Menopause and Submission (Full Version)

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ForTheBoards -> Menopause and Submission (5/3/2015 7:10:26 PM)

I'm getting into the menopausal stage of my life and am suffering from hot flashes and the usual pangs associated with menopause. I do not have a partner right now so I don't know how exactly it is affecting me sexually. I do know that I do not feel like masturbating very often, but am not sure that it's a symptom of menopause. I do worry that I could be losing my desire for sex, but maybe it's just because there's no one I want to have it with!

I guess my question is for both submissives and Dominants who have had subs go through "the change". It is a physical condition that can affect how you feel about sex. Do you Doms allow for the change in your subs? Or do you expect the same "service" as you've always received. Do you subs feel differently about how you can best serve your Doms?

Thank your for your responses.



Kaliko -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/3/2015 7:20:05 PM)

I haven't hit menopause yet, but I'm pretty sure my mouth will still work when I do, so...not worried. [;)]



peppermint -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/3/2015 9:04:37 PM)

I went through menopause years ago. It messed with my mind mostly. I was going to college and couldn't remember what I had just read in my books. Went to the doctor and demanded hormones and got them. Those hormones made it possible for me to continue at university.

Sexually menopause did to me the opposite that it does to many women. I became continually horny. Unfortunately for me menopause coincided with my mate's problems with ED. There I was horny, and he was at the age when getting an erection was becoming difficult, especially with his health issues.

One thing I learned during that time. Even a limp dick loves a BJ and a limp dick can orgasm just as well as a hard one.

As women age we often forget that the men in our lives are also aging. They are also facing physical difficulties of their own. It all takes communication and the ability to compromise to deal with the many changes aging throws at us.



dreamlady -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/3/2015 9:25:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

One thing I learned during that time. Even a limp dick loves a BJ and a limp dick can orgasm just as well as a hard one.


Meaning you no disrespect, I truly feel for you and how you coped with your situation. My BFF went through similar circumstances with her ex-partner for many years. I cringe to remember how she would say there was nothing worse than a limp dick that stays limp, especially sucking on a limp-staying dick. In her case, her partner ended up pulling away from her, as in alienation of affection. . . which was a crying shame, because his tongue still worked.

She hadn't yet started going through peri-menopause at that time, but like me, once the hot flashes and night sweats & chills got under control through herbal supplements, we both had an upsurge in libido. [;)]

Btw, BFF's story has a very happy ending -- with a slightly younger man who's able to keep up with her, the lucky beeyotch.

DreamLady



peppermint -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/3/2015 10:06:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady


I cringe to remember how she would say there was nothing worse than a limp dick that stays limp, especially sucking on a limp-staying dick.


Circumstances are what we make of them. For a time that man with the limp dick gave me the best sex I'd had in my whole life. We spent 3-4 hours every day in our sexual pursuits. I learned what being sensual was all about. I can say for 6 months I was one happy and satisfied lady. However, things changed again. Circumstances and health issues interfered. The sexual fun and games ended.

What I am trying to say is do not feel sorry for me. It wasn't anything to cry about or get upset about. It's all part of life. We communicated. We compromised. We made the best out of the cards we were dealt.

I just wanted the OP to realize that Dominants as well as submissives may suffer with aging. How a person and the partner handle the problems is what counts.



KinkyForFun -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/4/2015 12:17:27 AM)

ED is the thing I fear most about aging. Hopefully a cure is found before I reach that age.



NookieNotes -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/4/2015 3:51:14 AM)

ED can be physical or mental.

When physical, there are a lot of things that can be done to stave off and even avoid ED altogether, along with recommendations from your physician.

When mental, there are also many things that can be done.

I've worked with many a limp dick and had theme straining at their trews a year later...



InHisHeart -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/4/2015 4:19:41 AM)

I'm 57, I've been in menopause for 10 years and it hasn't negatively affected me in any way sexually or in any other way. The worse thing that happened was hot flashes and night sweats but they only lasted about 2 years, were very uncomfortable but nothing I couldn't deal with. I do not take any form of HRT.

Not all women have loss of libido, desire, sexual response, arousal, orgasm, etc., there are many women who don't have sexual issues with it. If I did have sexual issues with menopause, I would be talking to my gyno about it and finding a solution. My sexual desire is not something I would be willing to give up on.

Whether or not a Dom would be of the changes (if there were any sexual changes), that would depend on the Dom and the relationship you have with each other. I know my Dom would stand by me and work with me to get through whatever problems I was dealing with be it sexual or non-sexual.

I agree with Peppermint on the ED issue, ED is not the end of a great sex life, it's not something that can't be worked around if both partners are willing to work around it. My Dom has issues with ED about 40% of the time and it's not a problem for us. His ED is not due to his age, it's due to a back injury he had years ago. A hard dick and intercourse is not the be-all, end-all of our sex life, there are so many sexual things we do that are very enjoyable and completely sexually satisfying for both of us and a limp dick does not mean no orgasms for him. Communication, compromising and enjoying what you can do under different circumstances works very well.















kdsub -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/4/2015 9:38:15 AM)

Not a doctor of course so the following is pure opinion and personal experience. I think aging and the sexual consequences are more mental than physical. Otherwise with me the desires do not decrease with age but my ability to perform them does... So out of fear of embarrassment or failure to perform and please a partner I sometimes don't take the chance with relationships... So I have become more and more submissive and do things i would not do a few years ago... just to be...well... desirable and useful... if this makes sense to anyone.

