Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Is thinking vanilla wrong?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Is thinking vanilla wrong? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 12:00:28 PM   
CinD


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/19/2015
Status: offline 		Hi
I've been a sub 4 years. I've played with some great Doms some long term but never been in D/s relationship. A Dom recently told me I should stop looking at a relationship as a vanilla but be willing to submit wholly as a sub. Now my question is am I wrong wanting to be practical. I worry that like any relationship age is a factor 10 years higher or lower is my limit. Would prefer 5 though. I'd like to have my Dom financially stable as I am. I don't want to live in a remote area in the country. There has to be chemistry. Intellect is important. Excitement and passion for life is important to me.
Is all that vanilla thinking?
Cindy
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 12:02:07 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		No. It's intelligent and self aware thinking.

Stop listening to idiots.

(in reply to CinD)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 12:21:34 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CinD

I've played with some great Doms some long term but never been in D/s relationship.



Key word is "Relationship" which is what you seek is it not? You sound sensible, why would you stop looking for compatibility simply because a dominant tells you to act like a sub and submit? Let's face it, if it is indeed a relationship you seek and you cannot see yourself in a relationship with someone, then all the kink in the world isn't going to matter, is it? Click on a relationship level, then talk kink compatibility.

You are 48, why at this stage of your life would you compromise what you want? Find it, I am sure it is out there.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 4/28/2015 12:25:12 PM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to CinD)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 12:32:37 PM   
MasterDrakkula


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/6/2015
Status: offline 		I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet

What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue.

I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking

You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies

i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 1:41:07 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDrakkula

I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet

What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue.

I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking

You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies

i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better


Wow. It's all English, but damn. I think I need a foil beanie to absorb the full context of this.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to MasterDrakkula)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 2:08:01 PM   
sweetieDA


Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
Status: offline 		When you reject a Dom because of their age, the fact that they are unemployed or that they live thousands of miles away, they like to tell you that you are wrong so that they can feel superior and not reflect on their own idiocy in chatting up women that are way out of their league, who have no interest in them.

This Dom found a creative way to try to suggest that you were wrong but, actually, he is still the one that is wrong. You can find someone compatible and then 'submit wholly'. It is not a failure of submission if you are selecting the Doms you wish, or don't wish, to play with.

(in reply to CinD)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 2:59:50 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

No. It's intelligent and self aware thinking.

Stop listening to idiots.


Wot she said... unless you're looking at me, then that bitch is crazy!

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 3:01:56 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		You, sir, are not an idiot!

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 3:02:37 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You, sir, are not an idiot!




_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 3:20:15 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

When you reject a Dom because of their age, the fact that they are unemployed or that they live thousands of miles away, they like to tell you that you are wrong so that they can feel superior and not reflect on their own idiocy in chatting up women that are way out of their league, who have no interest in them.

This Dom found a creative way to try to suggest that you were wrong but, actually, he is still the one that is wrong. You can find someone compatible and then 'submit wholly'. It is not a failure of submission if you are selecting the Doms you wish, or don't wish, to play with.



There was a thread, not too long ago that had "out of your league" in either the title or the OP.

While I take your point about these things, I don't think they're hard-and-fast by any stretch. I'm a 50 year old man and last fall a beautiful 36 year old lady threw herself at me after taking the time to get to know me. She never would have done that before (according to her and I don't think she's lying).

Living thousands of miles away also doesn't need to be a death knell. It makes life difficult but if you've found a person that you believe to be worth the effort, you find ways to make it work.

Ten or 12 years ago, I might have agreed with people who don't live on their own but in today's economic climate, I tend to give a little more quarter for explanation.

None of this is to completely negate what you said but sweeping generalizations are always wrong (except for this one).



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to sweetieDA)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 3:25:28 PM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDrakkula

I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet

What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue.

I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking

You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies

i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better


Wow. It's all English, but damn. I think I need a foil beanie to absorb the full context of this.







Whew, I'm so glad someone else was scratching her head in puzzlement!


_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 3:34:53 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDrakkula

I like playing with fire and hot water bottles you should see my latest hot water burn - the best yet

What you are I am not certain so i shall bite my tongue.

