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2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 9:54:47 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I do quite a bit of talking online. At the outside, I generally state that I am owned/belong to my partner. I am often asked "Who is your owner?"

If anyone else is asked that, how does one answer it? My partner's not online, I can't give them a screen name or anything. I answer with "My owner is my owner" which generally sets off a tirade about...stuff...

Sure, I like tirades, as they're fun to read, but I'd prefer to be clearer as to avoid them so I can have meaningful conversations. If you ask or are asked that question, how do you answer?


Also, I'm trying to get rid of some prejudices. When one uses the word "discrete" in their profile, what can it mean -aside from- "I am cheating on someone"?

I'm trying not to have a horrid gut reaction to individuals who use it in their profiles, but right now I can't think of any other possible meanings.


Thanks very much

~s

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 10:02:25 AM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline 		perverse, you can always say you are owned by Master Nunya, or you can say "my boyfirend" or "my lover". . . .I'm sure they aren't expecting you to give them his god given name.

Some people are not ready to be outted yet and the discretion they are asking for might be to keep the kinky aspect of it hush hush due to professional reasons. I'm sure there are a lot of kinky doctors, lawyers, politicians that DONT won't entertain the idea of going to community gatherings/munches etc. . .so they will put it upfront that they are not willing to partake in their kink in any public manner.

Make sense?

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 10:17:44 AM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		GoddessJules,
Great response as to why someone might not want to be outted.

Perverse i would respond by saying that He isn't a member of any online communities or sites. i think many people ask because they are curious as to whether they know Him or not.

jill

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 10:30:51 AM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		So true, Jules. There are also some other reasons why someone may choose to be discreet, or demand a partner capable of discretion. Teachers/Professors, or perhaps someone with a family member in a public service/high profile position.

My Life/style interests are no secret to my family, some close friends, and of course those who serve me, in real life. Online I am careful about protecting certain aspects of my identity where the information may be viewed publicly, because it could potentially cause a problem in other areas of my life. Cheating? No. It's about privacy, protecting my own and those I care about.

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Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 11:25:14 AM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Tell them you are owned by your partner, or whichever words you are comfortable with. If they press you for more than that tell them they are prying. Some people are just nosey.

If they persist tell them more than they want to know. He/ she has a mole on their left knuckle. There are 3 and a half grey hairs coming in on the left side and 2 on the right side of his/ her head. On the back of his/ her left knee there's a mosquito bite from the summer, not quite healed up. Etc.....

It's like the whole "pic" thing. That annoys me a great deal. I give out my picture on a need to know basis. If I'm not meeting your for coffee offline you don't need to know how I look. For the 10 minutes of chat you can just imagine me however you want.

< Message edited by Laura -- 11/27/2004 11:26:54 AM >

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 11:47:24 AM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Peverse,

My master isn't an online person either. He says he has too much to do an not enough time to do it in as it is. Occassionally he asks me if anything interesting is going on, or in cases like present what has my blood boiling... but he wants just basics.

If someone asks me, I reply Ross, but he is not an online person. If they say to have HIM write them, I say sorry, he doesn't do orders well, but if they want to send me something I will ask him to read it. Replying is totally up to him. (The few times someone has, he has always replied to date).

As far as the second one goes, think of it as *being in the closet* at times. There are people who believe (and unfortunatly it is true in cases) it is too dangerous for their choices to be public... Single parents fear losing children, people have to worry about jobs.. especially if they are in a public field, etc...

Sandy

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Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 11:57:40 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much.

I knew I was being dumb with the "discrete" thing, but like I said, I wasn't sure why.


I very much appreciate the fact that people are willing to answer my dumb questions. Very much.

Thank you!

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 11:59:39 AM   
MemphisDsCouple


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline 		ummmmm....... Rarely does "discrete" in a profile mean anything other than married (or the equivalent). (Note: "rarely" does not equal "never".)

Consider: If you get together to meet for coffee or drinks, no one in the place knows what you're up to. "Discrete" does not come into play.

Also consider: If the person wants someone to be discrete for reasons other than that he/she is married - he/she will discuss it.

Virtually everyone has something in their lives about which they want people close to them to be reasonably discrete. I mean.... gambling addicts don't call casino's and ask if the casino can be discrete. Yanno?

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 12:16:07 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I mean.... gambling addicts don't call casino's and ask if the casino can be discrete. Yanno?


No, they do not. But please don't think that they do not try to be very *discreet.*

discreet:

3 : UNOBTRUSIVE, UNNOTICEABLE <followed at a discreet distance>

I live in Vegas, I have *watched* people glance furtively over their corner to see where their partner is because they stuck money into machine when they said they were *going to the bathroom* in a bar. I have watched people try to skip the topics of what totes they are actually getting at work, because that $50 tip envelope lost $40 to the machines before it made it home.

In other cases, I have watched men go into bars like flex, making sure there car is in the back corner,,, jumping when their cell phone rings, and saying they are *at the casino* when a friend asks because that is better to them than saying they are watching female impersonators.

