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Trust after abusive Dom - 4/30/2015 5:25:59 PM

LipstickLeuger

Posts: 101
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When I was first introduced to the lifestyle, I ended up with a Dom who eventually became abusive and at times did not respect my safe word, causing me pain that I did not enjoy, Obviously I got out of the situation but because of this, I sometimes have a hard time being restrained and feel fear of situations that I previously agreed to. My wife is a patient Dom with training, but I find myself not going as quickly as I would like in the trust department, and sometimes having a hard time. She has been nothing but patient, but I feel as if I let her down. We have had several discussions on this with her always telling me to relax and it will come with time, but I guess I would like to know if any other Mistresses have run into this type of post-abuse Sub behavior and what they did about it.

Thanks you in advance.

< Message edited by LipstickLeuger -- 4/30/2015 5:28:31 PM >

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RE: Trust after abusive Dom - 4/30/2015 6:30:01 PM

FelineRanger

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Obviously I am not a mistress but I know enough to know that there is nothing wrong with you. It's normal to be very hesitant after escaping an abusive situation. BDSM be damned, it's okay to go slowly in any aspect of your life together until your trust is reestablished on that subconscious level. Your wife is doing the best thing for you and letting you discover that you can trust her. You don't need to feel guilty about being unable to jump right back in with both feet.

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RE: Trust after abusive Dom - 5/1/2015 3:37:05 AM

NookieNotes

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Any trust takes time to push past boundaries, whether you've had bad experiences or not.

Even non-abused subs vary widely. Some may have lots of fears and instinctual reactions, while others may come to me with almost none. And of course, there is the mental versus the physical as well.

Rather than blaming the issues on your previous Dom, which gives him power over you, why not frame it as you have specific challenges to overcome for yourself and your Dom, and the two of you can work on it together? That way, the other Dom can now be set forever out of the picture, as it should be.

*smiles*

Best of luck in overcoming both natural and "installed" barriers to your fun and trust!

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RE: Trust after abusive Dom - 5/1/2015 7:54:18 PM

LipstickLeuger

Posts: 101
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I guess I was a bit afraid I have been 'broken' or something. LOL

It's never been her in any way complaining,(she says it's more fun to work on it also, like you said, Nookie) it's me having unrealistic expectations, and I think after that first time, I shut the door on the whole lifestyle and just did vanilla for many years. It really was not until I met her that I knew I met the Dom I wanted and had to reconcile the past. Just glad I have someone who actually understands and is happy to go slow and patiently with me.

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RE: Trust after abusive Dom - 5/2/2015 9:34:39 AM

MasterDrakkula