Butch



DesFIP -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/4/2015 3:41:28 PM)

I totally lost libido for two years. Following which it returned but less and it's a lot harder to reach orgasm.

However, my love for him didn't ebb, I understood that he still wanted sex and was willing to do it for him. The biggest problem is that he's a forced orgasm fan and he couldn't get me to orgasm.

He's in his early 60s and diabetic so suffers from ED. He still enjoys the feelings from a bj even when he can't orgasm. He is usually available if I'm interested in stroking me or using a toy for me.

All the physical stuff needs to be dealt with day to day with huge amounts of communication of what you can and can't do that day. As long as you both care about each other and both want to make each other happy.



janie11 -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/8/2015 7:45:47 AM)

Has it really been almost 2 decades for me? Wow!

I had a positive attitude about it. Thought of the hot flashes as power surges and so long as I wasn't in a board meeting, would cross my forearms in front of my chest ala Wonderwoman.

The night sweats were a bit of a budget break up in the frozen north where I live. Agree though, the the memory lapses were weird at times but the worst for me, was the damn flooding-like having a miscarriage every month, had to resort to using diapers. Couldn't wear pastel skirts or slacks in summer. I chose to let nature take its course and not use hormones.

It did not affect my interest in sex or ability to have orgasms.

ED can be a gift for an older woman with lots more energy and interest in oral, anal and hand play available.



dreamlady -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/8/2015 5:30:58 PM)

If I did have any memory lapses, I don't remember them. [:-]

OMG the awful flooding, which wasn't so very long ago, and lasted more than a week of heavy-duty bleeding. It's a wonder I didn't become anemic. Somehow I managed to get by wearing skintight shorts and leggings under my outerwear for that extra protection.

With me, I need that visual feedback from my partner. I'll believe the physiological response I get over what words come out of a man's mouth. And not just any visual will do -- within reasonable limits, it needs to be fairly impressive. [:D]

The oral and the digital is fine and dandy, but I don't like being with a man who wants to receive anal more than he wants to, and is able to (naturally), give it.

DreamLady



smileforme50 -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/9/2015 5:50:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady


quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

One thing I learned during that time. Even a limp dick loves a BJ and a limp dick can orgasm just as well as a hard one.


Meaning you no disrespect, I truly feel for you and how you coped with your situation. My BFF went through similar circumstances with her ex-partner for many years. I cringe to remember how she would say there was nothing worse than a limp dick that stays limp, especially sucking on a limp-staying dick. In her case, her partner ended up pulling away from her, as in alienation of affection. . . which was a crying shame, because his tongue still worked.

She hadn't yet started going through peri-menopause at that time, but like me, once the hot flashes and night sweats & chills got under control through herbal supplements, we both had an upsurge in libido. [;)]

Btw, BFF's story has a very happy ending -- with a slightly younger man who's able to keep up with her, the lucky beeyotch.

DreamLady



I find it so interesting that I look at the profiles of men around my age (50s) and so many of them say that they want a woman who is at least 20 years younger than them. When I asked a few of them about this, most of them said that they didn't want a woman who was close to menopause for risk of her losing her sex drive. All I kept thinking as I shook my head was "Sure...they want someone young enough to be their daughter so she has a good sex drive for a longer period....but do they ever think about the possibility of them getting ED in a couple of years? And I learned the hard way (no pun intended!) that those drugs don't always work.



Cell -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/9/2015 6:29:23 AM)

The most effective treatment for erectile dysfunction, is having a young, sexy girlfriend. [:-]



dreamlady -> RE: Menopause and Submission (5/9/2015 9:29:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

I find it so interesting that I look at the profiles of men around my age (50s) and so many of them say that they want a woman who is at least 20 years younger than them. When I asked a few of them about this, most of them said that they didn't want a woman who was close to menopause for risk of her losing her sex drive. All I kept thinking as I shook my head was "Sure...they want someone young enough to be their daughter so she has a good sex drive for a longer period....but do they ever think about the possibility of them getting ED in a couple of years? And I learned the hard way (no pun intended!) that those drugs don't always work.

Not only that, but for medical reasons and/or negative drug interactions, many men are not eligible to use those little blue bills. What's ironic, is that there are plenty of much younger guys going for older women if that's what we wanted in a partner rather than one around our own age.

I'm sure this isn't the group you're interested in, but the age disparity can work for guys who want to be cuckolded. [8D] Also, what happens is this. Your average Joe Shmoe thinks he wants a woman he cannot possibly keep unless it's at a great cost to himself in one way or another, and then he gets a rude awakening. They want the prize, but they don't want to pay the price by overreaching themselves, or can't. It's no different than some of these male subs who expect to get a Domme interested in them as a primary or even secondary partner based on their kinky fetish laundry list, when they are nowhere near close to being primary or even secondary partnership material. [8|]

This is what I always watch out for in a man's profile. Loving or Living for Vibrators. This can be a dead giveaway he can't hack it in the sack. LOL (Even if it's unrelated, wtf do we need them for when we already have those at our disposal anyway. It negates their maleness because a female could potentially fill that same role.)

DreamLady



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