Five ways male subs can make a great first impression

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AAkasha -> Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (4/28/2015 2:53:31 PM)
Random riffing here. Would love people to add, debate. The key is: EASY things to do. A list we could point anyone to who claims femdoms are totally out of reach or that they are ignored. 1. Ask questions and be interested in her as a person first and foremost Let her guide the kink discussions. In fact, don't even bring it up. Most women want some sort of connection before attraction to dominate happens. You will automatically stand apart from about 85% of subs if you ask about her hobbies, show genuine interest in her (non kink) passions, and make her laugh. 2. Unless there's some agreed protocol, courtship is just like vanilla. Never forget that You will know when/if she is ready to take the lead and start setting direction and pace. Until then, it's just like flirting and courtship in the non kinky world. In some cases it means you make the first "move" - in other cases, women are more aggressive. But don't discount the fact that women, in courtship, often desire being pursued. Don't just sit back and wait - if a woman is more seductive and predatory in her manners, she may step in and move that way, but not until she's interested. 3. Be clean, presentable, pay attention to your wardrobe, wear cologne but not too much and read a book on etiquette for dating if you are uncomfortable I can't even define how many sub men I have met in the last 20 years who could have gone on one of those "makeover" type shows and with a change of clothes and a haircut been a head-turner. Go to a salon, have a female friend (or gay guy) help you with a style. It doesn't have to cost a lot, it just shows you care about your appearance. It doesn't matter if you are short, overweight, or nerdy. There IS a look that will work for you. 4. If you have social anxiety, be up front about it It wasn't until the last 5 years, I admit, I realized I have long been unfairly judgmental toward men who suffer from social anxiety. It's easy to say "Go to a munch!" and rail against those men who flake on meeting. Sure, some are just assholes, but many are suffering from crippling social anxiety or are painfully shy. It's a chicken and egg thing - did they become submissive because they dream of a woman that will take control and relieve him of the pressure, or did his submissiveness and lack of courtship cause anxiety due to lack of experience? 5. Don't be intimidated. It's not sexy. On the flipside, don't flippantly say we ladies "don't seem dominant" upon meeting I don't know if it's posturing in some cases, or honest fear. When meeting a potential play partner or someone to date, being intimidated a little is ok and may even be cute; but being paralyzed with fear makes you come across as ineffective and meek. Sure, there's a time and place for that in certain times of BDSM interactions - especially when it's honestly cultivated by a woman's sadism - but coming out of the gate it just seems too worm-like. That might work in porn, but I can't think of many femdoms who like a man who folds under pressure so readily. Shy is ok, nervous is ok. To the second point: I bet all femdoms have been told "Wow, I thought you would be more, well, I guess controlling" or "You don't really seem like the femdom type." Guys, that's an insult. A lot of kinky women who are sadistic don't go around being a bitch to everyone, bossing around waitstaff, or delivering commands to a man she just met. Instead, think of this as a remarkable mystery. Because trust me, when the time is right, if the connection is there, she will show you what her dominance or sadism is like. Akasha

SpyUnderCover -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (4/28/2015 3:32:32 PM)
I don't think you could have spelled it out any more clearly. I'm not a big fan of cologne but that's a minor point. Their being paralyzed with fear(#5) might just be the social anxiety you mention in #4. I agree that being honest about the social anxiety is the key. The only other point I might add would be for the male sub to work on what needs work within himself. I have met a LOT of men who seem to be drawn to femdom (or who identify as submissive -- again, the chicken-or-egg thing) because they're trying to "fix" something within themselves or hope a domme will fix it for them. Quite often the issue requires therapy, a support group, a 12 Step program, etc. But you specifically asked for EASY things to do, and taking an honest look at oneself is rarely easy. Spy

Charles6682 -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (4/28/2015 4:05:17 PM)
I am more interested in what a Domme likes outside of fetish. I like intelligent conversations, going to the beach, learning new things, etc. The kinks are one aspect sure but for me, there is so much more. The fetish wears itself out eventually. then what?

preytolife -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (4/28/2015 5:09:15 PM)
This may be personal preference but also, don't start off with "Miss"/Ma'am or any other title. :/

