosis. I'm crazy enough, I won't do that on purpose to myself. People can accept that or not. If they choose to see me as something or than what I am, it is their most unfortunate loss, and I won't scold them on top of that loss, I'm not foolishly proud.

JVoV -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/23/2015 4:16:17 PM)
I'm supposed to talk about my feelings? Wow. You should have told me you were high maintenence. [:@] I laugh nervously, and make jokes in tense situations. I get through whatever crisis comes along before the panic attack can set in, then I sleep. Crisis-mode is reserved for a very short list of things. I'm an only child, so talking about my own emotions doesn't always occur to me, unless what's on my mind directly has something to do with my partner/sub, or I'm completely lost with how to handle a situation or person. But my emotions are usually quite easy to read on my face, and in my voice. Unless I'm happy. My mouth is naturally downturned, and I'm a smartass.

April11 -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/24/2015 12:51:03 PM)
People respect power not honesty. Just because you feel weak doesn't mean you have to project it.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/24/2015 12:54:26 PM)
Some people not only respect honesty; they *revere* it. Admittedly, we're talking precious few but we exist. Michael

DesFIP -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/24/2015 1:17:24 PM)
But I feel a lot pity for anyone who believes what she does.

shiftyw -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/24/2015 1:51:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But I feel a lot pity for anyone who believes what she does. QFT

NorthernGent -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/24/2015 2:25:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning Do you sometimes get the feeling as a Dominant that you are not allowed to be sad, upset, vulnerable or weak at any point? I have noticed this attitude among some of the younger dominants - the expectation that dominants are some extra-terrestrial beings who are unaffected by worldly emotions. Has this happened to you, and if so how have you dealt with it? I think you would have to define what you mean when you say 'vulnerable and weak'. Have I cried? Yes. When a love one has passed away. Outside of that, never. Do I feel vulnerable? No. Life's too short. That's a personal take on life, though, rather than anything to do with BDSM. Am I going to swan around feeling sorry fir myself at the drop of a hat? Not a chance when you're a long time dead.

UnholyBear -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/24/2015 3:50:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RemoteUser Back to the topic... I spent most of my younger years stumbling around with all my feelings locked up because society in general encouraged me to. If you really want a taste of what older men had to deal with as kids, then here are a few things to chew on for thought: If I hugged my father for too long, I got smacked, because "only faggots do that". If I complained that a girl kicked me in the face, I was told not to hit them back because "you just can't do that to girls". If I said I was angry, I was told that I had a problem and to deal with it on my own, "like a real man would". If I cried and I wasn't bleeding, I was told "pussies cry, not boys" - not just at home or school, at church, at a hospital once. This is just a small sample. It is very illustrative, though, isn't it. Those quotations are not air quotes, either, they are verbatim things that were said to me. Which for many of us, this is what we were taught by our parents. Whether it was wrong or not, I can't say other than it was a commonly held approach by many parents at that time.

Dvr22999874 -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/24/2015 4:02:33 PM)
Respect power ? As in the power of Rupert Murdoch ? Idi Amin ? Pol Pot and numerous other powerful and power hungry people ? Nope, I can't say I respect or respected them at all. If I was in close proximity to them or their troops, I might fear them but respect them ? No. Truth ? Yes I can and do respect that. It's a little thin on the ground though and a lot of people seem to take their leads from our erstwhile leaders in government (and many in religion too) who, in the majority, tend to lie in and through their teeth.

Awareness -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/25/2015 12:31:10 AM)
The answer to this question depends on what you think dominance is. If you think dominance is role you assume - like putting on a pair of trousers - then you won't understand. If you think dominance is an inherent aspect of character, then you'll know that having emotions is fine, provided you're not mastered by them. Female heterosexual subs are attracted to the dominant characteristics of men. If a man's behaviour and reaction to stress is inconsistent with the representation he puts forward as a dominant, then his sub's attraction to him will weaken. It's not that you suffer the ills of this life which is the issue. It's your response to those events which dictates whether you're walking the walk or just playing at a role you don't truly understand.

MariaB -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/25/2015 5:31:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness The answer to this question depends on what you think dominance is. If you think dominance is role you assume - like putting on a pair of trousers - then you won't understand. If you think dominance is an inherent aspect of character, then you'll know that having emotions is fine, provided you're not mastered by them. Female heterosexual subs are attracted to the dominant characteristics of men. If a man's behaviour and reaction to stress is inconsistent with the representation he puts forward as a dominant, then his sub's attraction to him will weaken. It's not that you suffer the ills of this life which is the issue. It's your response to those events which dictates whether you're walking the walk or just playing at a role you don't truly understand. I've got to agree with this. If you have to prepare yourself for dominant mode then have fun with it but don't kid yourself or the sub you're involved with that you can do this long term. The stress will probably kill you and the heartache will be yours because she's the one who will walk away.

MasterEmbrace -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/28/2015 12:15:24 PM)
We feel we breathe. It comes naturally too us. Perhaps you are paying attention to the wrong dominants caught in their misguided stereotypical role talking pants to all that listen - some people do a great shame indeed - I always wonder how that lot came to be to the fore, there are so many these days, as they glean their beings from bad porn fragments too fictitious stories, or whatever it causes them to think and act that way and demand all brace themselves for a cavity stretching - apt analogy.

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