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Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 7:07:57 AM   
SheIsElectric


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/18/2015
Status: offline 		I wasn't sure where to post this, but it is something I feel needs to be addressed by this site.

In creating my profile, I had two choices - Sub or Switch. I would class myself as a Switch, but for several reasons am not currently looking to Domme. So I chose Sub. However, I resent this.

I am not a Sub. I have zero interest in slavery, humiliation, degradation, etc. I do not submit.

I am a masochist. I find great strength in pain, I get high on the sensation, I do not break. I have no shame and cannot be made to feel weak or vulnerable. I purely enjoy the physical and spiritual side of the lifestyle. I insist upon respect.

As a Top, I am a very effective Sadist. I can be imaginative, and have a delightful skill for measuring responses and providing an appropriate experience. However, again, I have no interest in degrading my Bottom.

Therefore, I would not class myself as a Sub/Dom/Switch. I would class myself as either a Masochist/Sadist/Sadomasochist.

Surely there must be others like me, and how do you get around this?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 7:14:02 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		Well I think this was brought up before and Welcome to the Forums! It would simply things to have a "Top" Bottom" and Fetishist section but I think those requests have to go through support on the other side though I'm not sure. I even saw a cuck couple that identify as "Sub/Switch" so it really depends on how people self identify. I'm not a Switch and I require the power exchange so thoroughly Dominant. Thankfully my label is accurate.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to SheIsElectric)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 8:40:48 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SheIsElectric

I wasn't sure where to post this, but it is something I feel needs to be addressed by this site.

In creating my profile, I had two choices - Sub or Switch. I would class myself as a Switch, but for several reasons am not currently looking to Domme. So I chose Sub. However, I resent this.

I am not a Sub. I have zero interest in slavery, humiliation, degradation, etc. I do not submit.

I am a masochist. I find great strength in pain, I get high on the sensation, I do not break. I have no shame and cannot be made to feel weak or vulnerable. I purely enjoy the physical and spiritual side of the lifestyle. I insist upon respect.

As a Top, I am a very effective Sadist. I can be imaginative, and have a delightful skill for measuring responses and providing an appropriate experience. However, again, I have no interest in degrading my Bottom.

Therefore, I would not class myself as a Sub/Dom/Switch. I would class myself as either a Masochist/Sadist/Sadomasochist.

Surely there must be others like me, and how do you get around this?

You can't do much except put the info directly into your profile then you can just point it out if need be.


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to SheIsElectric)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 9:39:50 AM   
MasterEmbrace


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/7/2015
Status: offline 		As i always say no-one is 0% or 100% anything unless your my muffin cupboard
Tis perfectly fine being somewhere in-between or not fitting a poor stereotype label rolls eyesballs

As the one above me said use words in your profile as you have here.

the chances of this site adding in a few more; variables, filter options, culling the nonsense, are not high - perhaps they will someday, just not today, or tomorrow or the day after. i have no recollection of anything changing here on my many eons on and off here - i wonder why and I am far from the only one who wonders that

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 11:41:29 AM   
SheIsElectric


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/18/2015
Status: offline 		Thanks all, I realise no label is ever going to be perfect but it does seem an enormous oversight to assume all 'Bottoms' are Submissive and all 'Tops' are Dominant

(in reply to MasterEmbrace)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 11:48:33 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SheIsElectric


I am not a Sub. I have zero interest in slavery, humiliation, degradation, etc.



I think it's a mistake to categorize these fetishes as belonging to a submissive to begin with. I have zero interest in slavery, humiliation, degradation, etc. but am very much a submissive even so. Also slave and submissive are two entirely separate entities, with completely different dynamics to begin with. I just thought this clarification needed to be made.

(in reply to SheIsElectric)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 1:13:52 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		The answer I got when I asked this back in 2009 was to think of the name - it says Collar Space - not spank space, pain space or top space. The onus is more on D/s than on s&m.

However, I clearly think it could do with an overhaul, because it declares itself a BDSM website, which means it should take into account non D/s relationships and roles too.

(in reply to SheIsElectric)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 4:59:05 PM   
ChrchofDrk


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline 		Why don't you just explain it all in your profile just like you already did here? Seems like a perfectly reasonable solution and just think, no panties in a wad

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/13/2015 7:24:19 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Unfortunately the options for top and bottom don't exist. You are reduced to explaining it in your profile and hoping people read it.

As well as being proactive. Search profiles for people in your area and write to anyone who seems to fit what you're looking for.
You could also join your local munch, take workshops, and meet people that way.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 3/13/2015 7:30:50 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/14/2015 2:24:47 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Why don't you just explain it all in your profile just like you already did here? Seems like a perfectly reasonable solution and just think, no panties in a wad


Because you can't filter your searches to search for a sadist or a masochist, you have to search for Dom or sub and then wade through thousands of profiles, hoping they didn't forget to mention it.