NookieNotes -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (4/29/2015 3:17:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha 1. Ask questions and be interested in her as a person first and foremost Let her guide the kink discussions. In fact, don't even bring it up. Most women want some sort of connection before attraction to dominate happens. You will automatically stand apart from about 85% of subs if you ask about her hobbies, show genuine interest in her (non kink) passions, and make her laugh. Online, I agree. Offline, this is common, in my experience. It's not an easy way to impress me, it's the bare minimum. quote: 2. Unless there's some agreed protocol, courtship is just like vanilla. Never forget that You will know when/if she is ready to take the lead and start setting direction and pace. Until then, it's just like flirting and courtship in the non kinky world. In some cases it means you make the first "move" - in other cases, women are more aggressive. But don't discount the fact that women, in courtship, often desire being pursued. Don't just sit back and wait - if a woman is more seductive and predatory in her manners, she may step in and move that way, but not until she's interested. Courtship is courtship, in my opinion. It is always a series of clues and gestures sent back and forth, whether that is kinky or not. quote: 3. Be clean, presentable, pay attention to your wardrobe, wear cologne but not too much and read a book on etiquette for dating if you are uncomfortable I can't even define how many sub men I have met in the last 20 years who could have gone on one of those "makeover" type shows and with a change of clothes and a haircut been a head-turner. Go to a salon, have a female friend (or gay guy) help you with a style. It doesn't have to cost a lot, it just shows you care about your appearance. It doesn't matter if you are short, overweight, or nerdy. There IS a look that will work for you. This is true of most men, LOL! I don't like cologne on my subs, but on the first few dates, it's lovely, and should be good stuff, not AXE (which to me begins to break down to it's manufactured chemical smells far too quickly, making you smell off). quote: 4. If you have social anxiety, be up front about it It wasn't until the last 5 years, I admit, I realized I have long been unfairly judgmental toward men who suffer from social anxiety. It's easy to say "Go to a munch!" and rail against those men who flake on meeting. Sure, some are just assholes, but many are suffering from crippling social anxiety or are painfully shy. It's a chicken and egg thing - did they become submissive because they dream of a woman that will take control and relieve him of the pressure, or did his submissiveness and lack of courtship cause anxiety due to lack of experience? If a man flakes on meeting or does not go to a much or party, he will not fit my lifestyle. Period. I am active in my local community, and while I don't require it all of the time, a man will need to be able to show up when he says and participate alongside me, at least some of the time. Only wanting to be private, and learn only from me is a sign to me that he is abdicating his responsibilities way too much to me, when I require someone who has the drive to get what they want by going after it. Flaking on ANYTHING is generally a one-strike-you're-out thing for me. quote: 5. Don't be intimidated. It's not sexy. On the flipside, don't flippantly say we ladies "don't seem dominant" upon meeting I don't know if it's posturing in some cases, or honest fear. When meeting a potential play partner or someone to date, being intimidated a little is ok and may even be cute; but being paralyzed with fear makes you come across as ineffective and meek. Sure, there's a time and place for that in certain times of BDSM interactions - especially when it's honestly cultivated by a woman's sadism - but coming out of the gate it just seems too worm-like. That might work in porn, but I can't think of many femdoms who like a man who folds under pressure so readily. Shy is ok, nervous is ok. Hmmm. I don't mind being intimidating to people at first. Once they get to know me, though, they should get less intimidated, not more. If they get more intimidated, then their mind will not be compatible with mine, and better to part. If they start intimidated, it's usually because they met me from online (where they have read my writings and probably built me up in their minds), or at an event, where I might have been teaching or "on stage" in some way. quote: To the second point: I bet all femdoms have been told "Wow, I thought you would be more, well, I guess controlling" or "You don't really seem like the femdom type." Guys, that's an insult. A lot of kinky women who are sadistic don't go around being a bitch to everyone, bossing around waitstaff, or delivering commands to a man she just met. Instead, think of this as a remarkable mystery. Because trust me, when the time is right, if the connection is there, she will show you what her dominance or sadism is like. LOL! I'm not insulted by that. I find it amusing. If they wanted a bitch-queen, better to find out before we go too far that we will not be a match. My first argument with my Pet, he said to me, "You're not even dominant." He was being a bit petulant, and trying to hurt me. I laughed and told him I would ignore that. I remind him of it now and again, for my personal amusement. -- AAkasha, I am not trying to critique what you wrote. I think in general these are good ideas. I have different points of view, is all, and hope to provide perspective. For example I know one FemDom who is instantly turned off by any sort of drive or aggression in her men. She loves them shy and retiring, as ladies were supposed to be way back when... It takes all types.