I am not sure why you think your narrative is vanilla thinking

You have played with so many wondrous doms why do you not ask them - or was that another one you asked. Looks are a factor as people are inherently shallow not matter there words - but to be fair I often use the plus 10 minus 10 rule and prefer 5. Although that is not wroted in humble muffin but if i think back 10 years then it applies

i can play with kittys and so on I believe in relationships and playing with souls - not some errant object for the sake of it, because i can find nothing better


I ran it through Kryptos....

"You go girl!"

is what came back.


_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to MasterDrakkula)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 5:22:09 PM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline 		It's been said before, it'll be said again. A relationship build around kink needs all the same things as a relationship that doesn't involve kink. There are people who want the whole TPE 24/7 real and twue uber dynamic, that think anything less isn't worth considering. Good luck with that. When all is said and done, it comes down to the basics that make a relationship work. Everything else is just odd quirks and mutual interest.

Huh, I think I just equated kink with odd interests like Star Trek.

_____________________________

Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to CinD)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 8:20:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If his view was successful, then he wouldn't be searching for a relationship. He would be in one instead of playing with people and then being rejected.

It's a relationship, first and foremost. If you need a partner to be tall or dark haired or college educated, then that's what you need in a partner. Settling for someone who doesn't fulfill you isn't the way to get a solid relationship that lasts.

Figure out what you need in a partner and don't waste time with people who aren't compatible. As play partners, sure but you can't expect a relationship based solely on kink to fulfill the rest of your needs.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Shadow-tiger)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 10:06:04 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CinD

Hi
I've been a sub 4 years. I've played with some great Doms some long term but never been in D/s relationship. A Dom recently told me I should stop looking at a relationship as a vanilla but be willing to submit wholly as a sub. Now my question is am I wrong wanting to be practical. I worry that like any relationship age is a factor 10 years higher or lower is my limit. Would prefer 5 though. I'd like to have my Dom financially stable as I am. I don't want to live in a remote area in the country. There has to be chemistry. Intellect is important. Excitement and passion for life is important to me.
Is all that vanilla thinking?
Cindy


You want what you want, all those preferences you mentioned look pretty reasonable to me. Especially the "financially stable" one.
I'm pretty sure there's no "D/s" and "vanilla" thinking. There's just thinking.

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to CinD)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/28/2015 10:23:56 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger
I think I just equated kink with odd interests like Star Trek.

Star Trek isn't an odd interest... It's a great interest.


_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Shadow-tiger)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/29/2015 2:13:13 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		~FR~

I was 50 before I found my Mister Man. He's 2 1/2 yrs younger than I am. Took many years for us to find the right person for each other. He's the right man for me, no one would convince me otherwise, same for him in regards to finding me. Quite simple really.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/29/2015 6:08:35 AM   
RogueCell


Posts: 44
Joined: 1/2/2015
Status: offline 		You think you are not entitled to have standards???? If anything, you should be MORE discerning where relationships are concerned, not less.

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/29/2015 3:06:20 PM   
sweetieDA


Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
While I take your point about these things, I don't think they're hard-and-fast by any stretch.

[...]

Living thousands of miles away also doesn't need to be a death knell.

[...]

None of this is to completely negate what you said but sweeping generalizations are always wrong (except for this one).

Michael[/color]


Please note that I referred directly to the OP by saying "when YOU reject a Dom..." referring to her post which relayed concerns about age, proximity and financial stability. At no point did I suggest that these were 'hard and fast' rules for anyone else, nor did I state that they were a 'death knell' or make any sort of 'sweeping generalisation' about what did or did not constitute good grounds for a relationship. If you have established a relationship that involves these factors then more power to you, but that in no way mitigates or changes the very reasonable grounds put forward by the OP for what constitutes HER preferred relationship features.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is thinking vanilla wrong? - 4/29/2015 7:18:15 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CinD

A Dom recently told me I should stop looking at a relationship as a vanilla but be willing to submit wholly as a sub.



Nope. You were speaking to a pretender. He figures the only way he'll score a woman is to tell her she has no alternative.

Why are you even listening to him?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to CinD)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Is thinking vanilla wrong? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094