As regards the 'panties in a wad', I can only imagine the uproar if a BDSM site offered check boxes for sadist and masochist, but not Dom and sub - then we'd see exactly who had their knickers in a twist.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/14/2015 2:42:30 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
To all the people who suggested that the OP should just put it in their profile: How many morons don't read your profile, before messaging?



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/14/2015 6:58:31 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I fear that labels will always be inadequate. On the other kink site, there are at least 12 options - Master, Owner, pet, Dominant, submissive, switch, etc., and people still complain that there need to be more labels.

The thing that bothers me is that words like bi and switch merely state that there is a gray area, and gives no numbers. They never specify that a bi woman is 90% lesbian and 10% straight, or the fact that a switch man is 50% sub and 50% Dom.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/14/2015 7:51:10 AM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


To all the people who suggested that the OP should just put it in their profile: How many morons don't read your profile, before messaging?



Michael

That was my first thought as well. Far too often no one reads the profiles. There are comments all over forum boards about messages people get that indicate their profile was never read.

But judging from the number of messages that people who use the label 'sub' get from other subs, or from switches wanting them to switch with them, the labels aren't entirely helpful anyway.

On the other site, I don't use the label 'sub', precisely to avoid at least some of the 'i r dominate' messages that flood my inbox. I just use 'kinkster', but then if someone reads my profile, they see that I describe myself as submissive. It is nice having the option of being more general or specific.

I think the best that any of us can do is use your profile to elaborate on who you are and what you seek, but don't necessarily rely on it to attract those that would be compatible. Search out other profiles and contact those whose profiles attract you.

I do agree though, that while this sight is open to bdsm in general, it still seems to lean more towards the D/s aspect, so i understand the reasoning for limiting the options. Limiting being the key word.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/14/2015 10:49:37 AM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I fear that labels will always be inadequate. On the other kink site, there are at least 12 options - Master, Owner, pet, Dominant, submissive, switch, etc., and people still complain that there need to be more labels.

The thing that bothers me is that words like bi and switch merely state that there is a gray area, and gives no numbers. They never specify that a bi woman is 90% lesbian and 10% straight, or the fact that a switch man is 50% sub and 50% Dom.

Plus, if there isn't overlap, there should be. An lg may or may not want to consider herself a pet, or submissive. (She may be a switch instead, or even more Dominant in rare cases.) Not only is it assumed by many that if you're a Top, then you are automatically Dominant, or that if you're a bottom, then you are submissive, but there are masochistic Dominants and a sub can also be sadistic.

In your case, SheIsElectric, since you can do sadistic Topping, the switch category might be more apt, given site limitations. That's what I had to choose, and I am neither (sado)masochistic nor submissive.

< Message edited by dreamlady -- 3/14/2015 10:56:49 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/14/2015 11:05:44 AM   
ChrchofDrk


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline
quote:

To all the people who suggested that the OP should just put it in their profile: How many morons don't read your profile, before messaging?


Well I've found that those that don't take the time to read a profile usually aren't worth the time of day anyway. Me, I always read a profile. Unless it's so droll it's hardly worth reading. Our profile doesn't really say much. But then I don't expect to find a slave for our home here anyway. Been here too long to believe in fairy tales. Oh sure, it happens for some and that's great. .. but .. well .. anyway.

(in reply to dreamlady)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/15/2015 1:45:55 AM   
SheIsElectric


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/18/2015
Status: offline 		Thanks all. Everybody is quite right - yes I can put this on my profile, but very few people read it.

I doubt this would stop if I could choose sadomasochist as a label, people will always message you without reading. But it might cut out some of the messages I receive from seemingly very genuine men who truly haven't understood the difference between sub and masochist and have taken real time to send me something meaningful. I also receive a lot of messages along the line of people telling me I am not as experienced as I say, because my list of likes is 'all over the shop' and I don't seem to know what I want as to the unknowing eye it looks conflicted.

It would be nice to not have to defend my kinks constantly. I also have issues with the search functionality - it simply doesn't work. I don't know if this is a UK problem, but all searches return zero results, so I rely on people finding me - I might get more appropriate hits if people were searching me by the correct kind of disposition.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Masochist/Sadist vs Sub/Dom - 3/15/2015 10:47:36 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I put switch as there was no option for "Generally submissive masochist who also loves to hurt people"

I agree more criteria would be nice :)

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to SheIsElectric)
Profile   Post #: 17
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