I do agree that often discreet means that they are cheating and don't want others to know, but I have seen enough exceptions to know it is not the only thing it means...

Oh, and a *positive* discreet example? I watched my brother-in-law be very discreet in his talking to all of my brother and sister's and my parents, plus a lot of other friends when he was planning my sister's surprise party for her 30th birthday...

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Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)
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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 5:54:15 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		People who ask who your owner is really just want to get into your pants. You're not obliged to tell anyone something that's none of their business.

What does "discrete" mean in a profile? Well, first of all, it means that the person either can't spell or doesn't know the difference between "discrete" and "discreet." But if you really want to know what the person meant--just ask him or her. That's the source.

Lam

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 10:19:32 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

What does "discrete" mean in a profile? Well, first of all, it means that the person either can't spell or doesn't know the difference between "discrete" and "discreet." But if you really want to know what the person meant--just ask him or her. That's the source.

Lam


Shush :) Spelling is pretty much the bain of my existence. I do my best, but figure as long as I'm pretty dang close and it isn't something professional, people will get the jist.

The reason I've asked others, not the individuals in who's profile I see the word is that I find myself being prejudiced against those people before talking to them. I see discreet, assume cheating, and dislike the person off the cuff. I don't like doing this. I decided to educate myself further, so I can remove that reaction.

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/27/2004 10:50:52 PM   
atHisfeet


Posts: 52
Joined: 11/14/2004
Status: offline 		i think once a person states they are owned it should no longer be necessary to pry into who, how, and or why. if you are personally not comfortable explaining it to people just shoot them down early in the conversation. you always have the control to end a conversation - last i look sub/slave or dom there are no ties obligating you to discuss your personal info on here with strangers. 10 times out of 10 you have the option to not bother communications with the person at the other end of the computer screen. sometimes in life situations like this are forced upon us but never on-line. respect me or i escape from the little chat window and place you on ignore - ya know...


about the word 'discreet' in profiles - i'd be willing to bet it is used more often for professional purposes than you realize, i know this is true in my case.

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/28/2004 6:46:16 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		ang

its simple
He is R/L
and prefers
I not speak
of Him online
except to let
others know
I am Owned.

Nuff said

in the vanilla world ang discreet means cheating HOWEVER in Alternate Lifestyles it can mean a whole slu of things from not wanting family to know ones kinks to protecting children or being seen as sumone whom is NOT OK. Or even losing ones click of Friends as many more people are followers then leaders and need that group to thrive in their worlds. remember in the world today being BDSM n D/s STILL MEANS being with physiological an phycological problems of one sort or another to the Vanilla world and even with in Our Group you will find sum whom are agast at sum of * US * for Our Lifestyle ways as well. Tolerance in anything is not a easy task to learn or practice in Human Beings in general.

[[[[[waves to Lady Beckett and hopes She is having a Fabtabluous Holiday!!Thinks to My self..... maybe I should get on the damnned phone I deplore an wish it in person! Yaaa ok Ill stop writing and workin for a moment....~smiles~]]]]]]

< Message edited by MistressDREAD -- 11/28/2004 6:58:53 AM >

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/28/2004 10:27:06 AM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		While my Master (INSIDEYOURMIND) and i both frequent this site, there are other sites which we do not BOTH frequent. i frequent Yahoo Chats, and another Adult Forum besides collarme, He's not active with either. He frequents AOL Chats, i do not. i decide who does or does not need to know Him as more than 'my Master'. Those who i speak with on a more personal basis at Yahoo, know Him as 'Jeffrey' as well.

'Discrete' does not always mean a person is sneaking around or cheating. When i first shared correspondance with my Master via email and Yahoo Messenger, as we decided a plan of meeting face to face, i voiced my need to Him for discretion. i was not married nor involved in any relationships at that time. i felt a need to be discrete because i have children, and other family members who do not need to know of my interactions regarding BDSM. Family members were told that He and i met at my job, not online at a site called collarme. A need to be discrete is not always associated with cheating, many times privacy is a MUST regarding BDSM involvement when dealing with the 'vanillas' in our lives.

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/28/2004 11:30:34 AM   
smile2cu


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
I do quite a bit of talking online. At the outside, I generally state that I am owned/belong to my partner. I am often asked "Who is your owner?"
If anyone else is asked that, how does one answer it?
How about "He prefers that I not give out his name." That's polite, and doesn't leave them anywhere to go.

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~smile~

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RE: 2 questions that aren't related to each other - 11/28/2004 1:05:41 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		I totally agree about it being so obvious these people are cheating on someone, I've always wondered why a person would make such an agreement if it was not where they wanted to be. Sounds like you're having a good bit of fun with these other ( alleged ) Doms LOL The people who won't have respect for someone elses relationship are just the kind that can't make theirs work either soooo they cheat lol I'm a Dom so I'm not sure what I'd say the fact that they even asked shows they have no respect for the property of another and probably aren't honest either, So I'd let them tirade on, lol does their opinion matter that much anyway? lol By the way I love your imbeded photo...Mike

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