dreamlady -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (5/2/2015 5:58:06 PM)
I just got finished reading Domme Marini's post over on your other thread, Akasha, and I'd like to add onto your OP (in no particular order). 6. Approach women on this site with the intention of dating them. Vanilla style. Yes, that means Dommes, who are women/ladies - not male Doms without penises, or with fake penises - and should be treated no less than you would have to approach, interact with, and treat any other woman on a vanilla dating site. This may be a kink site, but that means we already know we're among kinky people. The biggest mistake (there are probably 3 which are tied for first place!) I see men on both sides of the kneel and in between make here is to mistakenly assume that kinky means fast, loose and easy. It doesn't, at least not insofar as women are concerned, and female submissives are no exception either. Most of the horny men around might be, but that doesn't apply to most women who are more relationship-oriented. What I see way too often are newly signed-up males who are drunk with acting out their pent-up fantasy fetish and/or fantasy kinks, thinking that all they need to do is advertise Here I Am or I'm Here For the Asking -- Take Me, and that kinky women should just be overcome with lust to snatch them up for an instant play partner. Pffft Most male subs (but not necessarily only submissives) I converse with are literal-minded to the point of insufferable denseness. So ask yourselves this. Why should any of us settle for less than what we can find out in the everyday world, without having to negotiate the basics? And this would include, for those Dominant women who seek a primary partner or even a boytoy sex slave, a fully functioning man who can perform in bed with prowess as well or better than your average adult male, without having to be "forced" to provide fundamental sexual services which do not revolve around getting pegged and offering to perform oral worship for hours on end. [8\|] DreamLady

vivaciousgrace -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (5/6/2015 4:00:42 AM)
I have not played out as a D in a while. :( But my top three things are... `1. Be very polite and respectful, but never whiney or pathetic. I want to dominate a man, not mother a child. 2. Be SOBER! I am not that intimidating until we are in an intimate situation, and I am turned off by drunk men. I would like you to be capable of holding an intelligent conversation. 3. DO NOT waste any time offering me sexual services. Or telling me what you will do for me. I don't give a shit if you want to worship my feet, lick my anus or whatever... none of these things do anything for me. These are things YOU want for YOURSELF. And this selfishness is not attractive. I like submissives that exchange relevant information and discuss new ideas and experiences openly WHEN APPROPRIATE, which would only be after we have spent some time getting to know each other a bit. When we do begin to talk about sex and kink we will discuss openly the things we each like or want to try, and we will find some common ground. Rest assured whatever information you give me will be stored away for future use should I take control of you. This rule also applies to my submissive switchy self... when we talk about sex/kink/play we find the common ground and then we explore that together. This then arms my Dominant partner with all the knowledge he or she needs to successfully take control and give us both an amazing experience. And I too go into that experience confident that they know where my limits lie and confident that I know how to please my Dominant.

