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Shy dominants? - 4/12/2015 9:17:12 PM   
IcarusBurning


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Status: offline 		I'll keep this one real short. Have you ever come across a shy dominant? If so, what was your reaction?
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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/12/2015 9:32:49 PM   
DaddySatyr


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For the purposes of romance/relationships, I've been called shy and I have to admit that I understand those that have that view.

I'm not the guy at the after-munch (local watering hole), buying all the ladies drinks. In fact, I don't "approach" ladies. If there's something that is a legitimate topic of conversation, I'll engage, but that usually isn't the case.

I can be rather gregarious in social settings but I'm not the buzzing bee, flitting around, looking to spread the pollen.



Michael

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/12/2015 9:33:03 PM   
dreamlady


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning
I'll keep this one real short. Have you ever come across a shy dominant? If so, what was your reaction?

Can you define what you mean by "shy"?

There's a big difference between bashful-shy and quiet-shy; self-conscious shy, and strong, silent Clint Eastwood-type.

Some introverts are wallflowers and lack self-confidence. Others unobtrusively observe, or blend into their surroundings, or operate in more of a stealth-like mode.

DreamLady

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/13/2015 5:35:43 AM   
NookieNotes


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Status: offline 		There are plenty of shy dominants. I'm not sure what you mean by:

quote:

what was your reaction?


My reaction was whatever the situation called for.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/13/2015 8:26:16 PM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		Shy, meaning afraid of meeting new people or just introverted? An introvert prefers smaller groups to larger, they lose energy in company, they need solitude to refuel. As opposed to an extrovert who gains energy from others and loses it when alone.

The Man's an introvert, not as much of one as I am but in this way we're compatible. He doesn't want to be the life of the party, engaging with others all the time. If he was that sort of person, then I wouldn't be a good match for him because I couldn't do that.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/13/2015 8:40:29 PM   
talldarkandhandy


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Status: offline 		You imagine every dominant (or every 'true' dominant) as an alpha male? In every situation? Aggressively approaching women and ordering them onto their knees? Taking control of every social situation and working a room like a politician? Is that your idea of a dominant?

What about the strong silent one who looks you down with a thousand yard stare, but is shy in social situations? or the dominant who is reserved when meeting others but when you get to know them they are outrageous and in control and dominating to a sub who offers submission?

You assume only one personality type can be dominant? You are mistaken.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/13/2015 9:45:18 PM   
IcarusBurning


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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady


quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning
I'll keep this one real short. Have you ever come across a shy dominant? If so, what was your reaction?

Can you define what you mean by "shy"?

There's a big difference between bashful-shy and quiet-shy; self-conscious shy, and strong, silent Clint Eastwood-type.

Some introverts are wallflowers and lack self-confidence. Others unobtrusively observe, or blend into their surroundings, or operate in more of a stealth-like mode.

DreamLady




aha i knew i would get asked that! should have put it right up..

i dont mean prudish. i mean the sort who are not the first to go up and approach a woman. those that feel a little awkward before people they dont know. who are not the best social butterflies around.

not (necessarily) the bashful shy type, i guess more of the reserved-and-a-little-socially-awkward kind.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/13/2015 10:54:59 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Is your question about yourself and whether how you feel in certain social situations disqualifies you from using the label?
To answer your question, no. I haven't come across a dominant person who I considered to be shy, and vise versa. I am also not a "community" person, and whatever idea/ideals I have in my mind that I form those kind of superficial judgments with are closely tied with my personal values and sense of aesthetics. To address an aspect of your clarification, I'd like to say that someone being or not being considered a prude, has no bearing on whether or not they dominant. What one person thinks is sexy, another will find vulgar, its a question of personal taste.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 5:43:18 AM   
ccarpendar


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Status: offline 		A lot of people are shy from the beginning. Everyone shy person dominant or not will revile themselves after a while, especially a dominant. Shy in public, but after you get to know each other and the tension goes away, the leather comes out and say goodbye to shy!

