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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/10/2015 7:37:03 AM

dcnovice

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

Are you ok?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I have a friend that, pretty much, only ever contacts me when they want to rant at the world and I'm the only one who'll listen (I'm texting them, on Skype, as I type this). That's fine and I'm happy to "serve" my fellow man. Occasionally, however, she'll catch me at a moment when I just have nothing left in the tank.

A few months ago, she called me and was going on for about two minutes about how a situation (which she refuses to change) is tearing her apart ...

When I got a chance to get a word in, I said (and it was true): "I fell down the stairs again, yesterday and my hip might be broken"

Silence (and the call didn't last for very long).

Michael

Very kind of you to ask!

My hip wasn't broken. I get around, okay, now but I was using those little carts in the grocery store, for a while.

Michael

I'm glad to hear it wasn't broken and that you're doing better!

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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/10/2015 6:53:57 PM

dcnovice

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quote:

Maybe he just assumes that you're fine, because you always are. Some of your posts here are so delightfully humorous that your situation comes across as more of an infernal annoyance than the devastating and frightening ordeal it must be for you.

Good point, thanks!

That's partly, I think, a quirk of Collarchat, where my posts are the only info source about my health crap. The bulk of folks reading those same updates (via email or Facebook) know me in person and have a fuller picture of what's going on.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/11/2015 9:12:19 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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It's also fair for you to be honest. To tell him how much his friendship and support means to you. However in your present condition you unfortunately don't have the necessary energy reserves to be able to be there for him. And that honestly, his unrelenting unhappiness is more than you can deal with and you really care about him but aren't able to help and he needs to visit his doctor. To be assessed for depression and treatment, to be referred to a good therapist, to learn to make changes so he can be happy in the future, as well as to address why he thinks he doesn't deserve better because you know he does.

Focus on how much you care and be honest about how this is affecting you negatively. Because you're allowed to say that you don't have anything left to give or that there's nothing you can think to do that will help and you hate to see him like this and really want him to recover.

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/13/2015 1:19:20 AM

LittleGirlHeart

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Joined: 4/4/2013
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Very good to hear your hip wasn't broke!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

Are you ok?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I have a friend that, pretty much, only ever contacts me when they want to rant at the world and I'm the only one who'll listen (I'm texting them, on Skype, as I type this). That's fine and I'm happy to "serve" my fellow man. Occasionally, however, she'll catch me at a moment when I just have nothing left in the tank.

A few months ago, she called me and was going on for about two minutes about how a situation (which she refuses to change) is tearing her apart ...

When I got a chance to get a word in, I said (and it was true): "I fell down the stairs again, yesterday and my hip might be broken"

Silence (and the call didn't last for very long).

Michael

Very kind of you to ask!

My hip wasn't broken. I get around, okay, now but I was using those little carts in the grocery store, for a while.

Michael

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/14/2015 9:57:24 AM

Rule

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Tell him to get out of his chair.

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"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

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Post #: 25

RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/15/2015 10:33:06 AM

amaidiamond

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Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
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I struggle to deal with friends who are emotional black holes as they sap my energy and strength to. I try to just listen and be there and if they obviously just want to moan about how bad things are I just let them as I have found trying to raise them is often not actually what they want.

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/25/2015 10:20:26 AM

dcnovice

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Joined: 8/2/2006
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FR

Just need to vent for a second.

I've been talking, writing, and posting for weeks now about needing another operation, requiring 7-10 days in the hospital.

Well, today my friend texted that he was bored at an offsite work meeting.

I half-jokingly answered, "Trade you for arranging preop clearances! ;-)"

His reply: "Oh dear. Are you having surgery again?"

Unfuckingbelievable.

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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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Post #: 27

RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/25/2015 10:27:57 AM

Lucylastic

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sending you hugs DC....been going thru surgery myself, but I cannot imagine the depths you have been in. You have my number and email if you wanna rant, im all ears:)

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/25/2015 10:39:52 AM

goodsubinCO

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I have one like that... My latest mantra is "Not my monkeys, Not my Circus!"

Sheryl

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/25/2015 10:48:09 AM

goodsubinCO

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I agree with servantforuse.... take the person where people have real problems to make them realize how good their life actually is.

Sheryl

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/25/2015 10:59:41 AM

Nthrall

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Give him The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams which is very funny (especially the Marvinisms)?

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RE: Dealing With a Negative Friend - 3/25/2015 8:03:01 PM

k10vvn

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Joined: 10/4/2014
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This can be dangerous. If depression is truely a disease it has a very high mortality rate. Some depression is just for a period of time, and will go away after the person gets through whatever is really bothering them. The hard part is always for them to come to terms with what is bothering them.

Long term depression that persists for years needs to be treated by professionals. If your friend continues to show these emotional patterns, you need to encourage them to seek help for their own good.

Being there and listening might be all the help they need, but do not underestimate the biology of the brain.

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Post #: 32