Anchises -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (5/6/2015 1:44:37 PM)
Got this from the other web site ......... quote: So how bout this. 1.) A profile. Fill yours out, and not just the kinky shit. Put the things you like, do you like science fiction, or maybe you are a history buff. Maybe you love Alfred Hitchcock movies well whatever it is put it on your profile. 2.) Profile pic. I know that you think your dick is amazing. I mean it is a dick and it is yours, how could anyone not want to see it. I don’t want to crush your dreams and I am sure you have a beautiful cock, your cock is probably so gorgeous it would turn me gay (please note the sarcasm in this line if no where else in this rant). However, don’t put it on your profile, put your face there. If you are really so worried about privacy then put a silhouette or a pic of you neck down but for god sakes do not under any circumstance send a pic of your cock to anyone until they ask. And here is a secret, normally (maybe not always) when a woman is ready to see your cock it will be in person. 3.) Don’t use the words “True Dom”, “Alpha Male”, “trained by long dead European Master who was god of all Doms” etc… Once you actually earn a pedigree it will be self evident. You don’t need to announce it. And this is just my personal opinion, you CAN NOT be a Master unless you actually have a true living breathing slave. You can’t be a Master of nothing. So until you have a slave just call yourself a Dom. Okay so now you have a profile that someone can read and hopefully get a sense that you are a somewhat mature, reasonably sane human male. Great, what is next? Remember back at the top when I said the female ALWAYS gets to choose? So lets talk about a way to possibly contact a woman on here… ready. READ THEIR PROFILE. I don’t mean read their list of fetishes and look at their pics, then with the blood engorged cock start typing. I mean read their profile. 1.) Start at the top, sounds crazy right. Are they single or are they taken, maybe they are poly. Are they the yin for your yang? If you are a sub are they a Domme, if you are a Dom are they a sub etc. Are they looking. Guess what if they say they are looking for friends then they are looking for friends. If they are looking for females only and you are a guy guess what? That is not you. If they say no one over 40 and you are 42 guess what? That is not you. 1a.) okay I know you are thinking, but, but, but I am a nice guy. If they will only talk to me they will be won over, they will disregard that they were only looking for friends, or females, or a age range or whatever. Guess what? Nope. Let me be more clear with that, it isn’t going to happen. Do you know why? Because the FEMALE gets to choose. She has already chosen that she does not want someone as old as her dad, or as young as her son, or as fat as a walrus or as male as you. So don’t even write. Don’t even try. 2.) Read their description of themselves and what they want. I mean read it word for word. If you are slow on the uptake read it twice or thrice. If you don’t match to at least 50% of what is written there assuming no deal breakers, like age, geographic location etc then don’t even try. Move along, nothing to see here 3.) Look at the list of groups they belong to, are you in any of them. Do any of them you are not belong to appeal to you? What have they said in those groups? 4.) Read their history to see what kind of comments they have made in groups, do they like witty banter? Is there a thing they are curious about? Sending a Message. First contact, alright awesome. You’ve made a profile and you have read hers. In your honest estimation you have shared interest and a possibility at being compatible. And she is actively looking to make friends or find a partner. It is time to send that message. We aren’t all Hemmingway’s or Shakespeare. So just be honest, witty (if you can manage it) and non-sexual. What? really non-sexual? But, but, but this is a bdsm site, you just looked at pics of her boobs, you just saw a pic of her with a dick buried in her ass. But guess what SHE chose to be in those situations and you are not there yet. Now I am not going to pretend that I am not thinking about sex all the time and I am going to assume that any woman by the age of 18 pretty much assumes that any guy that talks to her that is not her family (we hope) or gay, or serious about a committed relationship is not talking to her without some self serving interest. To put it more plain you are thinking about sex with her, and she probably automatically assumes that you are thinking about sex with her and that is all okay. But don’t say it, don’t hint at it, don’t beat around the bush, don’t use your amazing wit to slide in innuendo. It is the pink elephant in the room and we all know it is there. Send her a message about her. Some interest she has, or comment on a pic that you that you like. Keep the message short, four of five lines max. Remember she gets a wheel barrow full of this shit every day. So short, about her, non-sexual. And maybe just maybe she will write you back. Okay so you are good to this point right, she has written you back and thanked you for the comment on the stuffed antique penguin in her pic. She is ready to get freaky right? She is ready to hear all about how Domly you are and all of the things you will do to her dirty little slut ass. Nope. Not even close. Next step… talk to her. Talk to her like you would any woman that you are face to face with and are exploring common interest. Okay here is the real hurdle, if you can’t get past this step in real life, if you can’t talk to a woman like a person and keep the conversation engaging in real life then you are kinda screwed here. If that is you then get a bottle of lube (never, ever, never ever send an email) and go to xhamster.com or xvideos.com they both have great free porn, hundreds of thousands of clips. The even have lots and lots of bdsm porn there. Once you find a video you like put the lotion on your hand, your hand on your dick and go to town with your lube and your hand. (try to keep the lotion off the keyboard and mouse, they will work better without it gumming them up). Critical next step. Let them be the one to bring up kink/sex/fetishes. If and when they are ready to talk about that stuff they will let you know. They will drop hints or flirt or usually just come out and say it. Hell you should even be surprised they brought it up to be honest. Once they do bring it up, remember the FEMALE chooses and she has not chosen you yet, she is thinking about it. So keep your douche bag hat in the closet and take the conversation at her speed. When it is time to meet in person (assuming local). Insist on a public place, well lit and plenty of people. Put her at ease and you might even get past this first meeting. So big NO’s Don’t have a pic of your dick Don’t copy pasta Don’t tell anyone your fantasies or fetishes until THEY ask Don’t talk about sex Don’t be an ass hat/douche bag/dude bro/domly dom/alpha male etc. Don’t expect to get laid online if you can’t get laid in real life. Don’t assume they are into you until they tell you so. *** Q and A: Q. But I am a Dom and she is a sub, therefore she should immediately submit to me right? A. No, she is submissive but not your submissive. If she gives you the gift of her submission you will know it. Q. But I am a nice guy, really I am and she did not write back. Should I write her again? A. I want to say no.. but lets be real, maybe she did delete you along with the 85 other messages she got in the four hours she was a sleep. My rule of thumb is twice. If after two introductory emails spread out at least two weeks apart she has not responded back then you are done. Move on. Q. She says in her profile she is just looking for friends. Should d I message her and pretend to want to be just friends and then later try to get her to go to with me. A. No, believe what she says. Take it at face value. It is the gospel and if she changes and wants you to know she will find a way to let you know.

RockaRolla -> RE: Five ways male subs can make a great first impression (5/6/2015 6:20:12 PM)
I'll add my peeve, also in no particular order: 7. Before approaching a woman, make sure she hasn't already stated she's not looking and has enough on her plate. That means there's no spot for you. When she tells you this, don't push for it. DON'T complain that she hasn't given you a chance to show what a wonderful subby you'd be. She doesn't owe you a shot, and your behavior proves from the start that you don't respect her wishes so much as your fantasy.

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