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 1:59:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I would think almost everyone is a little awkward meeting new people. Unless you're a used car salesman or PR or such, this isn't a skill we get a lot of practice with.

I hate it but I've learned how to do it. You wouldn't recognize that I feel dreadful unless you know me very well, but that doesn't change how I feel.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 3:37:53 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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Status: offline 		I think shy dominant is an oxymoron.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 3:39:32 PM   
ExiledTyrant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I think shy dominant is an oxymoron.



Pfftttt... that's why you're blindfolded before he beats your ass.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 4:01:37 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I think shy dominant is an oxymoron.



Pfftttt... that's why you're blindfolded before he beats your ass.

You're killing me today

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 4:24:06 PM   
ExiledTyrant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I think shy dominant is an oxymoron.



Pfftttt... that's why you're blindfolded before he beats your ass.

You're killing me today


You got mail, Smalls.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 9:06:41 PM   
IcarusBurning


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Is your question about yourself and whether how you feel in certain social situations disqualifies you from using the label?



Yes and no. I am a very reserved person. I am also not the first one to go up and talk to people. I take time to be friends with someone. But no I am not the blushing type of shy.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/14/2015 9:29:40 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
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Status: offline 		Sure, I've met what you are calling shy Dominants.

I prefer one who is shy in public and not shy alone with me.

I trust a shy guy more than a chest beating wanker dominant.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/15/2015 12:32:55 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
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quote:

I am a very reserved person. I am also not the first one to go up and talk to people. I take time to be friends with someone. But no I am not the blushing type of shy.

Well, I don't think of being reserved as shy personally. Be you reserved or boisterous, it shouldn't impact much besides compatibility and preferences as sexyred1 has mentioned. Walking up to a lady, grabbing her by the hairbun and burying her face in your chest hair doesn't work on everyone. You can be just as dominant while reading a newspaper.

I think being socially adept is merely a matter of practice. My view of dominance doesn't so much depend on that, though I still feel that genuine shyness and dominance are mutually exclusive.

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/15/2015 4:47:28 AM   
NookieNotes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
I think being socially adept is merely a matter of practice. My view of dominance doesn't so much depend on that, though I still feel that genuine shyness and dominance are mutually exclusive.


I'm curious about this. I have my own feelings on the topic, but why do you feel they are incompatible traits?

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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/15/2015 6:09:31 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
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From: Exiled
Status: offline 		I suspect certain behavior could be misconstrued as shy. I tend to study potential prey, I prefer them to talk more while I listen intently, study body language, physiological responses, certainty of their likes, dislikes, wants, needs, etc...

Social ineptitude is relative to the social setting. I've traveled extensively and observation has been my ally in my travels. I've been accused of being shy often, which I am fine with, through observation I can assimilate social protocols quickly and blend in more readily. Social propriety isn't consistent from country to country, it varies from community to community. America has nations within nations and things you'd never think would be offensive can be very offensive to others. When on the Navajo reservation, do not ever "point" at anything... that is very very bad behavior.

However, when operating in WIITWD everyone has their own way and until you are privy to the rules of engagement you can stumble into offense quickly. This "D" doesn't allow anyone to speak to their /s, that "D" encourages their /s to be social and loquacious... ya never know. One of the major factors for me being relationship orientated is the fact that I am Primal. My prey will be participating in my social dynamic and she has to be weighed and measured against that. It is disappointing and can lead strait to misery to discover the interactions you love are something she hates.



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RE: Shy dominants? - 4/15/2015 7:05:34 AM   
littleladybug


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Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning
I am a very reserved person. I am also not the first one to go up and talk to people. I take time to be friends with someone. But no I am not the blushing type of shy.


In my experience, I haven't really come across a shy Dominant, as you describe. Because, generally, I'm also not one to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

Even in the case of my man, who is a self-proclaimed introvert, while I made "the first move" by commenting on his photo on here, things probably would never have gotten off the ground if he had expected that I would take the lead in the conversation that ensued.

There is much middle-ground between being reserved and being a knuckle-dragging chest-thumper. IMO, there is something to be said about going for what you want.

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